Extremely noisy neighbours

1641

GreeBo wrote: »

I'm not saying the child should be sedated as a first port of call, but I think its a silly response to run away from medication for autistic people, children especially.

Noone should run away from appropriate medication,etc. to treat an appropriately diagnosed condition.Persons with autism run a considerably increased risk of a range of medical conditions,eg,digestive problems,constipation,colitis (3-4 times more common),severe headache, skin conditions. They are prone to sensory processing difficulties (eg experiencing pain in response to to certain ordinary sensory experiences)There may be neurological difficulties.I note the OP said the 8 year old has no speech, so how does he/she express what the matter might be? Would anti-psychotic medication be an appropriate response if the issue was chronic colitis?

Any of these, or many others, are as likely to be factors as "psychotic behaviour".Therefore, any of us speculating as to the "cause" of these specific children's behaviour, or to treatment, is pointless.

As TheChilzer has said:

TheChizler wrote: »

Medication is of no relevance to the OP, it's between the parents, their child, and their medical professionals. It's all a moot point really.

road_high

Blondie 1986 wrote: »

Hi Everyone,

I am looking for advice on the topic of noisy neighbours. We bought our house early last year and there is a family of four living next door to us in a semi-detached house. Both their children are autistic, one quite severely and has no speech at aged 8. We completely empathise with their situation and can't even realise how hard daily life is for them. The problem is the noise levels...the constant banging directly on our walls, screaming and this happens at any stage of the day/night. It is as if he is holding something metal and just constantly banging on our walls and that the parents do not seem to try and restrain him from doing this.

We appreciate the noise levels could be more elevated and empathise completely, but it is causing stress in our own house as peace and quiet is non-existent. Constantly have headaches from lack of sleep and being woken numerous times at night, or from 6am onwards at weekends. We both work fulltime and come home from work each day to constant loud noise and banging next door. It is affecting our health and moods which in my opinion is unacceptable. We are entitled to some peace and quiet in our own home. I have researched the non-verbal nature of autism and how there is a phrase called "stimming" which is extremely common and to be honest, it is mainly the constant banging on our walls is the issue.

We have not approached the parents as we do not want them to feel bad but it is getting to a point where we feel, for our own sanity we will need to, as it has gotten progressively worse since we moved in.

I would appreciate any advice from people out there as to how to approach this in a sensitive manner?

You mention you only bought the house recently...could it be the reason why the last owners sold up?

challengemaster

1641 wrote: »

Would anti-psychotic medication be an appropriate response if the issue was chronic colitis?

And how exactly would chronic colitis result in a persistent banging on the walls and noise disturbance of your neighbours ?

Nobody has a problem with the child having autism. Nobody is implying anyone needs to cure autism to solve this issue. The problem is the noise being created by the child.

the_syco

OP; have you talked to the neighbours yet? You didn't answer my question earlier on who was there first, so I'm assuming they were, and that they were "mysteriously absent" whilst you were doing the house viewings?

1641

challengemaster wrote: »

And how exactly would chronic colitis result in a persistent banging on the walls and noise disturbance of your neighbours ?

Nobody has a problem with the child having autism. Nobody is implying anyone needs to cure autism to solve this issue. The problem is the noise being created by the child.

I agree that the issue is the noise.And I agree with the OPs proposal to have a discussion with the neighbours about it. This is not going to bring an instant solution but it is a starting point.

My issue is with people making long distance diagnoses (psychotic behaviour) and/or long distance treatments/cures/interventions, eg, anti -psychotic medication, institutional care. There are a myriad possible underlying causes and factors. Unfortunately equating autism with psychosis is a common stereotype.

And as to colitis and banging on the walls - well stomach cramps and pain are common symptoms and distressing behaviours is a common expression in an otherwise non-communicative child. But as to whether it is a factor in this situation - well, that is as speculative as psychosis. And it is a matter for the parents concerned and the professionals.

