want to give up drinking

irishgirl19

Hey all.
I don't drink too often but when I do, sometimes I would drink to excess.
There's been too many times now that I have embarrassed myself or put myself in vulnerable situations or have had arguments with people drunk.
Incidents maybe 1-2 times a year I'd say.
I've tried explaining to my husband that I'm going to give up because of all this and he is kinda like..well just dont drink so much and you don't have a problem with drink etc this kinda thing.
Gonna properly explain how I feel to him later.

There is still going to be some events I'll have to go to throughout the next few months where people would drink. Im planning on not having 'just the one' because if I do then I don't think ill stick to it then.

I suppose im posting here to kinda cement the plan to myself so to speak.
Has anyone any tips or advice?

NinetyTwoTeam

You're actually dead right, and usually it's the person with the problem who thinks 'I can just cut down', and the partner thinking it has to stop altogether, which makes it tough. so you are in a great position as you seem to be 'getting it' already. and well done for being willing to change.

Best advice I ever got for quitting: don't take the first drink and you cannot get drunk.

It's much much easier to avoid the first one than the second, third, fourth etc. I'm the type once I get the taste, all bets are off, I'm away... and then waking up with regrets and the fear.

no offense to your husband, but if you want advice on stopping, you need to take it from people who have had success doing it, not him. but you need to be aware that a lot of the time when someone close to a drinker stops, it makes the person uncomfortable, as they may not want to face their own issues with it, or they think you'll be 'less fun', or they think you'll be sitting there sober judging their drunken behavior.

but the peace of mind you get is worth it, you really start to like yourself a lot more when you've gone weeks or months without a hangover. some people don't get the mental torture, i say fair play to them but I can't deal with that any more so my drinking days are done.

Sigma Force

Fair play to you, sounds like your fed up with the same ending to every night you go out even if it's just the odd time. One usually leads to another even for people who don't have an issue with alcohol. You might find you enjoy the night more or you might get bored towards the end of the night with everyone else a bit tipsy but put a plan in place so if you want to leave early you can.

beefburrito

My advise to you if you want to give up the hooch is get help from a woman.
Listen to women, some men not all will only capitalise on your vulnerable side.

A psychotherapist might be of help or visit your
GP.

If you decide on group therapy you could contact lifering or a treatment centre.

AA I wouldn't be too sure of it, I hear it's outdated but if you decide to go to AA or an open meeting.

Stick with women, by the way I'm a guy but women are able to understand women.
There's a lot of sick people in recovery groups.

Women 4 Women

NinetyTwoTeam

Another useful tip, do what is called 'fast forwarding the tape'

Before taking a drink, consider where that drink will eventually take you by fast forwarding to what usually comes at the end of a session. If you don't want to end up there, don't take that first drink.

If you're not sure where you'll end up, rewind the tape to the last time you overdid it.

Lady Mac

Hi Irishgirl,

I had a similar experience. I would be fine sometimes but then out of nowhere would get ridiculously drunk and do stupid things. I thought I would eventually get a handle on it but when I had my first child it continued so I finally accepted that I needed to quit completely when he was 9 months old. I was also drinking a bit too much at home in the evenings but nothing that anyone else would comment on. I just knew that my relationship with alcohol wasn't healthy and that it had the potential to get worse. I was always afraid of doing something when I was drunk that would seriously affect my life. So I quit 2.5 years ago. It wasn't easy because we're surrounded by alcohol, particularly wine, all the time in Ireland. I joined a few online communities of women who were in the same boat and found it so helpful for advice in certain scenarios. At the time those groups were only in America but just recently myself and a few other women have started an Irish group. You're more than welcome to join if you feel it would be helpful, just give me a shout.

Quitting drinking is a fantastic thing to do for yourself and your life but I think that sometimes people underestimate how difficult it can be. Most people who drink more than they would like to do so for a reason and often when you quit drinking you need to do a bit of work on the reason. Personally I drank a lot to mask low level anxiety and have found that in sobriety I have to really prepare myself for events like weddings and hen parties. You may not find this at all and may just quit and be completely fine but just be aware of it and for the first few months really suit yourself.

