Would you do this to a colleague?

bucketybuck

Deandre Shapely Tape wrote: »

She's even tried ordering me to do work for her although we are at the same level in the organisation.

You are at the same level? So you could easily put her in her box if she passed work onto you or could easily speak to her professionally about some of the complaints, face to face like two adults?

Would that not be better than childish, passive aggressive nonsense that is tantamount to bullying?

c68zapdsm5i1ru

PeterParker957 wrote: »

Perhaps s/he's right ?

No, she's not. These are very ordinary parts of the job that her predecessor did with no problem.

Anyhow, this is going way off topic. The lunch looks like it's going to be cancelled due to the majority of staff thankfully seeing it was wrong and childish.

PeterParker957

Deandre Shapely Tape wrote: »

No, she's not. These are very ordinary parts of the job that her predecessor did with no problem.

Anyhow, this is going way off topic. The lunch looks like it's going to be cancelled due to the majority of staff thankfully seeing it was wrong and childish.

However the wider point does remain that not everyone did. And in a grown up world that is quite sad.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

bucketybuck wrote: »

You are at the same level? So you could easily put her in her box if she passed work onto you or could easily speak to her professionally about some of the complaints, face to face like two adults?

Would that not be better than childish, passive aggressive nonsense that is tantamount to bullying?[/QUOTE

I have done. It's like talking to a wall. However, I still don't agree with childish petty tactics like the proposed lunch.

DrPhilG

Deandre Shapely Tape wrote: »

No, that's not the situation. She's basically been promoted beyond her capabilities by a Manager she's well in with and has, since then, been going around foisting work she's not able to do onto other colleagues in a very arrogant 'do it. I'm too busy' kind of way.

This sounds familiar OP...

Where abouts in the country are you? I might be thinking of the same person, lol.

I'm North West.

wakka12

Deandre Shapely Tape wrote: »

Believe me, they've tried. She then goes complaining to the senior manager who constantly supports her.

By the way, you made a lot of assumptions in an earlier post. Any chance you'd retract them now that I've give a fuller picture of what is going on?

I obviously don't know much about the situation but surely if senior management support her doing these things then she's in the right? Senior management wouldn't support a lazy worker passing off all her work to others surely?

c68zapdsm5i1ru

wakka12 wrote: »

I obviously don't know much about the situation but surely if senior management support her doing these things then she's in the right? Senior management wouldn't support a lazy worker passing off all her work to others surely?

One senior manager supports her. He is also the manager who promoted her (there were internal politics involved in this). It is generally agreed around the organisation that she has been promoted beyond her abilities and is fobbing work off on other people, right left and centre.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

DrPhilG wrote: »

This sounds familiar OP...

Where abouts in the country are you? I might be thinking of the same person, lol.

I'm North West.

No, Dublin. Obviously there's a lot of it about!

Wanderer2010

Is it a group of men or women having this lunch?

If it was a group of men I doubt this thread would even exist.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

Is it a group of men or women having this lunch?

If it was a group of men I doubt this thread would even exist.

Yes, you're right. It's a group of mainly women. But as clarified, the vast majority have opted out and the lunch has now definitely been cancelled.

Deandre Shapely Tape

Deandre Shapely Tape wrote: »

One senior manager supports her. He is also the manager who promoted her (there were internal politics involved in this). It is generally agreed around the organisation that she has been promoted beyond her abilities and is fobbing work off on other people, right left and centre.

So everyone she works with is talking about her saying she has been promoted beyond her ability, you are all also gossiping about your manager, she is at the same level of all of you but none of you are assertive enough to say do you own work? Sounds like a delightful place to work. Its very hard to objectively measure if someone has been promoted beyond their ability and gossip is not one them.

The woman herself might very well be an idiot of the heights order, but you are all in work and supposedly behaving in a professional manner.

PeterParker957

mariaalice wrote: »

So everyone she works with is talking about her saying she has been promoted beyond her ability, you are all also gossiping about your manager, she is at the same level of all of you but none of you are assertive enough to say do you own work? Sounds like a delightful place to work. Its very hard to objectively measure if someone has been promoted beyond their ability and gossip is not one them.

The woman herself might very well be an idiot of the heights order, but you are all in work and supposedly behaving in a professional manner.

I highly doubt that it is as simple as one person doing no work and passing ALL of it of.

I have worked in offices like that - the person getting on with the work often ends up doing more, and at some point (happened to me) the boss will distribute it as the person concerned is getting overwhelmed.

