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Maintenance query?

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  • 10-12-2017 2:25pm
    #1
    Bunnyslippers
    Registered Users Posts: 219 ✭✭


    I was just wondering what all you other single mothers get out there, my ex partner has only given me 250 euro in total since my lo was born - he's 14 months old!:eek: He has bought a couple of things but very few and they were major issues at the time - "why do I need a car seat - what's wrong with the 16yr old broken one my sister gave you? - but what do you think of my shiny new motorbike and vintage tractor I've just bought!!!!":eek:

    My ex is on 35-40k a year, lives at home with mammy for free and always has done - he's 50, but says he can't afford more than 60 euro a week, he agreed this in august and put it in writing for the welfare office as I was trying for single parent payment as I'm self employed, and thanks to brexit my income has dropped a lot, plus with a baby I haven't had much time to work!
    I got turned down for the single payment as his 60 quid bumped me over the weekly threshold, thing is he never paid the 60 quid, and has now dropped it to 50 per week - which I've yet to see, he says I would have bills anyway so why do i need money at all - they're not his concern!! And as baby is only small he doesn't eat much!!!:eek: He has a major issue about giving me the money - you never know I might go out and by a cup of coffee with that exact 50 euro!!:rolleyes:

    How much should he be paying per week given his salary? Are there any of you that have gone down the court route, and if so was it worth it or did you just get a ton of hassle and still no money - like i keep reading about on lots of forums?!:(


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    #2
    FishOnABike
    Registered Users Posts: 4,473 ✭✭✭FishOnABike


    If he is not paying anything you would be better off without that written agreement in the immediate short term as it would not have put you over the threshold for one parent family allowance.

    If you applied for a maintenance order through the court, the court would have to look at both your circumstances and determine what it saw fit. The written offer of €60 per week could be taken into consideration in whatever the court might decide. Once a court order for maintenance is made your ex would be legally obliged to pay it (usually through the court office).

    If your ex then failed to pay what was ordered by the court this could result in being charged for contempt (for failing to comply with the court order) and/or an order for attachment of earnings which would see the maintenance sum stopped from his income at source and paid to you.

    That's the mechanics of it, whether it is worth is is a personal decision that depends on other factors and the dynamics of each individual situation.

    If you need advice some of the one parent family support groups or free legal advice centre https://www.flac.ie/help/ might be worth contacting.


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    #3
    Tenigate
    Closed Accounts Posts: 849 ✭✭✭Tenigate


    It's a baby, not a pay cheque.


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    #4
    boardsuser1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,196 ✭✭✭boardsuser1


    Tenigate wrote: »
    It's a baby, not a pay cheque.

    This ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    My ex sees me as a meal ticket even though i have soon to be 5 other children to look after.

    If you are at odds over maintenance, then head to the family law court is my advice.

    I had this situation 11 years ago.

    My ex was getting 50 a week into the paw from me, wanted more and i said no, when it went to court the judge awarded €35.

    With my own father before me he was paying his ex wife £200 a week out of his £300 weekly wage.

    She wanted more again, the judge awarded £120 a week.

    If you can be amicable about it then make a mutual agreement, if not then it will have to be court.


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    #5
    boardsuser1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,196 ✭✭✭boardsuser1


    FishOnABike wrote: »
    If he is not paying anything you would be better off without that written agreement in the immediate short term as it would not have put you over the threshold for one parent family allowance.

    If you applied for a maintenance order through the court, the court would have to look at both your circumstances and determine what it saw fit. The written offer of €60 per week could be taken into consideration in whatever the court might decide. Once a court order for maintenance is made your ex would be legally obliged to pay it (usually through the court office).

    If your ex then failed to pay what was ordered by the court this could result in being charged for contempt (for failing to comply with the court order) and/or an order for attachment of earnings which would see the maintenance sum stopped from his income at source and paid to you.

    That's the mechanics of it, whether it is worth is is a personal decision that depends on other factors and the dynamics of each individual situation.

    If you need advice some of the one parent family support groups or free legal advice centre https://www.flac.ie/help/ might be worth contacting.

    If the other party is on welfare then i don't think it can be deducted at source, or at least this was the way.

    With recent legislative changes it may well be that there is now no escaping an attachment of earnings order though.

    I often see men in the family law court who won't pay a penny and it is next to impossible to get it out of them as they are strategically on welfare to ensure the ex gets as little as possible.

    Also for the attachment of earnings in respect of employment, you would need to know who the employer is.


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    #6
    Bunnyslippers
    Registered Users Posts: 219 ✭✭Bunnyslippers


    If you're meaning that I'm using the baby as a pay cheque then definitely not at all!!!! But I am struggling to pay all the bills and as parenting is supposed to be something that involves two parents irrespective of wether they are together or not, then the man needs to step up to the plate just as I am!! I've done 99.9% of the parenting since my baby was born even when we were still together and I've paid for everything bar a couple of items, my ex has plenty of disposable income and has no problem spending it on himself - just not his baby!!

    Why is it men can walk away from a baby and not have any consequences, or feel hard done by because they are having to pay a woman for all the unpaid 24/7 work they do in raising their child - what kind of message does it send the child when they are older?!!!

    Thank you Fishonabike I will contact them.


