Have you been affected by alcoholism?

Bambi985

Bit of a heavy one for AH I know. But I thought it'd be interesting to see how widespread the problem actually is.

Growing up I had an uncle that drifted in and out of my life due to alcoholism. He'd pop back on the radar for years at a time, buy a house, build a business, only to disappear into what I assume was a relapse into his own personal hell and for a time none of his family would know his whereabouts.

That was my experience of alcoholism growing up - that you're either homeless or unable to function in a normal, everyday existence including holding down a job and relationships etc. It was something taboo - we never referred to him as an alcoholic, just hushed tones at family get-togethers, "Joe is off the rails again".

As I've gotten older I've realised that most alcoholics are functional, normal hardworking folks that look like anyone else, not those dishevelled winos you see in the movies. You might not even know they struggle with substance abuse, as it's pretty fecking easy to hide in plain sight in Ireland, along with the 90% of everyone else that enjoys a pint or five at the weekend.

My most recent ex is an alcoholic and it gave me a scary insight into a world I hope to never see again. It took me a year or so to put two and two together. We hooked up at a work party after enough prosecco to knock out an elephant, and it was a long while after that before I realised that my innocent "one too many" episodes a couple of times a year characterised something a lot darker, a lot more sinister for him. It was a very distressing sequel of events that lead to the realisation that something darker was going on - the hidden wine bottles, the boozy smell he'd try to mask with aftershave, the lying about how much he'd drank, the relentless excuses. That progressed in a very scary way and turned me into an insecure wreck of a person and the ultimate demise of the relationship.

I know this is a common disease. We all know that. But I just never hear anything about it. We're not taught how to drink healthily, properly, and we're not taught about the warning signs. We celebrate EVERYTHING with beer and wine and we lend ourselves to each other by regaling stories of how ****faced we were at the weekend, how hungover we are now. Such a laugh!

Do you have an alcoholic in your life? Are you an alcoholic?

jimbobalob309

i know quite a few. lads i went to school with who look about 30 years older than the rest of us. another few in denial that live for the stories, for the banter down the pub but can never leave. one lad lost his job and told by the doc that one more drink could put him in liver failre, still none the wiser.

koumi

I've an uncle and an aunt both sober over twenty years but it seemed to be a thing on that side of the family. I never really saw much of them as we were quite removed from them where I grew up and neither of my parents drank (we encouraged our father to have a pint occasionally, which he began to do nearing retirement) and I can't remember the last time I had alcohol, not because I don't drink but because I couldn't be bothered about it. I have a few sisters all have the glass or three of wine after work, I wouldn't call them alcoholics but it is a regular part of their lives.

the_pen_turner

i think it depends on your definition.
to me an alcoholic is someone who cant cope without drink, their whole world revolves around it.

by that logic then somone who barely drinks could be an alcoholic and someone who drinks like a fish isnt.
i know 2 guys that i would put in the first group and one in the second
both guys cannot have a conversation without everything revolving around the pub. thye dont drink a huge amount but it consumes their lives.

the heavy drinker goes loads of places and enjoys all sides of life. one small part is going to the pub and watching a match. during this time he drinks a decent amount.
he has a life outside it so i dont see him as an alcoholic but i would see the first to as alcoholics even though the first guy drinks more than the other 2 combined

Noveight

I haven't been thankfully. The closest it comes to my door is a friends Da or my great grandfather who was dead long before I was around.

Long may it last.

Dr Brown

Alcoholism is great craic.

jimbobalob309

Dr Brown wrote: »

Alcoholism is great craic.

it really is not

northgirl

My mum's an alcoholic. A highly functioning one and I've only recognised it in the last year or two. Christmas Day she's usually hopping off walls and nearly falling over. Her mother was an alcoholic and died quite young leaving my mum to rear 5 other siblings. It's definitely not a stereotypically definable illness IMO.

eeguy

I know a lad from school that developed health problems in his 20s from alcohol.

Still not slowing down though. He'll probably die young going the way he's going.

freshpopcorn

My parents weren't really drinkers. Well my mother wasn't and my father drank the very odd time and it never agreed with him.
I did have an Uncle who was an Alcoholic he died when he was in his late forties. I don't really remember him to be honest. He always had issues with Alcohol but it really went down hill when he sold land and bought a pub!

Donald Trump

Donald Trump

jimbobalob309 wrote: »

Dr Brown wrote: »

Alcoholism is great craic.

it really is not

But the man is a doctor....surely he knows what he's talking about

Bambi985

7th Chord wrote: »

I am fascinated by alcoholics.

What fascinates you?

It's a very very frightening disease to witness up close. And there's a sliding scale.