Several posters are spot on - definite Mean Girls vibe here.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

mariaalice wrote: »

So everyone she works with is talking about her saying she has been promoted beyond her ability, you are all also gossiping about your manager, she is at the same level of all of you but none of you are assertive enough to say do you own work? Sounds like a delightful place to work. Its very hard to objectively measure if someone has been promoted beyond their ability and gossip is not one them.

The woman herself might very well be an idiot of the heights order, but you are all in work and supposedly behaving in a professional manner.

No MariaAlice, I am at the same level as her but many people aren't and are in a more awkward position when she lands something on them that is clearly her own work.

People have complained to their managers and those managers have complained to the senior manager but he continues to shy away from dealing with the problem.

Of course people are going to talk about it among themselves. That's perfectly normal behaviour in a workplace.

The lunch idea was wrong and was not supported by the majority of staff.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

PeterParker957 wrote: »

I highly doubt that it is as simple as one person doing no work and passing ALL of it of.

I have worked in offices like that - the person getting on with the work often ends up doing more, and at some point (happened to me) the boss will distribute it as the person concerned is getting overwhelmed.

Several posters are spot on - definite Mean Girls vibe here.

That is absolutely not the situation here, I can assure you. You seem to be projecting, based on your own experience. You're also putting words into my mouth. I never said she does 'no work' and passes 'all of it off'.

Wanderer2010

BellaBella why not say all of this direct to her face instead of debating with strangers on it. The only person affected is you so have a quiet word about it to her face if its bothering you that much. If not get the head down and get on with it.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

BellaBella why not say all of this direct to her face instead of debating with strangers on it. The only person affected is you so have a quiet word about it to her face if its bothering you that much. If not get the head down and get on with it.

I started this thread to seek opinions on the lunch. It was other posters who started to question the reasons around her unpopularity.

If you don't want to read a thread feel free to take your own advice and get your head down and get on with it.

PeterParker957

PeterParker957 wrote: »

I highly doubt that it is as simple as one person doing no work and passing ALL of it of.

I have worked in offices like that - the person getting on with the work often ends up doing more, and at some point (happened to me) the boss will distribute it as the person concerned is getting overwhelmed.

Several posters are spot on - definite Mean Girls vibe here.

But the way to sort that is to offered the overwhelmed one more training and support and if that does not work maybe they need to be stepped back sometimes people will do this themselves most people are not idiots, although some are. That is the professional way to do it.

If someone had been promoted beyond their ability they are often under tremendous pressure or maybe they are stuck some in that position will adopt an attack as a form of defence position, because they are under pressure. There are some who have no insight in to themselves though and think all is grand.

howyanow

I have not read through the full thread just parts of it but here is my humble opinion.
Firstly it's only a meal which can only last a few hours so surely people can sit down and discuss non work related things during the meal and maybe a different more pleasant side of the person in question will come out during this time in a non work stress environment.
Secondly regarding the foisting of work on other people,if in my job I was not trusted to take on the senior person's work I would be insulted,is it not an opportunity for staff to show how capable they are and does it not boost chances of promotion if you can take on extra work and be a support to other people on your team?

twill

OP, it sounds as if you and most of your co-workers have dealt with this in a professional way.

lazybones32 wrote: »

A cousin of mine had over 40 years teaching experience and she says that when a child complained that no other child would talk to them or play with them, it was because that child was a bully or very unpleasant. People avoid contact and interaction with a$$holes.

Sure they do, for some reason that reminds me of the teacher who used to stand and watch as my brother (who has Asperger's) was beaten up in the schoolyard.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

howyanow wrote: »

I have not read through the full thread just parts of it but here is my humble opinion.
Firstly it's only a meal which can only last a few hours so surely people can sit down and discuss non work related things during the meal and maybe a different more pleasant side of the person in question will come out during this time in a non work stress environment.
Secondly regarding the foisting of work on other people,if in my job I was not trusted to take on the senior person's work I would be insulted,is it not an opportunity for staff to show how capable they are and does it not boost chances of promotion if you can take on extra work and be a support to other people on your team?

It's not just people on her own team she's pushing work onto. No one where I work objects to helping others out, taking on a bit extra now and then or occasionally taking on more senior work. But there is a limit. People also have their own jobs to do, and there's only so many hours in a day. Also, if someone is being paid more than you are, they are expected to be also taking on more responsibility than you.

