Feeling disheartened with trying to conceive....

RascalGal

Baby_nurse I feel exactly the same. All I think about is having a baby..literally. I imagine how I will I will tell my hubbie when I get my BFP, imagine how I will tell my friends too. Sometimes I think I'm just jinxing myself!! It's crazy how absorbed you can get in the whole process when it's not happening. The other night my friend told the rest of our friends on our whatsapp group that she is expecting her second. Of course everyone was congratulating her. I found it so hard!!
I'm staying hopeful for both of us this week Baby_nurse. Fingers crossed for you x

Busy_nurse

Well, still not pregnant. I struggled the most this time when AF showed up, I was convinced this was going to be our month. Still feel very down, was so sure it was going to happen. Anyway, went back to the GP, she initially wanted to do some bloods to see if I’m ovulating, and then decided she’s going to refer me to a fertility clinic, as they will want to repeat the bloods anyway. I’m feeling happier that the ball is rolling in that sense, but still have an overwhelming sense of loss, even though I was never pregnant.

Shurimgreat

Maybe TMI but there are special swimmer friendly lubes out there which might be worth a try.
Not sure recommending a particular brand on here is allowed though.
As others have said it only takes one to hit the jackpot and will probably happen when you least expect it.

Busy_nurse

Update, still not pregnant. Have been to the fertility clinic, had AMH done and result was good, I have higher than average egg reserve. Also had a scan and turns out I don’t have PCOS! My ovaries and uterus looked perfectly normal. OH’s semen analysis also came back higher than average so it’s all looking good on that front. Have stopped taking the agnus castus, fertility consultant is not a fan. This month was the toughest by far, AF was a whole week late, I’m NEVER late, have a 28 day cycle every time. Still feels like a bit of a cruel joke and that I’m being taunted. Anyway, the plan this month is for a HSG and then 21 day bloods to check everything. We can’t try this month because of the scan, which has me feeling torn. I’m annoyed at missing a month of trying, but I’m trying to see the positives of having a month of trying and just enjoying being a couple again, and not being so focused on ttc.

Feeling very lonely and isolated, would love to talk to someone on here who is also ttc. I hate carrying this around with me like it’s a dirty little secret. My inability to conceive is making me feel like a failure and an embarrassment as a woman. Thank god for my OH, without his love and support, I would have given up a long time ago. Please do get in touch if you’re in the same boat or walked this devastating road x

brokensoul

Busy_nurse wrote: »

Update, still not pregnant. Have been to the fertility clinic, had AMH done and result was good, I have higher than average egg reserve. Also had a scan and turns out I don’t have PCOS! My ovaries and uterus looked perfectly normal. OH’s semen analysis also came back higher than average so it’s all looking good on that front. Have stopped taking the agnus castus, fertility consultant is not a fan. This month was the toughest by far, AF was a whole week late, I’m NEVER late, have a 28 day cycle every time. Still feels like a bit of a cruel joke and that I’m being taunted. Anyway, the plan this month is for a HSG and then 21 day bloods to check everything. We can’t try this month because of the scan, which has me feeling torn. I’m annoyed at missing a month of trying, but I’m trying to see the positives of having a month of trying and just enjoying being a couple again, and not being so focused on ttc.

Feeling very lonely and isolated, would love to talk to someone on here who is also ttc. I hate carrying this around with me like it’s a dirty little secret. My inability to conceive is making me feel like a failure and an embarrassment as a woman. Thank god for my OH, without his love and support, I would have given up a long time ago. Please do get in touch if you’re in the same boat or walked this devastating road x

Oh you poor poor thing, my heart goes out to you. I have been exactly where you are now and it sucks. It really does and it consumes your daily life. I am happy to chat with you if you think that would help.

To give you a bit of background about me. We started ttc at the end of 2012. I had a miscarriage, then no luck at all for 12 months. Went to a fertility clinic at the start of 2014 and was diagnosed with uterine fibroids which had to be removed. After that I had recovery time and then got a few cysts so we didn't get started with fertility treatment until March 2015. I had two IUIs which failed and then a round of IVF. The IVF was successful and I got my BFP but then had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks. That was devastating. We were lucky in that we had some frozen embryos from the first IVF so we did a frozen embryo transfer that didn't work and then we did a frozen transfer of two embryos which lead to our twins! They are nearly 2 now and not a day goes by that I don't think of how lucky we are. (Very long winded but just wanted you to know where I was coming from)

Anyway, happy to lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on.

