Co-worker is a dirtbag

andekwarhola

Given a staple diet of Brussel sprouts and cauliflower, I'm amazed that elephantine farting is not part of the package.

darkdubh

Peatys wrote: »

How do you know it's a Frieda reference?

I presume you mean Friends reference. In the same way that I know who the Kardashians are despite having zero interest in them. I wasn't living on a desert island in the 90's.

the_pen_turner

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

I had a similar situation about 10 years ago, co worker steamed cauliflower cabbage sprouts potatoes peas and carrots every single fücking day of the week for his dinner. The smell in the entire building was hideous. I was going on a weeks leave one week and the smell in the kitchen and rest of the building was lethal. I had enough so as I left (I was finishing early that day) I took the communal steam cooker along with all his vegetables in it and put it in a black bin liner and brought it outside and put it in the bin.

I returned the following week and he asked if I knew what happened it, of course I denied all knowledge of it. He then asked if I’d contribute towards buying a new steam/pressure cooker and I said I wouldn’t as I never used it. No one else would contribute either and he was so fücking miserable he wouldn’t pay for one on his own so he started steaming his dinner at home and bringing it in and heating it in the microwave which didn’t rise as much of a stink as the cooker did.

Result.

what kind of place has a canteen like this.
most sites I'm on you are lucky if there is a kettle. a fridge and microwave are the lap of luxury.
a steamer, :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

branie2

I think this stinks

AnneFrank

Puke on him?

Littlehorny

Get in early, unplug the fridge, take the fuse out of the plug and tell everyone the fridge is fooked.
If he doesn't bring in his stinky crap, then announce the fridge is miracalously fixed. Once he brings his stink in again....well you get the idea.
Repeat and repeat till he gets the message.

Ulysses Gaze

Blast him with piss

He'll be days trying to get the smell of ammonia off his clothes.

0ph0rce0

Is he one of those **** that just wants everyone to see he eats "HEALTHY"

We have loads in our place. They eat the same thing everyday (Rabbit Food Bull****) and the look of misery on their faces as they put the food to their mouths.
Just eat something you like and stop being an arsehole.

I'd dump the fridge, All the knackers in our place put their bags in the fridge. The same manky 5 year old tesco bag that only god knows where its been. I can't be putting my sandwich next to that stank.

Rotten *****

the_pen_turner

get something horrible and let it go off. pour the juice under his bag on Monday evening. someone will go mad in the morning and throw everything out. repeat everytime he puts in his bag

Gwynplaine

What I'm amazed at it how could anyone eat cold cauliflower for lunch. Is yer man skint or what?

Flex

Take off and nuke the whole site from orbit, its the only way to be sure.

valoren

A man in our office makes a full dinner usually spuds, ham, cabbage and gravy for his lunch a few times a week then eats it at his desk with a knife and fork scraping them on the plate to get every last morsel of it.

He also has the habit of eating without closing his gob and the slurry of spuds, cabbage and gravy is audibly sloshed around his gob as if his lower jaw is somehow heavier than the rest of his head. That lip smacking, chomping and slurping eating habit is high on my list of 'Excuses to murder you' :pac:

I used to sit directly opposite but we moved desks in a reshuffle so no longer hear it thankfully.

Someone mentioned it's better to say something to people but being the eccentric man he is in general any mention of it would in all probability illicit nothing more than a wide eyed stare of bemusement and complete ignorance. I think people like that are in a world of their own.

Cee-Jay-Cee

1874 wrote: »

He cooked his dinner in work? wow

Yeah we had a fully kitted our kitchen so he would bring in all his vegetables and put them in the steamer mid morning and he usually took his break around 3pm. He also showered and shaved at Work, ironed his shirt, came in early to have breakfast etc etc basically he was the most miserable bastard ever and would do anything and everything possible to avoid using his own electricity at home.

Another thing he would do is put car in neutral going down hill thinking he’s saving fuel. I never told him that he was actually using more fuel doing that.