Hope that helps and best of luck x

irishgirl19

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply.
Some great advice given.
Lady mac your post sums up pretty much how I feel. If you could PM me with the name of that group, that would be great
Thanks so much everyone

sarahf2k16

irishgirl19 wrote: »

Hey all.
I don't drink too often but when I do, sometimes I would drink to excess.
There's been too many times now that I have embarrassed myself or put myself in vulnerable situations or have had arguments with people drunk.
Incidents maybe 1-2 times a year I'd say.
I've tried explaining to my husband that I'm going to give up because of all this and he is kinda like..well just dont drink so much and you don't have a problem with drink etc this kinda thing.
Gonna properly explain how I feel to him later.

There is still going to be some events I'll have to go to throughout the next few months where people would drink. Im planning on not having 'just the one' because if I do then I don't think ill stick to it then.

I suppose im posting here to kinda cement the plan to myself so to speak.
Has anyone any tips or advice?

I completely understand where you are coming from. I drank from 13-25. I stopped at 25, I'm now off drink 18 months and I am happier.

I constantly questioned whether I had a "problem" or was an "alcoholic" for the entire 12 years I drank yet I could never imagining stopping because alcohol was so intertwined with my self-identity. I kept rationalising that I didn't drink often, I wasn't physically dependent on alcohol until I got tipsy. Once I felt the buzz of alcohol I couldn't stop drinking despite it being so easy for me to get drunk.

Of course some people expressed concerns over the years but for the most part everyone loved going on the beer with me. Guess what? I hated myself. What's the point of keeping up the charade (that you can't control when you do choose to drink) to keep everyone else happy when you have no sense of content or peace in yourself?

I always lived in fear of the thing that would "make me have to stop". The line where I knew I had to stop. I got sexually assaulted at 18 (told no one) and that didn't stop me, cause it was another "incident" I brought upon myself. That "incident" should have been enough and every other incident reminded me of that. I drank "past" it just like every other "bad" night. I was never "bad enough" to be an alcoholic... I just had "incidents" like you.

Guess what, it may take someone 2 months or 20 years to become a full blown alcoholic but for people like me and you, it's not going to go anywhere good... if I couldn't moderate my drinking safely after 12 years, what made me think I could ever do it? I avoided alcohol at family functions thinking it was because I didn't "Need" it but really I was afraid of what would I would do once I got a few drinks in me.

I just still had the luxury of choice, ie. to drink once a week, once a month, etc. I thought those mini breaks from drink proved I couldn't possibly be an alcoholic. The difference from me and what others may consider a "true" alcoholic so it that I could still function day to day and didn't need a drink every day... but hey in 2-20 years I could have progressed there. I was scared enough at the thought of just staying the SAME... thinking at best, I would still feel the same in 10 years. The never ending cycle of self-abuse and self-blame and then feeling a victim powerless to change because my mind was so warped and then hating yourself for allowing yourself to feel like a victim when you did it to yourself.

My life now is very different. My identity, my self-esteem are different. I don't live in complete fear of the future (ending up dead, having no control over my actions, in jail, etc.). I always had a little voice in my head saying alcohol would ruin my life... and I listened and let that little voice grow before it completely ruined my life. I have a feeling that little voice is in your head too. I don't really care now whether I label myself as an alcoholic or if others do because I don't have the shame of continuing to engage in self-destructive behaviour. Some people wouldn't dream of thinking I was an alcoholic but in the end, I knew that my drinking would never be normal so I had to stop fighting that I could control it or not care until the next big f**k up.

I know it seems impossible now and it will feel unnatural and fragile for the first months even year but I promise you it will be worth giving it a go at least. I told everyone I was doing a year no beer challenge (there's a group on FB) as opposed to saying "I can't drink, I have a problem" - I told people it was a choice and that I "wanted" it. I didn't want to really stop drinking at the start - I wanted to stop hating myself and feel like I was doomed for misery and the same aul ****e. Now I don't know what my future holds but I know its better without drink. I have hope... I never had hope before.

Another thing ti keep in mind is ignore people's opinions. I stopped looking for "permission" to stop drinking from others (I did on boards, friends, counsellor etc.) I was so concerned what others would think before I realised that I should stop giving any f**ks... I didn't let what others thought stop me from drinking so why should I care what people think of me not drinking now. Don't hold on waiting for the next thing to tell you to stop, choose to stop and take power from making that decision. I feel more free now than I ever did drinking.

If nothing else, please try read Blackout by Sarah Hepola, her words inspired me to re-evaluate my life.

Blogs like Hip Sobriety and Laura McKowen are an amazing resource too that completely helped me rethink my fear of over being "dry"