Deandre Shapely Tape

Deandre Shapely Tape wrote: »

Believe me, they've tried. She then goes complaining to the senior manager who constantly supports her.

By the way, you made a lot of assumptions in an earlier post. Any chance you'd retract them now that I've give a fuller picture of what is going on?

I don't think I have made any.

But specify, with links, and we can go through them.

Deandre Shapely Tape

Deandre Shapely Tape wrote: »

If you don't want to read a thread feel free to take your own advice and get your head down and get on with it.

You seem to be getting quite defensive about the matter, demanding retractions, saying people are projecting, telling people to stop reading if they don't like it etc.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Deleted User wrote: »

I don't think I have made any.

But specify, with links, and we can go through them.

Genuine apology. I was confusing you with another poster on here.

No, I'm not defensive. Just trying to give an accurate picture of what's going on in my workplace. I work with a mainly really nice crew who are very happy to go over and above when necessary. There is no question of them being lazy and this one woman doing all the work and them resenting her delegating some of it. But one poster seems convinced that, because this is what happened to them, this is what is happening in my workplace. It really isn't.

Obvs the few who tried to organise the exclusive lunch were totally out of order.

lazybones32

twill wrote: »

OP, it sounds as if you and most of your co-workers have dealt with this in a professional way.


Sure they do, for some reason that reminds me of the teacher who used to stand and watch as my brother (who has Asperger's) was beaten up in the schoolyard.

Was he beaten up for having @ssburgers syndrome? If not, why feel the need to include that? I fought often enough in the schoolyard - got beat up about a third of the time. I lived....

adds: sorry, i should have wrote that 'i survived' instead #imasurvivor #walklikebeyonce

NollagShona

The more I read the more I feel for the ostracised colleague

Sue Pa Key Pa

I never, ever, ever get involved with social activities relating to work. I've great colleagues and we all usually get on great, but activities outside of work rarely end well IMO

lawred2

lazybones32 wrote: »

A cousin of mine had over 40 years teaching experience and she says that when a child complained that no other child would talk to them or play with them, it was because that child was a bully or very unpleasant. People avoid contact and interaction with a$$holes.

wow

40 years failing to help a child asking for help... what a hero

Bambi985

No I'd never do that to a colleague nor would my company tolerate that kind of exclusion and frankly school yard behaviour.

I work with all sorts, most of whom are sound and hardworking, but there'll always be Dave who skates out the door as soon as the 5pm bell rings and leaves a mountain of work behind for the next in line, or Emma who is a Type A nightmare even on a good day, or Joe who bitches about everyone behind their backs. That's what happens in an office, you meet people from all walks of life and some of them will be everything from lazy and annoying to downright selfish and nasty.

It's no-one's place to decide that any one of these less popular folks doesn't belong at an office social event and encouraging this including going along to the event is just asking for trouble and an even more fraught workplace.

DaeryssaOne

Just wanted to say that I think the OP was unfairly picked on herself in this thread by certain posters who jumped to ridiculous assumptions!

The co-worker is disliked and it sounds like for good reason. I would definitely not have agreed with the exclusion from lunch but I have coworkers myself that I dislike so much I just wouldn't go to the lunch in the first place so I wouldn't have to listen to them outside the office.

This co-worker is not only annoying to work with however, but is also playing a dangerous game of being 'in' with a senior manager and therefore complaints about her are being ignored. The only way to battle this OP is wait for the proverbial to hit the fan, it always happens eventually with chancers like this!

lawred2

Bambi985 wrote: »

No I'd never do that to a colleague nor would my company tolerate that kind of exclusion and frankly school yard behaviour.

I work with all sorts, most of whom are sound and hardworking, but there'll always be Dave who skates out the door as soon as the 5pm bell rings and leaves a mountain of work behind for the next in line, or Emma who is a Type A nightmare even on a good day, or Joe who bitches about everyone behind their backs. That's what happens in an office, you meet people from all walks of life and some of them will be everything from lazy and annoying to downright selfish and nasty.

It's no-one's place to decide that any one of these less popular folks doesn't belong at an office social event and encouraging this including going along to the event is just asking for trouble and an even more fraught workplace.

this is an outrage

Wanderer2010

Deandre Shapely Tape wrote: »

It's not just people on her own team she's pushing work onto. No one where I work objects to helping others out, taking on a bit extra now and then or occasionally taking on more senior work. But there is a limit. People also have their own jobs to do, and there's only so many hours in a day. Also, if someone is being paid more than you are, they are expected to be also taking on more responsibility than you.

