Kids. Yes or no ?

_Roz_

No, don't want them. Can't afford them. Can't emotionally cope with them. And most importantly - can't stand them. I am not equipped for motherhood. I had to endure my little cousin over Christmas and while everyone around me was saying 'isn't that so sweet' I literally just couldn't comprehend what was sweet or cute or even bearable about any of the things she was doing, including repeatedly hugging me and telling me I'm her favourite cousin, even though she had never met me before and therefore by definition does not know enough about me for me to be her favourite. Also she commented on me being fat (which to be fair was funny, I like blunt people of all ages), but if I commented on the condition affecting her face, I'd be the worst person in the world.

Why are random actions, illogical statements, and bluntness I can't respond to all acceptable ? "BECAUSE SHE'S A CHILD!!!!!!" Well, that's why I don't like them, I don't operate on their level. They're more than welcome to be children, just don't do it near me, because I'll probably say or do something inappropriate without meaning to.

Thankfully my partner doesn't want them either.

SEPT 23 1989

_Roz_ wrote: »

No, don't want them. Can't afford them. Can't emotionally cope with them. And most importantly - can't stand them. I am not equipped for motherhood. I had to endure my little cousin over Christmas and while everyone around me was saying 'isn't that so sweet' I literally just couldn't comprehend what was sweet or cute or even bearable about any of the things she was doing, including repeatedly hugging me and telling me I'm her favourite cousin, even though she had never met me before and therefore by definition does not know enough about me for me to be her favourite. Also she commented on me being fat (which to be fair was funny, I like blunt people of all ages), but if I commented on the condition affecting her face, I'd be the worst person in the world.

Why are random actions, illogical statements, and bluntness I can't respond to all acceptable ? "BECAUSE SHE'S A CHILD!!!!!!" Well, that's why I don't like them, I don't operate on their level. They're more than welcome to be children, just don't do it near me, because I'll probably say or do something inappropriate without meaning to.

Thankfully my partner doesn't want them either.

I think it's for the best

andekwarhola

_Roz_ wrote: »

Well, that's why I don't like them, I don't operate on their level

Really?

_Roz_

andekwarhola wrote: »

Really?

I can't relate to the 'you're my favourite' thing ten minutes after meeting someone, no. I don't know how to respond to it. Like I say, I lack whatever skill it is people have that makes interacting with kids easy or fun.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

andekwarhola wrote: »

I have kids now myself but the last thing me and friends were doing in our 20s was interminable navel gazing about probable kids down the line.

Sometimes not having the internet back then as much a boon as a hindrance

It's a perfectly normal thing to think about in your 20s. Myself and my friends often discussed it.

seamus

_Roz_ wrote: »

I can't relate to the 'you're my favourite' thing ten minutes after meeting someone, no. I don't know how to respond to it. Like I say, I lack whatever skill it is people have that makes interacting with kids easy or fun.

You know, you probably don't.

Most people find other peoples' children weird and intimidating. It's hard to know what to say to them, even when you have kids of your own.

The more time you spend around them though, the more you realise that they have no expectations of you. They're not expecting you to "perform" for their amusement.

Unlike an adult, a child doesn't care if you sit there and say nothing to them. They'll just go off and do their own thing.

mad muffin

As a parent, I say no to kids. And extra no to other people’s kids.

PandaPoo

I have 2 kids and I have loved every minute of being a parent. Both my kids are well behaved so that is a big part of it. If I had a little sh*t who ran around the place not listening to me im sure id enjoy it less.

I couldn't imagine not having them, I always wanted kids. I'd love to have another 2 but it wouldn't be the end of the world if it didn't happen. I'm only 26, my husband is 36 so he wants it sooner rather than later.

I can't think of any negatives for us. They both sleep 12+ hours a night, my parents always offer to take them overnight so we can do things alone.

andekwarhola

Karlie Mango Index wrote: »

It's a perfectly normal thing to think about in your 20s.

I'm sorry. You're right of course.

I'll edit my post now.

_Roz_

seamus wrote: »

You know, you probably don't.

Most people find other peoples' children weird and intimidating. It's hard to know what to say to them, even when you have kids of your own.

The more time you spend around them though, the more you realise that they have no expectations of you. They're not expecting you to "perform" for their amusement.

Unlike an adult, a child doesn't care if you sit there and say nothing to them. They'll just go off and do their own thing.

Maybe. As with all things there are exceptions and I've met some pretty cool kids. But overall its not for me on most levels.

_Roz_

_Roz_ wrote: »

Why are random actions, illogical statements, and bluntness I can't respond to all acceptable ? "BECAUSE SHE'S A CHILD!!!!!!" Well, that's why I don't like them, I don't operate on their level. They're more than welcome to be children, just don't do it near me, because I'll probably say or do something inappropriate without meaning to.

