Advice on death of a very dear family pet

Branoic

We have a 3 year old girl and a 5 year old boy. We also have a nine year old German Shepherd who is an absolutely massive part of our family and was practically our first child.

Sadly, our pet's time has come and we've taken the very hard decision that this week will be her last.

My wife and I have some differing opinions on how to handle this with the children. This will be the first significant experience of death for them so we don’t want to mess it up and scar them! We’ve talked about death openly with them as a concept in the past, so its not a big secret. They also know the dog has been unwell.

The plan is to have the vet do a house call and put the dog down here in her home instead of bringing her to the clinic, which she hates. We won’t have the kids in the house when its actually being done, they’ll be in their grandmothers.
I think that the dog’s body should be gone before the kids come home, and we explain that she died and the vet came to take her away and look after her body. We’d be preparing them for the inevitability beforehand, so it wouldn’t be completely out of the blue or anything.

My wife thinks the body should still be here when the children come home so that they can see her and understand that she’s died and hasn’t just vanished or been taken away. She thinks it’ll help them understand better.

I think that might be a good approach for slightly older children, but I really think for a 3 and 5 year old it would be too much, and too traumatic.
What are people’s opinions?

monkeysnapper

OK I went through this last year.

Two large dogs attacked our westie and she died a few days later .

Being man of the house and chief dog walker /carer I was pretty upset and didn't really want to show it , Cody died in vet over night and I wanted to just take her away and bury her.
Wife said no way, bring her home and let kids see her and say goodbye , I really didn't want to do this as I was pretty upset and being man of the house...

Anyway I brought her home and kids/ 7/4 wife and me all had a good cry and we got a nice blanket and we wrapped her in it....I'd actually say it was one of the hardest things I ever did.

I actually decided very soon I couldn't keep emotion under control so just let it out , we fought for days to help her get through injuries and it really hurt when we lost her.

Looking back I'm glad we did what we did . we also had another westie and he was very down for weeks after so we got another and she's 2 now and they're getting on great.

Look my advice is to let them see dog(family member) and all have a good cry , I think it helped me.

Rubberchikken

The vet came to our terrier when his tome had come. A beautiful summer day just perfect for our little fella. Our kids were a lot older than yours but were there through it. They helped bury him in our garden. Theres hardly a day he not mentioned in passing for some funny thing he used to do.

Explain as best you can to your kids. The 3 yo may not understand but a 5yo can. Its healthy and healing to be involved in a very tough and sad decision.
Take care.

Ms2011

Our children are 2.5 & 5.5 so similar to your two and we had our 12 year old Chihuahua put to sleep last month.
My husband brought her to the vet to be put to sleep & brought her body home so we could bury her in the back garden.
I explained to the children that she had died while my husband was at the vet and that she would be coming home to be buried if they wanted to see her, both did.
My husband brought her into the house in her blanket & both kids stroked her & said goodbye, the 2.5 year old even got her little spade & helped my husband bury her & I think because of that she just accepted it alot quicker.
My 5.5 year old had a few teary nights going to bed about a week after she'd gone as I don't think it hit him until then & we talked it through with him about how she was sore & now she wasn't sore anymore etc.
That was what worked for us and a month on both children have come to terms with her passing though they still talk about her all the time.

Branoic

thanks very much for the advice everyone, and for sharing your own stories. We'll have the kids come home to see the body and say their goodbyes.

bertsmom

Branoic I hope ye find comfort in each other.
Such a sad time for ye. Best wishes for the days and weeks ahead.
It's a cliche but it does get easier to remember the fun times ye have shared without the pain over time.

spurious

If there is a cat or another dog in the house, let them have some time with the body too.

meeeeh

We decided to burry the dog before kids saw him but we have a big enough garden and we took them there. Dog died quietly over night but there was some blood release from his mouth and we didn't want them to remember that.

Anyway 8 year old was upset but we were talking to him about the memories and so on. The then 4 year-old asked when can we buy a puppy. The cat moved in a couple of days after dog died and now she is wondering if she can get a fish when cat dies. I'm not expecting many visits to old folks home from her.

Kids take things differently, I don't think there is any point avoiding the subject. As for showing them the body it depends on circumstances. I would tell them about dog being dead before and ask them if they want to see the dog. In general I think children tend to be more resilient than adults.

nikpmup

Eeeeesh.... I was reading this thread today, thinking, "this'll be me soon" as I have a 4 yr old and a very elderly terrier, who lives with my mam. Anyway, the dog died about 3 hours ago.... I'll be telling my son about it in the morning. It wasn't exactly a shock, the dog was 18, but I'm not looking forward to that conversation.