Extremely noisy neighbours

GoneHome · 24-01-2018 12:45pm

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Sunny Disposition · 24-01-2018 12:51pm

The obligation is on the family making the noise, 100%, not on the OP to put up with it out of generosity. Of course they shouldn't have located in a semi detached house if they aren't in a position not to make an immense amount of noise. Sure moving to a detached house will involve more expense but that's what they have to do if they can't stop violating other people's right to live in peace.
That might sound harsh, but it's really not, what's harsh is the treatment of the OP.

GreeBo · 24-01-2018 12:54pm

Dev84 wrote: »

This. My son is 9. Severley Autistic. Non verbal. Prone to lashing out and beating his mother. Its hell. I have enough to worry about than my neighbours beauty sleep.

Some of the comments on here are ignorant at best.

While I believe everyone on this thread sympathises with the parents of autistic children, especially those on the severe end of the spectrum, that doesn't absolve the parents of all responsibility in relation to this issue.

What if the OP has children that cannot sleep due to this noise?
Doesnt the OP have enough to worry about besides their neighbours noisy kid?

Calling it "beauty sleep" is nonsense. The OP is having sleep deprivation inflicted on them by their neighbour. The fact that its not deliberate is feck all use to the OP.

Again, you cant use "sorry, its autism!" as a reason to do nothing.

iamwhoiam · 24-01-2018 1:11pm

GreeBo wrote: »

While I believe everyone on this thread sympathises with the parents of autistic children, especially those on the severe end of the spectrum, that doesn't absolve the parents of all responsibility in relation to this issue.

What if the OP has children that cannot sleep due to this noise?
Doesnt the OP have enough to worry about besides their neighbours noisy kid?

Calling it "beauty sleep" is nonsense. The OP is having sleep deprivation inflicted on them by their neighbour. The fact that its not deliberate is feck all use to the OP.

Again, you cant use "sorry, its autism!" as a reason to do nothing.

Exactly .The problem arises when some people think that " we all have equal rights " means that actually some have more than others .In my opinion equality means all of us and that includes the OP have a right to peace consideration . It bugs the life out of me when people with a disability seem to think that equality only applies to them .And before anyone jumps on me I only only talking about a very tiny minority here .

Dev84 · 24-01-2018 1:34pm

tretorn wrote: »

You can see from Devs attitude, ie (I have enough to do without worrying about my neighbours sleep) that he isnt too bothered about the effect his sons behaviour has on other people. The fact that this family havent apologised to the OPfor the noise and they have to know its affecting her would indicate to me that they share Devs attitude.

In this scenario there is no option but to move. I probably would try and contact the previous owners and ask them did they have any success by pleading with this family, if they didnt then I would move even if I lost money by having to do so, there is no price to be paid for your mental health and this situation will drive the OP insane.

Walk a mile in my shows pal and come back and questions me on my attitude then.

Dev84 · 24-01-2018 1:35pm

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Exactly .The problem arises when some people think that " we all have equal rights " means that actually some have more than others .In my opinion equality means all of us and that includes the OP have a right to peace consideration . It bugs the life out of me when people with a disability seem to think that equality only applies to them .And before anyone jumps on me I only only talking about a very tiny minority here .

Again I don't think you can judge anyone with a disability until you have experienced first hand what they have to face day to day.

ELM327 · 24-01-2018 1:36pm

Dev84 wrote: »

Walk a mile in my shows pal and come back and questions me on my attitude then.

As an adult who is on the spectrum myself I disagree with your self entitled attitude.

Both parties have rights and entitlements.

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Exactly .The problem arises when some people think that " we all have equal rights " means that actually some have more than others .In my opinion equality means all of us and that includes the OP have a right to peace consideration . It bugs the life out of me when people with a disability seem to think that equality only applies to them .And before anyone jumps on me I only only talking about a very tiny minority here .

I somewhat agree with this. That has been the crux of my posts on this thread.
Both parties have rights to a peaceful life and therefore it is in their best interests to work together for a common mutual resolution to what is, in this scenario, a common problem. No court is able to tell a child not to be autistic.

Dev84 · 24-01-2018 1:36pm

Sunny Disposition wrote: »

The obligation is on the family making the noise, 100%, not on the OP to put up with it out of generosity. Of course they shouldn't have located in a semi detached house if they aren't in a position not to make an immense amount of noise. Sure moving to a detached house will involve more expense but that's what they have to do if they can't stop violating other people's right to live in peace.
That might sound harsh, but it's really not, what's harsh is the treatment of the OP.

Autistic children cannot violate peoples rights. Maybe the OP should invest in a decent set of head phones?

24-01-2018 1:37pm

GreeBo wrote: »

Again, you cant use "sorry, its autism!" as a reason to do nothing.

In fairness, there has been very little suggestion along these lines here. There has been fairly widespread agreement that the OP should begin by talking to the neighbours and stating the impact the noise is having. Only by having this conversation first can further decisions be made. The OP has said that this is what she is going to do.