Thankfully my partner doesn't want them either.

Well it actually is because she is a child. The filter and social awareness just isn't present.
You were also one once yourself

tomwaterford

seamus wrote: »

You know, you probably don't.

Most people find other peoples' children weird and intimidating. It's hard to know what to say to them, even when you have kids of your own.

The more time you spend around them though, the more you realise that they have no expectations of you. They're not expecting you to "perform" for their amusement.

Unlike an adult, a child doesn't care if you sit there and say nothing to them. They'll just go off and do their own thing.

Tbf most children are by and large a pain in the hole....Most people don't like anyone else's only their own



Like I've sisters have kids etc....but fcuk me half an hour alone with em is more than enough....and there not even at the age yet where kids go a bit feral

Lau2976

Nope. Not in a million years and any partner who has wanted kids has been batted away with a barge pole. It doesn’t matter if they were Jesus reincarnated no human sea monkeys will be leaving my ladybits.

RobertKK

I don't have children, don't want, and I have no regrets.

I am in my 40s and I do get asked when are you going to find a woman and settle down, have children etc, I usually let them waffle on, smile and say nothing...
Next time I might say 'I am enjoying life too much, and don't need any of that, I'm not lonely and I am free. I don't need someone to be happy, and I don't need children to be happy'.

Hannibal_Smith

RobertKK wrote: »

I don't have children, and I have no regrets.

I am in my 40s and I do get asked when are you going to find a woman and settle down, have children etc, I usually let them waffle on, smile and say nothing...
Next time I might say 'I am enjoying life too much, and don't need any of that, I'm not lonely and I am free. I don't need someone to be happy, and I don't need children to be happy'.

You definitely should. Or tell them to mind their own business!

Bambi985

A fair whack of the "no kids" brigade from my mid-20s are now parents or parents-to-be now in our early 30s, and I'd imagine even more will be as the years roll by.

Not that I want to be that patronising "you'll change your mind" d1ckhead, but in reality it's kind of easy to not want kids in your 20s because life is too interesting and adventurous. Who would want to cramp their style with kids at that age when they can go travelling, piss their disposable income up against the wall, date around, live it up every weekend etc? Things can often change when you settle down as you get older and meet the right partner though.

Mousewar

I enjoyed not having kids. Or rather I enjoyed having money and being able to go out whenever I wanted and watch movies right the way through and take a dump without someone looking at me - you know, the luxuries of life. But honestly, I'm a lot happier since I had kids. I don't mean that in some airy fairy way. I just mean that my disposition is brighter and I don't get down anymore at all. I'm probably too busy to be down. I don't know - I just love them. Life feels a lot better with them despite how effing hard it is sometimes.

Anyway, lots of people have different experiences. I love having kids (and I'm writing this while sitting in ICU in Crumlin with one of them).

HalloweenJack

I'm 29 and I don't have any kids and I'm quite happy about it.

Me and my GF have no interest in having kids any time soon, who knows about later on. We have a dog and a cat and that's quite enough for us, tbh.

Ave Sodalis

I don't have children, I don't want children. If I could walk into a doctor's tomorrow and have my tubes cut, I would (but I can't because I'm young and childless). Don't get me wrong, I'm good with children. I'm the eldest of a split family so I have siblings on my mother's side and my father's side (6 in total) of varying ages. I am very active in the minding and raising of my siblings. However, the thoughts of having children of my own makes me feel sick. I have pretty solid reasons for feeling this way. I don't get a warm, fuzzy feeling when I see babies. I don't find them cute. I don't feel an urge to hold them, or cuddle them, or coo over them. I'm terrified that I'll reach my late thirties and hormones will kick in.

thierry14

It's easy for me to say now that I never want kids, and easy for others to tell me I'll change my mind someday. But it's extremely, extremely unlikely. And the older I get, the more convinced I am that it's never going to happen.

The sacrifices required, in terms of personal freedom and finances, are far too great. Plus I'm really terrible with kids. Sure, they can be cute and funny or whatever but I really, really don't enjoy being around them. I have a nephew and niece, who are 10 and 6, and I find even a couple of hours around them to be draining, even though they're generally not bold or anything.

Another poster said something earlier like "I can't operate on their level" and that applies to me as well. If you're good with kids and enjoy their company, then good for you. But I'm not and I just simply don't.

thierry14 wrote: »

By the age of 30 all noteworthy things in your life have already been done

New experiences after 30 are a lot less common

As someone who turned 28 last month I'm really hoping this isn't true! :eek:

whoopsadoodles

I never really got a chance to decide if I wanted kids or not as I got pregnant really young. I instantly took to motherhood and was pretty much a natural at it, I surprised myself. I had another baby then 3 years later, I was terrified this time and wasn't sure if I'd be able for two but of course it was like water off a ducks back. I was besotted with them and again, surprisingly good at being a mother.

