Christmas party, Boss might have tried to rape me

Pelvis

Katgurl wrote: »

I said "my read on it is". I am not saying this definitely happened. I am saying that if I was betting money that's what I would guess.

However something untoward definitely did happen if the wife said she 'checked' op. How or why did she 'check' her?

How are your guesses in any way helpful?

Nothing "definitely did happen", that's just you doing more guessing.

Colser

Pelvis wrote: »

How are your guesses in any way helpful?

Nothing "definitely did happen", that's just you doing more guessing.

So why did the boss ring the op the following day?

Iseedeadpixels

....... wrote: »

You missed it in your haste to discredit the OP.

However, given that she herself has stated she has no recollection of events, I'm not entirely clear why it's so important to you to do so.

Well no the mods have to approve her comments nice try though :rolleyes:

Big Bag of Chips

Can all posters please stick to offering advice to the OP in their posts. If you have an issue with any post report it.

Reply to the OP or don't post.

Mr.H

HandsomeBob wrote:

Let's be honest; from the sounds of things, if this guy's reputation is ruined he only has himself to blame. He sounds like an utter cretin in and out of the office.

He can be a scumbag and not a rapist..... its possible.

Two very different things.

It's too easy to make false allegations to cover up embarrassment and cheating in your hubby

bilbot79

I would imagine the wife and husband are in damage control mode. If the OP has reacted the same way with them as on here they will be thinking about unpredictable consequences. It's a shame the OP was so drunk because while in fairness it is possible she was taken advantage of it is also possible that once drunk she led the charge. No one seems to know. What I find unreasonable is the absolute assumption by the OP that all wrongdoing can only be on his part. If she came on to him while they were both hammered...he's a rapist?

There is a possibility that the OP was taken advantage of but my feeling is that this was a messy Xmas party involving 2 irresponsible adults

LegacyUser

I've read this whole thread and can't understand how nobody is suggesting the boss spiked the girl. Pardon the CSI level of detail but you're all very quick to jump on the OP!

I have worked with some serious dirtbags over the years - there are men out there (and women too but personally seen more men at it) that just behave like animals on day release when they go out with work.

I've seen more men than I care to say outright cheat on their partners and wives, children or no children, with 20 year olds or other married women, in front of colleagues or caught rapid in smoking areas - and each time I'm as disgusted as the last as I just can't abide cheating in any form, least of all in a marriage. Worse still, the girls are more often than not out of their minds on something or absolutely blind drunk to make them more likely to go with it.

It could be possible that your boss is one of these dirtbirds who plays away from home on the regular, and he decided to spike you at some point in the night, seizing the opp when your husband went home early i.e. nobody would be around you constantly, therefore nobody saw how much you drank after he left. Perfect opportunity to chance you in private and if you didn't go along with it, blame it on how out of it you are - that's what these d1ckheads do.

"Oh she's too drunk, she needs to be walked home" - seriously like, nobody would think anything of that - we've all had men chance that in a flirty way when you're trying to get on your own for a secret snog or whatever. But don't forget, it can also be used to confront people, to have deep and meaningfuls or air out some pent up issues, and, unfortunately, used by dirtbirds and sickos to take advantage of drunk women and men with no witnesses.

Just speculating a possible scenario - he could have decided to spike you after you ignored his shot comment because he's a pr*ck and after it kicks in, you're all over the place hence bruises, so he, the gentleman, walks you 10 metres down the road. You could have said "I need to sit down" or puked or something, and he brings you to the alley and tries it on. Assuming you are faithful to your husband and don't have negative feelings towards the marriage etc., you refuse and he keeps at it anyway. Wifey comes looking for him, knowing he's a dose, and catches him at it "again". Goes mental, calls you a slut (you now semi-conscious as date rape drugs are bloody strong) and brings him back to the hotel roaring and shouting, leaving you to fall asleep in the alley and wake up a few hours later, hence freezing cold when you came in.

The date rape drugs used like GHB etc., basically wipe your memory and because he knows this, and the wife knows he's a scumbag, they're using it to their advantage, hence the rapidly changing story. They have the business together, and he's obviously like this anyway so she's not going anywhere - it makes more sense to pin the blame on you and write it off as another "incident" that they'll never talk about again.

Maybe I'm just reading the whole thread wrong, but it sounds like it could be entirely possible your boss is an absolute dirt bag and he took advantage of an assumingly younger girl with whom he has a close relationship with and wants sexually.

Go to the doctor and book a therapy session, give them your notice because you "need a change", work from home for your notice period, and be sound about leaving so he can't hang you out to dry with a less than glowing reference considering how long you're there.

Go out quietly, and with your head high as if it never happened, and if anything comes up with the doctor or therapist that indicates any of my elaborate suggestion could be true - go to the guards, get a solicitor and take that w*nker to court for assault.

If, on the other hand, you're not happy in your marriage and you kinda have a flirty thing with him in work when she's not looking and realistically, it's been a while coming and you got a bit pissed and drunkenly gave in to it at last whether you remember doing it or not - get the hell out of there and go to counselling with your husband as you need to work on the issues that have presented themselves through this incident and decide if you want to stay with him.

There's your version, his version and the truth -which nobody knows, so you need to look at yourself and figure out what to do next to move on with your life.

Estrellita

Two questions on my mind are-

Op why are you relying on the boss and wife for a timeline? Does your own husband recollect roughly when he left and what time you got in?

If the bruises etc aren't consistent with multiple falls, do you think it's possible that you and he were fooling around, but when wife arrived on the scene she may have started really laying into you?

People don't just black out when they are spiked. If you drink enough you can lose big chunks of time. My reading of all of this is - very very messy Christmas party, irresponsibility, possible assault by the wife.

If a local business has any of this on CCTV, then you'd probably have to report this to the Gardai to access it. If you do decide to report it, I would start with saying you believe you were some how assaulted but have no recollection of it. I'd avoid using the word rape because you have no idea what truly happened.

Neyite

Mod:

There's starting to be a bit of arguing back and forth and going around in circles.

Ultimately the OP appears to have figured out a plan of action based on what she can piece together and people telling her what to do based on what they imagine happened or based on generalisations is unhelpful advice.

OP, I'm sorry to have to close this thread but I feel it's necessary because you are going to get people being critical of you /your actions and it's not what you need right now. You need real life support - from your husband, from good friends, and from professionals who can advise you best based on facts.