The very strong reaction has been to people (in the absence of any knowledge of these specific children) offering their "solutions" - institutionalisation, anti-psychotics, etc. And the suggestion that if the parents aren't pursuing these "solutions" a judge could order them to do so.

"It bugs the life out of me when people with a disability seem to think that equality only applies to them .And before anyone jumps on me I only only talking about a very tiny minority here"

iamwhoiam - who is suggesting this? Of course everyone has rights.That is why the OP has to have the conversation with the neighbours.It is a noise issue. But the solutions are unlikely to be easy or instantaneous.

iamwhoiam · 24-01-2018 1:39pm

Dev84 wrote: »

Again I don't think you can judge anyone with a disability until you have experienced first hand what they have to face day to day.

I judged no one actually . It is you who judge me without knowing anything about me or mine

ELM327 · 24-01-2018 1:39pm

Dev84 wrote: »

Autistic children cannot violate peoples rights. Maybe the OP should invest in a decent set of head phones?

As an autistic adult I disagree here.
If I decide because of my black and white thinking (part of the ASD/asbergers) to attack someone because they annoyed me then I am violating their rights.

An autistic child constantly banging on the wall whether we like to admit it or not is infringing on the neighbours right to a peaceful existence.

Dev84 · 24-01-2018 1:40pm

ELM327 wrote: »

As an adult who is on the spectrum myself I disagree with your self entitled attitude.

Both parties have rights and entitlements.

As an adult on the "spectrum" you will understand how the spectrum actually works.

It's the problem with Autism, we tend just bunch a load of people together ignoring the severity of issues.

So less of the self entitled nonsense.

Dev84 · 24-01-2018 1:42pm

ELM327 wrote: »

As an autistic adult I disagree here.
If I decide because of my black and white thinking (part of the ASD/asbergers) to attack someone because they annoyed me then I am violating their rights.

An autistic child constantly banging on the wall whether we like to admit it or not is infringing on the neighbours right to a peaceful existence.

Without a doubt it is I agree. But there is very little that can be done about it.

The last thing we need is any less understanding of Autism.

People here are suggesting that they knock on the neighbours door and ask them to medicate their child etc. That's crazy stuff.

ELM327 · 24-01-2018 1:42pm

Dev84 wrote: »

As an adult on the "spectrum" you will understand how the spectrum actually works.

It's the problem with Autism, we tend just bunch a load of people together ignoring the severity of issues.

So less of the self entitled nonsense.

And this is related to the thread how?

You're probably just another autism parent who thinks they know it all. But until you walk a mile in an autistic's shoes you can know nothing.

And you clearly believe that you... a non autistic person, can know more about non-verbal autism than me, someoen on the spectrum, intellectually extremely high functional but severely socially and emotionally impaired.

Dev84 · 24-01-2018 1:45pm

ELM327 wrote: »

And this is related to the thread how?

You're probably just another autism parent who thinks they know it all. But until you walk a mile in an autistic's shoes you can know nothing.

And you are obviously very high functioning and really don't have a clue what severe non verbal Autism is obviously.

It bugs the life out of me when I see some people who have a diagnosis of Autism and there is very little actually wrong with them.

But that again is a problem with using a spectrum for a disability.

iamwhoiam · 24-01-2018 1:46pm

1641 wrote: »

In fairness, there has been very little suggestion along these lines here. There has been fairly widespread agreement that the OP should begin by talking to the neighbours and stating the impact the noise is having. Only by having this conversation first can further decisions be made. The OP has said that this is what she is going to do.

The very strong reaction has been to people (in the absence of any knowledge of these specific children) offering their "solutions" - institutionalisation, anti-psychotics, etc. And the suggestion that if the parents aren't pursuing these "solutions" a judge could order them to do so.

"It bugs the life out of me when people with a disability seem to think that equality only applies to them .And before anyone jumps on me I only only talking about a very tiny minority here"

iamwhoiam - who is suggesting this? Of course everyone has rights.That is why the OP has to have the conversation with the neighbours.It is a noise issue. But the solutions are unlikely to be easy or instantaneous.

At least one on the thread whos attitude is " I have enough to think about without worrying about my neighbours beauty sleep "

Fian · 24-01-2018 1:54pm

the_syco wrote: »

And some are emotive. When it comes down to it, there's a continuous disturbance next door, and the OP shouldn't have to put up with it. If the neighbours kids can't be peaceful, perhaps they shouldn't live in a semi-d.

This is equivalent to saying "if the OP wants peace and quiet perhaps she shouldn't live in a semi-d". There is no moral fault in the autistic child making noise, as would be the case if it were just inconsiderate neighbours. They are entitled to live in whatever house they can get.

the parents I am sure will take all reasonable steps to reduce noise. there may be no reasonable solution though. There is a limit to what they can do. I am sure as well the parents of the autistic children are run even more ragged than the op.

It is clear that the OP "gets" this. Some of the contributors less so.

OP - you have my sympathies, but I am not optimistic that you will get an easy solution to this problem.