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    #7
    boardsuser1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,196 ✭✭✭boardsuser1


    Bunnyslippers wrote: »
    If you're meaning that I'm using the baby as a pay cheque then definitely not at all!!!! But I am struggling to pay all the bills and as parenting is supposed to be something that involves two parents irrespective of wether they are together or not, then the man needs to step up to the plate just as I am!! I've done 99.9% of the parenting since my baby was born even when we were still together and I've paid for everything bar a couple of items, my ex has plenty of disposable income and has no problem spending it on himself - just not his baby!!

    Why is it men can walk away from a baby and not have any consequences, or feel hard done by because they are having to pay a woman for all the unpaid 24/7 work they do in raising their child - what kind of message does it send the child when they are older?!!!

    Thank you Fishonabike I will contact them.

    Men do have consequences when it comes to their children.

    That is why the maintenance recovery unit exists in the department of social protection and also the reason the family law court exists.

    On the flip side there are many men who are alienated from their children but still go above and beyond to pay for them.

    In some cases women push the men away rather than men walking away without consequences.

    If his disposable income is as good as you say then make an application to the family law court who will adjudicate accordingly.

    He will have to provide a statement of means and you will almost certainly have to provide one also.

    Coming onto an Internet forum might point you in the right direction, but ultimately the only one who can help you in all of this is you.


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    #8
    toadfly
    Registered Users Posts: 3,412 ✭✭✭toadfly


    Cork Truck Driver wrote: »
    My ex sees me as a meal ticket even though i have soon to be 5 other children to look after.

    How is the fact you have 5 other children your ex's problem? You should still be providing for your other child. Maybe stop having so many kids if you can't afford them.

    OP, go through the courts and get the correct amount for your child, he needs to start paying along with back payments.


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    #9
    boardsuser1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,196 ✭✭✭boardsuser1


    toadfly wrote: »
    How is the fact you have 5 other children your ex's problem? You should still be providing for your other child. Maybe stop having so many kids if you can't afford them.

    OP, go through the courts and get the correct amount for your child, he needs to start paying along with back payments.
    My ex wants me to not provide for my other children and instead divert those funds to her as their mother works full time and she doesn’t.


    It isn’t unheard of to seek back payment to the date of the court application.

    If it was made in December and the case isn’t called until March the judge may be able to direct those months be paid.

    I hear this regularly in the local court office.


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    #10
    FishOnABike
    Registered Users Posts: 4,473 ✭✭✭FishOnABike


    With lots of blended and second or subsequent families nowadays everybody needs to recognise everybody's (their own and others) responsibilities and resources and be fair to each other and their children but I guess if people could do this there would be far less need for our family courts to intervene.


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    #11
    Romantic Rose
    Closed Accounts Posts: 491 ✭✭Romantic Rose


    Tenigate wrote: »
    It's a baby, not a pay cheque.

    A child cannot live on bread alone.

    If you have a child, you should face up to your responsibilities and ensure their welfare is to the fore of your priorities at all times.

    I hate this one sided parenting where one parent struggles and the other only does things on their terms as and when is suits them.

    OP, ensure the child's father pays his way, even if you have to go down the legal route.


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    #12
    cant26
    Registered Users Posts: 578 ✭✭✭cant26


    Cork Truck Driver wrote: »
    This ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    My ex sees me as a meal ticket even though i have soon to be 5 other children to look after.

    If you are at odds over maintenance, then head to the family law court is my advice.

    I had this situation 11 years ago.

    My ex was getting 50 a week into the paw from me, wanted more and i said no, when it went to court the judge awarded €35.

    With my own father before me he was paying his ex wife £200 a week out of his £300 weekly wage.

    She wanted more again, the judge awarded £120 a week.

    If you can be amicable about it then make a mutual agreement, if not then it will have to be court.

    The number of other children you have decided to have is irrelevant. Surely you understand this? Maybe you should become more responsible and stop having so many children if you are finding it difficult to provide for them.

    OP while 35-40000 of a yearly salary is hardly huge it does sound like your ex is in a better position than you find yourself at the moment. If at 50 he is still living at home he sounds like he is not used to behaving like a normal responsible adult. Perhaps court is where he needs to grow up. Best of luck.


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    #13
    boardsuser1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,196 ✭✭✭boardsuser1


    cant26 wrote: »
    The number of other children you have decided to have is irrelevant. Surely you understand this? Maybe you should become more responsible and stop having so many children if you are finding it difficult to provide for them.

    OP while 35-40000 of a yearly salary is hardly huge it does sound like your ex is in a better position than you find yourself at the moment. If at 50 he is still living at home he sounds like he is not used to behaving like a normal responsible adult. Perhaps court is where he needs to grow up. Best of luck.

    I have no problem paying for my kids and never will.

    The issue that I mentioned was my ex wanted me to divert the funds I give my wife for the other 5 to her as my wife and I work.

    All I was basically saying was, is that fair?

    Pass the money for 5 children to someone else for one, on top of what she is already getting from me?

    It has been suggested to the OP that court is possibly the wisest option at least that way it will be a fair decision with the interests of the child at the heart of the courts decision.


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    #14
    Dravokivich
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,360 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dravokivich


    Bunnyslippers wrote: »
    Why is it men can walk away from a baby and not have any consequences, or feel hard done by because they are having to pay a woman for all the unpaid 24/7 work they do in raising their child - what kind of message does it send the child when they are older?!!!

    Don't tarnish us with what you've seen there, or the stereotype that's pushed far too often.

    There's plenty of guys who post in the forum, not looking to escape from responsibilities as a parent, but who's financial struggles always seem to be considered trivial. There's guys who want to do even more for/with their kids who get stonewalled.


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