Honest advice

Anna2834

I need some honest advice on an issue.

So lets say that you have been dating someone for a few years, during that time this person wins money, they don't say a word to you for about a year and a few months and by mistake (Freudian slip) it comes out...should the other person just walk away on hearing the so called Freudian slip?

Conall Cernach

It depends. If they won a hundred quid on a scratch card they may have just not thought it important enough to mention. If it was a few grand then it would be really strange not to mention it to someone they were in a relationship with. It would indicate to me that either they viewed the relationship as a casual one, which maybe it was, or they just did not trust the other person.

Solomon Pleasant

If it’s big money, they could be waiting to see how the relationship develops.

Wouldn’t want to distort things because they’ve suddenly become wealthy.

MonkeyTennis

All sorts of reasons to keep quiet about money.

donegaLroad

If they won it on a horse then maybe the reason they didn't mention it is because gambling is an issue they don't want you to know about.

Beta Ray Bill

Anna2834 wrote: »

I need some honest advice on an issue.

So lets say that you have been dating someone for a few years, during that time this person wins money, they don't say a word to you for about a year and a few months and by mistake (Freudian slip) it comes out...should the other person just walk away on hearing the so called Freudian slip?

People act strange when money is involved.

It's been know to rip apart families.

How much money are we talking about and what age are you guys?
Also what's his/your history? Divorced/sperated/Kids/etc
At the end of the day, you're only dating a few years and you're not married.
It's not you're money.

Cee-Jay-Cee

It would depend on how much money was won and when in the relationship it happened. If it happened at the beginning of the relationship then I can understand the other person not saying anything however if it was after a year or more then I'd be questioning why the secrecy especially if its a large amount and by large amount I mean in excess of €50k as I think anything under that isn't exactly life changing.

Your Face

King George VI

Depends on how long they've been dating and how much. 100 grand or less I'd mention it without issue at any point in the relationship. After two years of the relationship if I won 100 grand or into the millions I absolutely wouldn't mention it, because for all I know she's staying with me for the money. Haven't really known her that long after all.

Trigger Happy

After a few years I would say it is more than 'dating', you are in a full on relationship. And if the money is a life changing amount then yes, it should have been disclosed IMO.
Dr Phil.

ChippingSodbury

Maybe they could be asked "why didn't you tell me"?
There could be 500 good and bad reasons why they didn't tell. Given that this is AH, the odds of getting the real reason here are approx 50,000/1...

Anna2834

Trigger Happy wrote: »

After a few years I would say it is more than 'dating', you are in a full on relationship. And if the money is a life changing amount then yes, it should have been disclosed IMO.
Dr Phil.

Thanks for the advice everyone much appreciated.

Beta Ray Bill

ChippingSodbury wrote: »

Maybe they could be asked "why didn't you tell me"?
There could be 500 good and bad reasons why they didn't tell. Given that this is AH, the odds of getting the real reason here are approx 50,000/1...

I'll take those odds!!!!!

Anna2834

Your Face wrote: »

Oh I love that song now...but I can assure you nothing of that sort.

jamesbere

How much money are we talking here?

biko

Maybe they thought you would change when you heard about the change in their situation?

Anna2834

jamesbere wrote: »

How much money are we talking here?

What I was trying to get at here is the trust part, nothing to do with money. I wanted to know if the person should just walk away since they weren't told.

everlast75

a colleague of mine had a secret account. Squirrelled away a portion of his money and specifically told the bank NOT to send out any statements.

For some reason, a couple of years later, they did and his wife found out. She gave him stick and spent about 25% as recompense.

I mentioned that story to a few friends of mine. A couple of different ladies said they had a secret fund - they called it "running away money" (semi tongue in cheek)- in case they ever needed to. Apparently its quite common for ladies to do that :eek:

Anna2834

biko wrote: »

Maybe they thought you would change when you heard about the change in their situation?

Absolutely nothing to do with money - the issue I am trying to get across is the trust part.

everlast75

jamesbere wrote: »

How much money are we talking here?

Anna2834 wrote: »

What I was trying to get at here is the trust part, nothing to do with money. I wanted to know if the person should just walk away since they weren't told.

TBF I think it is relevant. If it is 50e, then no. If it was 2.64 Billion, then yes.

You with me?

King George VI

Anna2834 wrote: »

What I was trying to get at here is the trust part, nothing to do with money. I wanted to know if the person should just walk away since they weren't told.

Nah, I wouldn't walk away if I wasn't told, it's their money and they have their reasons for not telling you.

Now, if they didn't pick up a round of pints every now and then or dinner despite having a lot of money I'd be a bit furious.

Let me ask you this, if you suddenly right now got 2 million in the bank, would you tell him?

ChippingSodbury

grahambo wrote: »

I'll take those odds!!!!!