Blondie 1986 · 24-01-2018 1:54pm

Dev84 wrote: »

This. My son is 9. Severley Autistic. Non verbal. Prone to lashing out and beating his mother. Its hell. I have enough to worry about than my neighbours beauty sleep.

Some of the comments on here are ignorant at best.

I feel for your situation and the fact that daily life must be extremely tough for you. But I feel offended by your consensus that my rights do not exist and you simply "do not care" about neighbours "beauty" sleep.

Would you feel the same if you were the neighbour and did not have an autistic child and were not getting your "beauty" sleep? Or is it simply that just because your life is tough then to hell with everyone else?

Most people on here appreciate the fact that being a parent living with autism on a daily basis must be extremely hard, but that should not inflict suffering on other people, for example neighbours who are entitled to have some peace and quiet in their house and that measures could surely be taken to stop the child banging directly on the common wall. I really hope they are more understanding when we speak to them that you seem to be.

Michael D Not Higgins · 24-01-2018 2:05pm

Mod: I think that's enough back and forth on the autism issue. I'm leaving this thread open for any other advice but you've made your points on autism, leave it at that.

pwurple · 24-01-2018 2:26pm

Op, simply talk to them

Honestly, I don't know why you would even hesitate.

Have a conversation with your neighbours. The hand-wringing and should I shouldn't I... forget that. Man up or Woman up, and just get on with it.
They don't know about it, and have enough going on themselves for it not to occur to them. Don't frame it as a complaint, frame it as a shared problem that you can come together to solve. Some upholstery on the wall in question could make a massive difference. They are commonly used in hotels for this very reason. Soundproofing on your side, and you're golden.
Prepare to share the cost etc.

Sleeper12 · 24-01-2018 5:56pm

There's a lot of people on high horses here. There is an awful lot of assuming going on too.

We do know that there is an autistic child next door to op that is making a racket.

To date the parents haven't been approached & therefore haven't refused to do anything about the noise.

We don't know what medication the child might /might not be on.

OP said that he'd approach the parents and see what happens. Op also seems caring and sympathetic towards the family next door. I'm betting they will be able to work it out between themselves

Sunny Disposition · 25-01-2018 2:29am

Dev84 wrote: »

Autistic children cannot violate peoples rights. Maybe the OP should invest in a decent set of head phones?

The OP has a right to peace in their own home, the person responsible for violating that right is the one who has to make the adjustment. That's not severe or unfair.

Of course things are harder if a child has autism, but the person caring for the child still has to take responsibility.

Hopefully it can all be sorted
out with a two minute conversation.

the_syco · 25-01-2018 5:45am

Dev84 wrote: »

Autistic children cannot violate peoples rights. Maybe the OP should invest in a decent set of head phones?

Maybe the OP should get a set of amps, and blast out some tunes next time the kids act up, as you seem to think it's their right to make some noise? How bizarre.

Dev84 wrote: »

And you are obviously very high functioning and really don't have a clue what severe non verbal Autism is obviously.

How are the clouds on thy high horse?

Fian wrote: »

the parents I am sure will take all reasonable steps to reduce noise.

And thus the previous owners of the OP's house left?

Fian · 25-01-2018 3:18pm

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fian
the parents I am sure will take all reasonable steps to reduce noise.

the_syco wrote: »

And thus the previous owners of the OP's house left?

The next sentence said that I wasn't optimistic that reasonable steps would be capable of resolving the problem, so yes the parents could take all reasonable steps and the previous owners could have been driven out by the noise. They are not mutually exclusive. It may just not be possible to resolve the problem short of unreasonable expectations like sedation, the neighbours moving out and other such suggestions previously made in the thread. With the best will in the world sometimes a problem is intractable.

I suspect if the neighbouring parents could put a stop to the banging they would - I am sure they don't enjoy the noise either. But as has been pointed out the child may not have to capacity to stop or to understand that they should stop.

Wheres Me Jumper? · 25-01-2018 4:34pm

i had a similar problem with my neighbor's kids playing footie/basketball indoors. i spoke to the mum but that only resulted in temporary relief. the landlord had no interest in resolving the issue.

so my next approach was to crank up my stereo every-time the banging started. i told my neighbors i would be doing this
i didn't like doing this but my "reasonable" approach proved fruitless.
it worked and the noise has ceased except on the very rare occasion.

DrPhilG · 25-01-2018 4:47pm

A kid having severe autism is a lot different from a kid being a bollox and playing football indoors though.

In your situation cranking up the stereo was a fair and justified response.

In the OP's situation it would be cruel and unnecessary, both on the child and his/her parents.

Wheres Me Jumper? · 25-01-2018 5:57pm

DrPhilG wrote: »

A kid having severe autism is a lot different from a kid being a bollox and playing football indoors though.

In your situation cranking up the stereo was a fair and justified response.

In the OP's situation it would be cruel and unnecessary, both on the child and his/her parents.

i agree these are different situations and my sympathy lies with both parties. i was just trying to illustrate that in some situations, being reasonable and patient gets you nowhere.

Extremely noisy neighbours

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