LCD

It is incredibly hard. My wife found a support group on Facebook, which met every so often in Dublin, she found that good.

Our own story 3 failed attempts of IVF, 4th was successful & daughter now 7months old. We are out of eggs & won't be going down the IVF road again, as it is so bloody hard.

Infertility is a lot more common than you think. I found that most times I met a person mid 30s+ in a relationship without children that they were having problems. I would say something casual like "we are finding it hard to conceive ourselves". Then the walls would come down & we would chat about it.

Best of luck

Busy_nurse

brokensoul wrote: »

Oh you poor poor thing, my heart goes out to you. I have been exactly where you are now and it sucks. It really does and it consumes your daily life. I am happy to chat with you if you think that would help.

To give you a bit of background about me. We started ttc at the end of 2012. I had a miscarriage, then no luck at all for 12 months. Went to a fertility clinic at the start of 2014 and was diagnosed with uterine fibroids which had to be removed. After that I had recovery time and then got a few cysts so we didn't get started with fertility treatment until March 2015. I had two IUIs which failed and then a round of IVF. The IVF was successful and I got my BFP but then had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks. That was devastating. We were lucky in that we had some frozen embryos from the first IVF so we did a frozen embryo transfer that didn't work and then we did a frozen transfer of two embryos which lead to our twins! They are nearly 2 now and not a day goes by that I don't think of how lucky we are. (Very long winded but just wanted you to know where I was coming from)

Anyway, happy to lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on.

Thank you for your kindness and for telling your story, it really is reassuring to know that other couples have been through a lot and have been successful in the end! Wow, you went through the mill the get your twins, I'm sorry for your struggle and loss. Congratulations on your twins! After everything you went through, to be blessed with two beautiful children is amazing, I'm truly delighted for you.
Sorry for wallowing, I just feel consumed with the whole process. I'm trying to focus on other things and not let the ttc process stop me from doing things what I want to do, but I can't help but ask the question "what if this is our month" then i decide against doing things. I know this sounds so silly, but its very hard to imagine it just happening out of the blue. If it can happen, why hasn't it in the previous year? I can't explain how badly I want to be a mother, the urge is just overwhelming. Thank you for your kindness and for sharing, you have made me feel positive and less alone whilst going through this process x

Busy_nurse

LCD wrote: »

It is incredibly hard. My wife found a support group on Facebook, which met every so often in Dublin, she found that good.

Our own story 3 failed attempts of IVF, 4th was successful & daughter now 7months old. We are out of eggs & won't be going down the IVF road again, as it is so bloody hard.

Infertility is a lot more common than you think. I found that most times I met a person mid 30s+ in a relationship without children that they were having problems. I would say something casual like "we are finding it hard to conceive ourselves". Then the walls would come down & we would chat about it.

Best of luck

Thank you for sharing your story and for the luck. I am so sorry for your struggle, congratulations on your daughter. Your perseverance with the IVF is commendable, I like to think that should we need to go down that round, I would hang in there like you and your partner. Infertility is such a taboo subject, no-one ever talks about it. We're told when we're younger that it is so easy to get pregnant, yet when you want to have a baby, no-one warns you it can take a huge amount of time, patience and heartache. It's an awful thing to confess, but I can't bring myself to talk about it to anyone other than my partner. And I'm a health care professional! I feel so embarrassed, and a complete failure as a woman.

Thanks again for taking the time to message and share, it means a lot to a desperate woman x

catrionanic

My heart goes out to you, Busy_nurse. I’ve no experience to offer, but just wanted to post to say that, and wish you the best luck in the world in the coming months.

Busy_nurse

catrionanic wrote: »

My heart goes out to you, Busy_nurse. I’ve no experience to offer, but just wanted to post to say that, and wish you the best luck in the world in the coming months.

Thank you, your luck and thoughts are much appreciated x

LCD

Busy_nurse wrote: »

I feel so embarrassed, and a complete failure as a woman.

Your absolutely not a failure & have nothing to be embarrassed about. Its an illness/sickness like any other be they mental or physical. If (touch wood you don't) you got cancer you would never be embarrassed.

