Would you do this to a colleague?

c68zapdsm5i1ru

There's a person in work who has been pissing people off all year - basically too big for her boots, foists her work onto other people and is just generally full of herself.

We're planning to go for lunch the day we break up for Christmas and the person organising it wants to leave unpopular colleague out. Several others have agreed with this.

Personally I think that's a horrible thing to do to someone and particularly just before Christmas when we won't see each other for over a week. I know she's a pain, but it seems a really childish way to carry on. I'd rather not have the lunch at all than do something like that.

Just wondering how many of you would go along with something like this?

sbsquarepants

Fúck her. Enjoy your lunch!

MilesMorales1

No, what a load of childish ****e. You lot have to work together, and thats not good for office harmony, apart from anything else. If anyone has an actual problem with her, they should confront her on the issues, not do some child like act of revenge by not telling her about whats essentially an office social event.

Knex*

How big is your office?

If its a small office and ye routinely do things together, and it would be painfully obvious that she was deliberately excluded, I would just invite her.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Knex. wrote: »

How big is your office?

There's approximately 20 of us. It would be very hard to organise this without her realising we were all heading off without her.

El Weirdo

Deandre Shapely Tape wrote: »

There's a person in work who has been pissing people off all year - basically too big for her boots, foists her work onto other people and is just generally full of herself.

We're planning to go for lunch the day we break up for Christmas and the person organising it wants to leave unpopular colleague out. Several others have agreed with this.

Personally I think that's a horrible thing to do to someone and particularly just before Christmas when we won't see each other for over a week. I know she's a pain, but it seems a really childish way to carry on. I'd rather not have the lunch at all than do something like that.

Just wondering how many of you would go along with something like this?

Work or school?

Knex*

Deandre Shapely Tape wrote: »

There's approximately 20 of us.

If 19 are going, then you somewhat have to invite her, I would think. She can't be that bad to justify her being the only one not invited.

If the environment is one where people often to their own thing and its 5-10 of you guys going for lunch, then its probably not a big deal to exclude her.

Lu Tze

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Fúck her. Enjoy your lunch!

I agree, but it doesn't have to be in that order though

c68zapdsm5i1ru

El Weirdo wrote: »

Work or school?

???

Avatar MIA

MilesMorales1 wrote: »

No, what a load of childish ****e. You lot have to work together, and thats not good for office harmony, apart from anything else. If anyone has an actual problem with her, they should confront her on the issues, not do some child like act of revenge by not telling her about whats essentially an office social event.

To close for comfort :pac:

MilesMorales1

Deandre Shapely Tape wrote: »

???

They're intimating it would be a very childish thing to do.

God almighty, adults (presumably) carrying on like that, its so ludicrous.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Knex. wrote: »

If 19 are going, then you somewhat have to invite her, I would think. She can't be that bad to justify her being the only one not invited.

If the environment is one where people often to their own thing and its 5-10 of you guys going for lunch, then its probably not a big deal to exclude her.

This would be a lunch for all of the 'ordinary' staff ie excluding the 3 senior staff at Director level, so she would be the only one left out to all intents and purposes.

Are Am Eye

Keep everyone onside. You never know when you need to use them for a favor.

WoollyRedHat

Has anyone ever told her she's too big for her boots? Be honest, does she even wear boots?

c68zapdsm5i1ru

MilesMorales1 wrote: »

They're intimating it would be a very childish thing to do.

God almighty, adults (presumably) carrying on like that, its so ludicrous.

Sorry, I understand now.

Yes, to me it seems very playground type behaviour. Everyone's aged about 35 upwards, so I find it strange carry on. We've never even done a final day lunch before, so it's almost as if some people want to organise it as a way of deliberately excluding her from something.

Knex*

Deandre Shapely Tape wrote: »

This would be a lunch for all of the 'ordinary' staff ie excluding the 3 senior staff at Director level, so she would be the only one left out to all intents and purposes.

Long term, I don't think its worth the hassle of not inviting her tbh.

If there's that many at the lunch, whatever annoying presence she may normally have is surely diluted. It won't be that bad.

marieholmfan

If the directors go you are creating a compo claim.

Deandre Shapely Tape wrote: »

There's a person in work who has been pissing people off all year - basically too big for her boots, foists her work onto other people and is just generally full of herself.

We're planning to go for lunch the day we break up for Christmas and the person organising it wants to leave unpopular colleague out. Several others have agreed with this.