At the end of our relationship, my ex started going to the meetings in an effort to salvage our relationship. I think deep down he got that there was a problem. But then he'd encounter militant AA folks who were years in recovery that had quite literally ruined their lives for the drink. Lost marriages, relationships with their children, wound up in jail or psychiatric wards.

In comparison, he was "grand", in reality he really was not. He'd find an excuse to drink every day ("sure I'm not a real alcoholic like those hardcore lads"), he'd lie and manipulate and hide his intake and throw other people's drinking habits in my face as a way of justifying his own. "A few pints with the lads" would turn into a three-day bender and then the remorse and the empty promises that this will be "the last time" every time.

It's a progressive disease.

dasdenny

7th Chord wrote: »

Not affected but I do sometimes wonder about myself and where I'm headed.

I am fascinated by alcoholics.

Part of the problem really, ANYONE who drinks alcohol IS affected, Common misconception which feeds the problem

Dr Brown

jimbobalob309 wrote: »

it really is not

It is for some people.

Snowseer

Bambi985 wrote: »

Personal hell

That's exactly what it is. I have some experience of it, unfortunately.

JohnnyFlash

There's bucks that can go out and sink back 15 pints, and not be an alco. They just like gettin' drunk the odd time. And there's other lads who are falling around the place after 4 or 5, and definitely have a problem. My ex was drinking a bottle of wine an evening by the time I'd had enough (not the only reason, but you can't reason with a drunk). That sort of drinking seems to have become acceptable these days. Which it isn't.

One of my brothers has over 20 years sobriety now. AA worked for him. Amazing worldwide organization that purposefully remains anonymous. No ads, no money, no nothing.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

One of my grandparents was an alcoholic but died before I knew them. There was whispers that my dads brother is one but I’ve never seen him drink once in my entire life. I suspect two girls I’m friends with are, they’re sisters. They justify their drinking as normal because they’re both as bad as each other. One of them is pregnant and is still drinking heavily but masking it as she needs to drink Guinness as she has low iron. I recently did her makeup and I could smell the booze from the night before off her. She lies about her drinking she pretends she’s not drinking or drinking non alcoholic Becks but there’s bottles of vodka cans of beer and a box of empty bottles all over her room. If you try bring it up with her she just reminds you she didn’t want the pregnancy and the fathers “r*****ed”anyway so the baby will be too whether she drinks or not. The sisters lost numerous jobs for drinking and will often drink from early morning before doing the most menial of tasks (going to an interview or going grocery shopping with her mother). You’d never know she had a drink on her

bb1234567

I was a high functioning alcoholic when I was just 18 years old in first year college.It never caused any problems with my relationships with other people really just caused a lot of self hatred. It only lasted about a year.but I had extreme social anxiety, and was just beginning college. I asked my parents about getting help but I they thought I was just playing it up and being dramatic.
I loved how confident alcohol made me feel..I used to drink during lunch time at college and bring 2 bottles of cider into college and drink it in the bathroom beforehand so that I was more fun and less nervous at lunch time with my friends.
My normal personality is so quiet and reserved that a step up from that brought on by alcohol went unnoticed , as in I got along with people better but nobody knew I was drinking
I still got good grades despite bad alcohol habits

I used to be so embarassed buying alcohol in morning times, felt like I was doing something illegal. It all cost me so much money and was probably very bad for my health and it was a very bad way of dealing with social anxiety. I went to my gp for help, she referred me to somebody and I began using a few different meds she prescribed me, nothing heavy duty, just stuff that calmed me and stopped my heart from thudding out of my chest when speaking to a stranger

Anyway, Im glad Im a lot better now, I graduated college with good grades and have a great boyfriend and social circle. Obviously not the worst alcohol habit story, but Im ashamed of myself for trying to deal with anxiety that way, it was incredibly stupid and could have led to a very serious alcohol additction if I had continued to rely on it
Drinking most alcoholic beverages nearly stimulates a gag reflex for me because I hate the taste so much so that helped a lot in not becoming very addicted.

Ajsoprano

Everyone is addicted to something.
10 years from now kids will be acting out because dad was always on the laptop or Xbox. Get on with it your parents weren’t perfect human beings learn how to be better in yourself and stop blaming other people you came into contact with as a cop out.

dark crystal

Evan Lazy Rudder wrote: »

One of my grandparents was an alcoholic but died before I knew them. There was whispers that my dads brother is one but I’ve never seen him drink once in my entire life. I suspect two girls I’m friends with are, they’re sisters. They justify their drinking as normal because they’re both as bad as each other. One of them is pregnant and is still drinking heavily but masking it as she needs to drink Guinness as she has low iron. I recently did her makeup and I could smell the booze from the night before off her. She lies about her drinking she pretends she’s not drinking or drinking non alcoholic Becks but there’s bottles of vodka cans of beer and a box of empty bottles all over her room. If you try bring it up with her she just reminds you she didn’t want the pregnancy and the fathers “r*****ed”anyway so the baby will be too whether she drinks or not. The sisters lost numerous jobs for drinking and will often drink from early morning before doing the most menial of tasks (going to an interview or going grocery shopping with her mother). You’d never know she had a drink on her