You are telling this to the wrong audience, and your tetchy replies speak of a thin skinned person who cant take any advice that contradicts their own mindset. Pull her aside, tell her that you cant do her work and its as simple as that then just refuse if she leaves work for you. You need to be more assertive, the answer is nothing to do with who goes or who doesn't go for a meal.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

The thread was about the meal and was not started to seek advice about how to handle my colleague. My 'tetchy' replies are in answer to people who are jumping to conclusions, inventing their own scenarios and pulling the thread off topic.

Speedwell

Deandre Shapely Tape wrote: »

The thread was about the meal and was not started to seek advice about how to handle my colleague. My 'tetchy' replies are in answer to people who are jumping to conclusions, inventing their own scenarios and pulling the thread off topic.

I'm having an office party and I'm not inviting you.

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PeterParker957

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Yeah, so that's bullying right there.

Wanderer2010

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Its illegal to make someone redundant for the stupid reasons you have outlined. I hope he sued your company.

bucketybuck

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

Its illegal to make someone redundant for the stupid reasons you have outlined. I hope he sued your company.

Yes, yes, I'm sure his boss made him redundant with the reasoning that nobody liked him. I'm sure all the paperwork said that. Thats probably how it happened alright.

RainMakerToo

‘To lower morale and production, be pleasant to inefficient workers; give them undeserved promotions. Discriminate against efficient workers; complain unjustly about their work’ ...

Seems relevant

Saw it here earlier: http://www.bbc.com/capital/story/20171211-the-world-war-two-guide-to-office-warfare

wakka12

lazybones32 wrote: »

Was he beaten up for having @ssburgers syndrome? If not, why feel the need to include that? I fought often enough in the schoolyard - got beat up about a third of the time. I lived....

adds: sorry, i should have wrote that 'i survived' instead #imasurvivor #walklikebeyonce

Your friend must be in a very nice school..lots of children who are very sweet and nice are bullied for being ugly or quiet or fat or too effeminate or masculine for their gender or just softies in general or a multitude of other reasons other than being mean themselves.

marieholmfan

wakka12 wrote: »

Your friend must be in a very nice school..lots of children who are very sweet and nice are bullied for being ugly or quiet or fat or too effeminate or masculine for their gender or just softies in general or a multitude of other reasons other than being mean themselves.

Don't respond to him. He isn't worth the electrons.

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Wanderer2010

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What exactly was this meeting you called about? That to me sounds like an ambush and from the outside there was certainly nothing genuine in it. As if ye really wanted to change things. That to me sounds like the writing was already on the walls and you wanted evidence that you tried to extend an olive branch.

Lollipop95

OP - Invite her. I can't believe everyone in the office is 35+! I'm 22 and this just ranks of childish petulance on your colleagues side. Honestly I left school 3 years ago and this sounds like something a bunch of 15-16 year olds would do.

As others have said, she can't be THAT bad to justify this and there are other (more mature!) ways to address her behaviour. If your colleagues insist on organising the lunch (if I were you I'd tell them that you think that it's a horrible idea) then I suppose there's nothing you can do about it. But I certainly wouldn't go to it if I were you

DrPhilG

Snowflake central in here...

Person A is an asshole.
People B, C, D, E, F, and G find that asshole difficult.
Person A is eventually isolated by their own crappy behaviour. Not because people are choosing to isolate them, but because nobody likes an asshole so it's a natural progression.

=

Person A is being bullied.

Loads of old crap. Sure, in the OP's example, organising an official staff do and excluding this person would have been very unpleasant and unfair.

But the thread has now turned to a situation where if someone is a prick and is therefore treated like they are a prick, then they are the victim.

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Speedwell

DrPhilG wrote: »

Snowflake central in here...

Snowflakes are people who can't bear normal levels of warmth. That would be cold fish like you who don't understand what it takes to be decent and compassionate.

begbysback

Did u just make up that definition of snowflake?

Speedwell

begbysback wrote: »

Did u just make up that definition of snowflake?

No more than did the people who originally derided normal people with normal decent manners as being fragile because they insisted that other people have normal decent manners.

DrPhilG

Speedwell wrote: »

Snowflakes are people who can't bear normal levels of warmth. That would be cold fish like you who don't understand what it takes to be decent and compassionate.

Lol

#triggered