How's your love life AF?

lufties

Most of my social interactions with females has been with alcohol, dutch courage and all that. Its the one thing I've struggled with since giving up. Alcohol made me a bit ballsy.

Sigma Force

lufties wrote: »

Most of my social interactions with females has been with alcohol, dutch courage and all that. Its the one thing I've struggled with since giving up. Alcohol made me a bit ballsy.

Totally understand but just talk to them they're human too. Don't go out particularly to score just go and socialise and chat as you would do with the lads, be yourself. The right girl will take you for who you are and usually when you least expect it. So don't pressurise yourself, I'd say it's more difficult nowadays girls can be very snooty and fussy and shallow (yes we can be lol) but there are lots of genuine decent women out there so just be yourself. If you're more quiet now, that just makes you more of a mystery.

lufties

Sigma Force wrote: »

Totally understand but just talk to them they're human too. Don't go out particularly to score just go and socialise and chat as you would do with the lads, be yourself. The right girl will take you for who you are and usually when you least expect it. So don't pressurise yourself, I'd say it's more difficult nowadays girls can be very snooty and fussy and shallow (yes we can be lol) but there are lots of genuine decent women out there so just be yourself. If you're more quiet now, that just makes you more of a mystery.

Haha well as I hit my late 30s I'm becoming more picky. I've learned a lot about sparking attracting in woman. A man needs to demonstrate sexual intent as well as normal conversation. I'm probably shy when it comes to sexual intent, and booze always brought that side out in me. It really sucks, but I wouldn't go back drinking again for that reason. I'd rather develop myself and become a true alpha male that is successful with women.

justfillmein

its definitely easier to meet people in a pub with a few drinks to loosen you up.
so if your not a drinker then I think its actually hard to meet someone.

some people might disagree and say there are loads of ways of meeting others. like one would be online dating, but i'm 100% not into that at all

Sigma Force

justfillmein wrote: »

its definitely easier to meet people in a pub with a few drinks to loosen you up.
so if your not a drinker then I think its actually hard to meet someone.

some people might disagree and say there are loads of ways of meeting others. like one would be online dating, but i'm 100% not into that at all

It definetly is easier but as you get older it's more difficult. It all depends wether your looking just to score or looking for a relationship, women will talk to you outside of a pub scenario and at least you can hear what each other is saying lol Ah it's not easy though, I have single friends male and females and they would go to pubs much but would still like to meet someone decent but they're not joining things I think they all expect someone to fall out of the sky lol

lufties

Sigma Force wrote: »

It definetly is easier but as you get older it's more difficult. It all depends wether your looking just to score or looking for a relationship, women will talk to you outside of a pub scenario and at least you can hear what each other is saying lol Ah it's not easy though, I have single friends male and females and they would go to pubs much but would still like to meet someone decent but they're not joining things I think they all expect someone to fall out of the sky lol

Its all to do with having good game (confidence). For me alcohol brought out that ballsy side where I lost inhibitions. Now being AF its hard to bring that bit out of me.
To attract the woman you want, you need a healthy mix of good conversation skills and sexual intent. I actually think these skills should be taught in school. So many guys out there (me included) without a clue how to truly attract women. Being nice isn't good enough.

pilly

lufties wrote:

Its all to do with having good game (confidence). For me alcohol brought out that ballsy side where I lost inhibitions. Now being AF its hard to bring that bit out of me. To attract the woman you want, you need a healthy mix of good conversation skills and sexual intent. I actually think these skills should be taught in school. So many guys out there (me included) without a clue how to truly attract women. Being nice isn't good enough.

Where is this "sexual intent" coming from? I've never heard anyone talk about chatting someone up like this.

Meeting someone sober is hard but if you're immediately trying to convey sexual intent you will come across as creepy straight away.

lufties

pilly wrote: »

Where is this "sexual intent" coming from? I've never heard anyone talk about chatting someone up like this.

Meeting someone sober is hard but if you're immediately trying to convey sexual intent you will come across as creepy straight away.

Just a mix of showing you are interested in more than being friends, being a bit cocky. Pointless even discussing this because it seems like you are a sort of SJW. If you know anything about attraction, you'll know that this matters.

lufties

pilly wrote: »

Where is this "sexual intent" coming from? I've never heard anyone talk about chatting someone up like this.