LithiumKid1976

valoren wrote: »

A man in our office makes a full dinner usually spuds, ham, cabbage and gravy for his lunch a few times a week then eats it at his desk with a knife and fork scraping them on the plate to get every last morsel of it.

He also has the habit of eating without closing his gob and the slurry of spuds, cabbage and gravy is audibly sloshed around his gob as if his lower jaw is somehow heavier than the rest of his head. That lip smacking, chomping and slurping eating habit is high on my list of 'Excuses to murder you' :pac:

I used to sit directly opposite but we moved desks in a reshuffle so no longer hear it thankfully.

Someone mentioned it's better to say something to people but being the eccentric man he is in general any mention of it would in all probability illicit nothing more than a wide eyed stare of bemusement and complete ignorance. I think people like that are in a world of their own.

the slurry of spuds, cabbage and gravy is audibly sloshed around his gob
that line is perfect, simply perfect..... made me laugh anyway!

pilly

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

Yeah we had a fully kitted our kitchen so he would bring in all his vegetables and put them in the steamer mid morning and he usually took his break around 3pm. He also showered and shaved at Work, ironed his shirt, came in early to have breakfast etc etc basically he was the most miserable bastard ever and would do anything and everything possible to avoid using his own electricity at home.

Another thing he would do is put car in neutral going down hill thinking he’s saving fuel. I never told him that he was actually using more fuel doing that.

Ah jaysus, I feel sorry for him, maybe he was homeless?

AllForIt

I ate a whole cauliflour today, raw. Actually it just happened to be rather small I wouldn't normally eat a whole one in a day. I'm on a diet by the way and I've been getting into raw veg instead of stuffing my face with bread every time I'm peckish. So as you can prolly tell I love cauliflour, cooked or uncooked. But even for me the though of eating cooked cauliflour cold 5 days after it was cooked makes me feel sick.

goat2

cauliflower cannot be good on second day, must be rotting by Friday,

For Forks Sake

gerrybbadd wrote: »

What you could also do is buy a hat, and tie those air freshener trees to it, like the Aussies do with corks. Encourage your co - workers to do the same.

Once he starts reaching for the cauli - pull out your hats, and put them on in an obvious manner

This is the obvious solution.

And for the love of god, video it and put the reaction on youtube.

LynnGrace

valoren wrote: »

A man in our office makes a full dinner usually spuds, ham, cabbage and gravy for his lunch a few times a week then eats it at his desk with a knife and fork scraping them on the plate to get every last morsel of it.

He also has the habit of eating without closing his gob and the slurry of spuds, cabbage and gravy is audibly sloshed around his gob as if his lower jaw is somehow heavier than the rest of his head. That lip smacking, chomping and slurping eating habit is high on my list of 'Excuses to murder you' :pac:

I used to sit directly opposite but we moved desks in a reshuffle so no longer hear it thankfully.

I'd say you broke out the champagne when the desk move happened.

Excellent description - I feel your pain. Used to sit opposite someone like that. Thankfully he didn't eat his lunch at the desk but the slobbering that used to go on with a coffee and scone... :eek:

cantdecide

I think I know this guy. Does he listen to Iron Maiden by any chance?

Nasal Violation wrote: »

I work in a pretty small office - there's 5 of us in a 5 metre by 5 metre room. We have a small fridge in the room to keep water / lunch etc in to save us having to go up and down to the kitchen throughout the day.

My co-worker, who is obviously some sort of maniac, steams a huge batch of cauliflower on a Sunday night and then bags it up and brings it in with him on a Monday and leaves it in the fridge to eat throughout the week.

Now the smell on a Monday is pretty bad as it is but by the time it gets to Thursday or Friday it smells like an old wet football boot that's been stuck in a pig's a$$ for a few months. He opens the bag about four or five times a day and eats the cold cauliflower in front of us like this is somehow fuc.king normal.

There are some weeks he will change it up and swap his cauliflower for brussels sprouts.....this is not any more pleasant.

Does anyone in your office do anything ridiculous like this, how do you cope? I don't want to throw his food out, we all know what happened to Ross when someone ate Monica's Moist Maker.