For myself & Mrs LCD the problem was 100% down to me. I never let it get to me & we accepted it was just a problem we as a couple had.

If you bottle up all the negative feelings it has the potential to make you very unhappy. My advice would be to find someone to talk to about it. We found the councilor in the HARI clinic very good, both as a couple & individually.

LegacyUser

It's great to see that I am not the only person completely heartbroken and pissed off out there. Myself and my OH have been trying to conceive since Dec 2016. I've been tracking my temp since July last year. Got my bloods done in Aug last year also and everything came by fine. My OH got tested too and everything is fine there too. I'm blessed with a wonderful husband but I feel like a complete failure as a woman. My sister is due next month and the little digs and jibes about us starting a family has increased 10 fold since she announced her news. She also confided that she was 2 months trying before she got pregnant. I was reeling when she said that. I haven't the heart to tell her about my struggle as I don't want to take the joy out of her happy time by being overly sensitive around me. I've also lost count of how many of our friends have become pregnant since we started trying. But every month 5 days or so before AF is due, I get that feeling... then the spotting starts and I'm crushed again. Spotting started today and I'm dreading telling my OH and watching him put a brave face on again. This is awful. I'm so pissed off and heartbroken.

lashes34

Sorry you are going through this OP (and everyone else). Its the hardest thing I've gone through and no-one understands until they're in your shoes. I was talking to my mam about it recently and I said no-one knows how difficult it is and she said I do know sure I watched that program on TV3 about IVF!

Anyway I done three rounds of OI which didnt work, the third ended in over stimulation and a month of blood thining injections. I didn't ever react like I should to the traditional fertility injections so I was told I couldnt do IVF as the injections were too dangerous for me.

We eventually got a hormone pump from the Rotunda (I'm in Galway and my doctor called in a favour to get it for me) and I used that for my forth round when we done IUI. It worked and my baby girl is 6 months old.

Hang in there and I hope it works out for you both. If you ever need to chat, just PM me.

Busy_nurse

LCD wrote: »

Your absolutely not a failure & have nothing to be embarrassed about. Its an illness/sickness like any other be they mental or physical. If (touch wood you don't) you got cancer you would never be embarrassed.

For myself & Mrs LCD the problem was 100% down to me. I never let it get to me & we accepted it was just a problem we as a couple had.

If you bottle up all the negative feelings it has the potential to make you very unhappy. My advice would be to find someone to talk to about it. We found the councilor in the HARI clinic very good, both as a couple & individually.

That is such a good way of looking at it, I never thought about it like that. Your openness and honesty is very refreshing. I will certainly seek someone to talk about it with, I can't handle carry this around with me much longer. Thanks for the advise and reassurance

Busy_nurse

suzb2 wrote: »

It's great to see that I am not the only person completely heartbroken and pissed off out there. Myself and my OH have been trying to conceive since Dec 2016. I've been tracking my temp since July last year. Got my bloods done in Aug last year also and everything came by fine. My OH got tested too and everything is fine there too. I'm blessed with a wonderful husband but I feel like a complete failure as a woman. My sister is due next month and the little digs and jibes about us starting a family has increased 10 fold since she announced her news. She also confided that she was 2 months trying before she got pregnant. I was reeling when she said that. I haven't the heart to tell her about my struggle as I don't want to take the joy out of her happy time by being overly sensitive around me. I've also lost count of how many of our friends have become pregnant since we started trying. But every month 5 days or so before AF is due, I get that feeling... then the spotting starts and I'm crushed again. Spotting started today and I'm dreading telling my OH and watching him put a brave face on again. This is awful. I'm so pissed off and heartbroken.

Hi Suzb2,

I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling too. This journey has been the toughest thing I have ever been through, and it still isn't over. Please know that you are not alone in your feelings of despair and disappointment. I too am surrounded by people who are pregnant, and were very quick to divulge that they got pregnant the 1st month of trying, or they weren't even trying. It's devastating to hear, I think it's to be expected that we question why not us. I'm getting better at allowing myself time to grieve each month, then picking myself up and starting the cycle again. It's the only way I can get through it. I truly feel for you and understand your mixed emotions. Sometimes I feel like a monster for not feeling as happy as I should for friends/family who are pregnant, the green-eyed monster just gets the better of me. I do know that if (hopefully when) the day comes that I find out we are pregnant, I will be the happiest, most grateful woman! Holding our child in my arms will make all of this pain and heartache worth while.

