Guilt after a suicide.

Recliner

My sister in law took her own life recently. We were not on good terms when she died. There are also huge family disagreements, quite vicious really. It's horrific at the moment, I have my own demons to deal with in regard to her and her passing and hopefully I will be able to do so in time. I also strongly believe that she did not mean to commit suicide. I don't believe she knew the potency of the medications she took. And that is crucifying me: the idea that she thought that she would live up to the point where she knew that there was no one to save her. I can't even begin to comprehend that horror. I'm destroyed by this and the guilt that I feel.

Neyite

Grief can be very complex and even moreso when the person who died was a complex person who you had a difficult relationship with. Add in the suddenness and shock of a suicide, you must be reeling.

Would you consider talking to a bereavement counsellor? They would be impartial and confidential and you'd be able to talk to them in a way that you could never talk to family about your feelings.

Recliner

Neyite wrote: »

Grief can be very complex and even moreso when the person who died was a complex person who you had a difficult relationship with. Add in the suddenness and shock of a suicide, you must be reeling.

Would you consider talking to a bereavement counsellor? They would be impartial and confidential and you'd be able to talk to them in a way that you could never talk to family about your feelings.

Honestly I feel as if I have no right to grieve because things were so bad between us, but knowing that she died thinking I thought badly of her is so upsetting because I can never put that right. I think it will just take time and an acceptance that's probably a long way of yet.

splinter65

Recliner wrote: »

Honestly I feel as if I have no right to grieve because things were so bad between us, but knowing that she died thinking I thought badly of her is so upsetting because I can never put that right. I think it will just take time and an acceptance that's probably a long way of yet.

How very sad for you. It’s sounds as if the poor girl had a lot of problems that she couldn’t see any way to get under control.
The horrendous family disagreements were probably only one of a whole rainbow of issues that she was trying to escape from in a moment of madness.
We can’t go through our entire lives without disagreeing with friends and family from time to time.
If someone is being obnoxious and very difficult then it’s human nature to fight back eventually.
We can’t tiptoe around people forever just in case they try to kill themselves.
Try to remember any nice times you had with her, if there were any, and don’t forget, this is not your responsibilty .

0byme75341jo28

Recliner wrote: »

Honestly I feel as if I have no right to grieve because things were so bad between us, but knowing that she died thinking I thought badly of her is so upsetting because I can never put that right. I think it will just take time and an acceptance that's probably a long way of yet.

No one needs a right to grieve, you're grieving if you're grieving.

Please talk to a bereavement counsellor, you can't help it if you're upset and they'll put you on the right track.

Good luck.

WIZWEB

Grief and even guilt is natural. I've been an atheist almost 30 years. Only the other week which I do a couple of times a year I was up again having a one way conversation with my first loves headstone! We were not on good terms either at the time. His suicide was almost 21 years ago. His brothers just over five years before. I talk to both of them! I'll never ever get a reply from either but my lunacy gives me some solace and for me the pain has eased somewhat over the years. I hope time will help you and a good bereavement counsellor as suggested can help too. We all make choices. Some permanent tragically. Nothing others say or do can influence these or prevent them sometimes.