Meeting someone sober is hard but if you're immediately trying to convey sexual intent you will come across as creepy straight away.

Flirting is another way of describing it. Just said I'd add that before you blow a gasket and get all offended.

pilly

lufties wrote:

Just a mix of showing you are interested in more than being friends, being a bit cocky. Pointless even discussing this because it seems like you are a sort of SJW. If you know anything about attraction, you'll know that this matters.

Pointless having a discussion with someone who throws SJW into the conversation at the slightest hint of criticism.

Best of luck with the love life. You'll need it.

lufties

pilly wrote: »

Pointless having a discussion with someone who throws SJW into the conversation at the slightest hint of criticism.

Best of luck with the love life. You'll need it.

By the tone of your post, you seem to just want to be offended. I have no time for these types of people. Goodbye.

pilly

lufties wrote:

By the tone of your post, you seem to just want to be offended. I have no time for these types of people. Goodbye.

Not in the least offended.

lufties

pilly wrote: »

Not in the least offended.

You picked out 2 words in my entire post and tried covertly to attack me. You also tried to be high and mighty with your 'creepy' label.
If you genuinely didn't understand, You could have just asked 'what do you mean by sexual intent? Or perhaps googled the term, but no you decided to try and be provocative/or attempt to demonstrate virtue. I've seen it all before from white knights.

Dave!

Give it a rest please

justfillmein

[QUOTE=Sigma Force;105666850I think they all expect someone to fall out of the sky lol[/QUOTE]

thats been my game plan:D

justfillmein

[QUOTE=lufties;105667391I actually think these skills should be taught in school. So many guys out there (me included) without a clue how to truly attract women. Being nice isn't good enough.[/QUOTE]

i'd be very uncomfortable having to go to a class like that;)

lufties, i wouldn't worry about planning some big game plan tbh.
I actually hate any kind of chat up lines, & I definitley would turn my back to a cocky person:D
its just not my kinda thing.

I think you should just be yourself when talking to any women.
that way they know what they are getting straight up.
& that is how you will attract the right person for you.

confidence & cockyness is not always what everyone is looking for

lufties

justfillmein wrote: »

i'd be very uncomfortable having to go to a class like that;)

lufties, i wouldn't worry about planning some big game plan tbh.
I actually hate any kind of chat up lines, & I definitley would turn my back to a cocky person:D
its just not my kinda thing.

I think you should just be yourself when talking to any women.
that way they know what they are getting straight up.
& that is how you will attract the right person for you.

confidence & cockyness is not always what everyone is looking for

Fair enough, but I respectfully disagree. The narrative generally goes like this, a woman in her 20s goes for the dominant alpha male. 30 comes and security/kids are needed so the beta becomes more inviting. I am that beta unfortunately, and I'm not interested in 'settling'. I want a to have the social skills and pick the woman I want.
Taking advice from women about dating never seems authentic to me. 'just be yourself' etc is all fine but attracting females is an art, and can be learned imo. Most average frustrated chumps just go through life settling for what they can get. I don't want that for myself.

By the way what I mean by game is social skills, conversational skills etc. Nothing worse than not knowing how to get past the friend zone. I hate all that cheesey chat up line stuff.

justfillmein

lufties wrote: »

The narrative generally goes like this, a woman in her 20s goes for the dominant alpha male. 30 comes and security/kids are needed so the beta becomes more inviting. I am that beta unfortunately, and I'm not interested in 'settling'. I want a to have the social skills and pick the woman I want.

Taking advice from women about dating never seems authentic to me. 'just be yourself' etc is all fine but attracting females is an art, and can be learned imo. Most average frustrated chumps just go through life settling for what they can get. I don't want that for myself.

By the way what I mean by game is social skills, conversational skills etc. Nothing worse than not knowing how to get past the friend zone. I hate all that cheesey chat up line stuff.

that all sounds very caveman to me. i like to think life, and meeting a partner, is a bit more simple than that:p

I think you should take advice from women about dating. after all, it's women telling you what women want.

I think if you meet someone you like & they seem into you too, then it wont be that hard to get past the friend zone.
it just kind of 'happens'.
you just ask if they are interested in going to something you both might like and take it from there.
or you could just come out and ask them straight if they would like something more.
usually you have a feeling whether its going to turn into something or not:)

lufties

justfillmein wrote: »

that all sounds very caveman to me. i like to think life, and meeting a partner, is a bit more simple than that:p

I think you should take advice from women about dating. after all, it's women telling you what women want.