Please be good to yourself and allow time to grieve. We are not failures, and it will (please god) happen for us. Reach out if you want to talk, I'm with you on this painful road x

P.s. Thank god for our OH's, we are some lucky women

RascalGal

suzb2 wrote: »

It's great to see that I am not the only person completely heartbroken and pissed off out there. Myself and my OH have been trying to conceive since Dec 2016. I've been tracking my temp since July last year. Got my bloods done in Aug last year also and everything came by fine. My OH got tested too and everything is fine there too. I'm blessed with a wonderful husband but I feel like a complete failure as a woman. My sister is due next month and the little digs and jibes about us starting a family has increased 10 fold since she announced her news. She also confided that she was 2 months trying before she got pregnant. I was reeling when she said that. I haven't the heart to tell her about my struggle as I don't want to take the joy out of her happy time by being overly sensitive around me. I've also lost count of how many of our friends have become pregnant since we started trying. But every month 5 days or so before AF is due, I get that feeling... then the spotting starts and I'm crushed again. Spotting started today and I'm dreading telling my OH and watching him put a brave face on again. This is awful. I'm so pissed off and heartbroken.

So sorry to hear your struggle suzb2.
Yoy may have already read older posts on the thread but I started the same journey also in Dec 2016 and I know the disappointment and heartache each month when AF turns up. Even worse are the bitter pangs of jealousy when I heard of a friend getting pregnant or hearing a friend who already has a baby giving out about teething or lack of sleep etc.

I had my bloods done after 6 months of ttc. Day 21 bloods showed low estrogen so doc told me to take maca supplement. Hubby had semen analysis and got gleaming results. After 11 months of trying doc gave me a 3 month prescription for Clomid...took the last round in February but AF showed up at end of month.

Tried again in March with little hope but to our delight we got our first BFP just before Easter. I'm 17 weeks just gone. Nervous as healthy something could go wrong but so overjoyed. I really can't say if the Clomid helped but I think it may have regulated my hormones and things clicked into place for us. Has your doc mentioned clomid to you? I've read other posts from people and there are both positive and negative stories about Clomid so who knows if it will work for you but no harm trying it??

I hope this gives you some hope. I was so pissed off too when we were ttc and as for the comments from others...I felt like telling them to go f*@k themselves and mind their business. I didn't tell a soul about our struggle because I was convinced it would be gossiped about but I really found that this forum helped. It's important to vent when you need to. Just say it out and get it off your chest. It eats away at you and consumes your every waking minute. Try to keep your head up. There's no reason that next month wont be your month. Fingers and toes crossed for you all xx

suzb2

Thanks girls for the replies. Felling much more positive at the moment. I was at such a low point when I posted last week. It really helped getting it all off my chest. I haven't told anybody about it as I'm certain that it will be a bit topic of gossip in my family. I'd hate to have the added pressure of everybody knowing and getting the pity looks.
To answer your question about Clomid, my GP has referred me to a gyno to check if my tubes are blocked. She said that the gyno would discuss Clomid with me. It would definitely be something I would try. It can't hurt at this stage. I've also made an appointment for accupuncture to see if a more alternative path could help me. I'm going down both roads of traditional and non-traditional medicine in the hope that something will help.
I truly am delighted that things have worked out for you rascal gal. You much be so excited especially given the long journey you have had to get here. Wishing you a healthy happy pregnancy. Xx

suzb2

Busy_nurse wrote: »

Hi Suzb2,

I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling too. This journey has been the toughest thing I have ever been through, and it still isn't over. Please know that you are not alone in your feelings of despair and disappointment. I too am surrounded by people who are pregnant, and were very quick to divulge that they got pregnant the 1st month of trying, or they weren't even trying. It's devastating to hear, I think it's to be expected that we question why not us. I'm getting better at allowing myself time to grieve each month, then picking myself up and starting the cycle again. It's the only way I can get through it. I truly feel for you and understand your mixed emotions. Sometimes I feel like a monster for not feeling as happy as I should for friends/family who are pregnant, the green-eyed monster just gets the better of me. I do know that if (hopefully when) the day comes that I find out we are pregnant, I will be the happiest, most grateful woman! Holding our child in my arms will make all of this pain and heartache worth while.

