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How often do ye rattle the wife

  • 15-12-2017 7:37pm
    #1
    kerryjack
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,580 ✭✭✭


    OK lads as the title suggest be honest I am near 50 was a late starter 4 small kids. We seem to be in a happy place where its not that important its mad busy of course and there is very little time for a bit of intimacy sleeping arrangements can be all over the place, if you find an empty bed you just lie in to it.


«1

Comments

  • #2
    RayM
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,973 ✭✭✭RayM


    I don't think I've ever 'rattled' your wife. What's her name?


  • #3
    tayto lover
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 52,404 ✭✭✭✭tayto lover


    Knew a lad who married an ex-nun. Holy fcuk she was known as !!


  • #4
    Liamario
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,094 ✭✭✭Liamario


    This is a very strange and ineffective way to find out who's rattling your wife.


  • #5
    Are Am Eye
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,166 ✭✭✭Are Am Eye


    Depends on if I can get all the chores done.


  • #6
    Avatar MIA
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,750 ✭✭✭Avatar MIA


    Look, I can fit her in next Tuesday.

    Can't promise a fierce rattling, but she'll at least be shook. Shaken, if not stirred.


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  • #7
    Liamalone
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,966 ✭✭✭Liamalone


    Once a year, religiously


  • #8
    Avatar MIA
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,750 ✭✭✭Avatar MIA


    Liamalone wrote: »
    Once a year, religiously

    Santa, that you?


  • #9
    Buford T. Justice XIX
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,633 ✭✭✭✭Buford T. Justice XIX


    Liamalone wrote: »
    Once a year, religiously
    Merry Christmas so:D


  • #10
    greencap
    Registered Users Posts: 2,102 ✭✭✭greencap


    Are Am Eye wrote: »
    Depends on if I can get all the chores done.

    Sounds like youre the one being rattled.

    discussion/2058195983/russia-threadbanned-users-in-op/p3135

    😁



  • #11
    bazza1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,271 ✭✭✭bazza1


    Whist! You're putting me off me stroke! :)


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  • #12
    RayM
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,973 ✭✭✭RayM


    Avatar MIA wrote: »
    Look, I can fit her in next Tuesday.

    I can fit her in on Monday. Not sure if she'll be able to fit me in though. If you know what I mean. I mean I have a gigantic penis.


  • #13
    Surreptitious
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,130 ✭✭✭Surreptitious


    And they say romance is dead.


  • #14
    Avatar MIA
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,750 ✭✭✭Avatar MIA


    RayM wrote: »
    I can fit her in on Monday. Not sure if she'll be able to fit me in though. If you know what I mean. I mean I have a gigantic penis.

    Listen, I'll be ploughing what you've harrowed!


  • #15
    Insect Overlord
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,916 Mod ✭✭✭✭Insect Overlord


    You'd know it's Christmas time when you see the thread title and think it says "raffle".

    How much for a string of tickets?


  • #16
    um7y1h83ge06nx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,029 ✭✭✭um7y1h83ge06nx


    Find a nice young one instead and you'll have to be dug out of her. Buried to the back axle.


  • #17
    Avatar MIA
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,750 ✭✭✭Avatar MIA


    Insect Overlord wrote: »
    You'd know it's Christmas time when you see the thread title and think it says "raffle".

    How much for a string of tickets?

    Well, as it stands you're behind myself and RayM, I think Wednesday is still free, but there's only so much rattling a wife can take.


  • #18
    beertons
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 23,152 ✭✭✭✭beertons


    Any pics of her face? They all look the same from behind.


  • #19
    RayM
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,973 ✭✭✭RayM


    Avatar MIA wrote: »
    Listen, I'll be ploughing what you've harrowed!

    The phrase "like throwing a cocktail sausage down O'Connell Street" springs to mind.


  • #20
    lukesmom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,400 ✭✭✭lukesmom


    by far the best thread title I have ever read :D


  • #21
    lukesmom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,400 ✭✭✭lukesmom


    RayM wrote: »
    I can fit her in on Monday. Not sure if she'll be able to fit me in though. If you know what I mean. I mean I have a gigantic penis.

    pics or gtfo:D


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  • #22
    branie2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,305 ✭✭✭✭branie2


    I'm not married


  • #23
    lukesmom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,400 ✭✭✭lukesmom


    branie2 wrote: »
    I'm not married

    well how often do you rattle the gf then or bf


  • #24
    bobbysands81
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,213 ✭✭✭bobbysands81


    Insect Overlord wrote: »
    You'd know it's Christmas time when you see the thread title and think it says "raffle".

    How much for a string of tickets?

    “It’s a salmon colored ticket.”


  • #25
    branie2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,305 ✭✭✭✭branie2


    out of number 11


  • #26
    SuperSean11
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,555 ✭✭✭SuperSean11


    Just don’t wife the rattle in the first place, then ye can have a different rattle every night. Variety is the spice of life after all.