9 months later I miscarried another baby very very early on. I took a few days off work and we all headed away to clear the head. Our car was hit by an articulated lorry overtaking at a junction. My wee little girl died instantly and my gorgeous boy died two days later.

In total and utter shock not only at losing them but at the realisation I knew nothing else apart from being a mother I had this deep panicked yearning to have another baby. Thankfully within 3 months I was pregnant again and my youngest girl was born early, 5 days before her brother and sister's first anniversary. I again took to motherhood instantly but as you would imagine I spent a lot of time scared. What that girl will never realise, or not until she is an adult at least, is that she saved my life. She got me through the worst and most horrendous days imaginable. She was, is, my rock.

A few years later I decided to have another as my daughter wanted a brother or sister and we wanted that too. Unfortunately it was not to be and after a few years of trying and of fertility appointments and hormone drugs and acupuncture and being poked and prodded and yet another miscarriage, I gave up and went entirely the other way and decided I could not cope with any more pain and tears and heartache. I just couldn't do it. So I moved on and actively tried to avoid pregnancy with the same terror a teenager might have. I carry with me a huge guilt for not giving my amazing daughter a sibling. She gave me so much and yet I couldn't give her something so simple.

I'm not even sure where all that spiel came from but I suppose even when you're not planning or expecting to be a parent, it can be that you're a bloody good one.

There's no one size fits all, and I don't like the pressure that's put on people these days to reproduce. There's plenty of people in the world. You should never feel forced to have kiddly winks if you don't want them.

Sorry for the waffle.

Fanny Wank

A lot of people appear to keep baby goats as pets by the sounds of it

Hannibal_Smith

Ah whoops. What a heart breaking story.

Tom Mann Centuria

Fanny **** wrote: »

A lot of people appear to keep baby goats as pets by the sounds of it

I have three, but too early to see if my kids turn into the
Greatest
Of
All
Time.

I think it's brilliant having children but everyone is different. I'd have liked a fourth, for symmetry!, but my wife said three was enough (and that was fine).

Alf Veedersane

If you want to have kids, go for it. If you don't, don't.

There are lots of things you can't do when you have kids. Well, not for a while anyway. But I have never felt like I missed out on anything. Your life changes hugely but that doesn't have to be for the worse.

So yeah, go for it if you want kids, don't if you don't.

I just felt the world needed me to reproduce because me.

Peatys

Kopparberg Strawberry and Lime wrote: »

.

Pros of not having: freedom to do more like to on holidays (go out in the evenings etc), get aways, go to peaceful places to relax in peace without noise, not having to worry about a little one, sleep without distraction,

Our kids are still young, and we're already out of that stage.

financial well being of not supporting another human for food, clothes, toys, crèche, school fees , college etc.

Only dent we noticed in our finances was the crèche. But again, it's only for the first few years..

You should really think longer term.

Whispered

Jesus Whoops. I'm so sad to read your story. How heartbreaking. I've no idea how you got through it.

JupiterKid

I love children but as a gay man it’s extremely unlikely that I’ll ever have them, and I’m fine with that. I have nephews and nieces. The world is already grossly overpopulated and the less children people have, the better.

There is massive societal pressure placed on people, especially women, to have children. Most of my mates who have kids weren’t too pushed on having them and it was their female partners who were much more keen to have children. Since becoming parents, they are nearly all glad they did but one friend hates being a father and having lots of responsibilities.

Anyone who badgers you or your partner about when you are going to have children are nosy, insensitive and downright rude idiots. What if you are unable to have children for some medical reason? Asking this kind of question to a couple, especially a woman with fertility problems must be very distressing. They should be told to F off.

Anesthetize

I don't plan on having kids until my 80's. Until then I'm just going to enjoy my freedom.

Mister Vain

I wouldn't rule it out but its unlikely. I've a lot of stuff to get through first, like getting a date for example. If I do have kids it will be way down the line.

KERSPLAT!

It was always a yes from me. I have a son now and while he's absolutely amazing and the best thing that ever happened to me, one is enough

As has been said multiple times, do what's right for you. Plenty of people have no interest in kids and that's fine, plenty do and that's fine too.

Dave147

frozenfrozen wrote:

I'm 22 I don't have kids and it's great. Guy from my secondary school class has a heap of children now already; nightmare fuel.

You're still a child though.