Please be good to yourself and allow time to grieve. We are not failures, and it will (please god) happen for us. Reach out if you want to talk, I'm with you on this painful road x

P.s. Thank god for our OH's, we are some lucky women

Thanks for replying busy nurse.
I feel exactly the same as you. Bottling up the green eyed monster when I'm told somebody else's great news and having a little cry when I get home. Last Sat, 2 couples that were are very good friends with announced that they are both due in Dec. I felt like I was on a hidden camera show tbh. Talk about being kicked when I'm down! I dont feel so alone now that Ive joined this group. Like you said, thank god we have such wonderful OHs.Fingers crossed it will happen for both of us soon. Xx

ally_pally

suzb2 wrote: »

To answer your question about Clomid, my GP has referred me to a gyno to check if my tubes are blocked. She said that the gyno would discuss Clomid with me. It would definitely be something I would try. It can't hurt at this stage. I've also made an appointment for accupuncture to see if a more alternative path could help me.

I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time of it Suzb. The steps you outlined there are exactly what I did before I got my BFP. All the tests we had done showed up little problems at every step. Nothing disastrous but every test seemed to put another little stumbling block in the way - hormones showed I was healthy but probably not ovulating every month, AMH was ok but not spectacular, semen analysis showed high count but low motility, ultrasound showed suspected fibroids.

The test to see if your tubes are blocked is a HSG and lots of women find themselves pregnant a cycle or two afterwards. Didn’t believe it when a nurse told me. Anyway I had the HSG, was put on my first cycle of Clomid and had been going for acupuncture for around 3 months when I got pregnant.

I’ve been exactly where you are now. I don’t want to be patronising and do the “oh I’m sure it’ll happen for you soon”. I’ve been on the receiving end of those pitying looks and silently cursed well meaning people who spouted those platitudes. “Oh you’re sure, are you? Why? Tell me, what makes you so sure it’ll happen for me just because you can get pregnant at the drop of a hat?”

There is so much hope though and you’re doing everything right. This might be weird but something I found helpful would be to look back on posts from this TTC forum from a few years ago, look up a poster who was despairing at one BFN after another, look up their recent posts. Almost invariably they were currently elbow deep in nappies and sleep deprivation!

There is SO much hope and so many reasons why this WILL work out. Wishing you every success.

squigglyd

Busy_nurse wrote: »

Thank you for your kindness and for telling your story, it really is reassuring to know that other couples have been through a lot and have been successful in the end! Wow, you went through the mill the get your twins, I'm sorry for your struggle and loss. Congratulations on your twins! After everything you went through, to be blessed with two beautiful children is amazing, I'm truly delighted for you.
Sorry for wallowing, I just feel consumed with the whole process. I'm trying to focus on other things and not let the ttc process stop me from doing things what I want to do, but I can't help but ask the question "what if this is our month" then i decide against doing things. I know this sounds so silly, but its very hard to imagine it just happening out of the blue. If it can happen, why hasn't it in the previous year? I can't explain how badly I want to be a mother, the urge is just overwhelming. Thank you for your kindness and for sharing, you have made me feel positive and less alone whilst going through this process x

I've been very guilty of the bit I have bolded. I feel like all of the time I am thinking, what if I'm pregnant, should I do this if I'm pregnant, should I be booking flights in case I am pregnant, etc. With the result we haven't had a proper holiday in over a year. It probably doesn't sound like much but up to that point we were that souple who are always away somewhere, always going on a new adventure and to be honest people are still asking where our next trip will be. It's frustrating and we're probably just making things more difficult for ourselves.

LCD wrote: »

Your absolutely not a failure & have nothing to be embarrassed about. Its an illness/sickness like any other be they mental or physical. If (touch wood you don't) you got cancer you would never be embarrassed.

For myself & Mrs LCD the problem was 100% down to me. I never let it get to me & we accepted it was just a problem we as a couple had.

If you bottle up all the negative feelings it has the potential to make you very unhappy. My advice would be to find someone to talk to about it. We found the councilor in the HARI clinic very good, both as a couple & individually.

