Sex party, have you ever been?

Pintman Paddy Losty

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Like a half eaten doner kebab dropped on a barbershop floor.

When is this golfing trip planned anyways Patrick? Would you ever get worried that one of the lads would break the vow of silence, and spill all to his missus when he gets back?? I'd say you'd want to vet them first to make sure they know what the story is. Need real swordsmen heading over, and not some softcock who gets remorseful when he lands back in the marriage bed.

Not off til May this year. Looking forward to it very much.

There's a solid crew of 12-15 of us that have been through the wars together. Been on various stags and pissups from Manchester to Krackow so we've whittled the extended group down to a solid inner group who know the score. No fear of any of these men breaking.

There was one close call a couple of years ago when one of the lads Trapper ended up going overboard in one of the gentleman's club. Ordered bottles of champagne, 3 birds for himself for the night, bags of Pablo's powder to bate the band. Piggery. Anyway, the kunt ran out out of cash and instead of asking one of us for a dig out, the thick **** paid his bill with the credit card. Rule 101, always use cash. Cash is king. Fúcker had a hard time trying to explain to his wife what the €3k bill from Serenity Entertainment was. Thankfully she's fairly dim and believed whatever cock and bull story he spun.

Another top tip for you there Johnny. Don't let your mate's wives be friends with each other. Only leads to trouble. If the missus is banging on about "We should invite Trapper and lovely Lorna over for dinner" nip it in the bud straight away. Bad news!

JohnnyFlash

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Not off til May this year. Looking forward to it very much.

There's a solid crew of 12-15 of us that have been through the wars together. Been on various stags and pissups from Manchester to Krackow so we've whittled the extended group down to a solid inner group who know the score. No fear of any of these men breaking.

There was one close call a couple of years ago when one of the lads Trapper ended up going overboard in one of the gentleman's club. Ordered bottles of champagne, 3 birds for himself for the night, bags of Pablo's powder to bate the band. Piggery. Anyway, the kunt ran out out of cash and instead of asking one of us for a dig out, the thick **** paid his bill with the credit card. Rule 101, always use cash. Cash is king. Fúcker had a hard time trying to explain to his wife what the €3k bill from Serenity Entertainment was. Thankfully she's fairly dim and believed whatever cock and bull story he spun.

Another top tip for you there Johnny. Don't let your mate's wives be friends with each other. Only leads to trouble. If the missus is banging on about "We should invite Trapper and lovely Lorna over for dinner" nip it in the bud straight away. Bad news!

All sound advice there Paddy. You strike me as the sort of man who knows which way to put on his chinos in the morning. The ex-wife had a group of friends that were as miserable as she was - belligerent auld crones. Now one of my mates has a cracking wife - late 40's, but got the tits done during the Celtic Tiger. Say she'd such a golf ball through a straw. Has that glint in her eye that would give you a stiffy like a teenage boy on a bumpy bus.

You mentioedn in one of your earlier posts that you weren't a fan of a hairy clunge. Shows you how out of touch I was - thought a woman having a fanny on her like a gorilla autopsy was the norm. The fúcking eyes nearly popped out of me head when I first saw one that looked like Kojak's ear - not a ****ing pube to be seen. :eek:

Mister Vain

This thread is like an encyclopedia of dirty sayings.

Pintman Paddy Losty

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

All sound advice there Paddy. You strike me as the sort of man who knows which way to put on his chinos in the morning. The ex-wife had a group of friends that were as miserable as she was - belligerent auld crones..

Know the type. Gin and Tonic drinkers. Serious sense of entitlement. Mercedes C-class coupé drivers. Coffee and scones in Avoca types. The ones in the golf club that get together for a big chinwag after their 9 holes. A coven of wenches cackling away for the afternoon and treating the lounge boy like shíte. That Portmarnock club has the right idea.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

All sound advice there Paddy. You strike me as the sort of man who knows which way to put on his chinos in the morning. The ex-wife had a group of friends that were as miserable as she was - belligerent auld crones. Now one of my mates has a cracking wife - late 40's, but got the tits done during the Celtic Tiger. Say she'd such a golf ball through a straw. Has that glint in her eye that would give you a stiffy like a teenage boy on a bumpy bus.