  • #27
    uch
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,012 ✭✭✭uch


    feckin seldom since the youngone moved back from spain, best contraceptive ever if we needed it, but we don't

    21/25



  • #28
    lanomist
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 245 ✭✭lanomist


    About once a year, but the good thing is TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT.


  • #29
    rawn
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,093 ✭✭✭rawn


    Daily.

    With my husband? Once a week-ish.


  • #30
    um7y1h83ge06nx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,029 ✭✭✭um7y1h83ge06nx


    lanomist wrote: »
    About once a year, but the good thing is TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT.

    Go on my son.


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  • #31
    fergus1001
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,625 ✭✭✭fergus1001


    7 times a week, just saying

    Anyone saying once a year they are rookie number you gotta pump those numbers up !


  • #32
    ArtSmart
    Registered Users Posts: 5,614 ✭✭✭ArtSmart


    My wife's rattled every time I don't use a coaster.

    You're doing it wrong, OP.


  • #33
    ArtSmart
    Registered Users Posts: 5,614 ✭✭✭ArtSmart


    Laura Salmon Pet wrote: »
    Go on my son.
    Damn it Dad, you just made me lose my mojo.

    Mam is furious.


  • #34
    boombang
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,108 ✭✭✭boombang


    I assume you use your rattlesnake


  • #35
    um7y1h83ge06nx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,029 ✭✭✭um7y1h83ge06nx


    So how often do you poke her snatch OP?


  • #36
    LETHAL LADY
    Registered Users Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭LETHAL LADY


    I'm a wife and I prefer to jiggle.


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  • #37
    lukesmom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,400 ✭✭✭lukesmom


    Every night unless sick


  • #38
    misstearheus
    Registered Users Posts: 2,126 ✭✭✭misstearheus


    RayM wrote: »
    The phrase "like throwing a cocktail sausage down O'Connell Street" springs to mind.

    I don't get that. :(


  • #39
    FishOnABike
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,550 ✭✭✭FishOnABike


    RayM wrote: »
    The phrase "like throwing a cocktail sausage down O'Connell Street" springs to mind.
    Sure, I'll just strap a hurley sideways to my arse in case I fall in. Be grand...


  • #40
    GMSA
    Registered Users Posts: 281 ✭✭GMSA


    Aaaaand he rattled it into Mary while her mother was out for tuurrrrf.


  • #41
    judeboy101
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,246 ✭✭✭judeboy101


    lanomist wrote: »
    About once a year, but the good thing is TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT.

    New years eve and new years day, then you get a 2 day run


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  • #42
    PeterParker957
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,177 ✭✭✭PeterParker957


    I've a mate who likes to pull when the clocks go forward so he can say "new personal best there love, hour and five minutes!!"


  • #43
    phill106
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,821 ✭✭✭phill106


    misstearheus wrote: »
    I don't get that. :(

    He is implying she has a massively loose fanny


  • #44
    PeterParker957
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,177 ✭✭✭PeterParker957


    phill106 wrote: »
    misstearheus wrote: »
    I don't get that. :(

    He is implying she has a massively loose fanny

    Cf also "wizard's sleeve"


  • #45
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,750 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    LETHAL LADY wrote: »
    I'm a wife and I prefer to jiggle.

    I’d have you fizzin like bottled Bass, Missus.

    Get a good batter up, so I could.

    Top bulbman


  • #46
    PeterParker957
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,177 ✭✭✭PeterParker957


    Brendan Bendar wrote: »
    LETHAL LADY wrote: »
    I'm a wife and I prefer to jiggle.

    I’d have you fizzin like bottled Bass, Missus.

    Get a good batter up, so I could.

    Top bulbman

    There's ya Tinder ad right there !!!!


  • #47
    RayM
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,973 ✭✭✭RayM


    phill106 wrote: »
    He is implying she has a massively loose fanny

    They all do by the time I'm finished with them.


  • #48
    NewbridgeIR
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,977 ✭✭✭NewbridgeIR


    PeterParker957 wrote: »
    Cf also "wizard's sleeve"

    Or "clown's pocket"


  • #49
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,750 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    PeterParker957 wrote: »
    There's ya Tinder ad right there !!!!

    Hmmmm, I tried “I’d have you wet as an otters pocket” and only got four responses.

    Not sure if they respond to that stuff.


  • #50
    PeterParker957
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,177 ✭✭✭PeterParker957


    Brendan Bendar wrote: »
    PeterParker957 wrote: »
    There's ya Tinder ad right there !!!!

    Hmmmm, I tried “I’d have you wet as an otters pocket” and only got four responses.

    Not sure if they respond to that stuff.

    Ah ya silver tongued charmer!!!!


  • #51
    archer22
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,116 ✭✭✭archer22


    Avatar MIA wrote: »
    Listen, I'll be ploughing what you've harrowed!

    You ruin the field doing that...ploughing comes before the harrowing...as any good (and some bad) farmers could tell you :cool:


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