I'm surprised that so many people have said they kept it all to themselves. I couldn't do that. I feel stressed when trying to think up reasons why I'm not drinking at a party or why I can't make it to something because I now have an appointment so I told close friends and family that we were doing it and they have all been very supportive. LCD, is the HARI clinic what is now the Rotunda IVF Clinic? I should really call their patient support service, they have called me and left messages a couple of times to offer support.

suzb2 wrote: »

Spotting started today and I'm dreading telling my OH and watching him put a brave face on again. This is awful. I'm so pissed off and heartbroken.

I have found this to be one of the hardest parts, the absolute disappointment on OHs face when I tell him I am getting my period I usually get a few niggles or a bit of spotting as a warning so I pick a 'good' time to tell him. He's geting better now though, we kind of expect it every month now until next round of treatment (hopefully).

LCD

squigglyd wrote: »

I'm surprised that so many people have said they kept it all to themselves. I couldn't do that. I feel stressed when trying to think up reasons why I'm not drinking at a party or why I can't make it to something because I now have an appointment so I told close friends and family that we were doing it and they have all been very supportive. LCD, is the HARI clinic what is now the Rotunda IVF Clinic? I should really call their patient support service, they have called me and left messages a couple of times to offer support.

Yeah it is now the Rotunda IVF. Their support services are good

babydream

Busy_nurse wrote: »

Update, still not pregnant. Have been to the fertility clinic, had AMH done and result was good, I have higher than average egg reserve. Also had a scan and turns out I don’t have PCOS! My ovaries and uterus looked perfectly normal. OH’s semen analysis also came back higher than average so it’s all looking good on that front. Have stopped taking the agnus castus, fertility consultant is not a fan. This month was the toughest by far, AF was a whole week late, I’m NEVER late, have a 28 day cycle every time. Still feels like a bit of a cruel joke and that I’m being taunted. Anyway, the plan this month is for a HSG and then 21 day bloods to check everything. We can’t try this month because of the scan, which has me feeling torn. I’m annoyed at missing a month of trying, but I’m trying to see the positives of having a month of trying and just enjoying being a couple again, and not being so focused on ttc.

Feeling very lonely and isolated, would love to talk to someone on here who is also ttc. I hate carrying this around with me like it’s a dirty little secret. My inability to conceive is making me feel like a failure and an embarrassment as a woman. Thank god for my OH, without his love and support, I would have given up a long time ago. Please do get in touch if you’re in the same boat or walked this devastating road x

Hey Busy Nurse I feel your pain, I really do. We have been trying for over 2 years and nothing has happened. We were finally referred to a gynaecologist in November and he suspected Endometrosis. Had my Lap and HSG done in January and everything is fine. He removed a few small adhesions but nothing major.

We started Clomid and didn't ovulate on the first month, so second month higher dose and am ovulating on that. We have to do 2 more months on it and then tbh we don't no what next.

We have been told we would be good candidates for IVF but we have both said we aren't ready for that emotionally.

I really feel drained emotionally from all of this and keep thinking what did we do that was so bad that we deserve this pain. Where I work there is a baby boom at the moment and im so annoyed and jealous that so many of those pregnant are having 3rd and 4th babies. I just feel will it ever be our turn!!!

If you want to chat feel free to pm me

Busy_nurse

babydream wrote: »

Hey Busy Nurse I feel your pain, I really do. We have been trying for over 2 years and nothing has happened. We were finally referred to a gynaecologist in November and he suspected Endometrosis. Had my Lap and HSG done in January and everything is fine. He removed a few small adhesions but nothing major.

We started Clomid and didn't ovulate on the first month, so second month higher dose and am ovulating on that. We have to do 2 more months on it and then tbh we don't no what next.

We have been told we would be good candidates for IVF but we have both said we aren't ready for that emotionally.

I really feel drained emotionally from all of this and keep thinking what did we do that was so bad that we deserve this pain. Where I work there is a baby boom at the moment and im so annoyed and jealous that so many of those pregnant are having 3rd and 4th babies. I just feel will it ever be our turn!!!