Personally I think that's a horrible thing to do to someone and particularly just before Christmas when we won't see each other for over a week. I know she's a pain, but it seems a really childish way to carry on. I'd rather not have the lunch at all than do something like that.

Just wondering how many of you would go along with something like this?

Electric Sheep

That kind of deliberate exclusion could be construed as workplace bullying. Tread carefully.

corner of hells

No , that's exclusion.
Almost like bullying.

Invite her and punch the head off her later when your full of drunk.

Are Am Eye

If I'm not mistaken legally it meets the definition of bullying - social exclusion of one person in workplace. In conjunction with other things, she could make a HR complaint against someone. So keep it quiet if you're doing it.


Edit: As per Electric Sheep above. Great minds...

Sabre0001

You won't see her for a week...but then it'll be back to business as normal and ye'll see her every day. Either don't have the lunch or invite everyone. It's a small world and you never know, you may encounter her again in different jobs in the future.

Akrasia

Having dinner with arrogant blowhards that nobody really likes is what christmas is all about.

Knex*

Ye'll surely all be in such high spirits with the prospect of a Christmas break that Hitler himself could be at the lunch and you'd barely give a ****.

I say invite her.

corner of hells

Are Am Eye wrote: »

If I'm not mistaken legally it meets the definition of bullying - social exclusion of one person in workplace. In conjunction with other things, she could make a HR complaint against someone. So keep it quiet if you're doing it.


Edit: As per Electric Sheep above. Great minds...

Oh so you're ignoring me ...

Neyite

Deandre Shapely Tape wrote: »

This would be a lunch for all of the 'ordinary' staff ie excluding the 3 senior staff at Director level, so she would be the only one left out to all intents and purposes.

Then you need to invite her. Bullying by exclusion could land all you 19 who were complicit in it in trouble professionally.

blue note

Invite her because it's the right thing to do.

Electric Sheep

Neyite wrote: »

Then you need to invite her. Bullying by exclusion could land all you 19 who were complicit in it in trouble professionally.

Not to mention that it is a really nasty thing to do, and will reflect badly on all of you. Stand up for what you know is the right thing, and invite her. This sort of Mean Girls behavior has no place in the office, and if you go along with it you will lose your self respect.

me_irl

MilesMorales1 wrote: »

They're intimating it would be a very childish thing to do.

God almighty, adults (presumably) carrying on like that, its so ludicrous.

Yeah, well... SHE started it! :pac:

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Not to mention that it is a really nasty thing to do, and will reflect badly on all of you. Stand up for what you know is the right thing, and invite her. This sort of Mean Girls behavior has no place in the office, and if you go along with it you will lose your self respect.

I agree. I'm definitely not going to go. A couple of others have mentioned reservations as well so hopefully, if it goes ahead there will be several people who won't be there which might mean unpopular colleague won't realise she's the only one not invited.

Avatar MIA

Electric Sheep wrote: »

That kind of deliberate exclusion could be construed as workplace bullying. Tread carefully.

If it's not organised or paid by work, it isn't bullying. If it is, that's different.

major bill

I think if you leave her out then that definitely comes across as bullying. I'd call her out on her antics before I'd exclude from team events.

Are Am Eye

BellaBella, will you tell Corners of Hell not to address me in the office unless it relates to a professional matter, and keep it brief.

Pelvis

Avatar MIA wrote: »

If it's not organised or paid by work, it isn't bullying. If it is, that's different.

Of course it's bullying, it's bullying IN the workplace, not bullying BY the workplace.

Avatar MIA

Pelvis wrote: »

Of course it's bullying, it's bullying IN the workplace, not bullying BY the workplace.

If 19 people are going out to lunch together, and paying for it themselves with no owner involvement or payment it's not work related.

pwurple

As the others have pointed out, it's textbook bullying to exclude someone like that. 
Do not do that, and make it clear to the others what they are suggesting as well.
Doesn't matter if you don't like someone, no need to be a dick about it. 
Might need to uprev the workplace Bullying policy, or do the training again if they're at this craic.

Electric Sheep

Avatar MIA wrote: »

If it's not organised or paid by work, it isn't bullying. If it is, that's different.

I disagree. Do you think that schoolyard bullying is not bullying if it is not organized by the school? This is a deliberate attempt to make a coworker uncomfortable in the workplace. We may not always like our coworkers, but we should always interact in an adult professional way.

corner of hells

Avatar MIA wrote: »

Pelvis wrote: »

Of course it's bullying, it's bullying IN the workplace, not bullying BY the workplace.

If 19 people are going out to lunch together, and paying for it themselves with no owner involvement or payment it's not work related.