I think if you meet someone you like & they seem into you too, then it wont be that hard to get past the friend zone.
it just kind of 'happens'.
you just ask if they are interested in going to something you both might like and take it from there.
or you could just come out and ask them straight if they would like something more.
usually you have a feeling whether its going to turn into something or not:)

Again, I respectfully disagree. I'm not sure your age but I suspect 30 plus.
Its not cave man stuff, its social proof. I've had interest from woman but I just don't know how to close it or maintain the attraction. They usually get bored because of my 'nice' nature.
I know woman have to be seen in society to be saying all the right things like ' I just want a nice guy' etc However, the majority of ladies really want a dominant, masculine, confident alpha male, but aren't allowed say it because it might be socially unacceptable. Hence society is full of clueless men like myself, who can only interact with women when alcohol is involved.
As I said earlier, if how to truly attract women was taught in school, there would be a more harmonious balance between the sexes, and less sexual deviance.

GoneHome

lufties wrote: »

A man needs to demonstrate sexual intent

No wonder you're finding it difficult to meet someone if this is your attitude, with or without drink

eviltwin

Whatever happened to just talking to people and seeing how it goes? Women are all individuals, for every one who responds well to an alpha male type there will be one who has no interest.

I guess it depends what you want. If it's an instant gratification your approach will be different to a potential relationship and hers will be too. A cocky and very sure of himself guy might amuse me for a few hours but long term wouldn't appeal. I think a lot of women will feel the same.

supermouse

I gave up drink for almost 2 years (started again in August this year but I will come off it again in January - this time for good) and I actually felt I had more success with guys!
When you don't have beer goggles on you can make better character judgements when you meet people, thus I ended up meeting guys I really clicked with. I also never had The Fear the next day, trying to remember what I said and if I made a fool of myself, followed by the ''will he or won't he text'' game. If he didn't text it was simply not meant to be, instead of me tormenting myself over what I did.
Be yourself OP, you already possess all the charm you've ever needed. You will discover it soon

Between this pua craic and tinder I despair for humanity..

(Or at least that's what I'm telling myself..)

lufties

supermouse wrote: »

I gave up drink for almost 2 years (started again in August this year but I will come off it again in January - this time for good) and I actually felt I had more success with guys!
When you don't have beer goggles on you can make better character judgements when you meet people, thus I ended up meeting guys I really clicked with. I also never had The Fear the next day, trying to remember what I said and if I made a fool of myself, followed by the ''will he or won't he text'' game. If he didn't text it was simply not meant to be, instead of me tormenting myself over what I did.
Be yourself OP, you already possess all the charm you've ever needed. You will discover it soon

Haha thanks for the reassurance. Its actually just recently dawned on me that I'm not the relationship type, I'm just into flings and short term things. It suits me better and keeps me happy. It takes all sorts I guess

lufties

Deleted User wrote: »

Between this pua craic and tinder I despair for humanity..

(Or at least that's what I'm telling myself..)

Despair away me auld pal, despair away.

lufties

lufties wrote: »

Despair away me auld pal, despair away.

use of the word 'pal' makes me despair too..

lufties

Deleted User wrote: »

use of the word 'pal' makes me despair too..

Sorry pal, that's an issue your gonna have to take up with a counsellor I'm afraid.

GoneHome

lufties wrote: »

I'm just into flings and short term things.

From what you're saying about "sexual intent" and the above quote it's not the fact that you don't drink anymore that's affecting your love life, it's your whole attitude to women and relationships in general is your problem.

lufties

GoneHome wrote: »

From what you're saying about "sexual intent" and the above quote it's not the fact that you don't drink anymore that's affecting your love life, it's your whole attitude to women and relationships in general is your problem.

OK, thanks for that diagnosis. Perhaps my 'attitude' is based on wisdom and life experience.. There is nothing wrong with wanting short term relationships.

He does seem to be very wise..

GoneHome

lufties wrote: »

There is nothing wrong with wanting short term relationships.

So why are you coming on here asking the question "How's your love life Af?", go on away man and drink a pint for yourself, it might make your attitude less obnoxious