If you want to chat feel free to pm me

Hi Babydream,

Thanks so much for sharing your story. I am sorry you have been trying for so long, fair play to you for persevering, you must be a strong woman. I feel for you so much, my heart goes out to you. I don't think I could work around pregnant women day in day out, i'd find that too painful. I know exactly what you mean, I am constantly asking the questions what did we do in a previous life? why us? we are good people, when will it happen for us? Fingers crossed the clomid is a success, I am praying for you. I really do appreciate you sharing your story, I don't feel anywhere near as alone and isolated as I did before I started this thread. The kindness of people on here has restored my faith, so thank you. This process is emotionally challenging and draining, I had no idea it would be this tough.

I had my HSG this week, everything looked fine. So next month we can try again. I have everything crossed for all of us trying.

Please do keep in touch and let me know how you are getting on. It feels so nice to speak to people who truly understand how painful/challenging/stressful and head wrecking ttc is x

sunsetbeachfan

Busy_nurse wrote: »

Sorry if this post appears to be a rant, I have no other avenue to get this off my chest. If I don't let it all out, I'm going to fall into another cycle of wallowing in self pity and despair.

I am 31, as is my OH and we have been TTC our first child since May last year. I have PCOS but my periods are very regular, just very heavy and painful. I was only diagnosed with PCOS as they were investigating the cause of my acne, so they sent me for a transvaginal scan and informed me of the PCOS. I used to be very over-weight, but have gone from dress size 26 to size 10/12 (lost the weight before my PCOS diagnosis - kept the weight off for the last 5 years now). I am very fit, strong and active ( I weight lift at the gym 4/5 days a week), I'm always on my feet for work, go running regularly, and my diet is so clean. I count my calories everyday to keep the weight off, I don't eat processed foods, drink or smoke. My OH is very fit and strong, he is also a weight lifter and plays GAA three times a week, doesn't smoke and only drinks once in a blue moon (last time was xmas), he's in fantastic shape.

I started taking folic acid before we started TTC, and have been on pregnacare pre-conception for 2 months. I also gave caffeine up completely when we started TTC. I have tried pinapple core for 5 days after ovulation to improve implanation, for 4 cycles but with no joy. I have just started taking agnus castus in the hope that it help and we finally get a BFP.

I know this is going to sound crazy, but every month we have been trying, I get crazy pregnancy symptoms the day or so after ovulation. My boobs become very swollen and tender, and my nipples have a constant burning/buzzing sensation. I also get very nauseous and suffer with heartburn. Every month I allow myself to think that this is finally our month, the symptoms are there, and then af shows up and they disappear. I consistently spot for 3 to 4 days before af fully arrives. I know this is a symptom of low progesterone. I went to my GP last month, on our 9th month of trying, and she said she wouldn't do any bloods or tests until we had been trying for a year. I have my hopes pinned on the agnus castus to help with my low progesterone.

I am seriously struggling with the heartache of not having conceived yet. I feel so lonely and isolated, it is such a private issue. My friends around me are getting pregnant so quickly, just last week a close friend confided in me that she had just got her BFP, and it was their first month trying. It was so hard not to burst into tears when she told me, I am so truly delighted for her, I just wish we could experience the joy of a BFP too. I feel like a failure as a woman and partner, all I want is to start a family, but I'm depriving my OH of something he wants so badly, we both do. My OH has been amazing this whole time, we are DTD every other day as soon as AF has gone, until she comes again. People keep asking when we are going to start a family, I am just really struggling to keep it together and not break down every time I'm asked. I feel like such a fool for worrying and trying to prevent getting pregnant for so many years. If only I knew how hard and emotionally challenging TTC was going to be, we would have started much sooner.


Apologies, wallow over! Anyone also TTC and want to become budies? Lets hope 2018 is the year we get a bundle of joy!!!

I could have written this. Really relate to you and how you feel
I avoid people when I'm having a bad month and dont want to deal with the questions. Taking more self care lately as looking after my emotional health is as important as working out and eating healthy. I've been looking to join a forum for information exchange and to support one another. I've one friend who is struggling aswell. Ive recently been diagnosed with pcos so looking for information. We've been Ttc for nearly a year since i finished the pill.