Here are a few reasons:
1. I forgot 12/1
2. I was just going to tell you but you were making tea 33/1
3. I told you but you were sleeping 1000/30
4. I was distracted by all of the island shopping I was doing and it slipped my mind 50/1
5. If I told you about this one, I;d have to tell you about the other 7 (if you count only those wins over €100,000) as well 200/1
6. I thought the money was only resting in my account. 1/3
7....

My recommendation would be to stick €10 on "I forgot"

Foxhound38

Anna2834 wrote: »

I need some honest advice on an issue.

So lets say that you have been dating someone for a few years, during that time this person wins money, they don't say a word to you for about a year and a few months and by mistake (Freudian slip) it comes out...should the other person just walk away on hearing the so called Freudian slip?

Depends on a few things. Does the one who the money was kept from tend to be bad with money, or spend a lot of the other partners money for example?

In terms of whether to walk away - it depends what is more important; the relationship or the money?

Anna2834

King George VI wrote: »

Nah, I wouldn't walk away if I wasn't told, it's their money and they have their reasons for not telling you.

Now, if they didn't pick up a round of pints every now and then or dinner despite having a lot of money I'd be a bit furious.

Let me ask you this, if you suddenly right now got 2 million in the bank, would you tell him?

YES Immediately, absolutely no doubt about it. 100% I would.

Guys thank's a mill for all the help and advice I really appreciate it. I sort of understand now why some people would hide it, I just guess I couldn't/wouldn't do it. Guess money is the root of all evil. The issue was trust nothing to do with money.

Anna2834

Foxhound38 wrote: »

Depends on a few things. Does the one who the money was kept from tend to be bad with money, or spend a lot of the other partners money for example?

NO not at all.

In terms of whether to walk away - it depends what is more important; the relationship or the money?

obviously money to the other person.

jamesbere

Anna2834 wrote: »

What I was trying to get at here is the trust part, nothing to do with money. I wanted to know if the person should just walk away since they weren't told.

Fair enough, if your in a long enough relationship and your partner doesn't want to share with you they've won then I would see that as odd. Some people are strange when it comes to money so I would wonder why they didn't see the need to tell you.

Anna2834

ChippingSodbury wrote: »

Here are a few reasons:
1. I forgot 12/1
2. I was just going to tell you but you were making tea 33/1
3. I told you but you were sleeping 1000/30
4. I was distracted by all of the island shopping I was doing and it slipped my mind 50/1
5. If I told you about this one, I;d have to tell you about the other 7 (if you count only those wins over €100,000) as well 200/1
6. I thought the money was only resting in my account. 1/3
7....

My recommendation would be to stick €10 on "I forgot"

Gave me a good laugh :D:D

King George VI

OK OP I think it's time you told us how much and how long you've been with him. That would help.

Anna2834

King George VI wrote: »

OK OP I think it's time you told us how much and how long you've been with him. That would help.

Cant disclose amount because I don't think I heard the truth and its almost 3 years....correction was 3 years.

El Weirdo

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

... and by large amount I mean in excess of €50k as I think anything under that isn't exactly life changing.

Speak for yourself pal.

andekwarhola

everlast75 wrote: »

a colleague of mine had a secret account. Squirrelled away a portion of his money and specifically told the bank NOT to send out any statements. For some reason, a couple of years later, they did and his wife found out. She gave him stick and spent about 25% as recompense.

And therein perhaps lies the reason that the guy was trying to squirrel some money aside.

King George VI

Anna2834 wrote: »

Cant disclose amount because I don't think I heard the truth and its almost 3 years....correction was 3 years.

HOOO SHIET you dumped him? Savagery!!

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

and by large amount I mean in excess of €50k as I think anything under that isn't exactly life changing.

Man fuck you I found a fiver on the ground the other day and I nearly cried.

Beta Ray Bill

Anna2834 wrote: »

YES Immediately, absolutely no doubt about it. 100% I would.

Guys thank's a mill for all the help and advice I really appreciate it. I sort of understand now why some people would hide it, I just guess I couldn't/wouldn't do it. Guess money is the root of all evil. The issue was trust nothing to do with money.

Women require Time and Money
Women = Time * Money

But time is money
Women = Money * Money

Therefore
Women = Money²

But like you said Money is the Root of Evil
Evil = Money²

Therefore:
Women = Evil

Rory28

Anna2834 wrote: »

Cant disclose amount because I don't think I heard the truth and its almost 3 years....correction was 3 years.

Ballpark it. We talking hob nobs money or generic custard cream money?

Beta Ray Bill

andekwarhola wrote: »

And therein perhaps lies the reason that the guy was trying to squirrel some money aside.

My Ex would have been the exact same

I was always saving for a rainy day.
If she knew there was €5k sitting there, she'd be at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me, and at me to spend it on a Holiday.

She made the same money as me, she just pi$$ed hers away.