Blondie 1986

the_syco - they were there first and have been since the houses were built as far as I am aware. I don't recall there being any noise during house viewing and to be honest, it was actually alot quieter in the first few months we lived there and it has been progressively worse in the past few months. It is not even solely a nighttime/sleeping issue, it is basically whenever the child is there, all evening, wknds etc. Maybe the parents do not realise just how much we can hear and how much it is affecting us to have peace and quiet in our own home. I do know the previous occupants did not get on with the family, but they didn't expand on it but they were there for over 5 years. I imagine he is probably getting louder/more aggressive with age.

Medication is nothing to do with us, that is up to the parents, child and the medical professionals. We do not want to cause any hassle or involve courts or anything like that, all dependent on how receptive the parents are to our point of view. They seem like reasonable people, I just hope there is more they can do once we speak to them and make them realise the effect it is having on us, especially when we have family/friends stay over.

I appreciate all your comments and advice. I kept thinking I should just stay quiet and put up with it and say nothing but the general consensus here is that we are entitled to peace and quiet in our own home and should not be subjected to endless noise from next door just because the child has autism. I'm sure we would have broached the subject a long time ago if that was not a factor but as I said previously, we want to have a good relationship with our neighbours and do love the house, if the noise issue can be addressed by them and they can be more proactive about it, then fingers crossed, all involved can be happy.

1641

Blondie 1986 -As you say the parents may not be fully aware of the effects this is having on you. If they are interested in padding/ sound-proofing, the fact of its impact on you might add to their eligibility for a housing adaptation grant for this purpose. In case adaptation comes up, the grant might be something you can allude to :

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/housing/housing_grants_and_schemes/housing_adaptation_grant_for_people_with_disability.html

Idbatterim

I appreciate all your comments and advice. I kept thinking I should just stay quiet and put up with it and say nothing but the general consensus here is that we are entitled to peace and quiet in our own home and should not be subjected to endless noise from next door just because the child has autism. I'm sure we would have broached the subject a long time ago if that was not a factor but as I said previously, we want to have a good relationship with our neighbours and do love the house, if the noise issue can be addressed by them and they can be more proactive about it, then fingers crossed, all involved can be happy.

there is no way you can do nothing about it! the situation is insane! its not the kids fault, but it certainly is not yours! You need to speak to the parents, then go from there... That situation to me, would be unbearable, for a week, never mind months!!!

Gatling

Legally would the op have any comeback from the seller or estate agent about not informing them about the neighbours family with l special needs before the sale especially if they sold up because of the noise.

I know someone suggested the district court about the noise but did that person believe a dc judge can just tell a child with autism to be quiet

challengemaster

Gatling wrote: »

I know someone suggested the district court about the noise but did that person believe a dc judge can just tell a child with autism to be quiet

Yeah, totally. After that they'll tell Stephen Hawking to start walking and he'll be fine.

It's more like they can issue a court order demanding the parents of that child to take appropriate measures to prevent disturbing the peace / noise nuisances.

the_syco

Blondie 1986 wrote: »

I kept thinking I should just stay quiet and put up with it and say nothing but the general consensus here is that we are entitled to peace and quiet in our own home and should not be subjected to endless noise from next door just because the child has autism.

To be blunt, their autism is not your problem. Let them know that the noise is interrupting your sleep, etc. How you proceed after that depends on how they reply.

Toots

Gatling wrote: »

Legally would the op have any comeback from the seller or estate agent about not informing them about the neighbours family with l special needs before the sale especially if they sold up because of the noise.

I know someone suggested the district court about the noise but did that person believe a dc judge can just tell a child with autism to be quiet

I was wondering that myself, I don't know about in Ireland, but I know in certain other countries the vendor/estate agent is obliged to disclose potential issues with the property before selling.

Sleeper12

challengemaster wrote:

It's more like they can issue a court order demanding the parents of that child to take appropriate measures to prevent disturbing the peace / noise nuisances.

