Not sure how to handle my boss

HeavyHeaded

So firstly I'm a very sensitive person, I worry a lot, I get anxiety, currently seeing a councellor about it. If I mess up in work I get wrapped with guilt and annoyance at myself for days/weeks after.

Recently my boss through my supervisor came to me and said she feels that I don't care about work and I am disinterested. This is the 100% opposite. Which I explained to my sup. He said that he was just the messenger and didn't agree but my manager wanted him to speak to me about it. I am so fuming. Work has got me so down in the last few months that I've had to talk it though with a councellor. Saying I don't care infuriates me. My sup sent a mail to my boss explaining (in a nice way) that I wasn't disinterested etc but I can't shake it.
I've on numerous occasions asked for more work, asked for more responsibility and feel totally pissed off that the attitude is that I don't care. I'm working in my area years prior to study if I wasn't interested I wouldn't be here.

I've mad notes of all this to raise with my boss at our next direct meeting but I don't know if this is the right thing to do.

How you feel about something isn't always what you are perceived as feeling about it.

Obviously your boss responds to behaviour that isn't compatible with how you are communicating how much you care about your work.

IMO there's only two constructive responses:

- You can find out what those behaviours are and consider it part of your job to tick those boxes performatively- sure it's a pain but pleasing the boss on their own terms is a part of any job

- You can make sure your supervisor understands and recognises your version of contributing and is communicating that clearly to the main boss- your historical examples might be of some use here

If there's another constructive avenue to take it's not jumping out at me.

HeavyHeaded

[Deleted User] wrote: »

How you feel about something isn't always what you are perceived as feeling about it.

Obviously your boss responds to behaviour that isn't compatible with how you are communicating how much you care about your work.

IMO there's only two constructive responses:

- You can find out what those behaviours are and consider it part of your job to tick those boxes performatively- sure it's a pain but pleasing the boss on their own terms is a part of any job

- You can make sure your supervisor understands and recognises your version of contributing and is communicating that clearly to the main boss- your historical examples might be of some use here

If there's another constructive avenue to take it's not jumping out at me.

Agree completely. Have done both. Basically because I'm not loud and shouting I must not be interested. I will never be an extrovert. I explained that. Sup was understanding.

Sup seemed really understanding and said he has faced similar criticisms in the past himself.

It's driving me demented and making me so uncomfortable

irelandrover

Bring it up with your boss in a way that you are asking for tips.

Say you care a lot about the job but that is obviously not coming across in how you present yourself.
Ask what you can do to improve to show that you do care.

Ive had to do this in the past also.

HeavyHeaded

irelandrover wrote: »

Bring it up with your boss in a way that you are asking for tips.

Say you care a lot about the job but that is obviously not coming across in how you present yourself.
Ask what you can do to improve to show that you do care.

Ive had to do this in the past also.

Good idea. I just hope it's not a case of me being expected to change who I am. Like I will never ever be the office loud mouth and be jumping around the place.

irelandrover

HeavyHeaded wrote: »

Good idea. I just hope it's not a case of me being expected to change who I am. Like I will never ever be the office loud mouth and be jumping around the place.

Either will I but if your manager is aware of that and sees you make progress then it should work out. Asking for advice on what you could do to improve makes your manager aware that you are an introvert but it approaches it in a way that shows you are willing to work n it.

Approaching it from the defensive position helps noone in these situations.

drunkmonkey

When you mess up, hands up and try and fix it, park it then though it's passed you can't let these things eat you up for weeks.
We all have bad moments there just that, moments. There's no such thing as a bad day. Learn to tell yourself to stop when these moments last longer than 10 minutes and move on.
Your trying to do your best but getting stuck on these bad few minutes and it really seems to be effecting your whole life.
Not sure what help the therapy is but maybe it's the wrong tack to take in a business environment, it's coaching you need especially on how to stay positive when everything is imploding around you. Maybe put your money into a life coach aimed at business instead, it's confidence and stress/work/people management you really need.

_Brian

I think it would be healthy to broach this with the boss at the next appropriate meeting.
Explain that you were happy with how your supervisor dealt with it but you feel it would be best talk directly to them about it.

Ask to understand what behaviours they are perceiving as displaying a lack of interest in your job.
Confirm to them that they have perceived things incorrectly and that you will work on the traits they have misconstrued.
I wound bring examples of work you have completed that demonstrate you are competent and applying yourself.

Lastly, I think your supervisor actually handled this poorly. Supervisors aren’t just messengers, they shouldn’t bring stiff like this and dump it on employees, they should work with the management to understand the concern and if possible head it off without the employee knowing the conversation was ever had. We would jokingly refer to a considerable portion of supervisors work as “shiit buffers”, absorbing junk from both sides, filtering through it, and only pregressing onwards with genuine information that is useful. This is a hugely important role, everyone managers and employees alike like to vent off stuff that really has no place in the workplace and is meaningless.