Poor child doesn't stand a chance.

northgirl

bb1234567 wrote: »

I was a high functioning alcoholic when I was just 18 years old in first year college.It never caused any problems with my relationships with other people really just caused a lot of self hatred. It only lasted about a year.but I had extreme social anxiety, and was just beginning college. I asked my parents about getting help but I they thought I was just playing it up and being dramatic.
I loved how confident alcohol made me feel..I used to drink during lunch time at college and bring 2 bottles of cider into college and drink it in the bathroom beforehand so that I was more fun and less nervous at lunch time with my friends.
My normal personality is so quiet and reserved that a step up from that brought on by alcohol went unnoticed , as in I got along with people better but nobody knew I was drinking
I still got good grades despite bad alcohol habits

I used to be so embarassed buying alcohol in morning times, felt like I was doing something illegal. It all cost me so much money and was probably very bad for my health and it was a very bad way of dealing with social anxiety. I went to my gp for help, she referred me to somebody and I began using a few different meds she prescribed me, nothing heavy duty, just stuff that calmed me and stopped my heart from thudding out of my chest when speaking to a stranger

Anyway, Im glad Im a lot better now, I graduated college with good grades and have a great boyfriend and social circle. Obviously not the worst alcohol habit story, but Im ashamed of myself for trying to deal with anxiety that way, it was incredibly stupid and could have led to a very serious alcohol additction if I had continued to rely on it

For what it's worth I think it's very brave to recognise and own it like you have. Plenty out there don't and sounds like you've learned to cope with anxiety in more effective ways.

I have anxiety and deal with it in a bad way still and there were certainly times in my life that alcohol factored in too but now I avoid it more or less completely as I know the knock on results could be fatal for me.

the_pen_turner

bb1234567 wrote: »

I was a high functioning alcoholic when I was just 18 years old in first year college.It never caused any problems with my relationships with other people really just caused a lot of self hatred. It only lasted about a year.but I had extreme social anxiety, and was just beginning college. I asked my parents about getting help but I they thought I was just playing it up and being dramatic.
I loved how confident alcohol made me feel..I used to drink during lunch time at college and bring 2 bottles of cider into college and drink it in the bathroom beforehand so that I was more fun and less nervous at lunch time with my friends.
My normal personality is so quiet and reserved that a step up from that brought on by alcohol went unnoticed , as in I got along with people better but nobody knew I was drinking
I still got good grades despite bad alcohol habits

I used to be so embarassed buying alcohol in morning times, felt like I was doing something illegal. It all cost me so much money and was probably very bad for my health and it was a very bad way of dealing with social anxiety. I went to my gp for help, she referred me to somebody and I began using a few different meds she prescribed me, nothing heavy duty, just stuff that calmed me and stopped my heart from thudding out of my chest when speaking to a stranger

Anyway, Im glad Im a lot better now, I graduated college with good grades and have a great boyfriend and social circle. Obviously not the worst alcohol habit story, but Im ashamed of myself for trying to deal with anxiety that way, it was incredibly stupid and could have led to a very serious alcohol additction if I had continued to rely on it
Drinking most alcoholic beverages nearly stimulates a gag reflex for me because I hate the taste so much so that helped a lot in not becoming very addicted.

wow . great to see someone catching themselves before it became a serious situation. how did your parents react later on after all that

Hellywelly

My dad was an alcoholic. Died at 42 from the booze. It was 100% horrific living with it and 100% horrific that he died, when he died, and how he died (jaundiced with a massively distended liver/tummy area).
It affected everyone in my family. Still does.
An awful awful disease. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

Bambi985

Very sorry to hear that Hellywelly. That sounds incredibly difficult. I can completely understand how that would affect a family in profound ways too.

JupiterKid

Yep. Alcoholic here in early recovery. Normal drinker - if drinking can ever be called “normal” - until my early 30s, then a work related crisis caused a personal crisis which led to alcoholism and severe anxiety and depression. It got very very bad in the end - a spiral into oblivion. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.

Parents were both moderate drinkers and didn’t go to pubs but I had an uncle on my mother’s side in the UK who drank himself into an early grave (liver packed in in his 50s). Grandfather had a gambling addiction but in later years managed to moderate that somewhat.