Only joking, but at 22 you're too young to be having kids, when you're a bit older you may think differently.

eviltwin

I have 2, one is an adult now and it's that phase of parenting I like most of all when you get past the raising stage and you're more like equals.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

eviltwin wrote: »

I have 2, one is an adult now and it's that phase of parenting I like most of all when you get past the raising stage and you're more like equals.

And the bonus to having kids are the grandchildren. One of life's greatest pleasures and joys.

KERSPLAT!

Braelyn Beautiful Pretzel wrote: »

And the bonus to having kids are the grandchildren. One of life's greatest pleasures and joys.

My mam loves my son much more than she loves me, have never seen anything like it!

Whispered

Braelyn Beautiful Pretzel wrote: »

And the bonus to having kids are the grandchildren. One of life's greatest pleasures and joys.

My parents are so smitten with their two grandkids. It's lovely to see. They were very much disciplinarians with their own kids, so to see the softer side was a surprise!

Lia_lia

In my teens/early+mid 20's I was always a bit "meh" about having kids. Thought I might have them one day but when I was as old as I could be to have kids (had late 30s/early 40s in my head). I am good with kids and worked in a creche when I was younger but never really had much of an urge to have my own..

Until the last couple of years. I'm 29 in a few days and I don't know what it is but recently I felt like I need to have children soon. :pac:

Is this "biological clock ticking" an actual thing? I feel like it is. Maybe it's because so many people I know have children now. Or that I'm in a relationship for quite a long time.

Also a friend of mine is only a year older than me and has been getting fertility treatment so the fear is also there that it won't be easy to get pregnant.

Probably will still be waiting a while regardless of all that though. I like my holidays and freedom too much. But yes I do want kids but no more than 2. How do people afford it!

Braelyn Beautiful Pretzel wrote: »

And the bonus to having kids are the grandchildren. One of life's greatest pleasures and joys.

This is another thing. My Mother is mad to have a grandchild. She never shuts up about it!

LirW

Is this "biological clock ticking" an actual thing? I feel like it is. Maybe it's because so many people I know have children now. Or that I'm in a relationship for quite a long time.

I believe it is, for the majority of women. Some don't have this urge, which is fair enough.

When I met my partner, despite already having a child, my ovaries started to scream and acting up, I was like a demon who wanted to have another kid. It was scary. But he wanted one too. So we eventually decided we'll have one in a year or two because then the time is right and I got pregnant the month after :pac:

Cookie_Monster

Don't have kids, don't want kids, can no longer have kids anyway so it's worked out quite well.

badboyblast

Choose life

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

badboyblast wrote: »

Choose life

As in have kids or as in have a life for yourself without kids?

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

keith_sixteen

JupiterKid wrote: »

The world is already grossly overpopulated and the less children people have, the better.

There is massive societal pressure placed on people, especially women, to have children.

Grossly overpopulated? This is a lazy argument. Also simply wrong.

Keep going tho, soon there will be the same pressure put on people to not have kids with this kind of bull **** floating around.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

naughtysmurf

I look at my 12 year old daughter & see a beautiful, talanted, hard working at school, happy, passionate big dreamer.....then I look at my 19 year old son & wonder where the fcuk I went wrong, brains to burn but bone fecking idle currently sleepwalking through Uni, permanently plugged into his Xbox...they are both great kids but yer man is giving me panic attacks about his future

badboyblast

naughtysmurf wrote: »

I look at my 12 year old daughter & see a beautiful, talanted, hard working at school, happy, passionate big dreamer.....then I look at my 19 year old son & wonder where the fcuk I went wrong, brains to burn but bone fecking idle currently sleepwalking through Uni, permanently plugged into his Xbox...they are both great kids but yer man is giving me panic attacks about his future

I wouldn't sweat it with your son , he will get there , good he is going to university

badboyblast

Braelyn Beautiful Pretzel wrote: »

As in have kids or as in have a life for yourself without kids?

Choose life.
Choose a job.
Choose a career.
Choose a family,

jaxxx

keith_sixteen wrote: »

Grossly overpopulated? This is a lazy argument. Also simply wrong.

Keep going tho, soon there will be the same pressure put on people to not have kids with this kind of bull **** floating around.

Wrong? Lol how is it wrong? It's the truth. We're living beyond our means and beyond what the planet can sustain. How many miles of 'the wild' are wiped out daily to accommodate more farm/living space for us? Countless species under threat of extinction because our already massively overpopulated species requires so much land. 100 years ago the population globally was little under 2 billion. Now it's fast approaching 8 billion. Population quadrupled in 100 years. When does it stop? The planet cannot sustain 8 billion humans let alone anymore.

Anyway back on topic, I think I was still a teenager when I decided I didn't want kids. To this day, nothing has changed that.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

justfillmein

yes AND no.

yes have a kid, and no, will never EVER be pulling a stunt like that again