You mentioedn in one of your earlier posts that you weren't a fan of a hairy clunge. Shows you how out of touch I was - thought a woman having a fanny on her like a gorilla autopsy was the norm. The fúcking eyes nearly popped out of me head when I first saw one that looked like Kojak's ear - not a ****ing pube to be seen. :eek:

Likes the muff like a collies chest mesell

endacl

Hector Savage wrote: »

So ive been looking up the real Paddy Losty

What a legend

JohnnyFlash

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Know the type. Gin and Tonic drinkers. Serious sense of entitlement. Mercedes C-class coupé drivers. Coffee and scones in Avoca types. The ones in the golf club that get together for a big chinwag after their 9 holes. A coven of wenches cackling away for the afternoon and treating the lounge boy like shíte. That Portmarnock club has the right idea.

The ex never took up the golf, thanks be to jaysus. At least I had a bit of peace out on the course. I'll admit I started overdoing it at the bar afterwards, i once nearly drank a pint for each hole I'd played only a few hours earlier. You can't be at that sort of thing. No, she was into weightwatchers and fúcking mindfulness colouring books by the time I packed up the suitcases and got the hell out of there.

I'm not the sort to get nervous usually, but was like a taxi driver with 10 penalty points when I first pulled a bird as a newly single man. Went back to her place in Clonskeagh, and soon she was pulling away at it like she was tryin' to start an old lawnmower after a cold winter. Told her to calm down for a minute and got me thoughts together. Wasnt long before I had the tip of the bell at the 'stagedoor entrance' and was quick enough to get me old rythmn going. Nearly burned me arse off the lightbulb on the ceiling by the time I was finished. As I said, better than any fúcking antidepressant.

justfillmein

^:D:D:D:

JohnnyFlash

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Likes the muff like a collies chest mesell

Nothing wrong with a bit of thatch if that's what floats yer boat. You don't want to be staring at something that looks like one of the Dubliners either though. Gettin' worried incase it picks up the phone and send a coded message to the BBC sayin' its about to detonate a bomb on behalf of the IRA.

I've been going to the gym fairly regular these days and have lost the auld porter paunch. Shaved me balls as well. I didn't go and get rid of all me pubes, but gave them a good clipping with a nail scissors. Thing looks about an inch longer as a result. :cool:

retro:electro

How I picture the mods trying to deal with this thread

Jurgen Klopp

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

All sound advice there Paddy. You strike me as the sort of man who knows which way to put on his chinos in the morning

thought a woman having a fanny on her like a gorilla autopsy was the norm. The fúcking eyes nearly popped out of me head when I first saw one that looked like Kojak's ear - not a ****ing pube to be seen. :eek:


I'm not the sort to get nervous usually, but was like a taxi driver with 10 penalty points when I first pulled a bird as a newly single man

I haven't pissed myself laughing this much in years from After Hours like these quotes it's fcuking brilliant

Jurgen Klopp

anna080 wrote: »

How I picture the mods trying to deal with this thread

Ah don't give them ideas

There hasn't been this much craic in after hours in a long time.

It's even better with a few posters almost getting upset at their "crude language" as one poster said to them and at their escapades whether real or imagined tis a great read :pac:

Bloody After Hours used be like this nearly day in day out once upon a time but it's so serious and sterile for the most part, I was even sure the two boyos would have been carded or banned by now myself cause someone wouldn't be able to see it for the harmless old humour it is really

jigglypuffstuff

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Listen compadre. Just cause these girleens are getting a bit of compo for their time doesn't make it any less of a sex party.

When you're spurting out a good aul gloop of hot salty creme fraiche on Agnieszka's pretty face it certainly feels like a sex party.

Sounds like you left her with a face like a painters radio !

worded

pemay wrote: »

I stumbled into one once, and like a blind man at an orgy, I had to feel my way around.

Because I was blind, you see.

Braille Job ?

asteroids over berlin

Once dated a smoking hot Swedish girl....her private part was as hairy as spongebobs hair, i must admit to being taken aback, still to this day, the shock soon turned into an erotic thing for quite a while, felt more caveman like ha. Life is truly a rollercoaster.

