I really don't know what to do now, with my housemate from hell

wellwellwell1

So this is a difficult one. I have lived in my rented accommodation since July, and at first it was perfect rent is reasonable it is close to college/work, house is not damp, I got on quite well with everyone 3 other guys,and one of them is a close friend.
since late September things started to go a bit awry,it resulted in me not bringing friends to the house, I am the only female and I am in my late 20's, the horror in question is only 2 years younger than me.
so one night at the end of October my housemate got wasted on a bottle of spirits, him being drunk is nothing new it is a daily occurrence, but this was the worse he has been, I came in from a friends house and went into the sitting room he started ranting at me and it was quite terrifying, he started to say a lot of personal things about me, attacking the very core of who I am then started spouting a lot of strange things about his childhood and women, then started saying that he didn't trust me because I had periods... yes I know.

anyway I just was in shock and I didn't reply to much I just said I was sorry he felt that way and I walked off in total disgust. I did not want to deal with him any more so it was a few days before I seen him again. when I did see him again he apologized and said he did not remember any of it, and that he would never let it happen again. so I just gave him another chance, and accepted his apology, still I was wary of him after that, then he landed home with a present for me, and said sorry again and it seemed sincere.

so he continue's to drink after this not as bad, but making sly comments when ever I got stuck in the sitting room with him on my own. never in front of the other guys just making sexist comments when it was just me.
another time I was at a friends birthday and his friend was there, so thats when I found out he had said to his friend, that I had a major problem with our other housemate, his friend let it slip because he had brought my housemate and was like oh I am sorry I know you don't like him, when I asked him what he meant he had no choice but to tell me what had been said, I don't have a problem with him at all, I get on very well with him.

I was just avoiding him like the plague he is, and then my friend came to visit for a workshop and he shouted at him and scared him, very inexcusable in my mind what ever about me which is bad enough but my friend should have been made to feel safe. my friend is leaving and then he says sorry again to me and my friend and wouldn't even allow us to say goodbye to each other because he keep saying sorry but in a bullish way that just seemed chaotic. again he said it would never happen again. which is bull****.

so before I left for christmas he started standing in front of me blocking my way, as I was coming into the house, he has done this a few times now, I am scared of him, locking my room when I am in the house alone with him, I have no idea what hes going to do next I feel unsafe in my house and I want to move out but its next to impossible to find a place.

He never cleans up after himself he leaves his **** everywhere and he sleeps on the sitting room sofa most of the time instead of his room.

I have talked to both my other housemates about whats been going on, one of them has been getting hassle of him as well. My other housemate said he would sit down with me in the new year and just make sure he listens and does not dismiss me anymore.
I have a feeling he won't take it to well.

I wonder what my rights are in terms of talking to the landlord and just getting him to move out. I feel so angry and upset at this situation I feel like I should not move out and hold my ground, as we are all paying the same rent, but I also fear for my safety and don't want to be putting myself in harms way.

any advice would be gratefully appreciated

enricoh

Sounds mentally unstable to me, leg it or get rid of him. If u get rid I wouldn't be surprised if he was outside waiting one day. So therefore I'd leg it.

dudara

Talk to your fellow housemates and see what the consensus is. I’d also raise your concerns to the landlord also.

appledrop

This really doesn't sound like a safe situation. Talk to you housemates + if they won't ask him to leave then for your safety you should move out.

Reati

He is dominating and bullying you. As he continues to get away with it, this has the risk of getting physical towards you. Don’t mind the ah shur it’ll be grand nonsense you’ll hear on this.

You need to get proof of this if he has support from the others and get him out or leave yourself before something happens. Life is too short to be dealing with pond scum of this level.

bisset

do you individually rent rooms from the landlord or have you a joint tenancy?

fishy_fishy

Leave.

It's just not worth it. Make a report to the gardai and tell landlord you will be leaving as soon as you have somewhere to go, and have reported other tenant to gardai.