Busy_nurse

sunsetbeachfan wrote: »

I could have written this. Really relate to you and how you feel
I avoid people when I'm having a bad month and dont want to deal with the questions. Taking more self care lately as looking after my emotional health is as important as working out and eating healthy. I've been looking to join a forum for information exchange and to support one another. I've one friend who is struggling aswell. Ive recently been diagnosed with pcos so looking for information. We've been Ttc for nearly a year since i finished the pill.

Hi sunsetbeachfan,

Welcome and thanks for your message, I am sorry to hear of your struggle too, I truly can relate. Since I started this thread, I don't feel alone at all. The people that have posted, shared their stories and sent PMs have shown such kindness and given me a huge boost, just knowing I am not alone on this painful journey means an awful lot.

I couldn't agree with you more, your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Have you seen your GP or been to a fertility clinic since you started TTC?

Please post anytime, if you want to rant, get it off your chest, wallow, ask questions, or support, I'll be here for you. I have everything crossed that 2018 will be our year! x

Mystery Egg

Myself and my OH stopped using contraception years ago. We decided consciously not to "try" but to "not prevent".

Many years and two miscarriages later, I'm now expecting a baby some time this week.

I relate to the heartache, the constant wondering, the looking on in envy at others... but this is the only advice I can offer.

Relax as much as possible. Don't medicalise things if possible. Enjoy your life as much as you can. Have a few drinks now and again. Don't have sex on a schedule, just go with it. Book holidays and fun treats - you're more likely to get pregnant when relaxed. Be open minded and research options around adopting or fostering - just to know what's out there. Focus on what you have, not what you don't have. That was huge for me.

Be really kind to yourself and hang in there. We live in hope.

sunsetbeachfan

Busy_nurse wrote: »

Hi sunsetbeachfan,

Welcome and thanks for your message, I am sorry to hear of your struggle too, I truly can relate. Since I started this thread, I don't feel alone at all. The people that have posted, shared their stories and sent PMs have shown such kindness and given me a huge boost, just knowing I am not alone on this painful journey means an awful lot.

I couldn't agree with you more, your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Have you seen your GP or been to a fertility clinic since you started TTC?

Please post anytime, if you want to rant, get it off your chest, wallow, ask questions, or support, I'll be here for you. I have everything crossed that 2018 will be our year! x

I really a really long post earlier but don't see it here so am writing this again now.
So I went to my GP for fertility tests ;


-smear test = swab came back normal and STD tests were fine, was sent for a biopsy which eventually came back as normal, was a stressful 6 weeks waiting for results
-hormone tests showed signs of PCOS, too high in androgen DHEA and my ratio of LH:FSH is too high means anouvlation and very irregular and infrequent AF
-thyroid test normal, insulin and cholesterol fine (important to be tested if youve pcos for this)


I was referred to gyno for further tests

-MRI indicated PCOS

-ultrasound showed 12 follicles on left and 16 on right
-amh is 87 which is way too high indicates poor egg quality.



I've other symptoms of pcos acne, hairer and higher sex drive (probably the one good thing about it),


I'm on metforim for 5 weeks, really hoping my AF comes it's been 4 months and nothing. Plan is try it for 5 months and if it isn't working (not ovulating no AF) then will add clomid or replace it with clomid.
I'm really trying to be patient. I am recently diagnosed with pcos and it is a big shock, i was on the pill for so long had no idea I could have any problems once I came off it. Always assumed I would have no problem having children, we started trying as soon as doctor told us we need to hurry up as I will have problems.




Fertility things I've tried so far


-chinese medicine stopped as didnt want to interfer with my medical test results
-accupuncture (stopped as it was expensive but thinking of starting it again)
-royal jelly (didnt see any difference)
-maca (think it gave me anxiety but i'm not sure)

-waiting, postive thinking, yoga, reiki , mediation

-clue and Ovia app, temperature taking and CM charting. though quite pointless when I'm not ovulating



Thanks for your response, have you tried anything else you either recommend or don't think worked?

Mystery Egg

If it's any consolation I also have pcos since I was 18 and it is definitely possible to get pregnant with this condition. It sounds like you're doing everything possible.

nikkibikki

Have you looked into taking B Complex and Evening Primrose Oil? I found those good.

sunsetbeachfan

nikkibikki wrote: »

Have you looked into taking B Complex and Evening Primrose Oil? I found those good.

Glad you recommend it, what is it good for what exactly?