If I had won a €1,000,000 I don't think I'd have told her. As she'd just spend it in Dundrum in about 12 to 24 months.

minikin

Would you consider the trust to be rebuilt if he handed over 50% of the winnings, what’s your price?

Seems a bit petty to walk away from a relationship over this, were you in it for love or for financial betterment?
Was it emotional or a business transaction?

How about: tell him you’re delighted he had a bit of good luck. And say / think no more about it.
(Perhaps he cleared a debt, that you were also unaware of, with the winnings)

Forgiveness is also an important part of a relationship.

Money isn’t the root of all evil, the love of money is the root of all evil.

ChippingSodbury

Rory28 wrote: »

Ballpark it. We talking hob nobs money or generic custard cream money?

fair question!

Size|Grading|Odds
<€100|Own-brand Custard Creams|2/1
€101-€1,000|"Real" Custard Creams|4/5
€1,001-€10,000|Hobnobs|1/4F
€10,001-€1,000,000|Ferrero Rocher|3/1
>€1,000,000|Buy the Biscuit Factory|10/1

Canis Lupus

I got a $50 giftcard from work for xmas and pretty much danced in front of my partner waving it about.... I may not be very grown up...

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

The_Valeyard

HOW MUCH MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

copeyhagen

thinks back to all the work bonuses I used to get and keep from the missus..."yeah, theyre could be a legit reason"

o1s1n

Some people are just bad with money OP and it can be very evident to everyone apart from them.

Your boyfriend might think you're bad with money therefore he doesn't want to let you know because he might have plans for it (which he doesn't want you to risk)

Or on the flip side, maybe he's just a miser. It's anyone's guess really.

givyjoe

o1s1n wrote: »

Some people are just bad with money OP and it can be very evident to everyone apart from them.

Your boyfriend might think you're bad with money therefore he doesn't want to let you know because he might have plans for it (which he doesn't want you to risk)

Or on the flip side, maybe he's just a miser. It's anyone's guess really.

Either way, it's his money. Getting snotty over how much he has (and doesn't tell you) is a bit rich.

mmg0305

Some people are also very bad at keeping things quiet. Maybe he didn't think you'd be able to keep the news to yourself.

Dial Hard

givyjoe wrote: »

Either way, it's his money. Getting snotty over how much he has (and doesn't tell you) is a bit rich.

It wouldn't be about the money for me at all. If my partner kept *any* big news from me I'd find it very strange.

Anna2834

minikin wrote: »

Would you consider the trust to be rebuilt if he handed over 50% of the winnings, what’s your price?

Seems a bit petty to walk away from a relationship over this, were you in it for love or for financial betterment?
Was it emotional or a business transaction?

How about: tell him you’re delighted he had a bit of good luck. And say / think no more about it.
(Perhaps he cleared a debt, that you were also unaware of, with the winnings)

Forgiveness is also an important part of a relationship.

Money isn’t the root of all evil, the love of money is the root of all evil.

I don't want money or anything - for me it was that I wasn't trusted...that's what I picked up.

Look guys thanks a mill for all the help, I was trying to see if I was being unreasonable with my reaction, and I was acting childish and petty.

But as one person said earlier, it was only 18 months he doesn't have to say anything to me, which is fair enough.

Anyway I am happy and content with my decision....no trust no future.

valoren

The irony here is that we're all as annoyed as the OP, because we don't know how much money we're talking about here.

Rory28

Anna2834 wrote: »

I dont want money or anything - for me it was that I wasn't trusted...thats what I picked up.

It really depends on the amount. Is it life changing money? If it is a couple of grand then I dont think its a problem at all.

minikin

Anna2834 wrote: »

I dont want money or anything - for me it was that I wasn't trusted...thats what I picked up.

That can be hard to accept in a relationship, perhaps in the early days of your relationship he didn't know enough about you to deem you trustworthy.

A foolish person goes into a relationship completely trusting those they don't really know yet...

Trust is the product and result of a good long term relationship.

(Right, that's all my motivational poster quotes used up for now)

Malari

Anna2834 wrote: »

I dont want money or anything - for me it was that I wasn't trusted...thats what I picked up.

When we were under a year together my boyfriend won a sum of money and it was a very joyous occasion for him, and he couldn't wait to share it with me...the news I mean! I especially remember because when I came home from work there was one of his work acquaintances there and he waited for yer man to leave before giving me a big hug It certainly wasn't a life-changing amount...it just meant a bit of comfort for a big purchase.

We were living together, so maybe it was different, but I'd certainly feel more than just put out if he hadn't told me, just from the honesty and trust point of view, and why he wouldn't want to celebrate happy news with me.

SAMTALK

Anna2834 wrote: »

I dont want money or anything - for me it was that I wasn't trusted...thats what I picked up.

TBH this is the thing I wouldn't understand. Why wouldnt your partner tell you.

They don't have to let you have access to the money if they so wish but I would think it very strange not to say anything