You shouldn't have to be the one to go, it's not fair, but it's just not worth fighting to get rid of him. Just go.

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

wellwellwell1

we all rent rooms off the landlord, I am desperately trying to find another place to live at the minute and its next to impossible to find somewhere. I will let the landlord know and get my deposit back and get a new place as soon as I can.
I am very aware it is serious as I have been having nightmares about him turning nasty, and know he is more than capable of turning violent, he is unpredictable.

Stoner

Sit the other lads down. Tell them you are moving out unless you all go to the landlord and have him removed. This is serious.

If they agree go to the police, and let them know about him, your plan and concerns. Make it official, take any advice they give you.

He's a bully, it's worked on you and at least one other person in the house.

The guy who's going to sit him down in the new year is only half useful too imo, he's possibly also scared of him but hasn't realised it yet. Talking to this guy is just kicking the can down the road.

Sleeping in the living room is a show of force from him, it's remained unchallenged, next you had the blocking, the other rooms will be his next quest.

I'd have him shifted if I was you, if the other lads are soft on it you should leave. Let them know you all need to stand up to this guy.
Happy New Year. Unfortunately the world is full of these guys.

All these drunken guys are fully aware of what they are like when they drink. Yet they still drink, so it's just them. There's no excuse.

Mrs OBumble

Move out ASAP.

Dont waste time talking to the LL or guards. Just gind somewhere to go. Ask all your friends and family - someonemust know somewhere.

If necessary look for a place month by month on airbnb - or even a weekly rate backpacker hostel (should be available at this time of year).

One More Toy

Gardaí. It's gonna get ugly with that psychopath.

If you need any backup I'll come over and help you move as I'm sure plenty others here would too.

Stay safe

Larbre34

A friend of mines girlfriend (now wife) was put through an awful ordeal by a psycho ex boyfriend. It wasnt as close as this house sharing situation, but it had similarities.

<snip>

wellwellwell1

I would really like to thank everyone for their replies, I managed to get another house and moved out last night with the help of some friends, I slept so soundly in my new house last night, it is a relief that I can now just breath and live in peace for 2018.

The landlord told me he went to the tenancy board and it would have been a case of my word against his, although I have witnesses to some of his behavior. He told me that it is very difficult to evict a tenant in terms of this kind of behavior. either way for me it wouldn't have been worth the stress of living through it any longer. quite scary the whole thing.

KellyXX

OP im glad you got sorted.
Ive seen that behavior before.
He was testing your limits.
It would have gotten worse and worse until eventually something horrible would have happened.
Stay well away from him, and if he ever approaches you anywhere in future, scream, make it clear to him that you want nothing to do with him and that you are not afraid to let everyone else know you are afraid of him and what he might do.
Hopefully you will never see him again, but just in case.
Its just awful that a landlord cant evict someone who is intimidating and a danger to the others in the house. The landlord will probably end up with this guy as the only person in the house and still never be able to evict him.

James 007

KellyXX wrote: »

OP im glad you got sorted.
Ive seen that behavior before.
He was testing your limits.
It would have gotten worse and worse until eventually something horrible would have happened.
Stay well away from him, and if he ever approaches you anywhere in future, scream, make it clear to him that you want nothing to do with him and that you are not afraid to let everyone else know you are afraid of him and what he might do.
Hopefully you will never see him again, but just in case.
Its just awful that a landlord cant evict someone who is intimidating and a danger to the others in the house. The landlord will probably end up with this guy as the only person in the house and still never be able to evict him.

Your dead right, and in that case if it happened and I was the landlord, I would just take the law into my own hands and change the locks. Life is too short. I would be more than happy to face the riggers of the law if he did file a case against me.

the purple tin

OP you did the right thing to get out of there. That bully sounds like he is mentally unstable and has a serious problem with women.
I just hope the landlord doesn't move anothe female tenant in after you.