If there is no soundproofing in either house the judge might suggest that both houses get soundproofing. I get that there are autistic kids in one house but both parties may be at fault if they don't have soundproofing. A judge may ask op what measures have you taken to reduce the noise.

tretorn

My niece is in a whatsapp group for babysitting and no one wants to babysit one family who have autistic children. This problem isnt going to go away and its probably the reason the previous owners sold up, I doubt if the OP will get any comeback on this, the previous buyers cant be held responsible and how could you prove the noise drove them out, the Estate agents if they were involved would deny all knowledge too.

I would plan moving too Op, i dont think you are ever going to have peace. There are three children with autism in the family my niece babysat for, the parents have no control, the children rampage around the house all night, it was midnight when eventually niece got them to bed and she then discovered one had peed in all the beds, she had to change all the sheets and duvet covers and while doing this she heard a crash from the bathroom. One had tried to pee in the sink and he hauled himself up by grabbing the mirror over the sink, he dragged it off the wall and it shattered into pieces, this house is semi detached and the sound proofing is desperate, the poor neighbours must be driven demented.

The family got a lovely assistant dog and within three weeks he had turned psycho, he is completely uncontrollable and probably scared half to death with the noise and the unpredictability, he barks a lot too so that makes everything so much worse.

the_syco

Sleeper12 wrote: »

If there is no soundproofing in either house the judge might suggest that both houses get soundproofing. I get that there are autistic kids in one house but both parties may be at fault if they don't have soundproofing. A judge may ask op what measures have you taken to reduce the noise.

As the OP is not making the noise, I doubt this.

Dev84

Whatever you are experiencing just remember those people have it ten times worse. Autism like that is impossible to control.

Doctors room ghost

Poor old divils can’t help it god love them and their parents.id imagine that’s a tough station on a daily basis.

Dev84

Sleeper12 wrote: »

I've read posts here from parents of autistic children. Some have said that they expect to have to put their child in care as they get older. Some kids have attacked their parents with knives.

There's lots of different levels of autism and some also have adhd or other issues. It might not be possible to just keep the child away common wall

This. My son is 9. Severley Autistic. Non verbal. Prone to lashing out and beating his mother. Its hell. I have enough to worry about than my neighbours beauty sleep.

Some of the comments on here are ignorant at best.

Dev84

Idbatterim wrote: »

swapping bedrooms around rooms around might work to an extent. At ground level you could throw up a new brick wall, have the sockets mounted on the surface not recessed, you dont want more noise coming through... if the bedrooms cant be rearranged, something like another poster suggested, padding on the wall to soften the blows and perhaps then new stud partition on your side or more slabs on the existing partition... depending on how bad the noise actually is...

one other thing that would be very cheap. The parents get dirt cheap carpet the size of the wall, simply screw it into the ceiling rafters an inch or two from the wall and screw it onto floor etc.

Change the routine and evironment of an autistic child.

Do a bit of resarch on autism.

Jaysus wept.

the_syco

Dev84 wrote: »

Some of the comments on here are ignorant at best.

And some are emotive. When it comes down to it, there's a continuous disturbance next door, and the OP shouldn't have to put up with it. If the neighbours kids can't be peaceful, perhaps they shouldn't live in a semi-d.

OscarMIlde

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Children need sleep. A lot of sleep, compared to adults.

There's nothing worse than seeing a child deprived of sleep because some people have an ideological prejudice about using appropriate medications to make it possible. The kid just gets worse with no sleep./QUOTE]

Sedation does not assure good quality sleep, and in fact may have a very negative effect on an autistic person, as epilepsy is more common in autistic people. You cannot simply drug a child (or adult) to sleep every night of the week.

Possibly melatonin may be a help, it works well with my now adult brother, but I am not sure whether it would be prescribed to a child. Circadian rhythm regulation is so interlinked with other pathways it may not be advisable during development.

OscarMIlde

challengemaster wrote: »

Noise complaint to district court.



I think it's utterly ridiculous people suggesting the OP spend their own money on soundproofing, moving or anything other than the people causing the nuisance finding an appropriate solution.

My neighbour did something similar when my non verbal brother was banging on the wall. Made a complaint to the county council and alleged my brother was a danger to children! It only made matters worse as we were even more stressed which I'm sure my brother picked up on.