Hector Savage

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Nothing worse than pulling a minter of a bird only to find out she has a rancid fanny. Seen some awful specimens in my day. Ones that look like a ham, cheese and pube toastie being peeled opened. Noxious fent of sour mackrel off the thing. Still though, when a man has a horn after a tray of pints he'll stick his love truncheon up anything. As long as its well wrapped it's all good.

just that alone

Keep em coming Paddy!

Hector Savage

endacl wrote: »

:D

I am in a heap in work from laughing so much !
tears on my face !!!!

Hector Bellend

A member of the travelling community sent me a picture of his erect penis and a picture of a 17 year old girl that he said he was banging. He wanted to know if I'd meet him in a car park in clondalkin.

I politely declined

sightband

Hector Bellend wrote: »

A member of the travelling community sent me a picture of his erect penis and a picture of a 17 year old girl that he said he was banging. He wanted to know if I'd meet him in a car park in clondalkin.

I politely declined

that’s not a sex party, that’s an attempted car jacking

sightband

sightband wrote: »

that’s not a sex party, that’s an attempted car jacking

I believe they call it “seagulling”.

JohnnyFlash

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I believe they call it “seagulling”.

Is that seagulling?? Though seagulling was when two people are riding in the back of a car in a car park and a load of guys stand around the car watching in and tryin’ To pull the skeleton out of themselves. They shoot their manglue and leave the windows of the car like a load of seagulls flew overhead and shïted all over the thing. Now that dogging scene is one I definitely wouldn’t be into. Dirty fúckers.

Baggly

Yeats and Wilde have nothing on this thread.

JohnnyFlash

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Is that seagulling?? Though seagulling was when two people are riding in the back of a car in a car park and a load of guys stand around the car watching in and tryin’ To pull the skeleton out of themselves. They shoot their manglue and leave the windows of the car like a load of seagulls flew overhead and shïted all over the thing. Now that dogging scene is one I definitely wouldn’t be into. Dirty fúckers.

Is that not what he was talking about?

Must be a hell of job to get cleaned after.

Hotblack Desiato

worded wrote: »

Braille Job ?

Reminds me of the one about the blind deaf and dumb man at the sex party

Spent the whole night trying to chat up a cheese grater

JohnnyFlash

Deleted User wrote: »

Is that not what he was talking about?

Must be a hell of job to get cleaned after.

I’d say it’s the type of thing bored and overweight middle aged couples get involved in. Swinging as well. Lads with hairy backs and women with huge bunts standing around in their underwear. Me, I prefer my action to be one-on-one, preferably with a bird 20 years younger than me with a pair of rock hard norks and with a tidy set of beef curtains on her. Give her a good poling then have a fag afterwards. :pac:

demanufactured

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I’d say it’s the type of thing bored and overweight middle aged couples get involved in. Swinging as well. Lads with hairy backs and women with huge bunts standing around in their underwear. Me, I prefer my action to be one-on-one, preferably with a bird 20 years younger than me with a pair of rock hard norks and with a tidy set of beef curtains on her. Give her a good poling then have a fag afterwards. :pac:

And would you ate the box out of her?

JohnnyFlash

demanufactured wrote: »

And would you ate the box out of her?

Ya, no problem at all there mate. Always like to return the favour, specially if she has been getting to know me todger. No problem noshing away like a pig at a trough. Chicks seem to like my technique.

Hope you ain’t gettin off on this stuff pal??? You asking a lot of questions.

Boom_Bap

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Ya, no problem at all there mate. Always like to return the favour, specially if she has been getting to know me todger. No problem noshing away like a pig at a trough. Chicks seem to like my technique.

Hope you ain’t gettin off on this stuff pal??? You asking a lot of questions.

Do you do the alphabet or something more sophisticated like spelling out the ingredients of toothpaste?

Baggly

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Ya, no problem at all there mate. Always like to return the favour, specially if she has been getting to know me todger. No problem noshing away like a pig at a trough. Chicks seem to like my technique.

Hope you ain’t gettin off on this stuff pal??? You asking a lot of questions.

Been done before but bears repeating.

Big Nasty

'Norks'