See , now you're bullying Pelvis.

Avatar MIA

corner of hells wrote: »

See , now you're bullying Pelvis.

He was asking for it!

eeguy

Electric Sheep wrote: »

I disagree. Do you think that schoolyard bullying is not bullying if it is not organized by the school? This is a deliberate attempt to make a coworker uncomfortable in the workplace. We may not always like our coworkers, but we should always interact in an adult professional way.

It's a stupid, passive aggressive, childish response.

A better response would be to stand up for yourselves and tell her where to go when she gets on your nerves.

Avatar MIA

Electric Sheep wrote: »

I disagree. Do you think that schoolyard bullying is not bullying if it is not organized by the school? This is a deliberate attempt to make a coworker uncomfortable in the workplace. We may not always like our coworkers, but we should always interact in an adult professional way.

By definition school yard bulling, happens in the school yard.

But, there must be legal precedent. Any that you know of?

Pelvis

Avatar MIA wrote: »

If 19 people are going out to lunch together, and paying for it themselves with no owner involvement or payment it's not work related.

19 workmates going for lunch on a work day on the final day of work while actively trying to exclude a single work mate for reasons relating to work is definitely work related.

pickarooney

Deandre Shapely Tape wrote: »

I agree. I'm definitely not going to go. A couple of others have mentioned reservations as well so hopefully, if it goes ahead there will be several people who won't be there which might mean unpopular colleague won't realise she's the only one not invited.

So it's the people who have reservations who won't go to the restaurant?

That seems clear enough

ardinn

If you want to go out and enjoy a lunch but this Cnut will hinder the enjoyment then leave her out - It's not childish - it's very grown up behaviour actually - if she asks why, tell her no one in the office really likes her because of several reasons.

List several reasons,

Tell her if she is in some way tolerable next year she may be invited.

It could be the best thing ever happened - She might even leave the company!!!

super_furry

Really awful way for adults to be carrying on. Exclusion like that is bullying, plain and simple.

If there are issues that need to be addressed, address them, but that's workplace bullying.

Electric Sheep

Avatar MIA wrote: »

By definition school yard bulling, happens in the school yard.

But, there must be legal precedent. Any that you know of?

It's unacceptable behavior, regardless of the legalities. Would you hire someone who deliberately makes the workplace uncomfortable for other workers? I wouldn't.

ardinn

super_furry wrote: »

Really awful way for adults to be carrying on. Exclusion like that is bullying, plain and simple.

If there are issues that need to be addressed, address them, but that's workplace bullying.

It's far from bullying - they are leaving work for a get together - if cnutface will be there annoying everyone is that not a form of bullying in and of itself?

Avatar MIA

Pelvis wrote: »

19 workmates going for lunch on a work day on the final day of work while actively trying to exclude a single work mate for reasons relating to work is definitely work related.

You left out the paid for by themselves.

So, who's at fault here? Who's going to pay compensation, if management are not involved.

Are the 19 people who did not invite one particular person all going to be brought up for bullying?

Ireland is a litigious country, and something similar must happen dozens of time each year.

It might be an interesting one to ask over in Legal Discussion as a hypothetical.

marieholmfan

Three directors are going.

Avatar MIA wrote: »

You left out the paid for by themselves.

So, who's at fault here? Who's going to pay compensation, if management are not involved.

Are the 19 people who did not invite one particular person all going to be brought up for bullying?

Ireland is a litigious country, and something similar must happen dozens of time each year.

It might be an interesting one to ask over in Legal Discussion as a hypothetical.

Avatar MIA

Deandre Shapely Tape wrote: »

This would be a lunch for all of the 'ordinary' staff ie excluding the 3 senior staff at Director level, so she would be the only one left out to all intents and purposes.

marieholmfan wrote: »

Three directors are going.

I would read that as the 3 directors not going, M'Lord.

Zulu

Meh, if shes a fan of passing her work to others, dress it up as "someone needs to stay behind and cover - really sorry, but you drew the short straw. I'm sure you wont mind since we've all been covering your slack for the past year you ould git-face".

It's exclusion no doubt, so there you go...

eviltimeban

Invite her. Think about how bad it would be in the office if she found out she didn't get asked. It would be long term pain for your short term gain.

If no one speaks to her at the lunch she might cop on to what's going on.

Maybe there's more deep seeded issues here - perhaps she is insecure, but afraid to admit it, as a lot of bullies are. Perhaps the lunch is a way of getting to know her outside of the work environment.