The OP should speak to the neighbours first. There may be small practical measures they could do. Moving his bed to the other side of the room to minimise noise. Installing blackout blinds to minimise distractions. They may also need to consider physical activity levels, the child may not have enough exercise to feel tired. We used to try and bring my brother on long walks to tire him out.

We also used to take terms doing the 'night shift' when my brother went through phases like this. Bringing him downstairs and staying up with him. It may be more difficult for the neighbour's family if there are only two adults, but they have a moral duty to do this some of the time to minimise disruption for others. The advice about contacting an autism support centre was a good idea.

Dev84

the_syco wrote: »

And some are emotive. When it comes down to it, there's a continuous disturbance next door, and the OP shouldn't have to put up with it. If the neighbours kids can't be peaceful, perhaps they shouldn't live in a semi-d.

Where do you want them to live? A tent?

Sleeper12

the_syco wrote: »

As the OP is not making the noise, I doubt this.

& yet both sides are responsible for the soundproofing in their own homes.

I can hear my next door neighbor turn her TV off at night when she switches the socket off. The problem isn't with her socket it's with the lack of soundproofing on my side.

1641

tretorn wrote: »

This problem isnt going to go away and its probably the reason the previous owners sold up,.

Perhaps but we do not know this - it is supposition. The OP has indicated that noise was ok in the first few months.

It is a noise issue. The OP should ignore all the advice here on the diagnosis and treatment of autism - other than explaining the impact on them in a sensitive manner. It is not like they are drunkenly playing loud music at night.

"My niece is in a whatsapp group for babysitting and no one wants to babysit one family who have autistic children.
There are three children with autism in the family my niece babysat for, the parents have no control, the children rampage around the house all night, it was midnight when eventually niece got them to bed and she then discovered one had peed in all the beds, she had to change all the sheets and duvet covers and while doing this she heard a crash from the bathroom. One had tried to pee in the sink and he hauled himself up by grabbing the mirror over the sink, he dragged it off the wall and it shattered into pieces, this house is semi detached and the sound proofing is desperate, the poor neighbours must be driven demented.

The family got a lovely assistant dog and within three weeks he had turned psycho, he is completely uncontrollable and probably scared half to death with the noise and the unpredictability, he barks a lot too so that makes everything so much worse."

But we cannot generalise from this to all children with autism. If someone in the UK advised against living next door to Irish people on the basis of their own experience of living next to one chaotic/drunken Irish family we would not be overly impressed. There are lots of different Irish people and lots of different people with autism.

iamwhoiam

They way I see it is we all have to consider others . Yes the family with autistic children are under huge stress . But if nothing is done the OP's family is in danger of getting ill and suffering stress from the noise . So who is more entitled here ? Bothparties in my opinion so the OP needs to engage with the neighbours and sort this stress out .
The neighbour are stressed but also causing stress and will have to recognise it as such . Its up to them to lessen it from their side as much as is possible

GoneHome

Dev84 wrote: »

Where do you want them to live? A tent?

A detached house, where there are no neighbours to disturb.

seamus

GoneHome wrote: »

A detached house, where there are no neighbours to disturb.

I have heard alright that the country is just overflowing with reasonably located and properly constructed detached houses that the owners can't give away for love nor money.

Dial Hard

seamus wrote: »

I have heard alright that the country is just overflowing with reasonably located and properly constructed detached houses that the owners can't give away for love nor money.

It was a stupid answer to a stupid question, in fairness.

tretorn

You can see from Devs attitude, ie (I have enough to do without worrying about my neighbours sleep) that he isnt too bothered about the effect his sons behaviour has on other people. The fact that this family havent apologised to the OPfor the noise and they have to know its affecting her would indicate to me that they share Devs attitude.

In this scenario there is no option but to move. I probably would try and contact the previous owners and ask them did they have any success by pleading with this family, if they didnt then I would move even if I lost money by having to do so, there is no price to be paid for your mental health and this situation will drive the OP insane.