Alcohol destroys lives and families. If I knew at 16 what I know now, I would never have started drinking in the first place. Given how pervasive booze is in Irish society I would say that most if not all Irish families are negatively affected by alcohol in one way or another.

bb1234567

the_pen_turner wrote: »

wow . great to see someone catching themselves before it became a serious situation. how did your parents react later on after all that

They weren't very cooperative at the beginning. So I told them I was going to find help with or without them because I wasn't happy with my life. They had that very common view a lot of irish people have on any kind of mental health issue, that its not right and its shameful, those psychiatric drugs are for proper mental people, unless you're fit to be bound in a straight jacket and wheeled off to a mental asylum then you don't have a mental illness, you're just being dramatic

Once they began to see it was helping my life so much then they were in the end very happy I had pursued it, which is really quite frustrating

I never told them anything about the alcohol because well Ithink it'd really upset them. Understandably, I mean Id feel I really had let my child down if they felt they needed to resort to alcohol to carry out normal social situations and I didn't even know about it to try and help them, or was ignorant and a bit blind to it and underestimated how bad the anxiety was. Im better now and I don't think theres any reason to make them feel like **** parents, they're really caring good parents in every other way. But as I said just have that mentality a lot of irish people have or had, that mental illness only exists in mental asylums

I'm very sorry you've had to go through that, OP, and I hope you're doing ok.

I've an alcoholic in my extended family. He's lied, manipulated and stolen, has been lovingly given chance after chance after chance but never maintained sobriety for more than two years. His children are broken from the chaotic way they were brought up, his wife a phantom with no life or strength left. I'm grateful that he wasn't a big part of our lives as everything he touched turned sour. He's really only spoken of in the context of a cautionary tale.

I feel anger at him for how he's treated family members, but I do feel so sorry that he's now in his sixties, estranged from everyone who ever loved him, living from one drink to the next and all alone in the world with only a bottle for a friend. It's a waste of a life and a families love, it caused devastation to those around him. That's no life. Addiction affects the lives of everyone the addicts life touches.

Sephiroth_dude

My second eldest brother is one, I've often wrote about him on here,I live at home with my parents and him, we always suspected he had a drink problem and he was very good at hiding it until about four years ago, he was drunk literally all the time, he was falling all over the place drunk everyday, muttering nonsense , refused to get help, all he cared about was drink. I've been threatened by him that if I ever came between him and his alcohol he'd punch the face off me , he told me he wished I was dead,i was still there for him though when he needed me, picked him off the ground and put him into bed, brought him home when he was passed out in a ditch, I wanted to leave him there but I didnt, I called ambulance for him when he would have one of his alcohol related seizures, do you think we ever got thanked for looking after him ? No. I witnessed him being abusive to my mam and dad calling them every name under the sun, I came down countless mornings last year in particular to my mam bawling her eyes out in the kitchen because he wouldn't go to the doctor or he wanted his drink back and she wouldnt give it to him so he called her all these nasty names
. I wanted to kick his ass out the door so many times but my mam wouldn't let me.

Last may she suffered a TIA and that really was when the situation changed , the morning she went to hospital I was in bits and very angry, I blamed him because of all the stress he caused her and of course no he wouldn't accept responsibility for it, he tried to put the blame on me , anyway a week later he was in a treatment center but not because he wanted to be there but because he was given am ultimatum go get help or you're out of the house, that was thanks to two of my siblings.

He was there for three months, came out in August, within three days he was back drinking, we found him passed out in a wooded area near my house and had to bring him down home in a wheel chair my mam had from when she looked after my gran , I was so angry with him I wanted to leave him there but no the caring person that my mam is she wanted to being him home.

He then ended up in another treatment place and besides one relapse at Christmas we think he's sober, I was very upset with him at Christmas , I felt constantly on edge and couldn't relax, without sounding dramatic it really ruined my Christmas, I've had nightmares and continue to have nightmares about him being drunk and abusive, I'm hoping he'll find a place of his own and not come back here, I'm afraid of going back there again.

I had an uncle who moved to the u.k in the 70's that died of alcoholism, he ended up with wet brain I think its called and was confined to a bed for the last two years or so of his life, one of his sisters would be a bad alcoholic as well, so it runs in the family I guess unfortunately.

JupiterKid

Evan Lazy Rudder wrote: »

One of my grandparents was an alcoholic but died before I knew them. There was whispers that my dads brother is one but I’ve never seen him drink once in my entire life. I suspect two girls I’m friends with are, they’re sisters. They justify their drinking as normal because they’re both as bad as each other. One of them is pregnant and is still drinking heavily but masking it as she needs to drink Guinness as she has low iron. I recently did her makeup and I could smell the booze from the night before off her. She lies about her drinking she pretends she’s not drinking or drinking non alcoholic Becks but there’s bottles of vodka cans of beer and a box of empty bottles all over her room. If you try bring it up with her she just reminds you she didn’t want the pregnancy and the fathers “r*****ed”anyway so the baby will be too whether she drinks or not. The sisters lost numerous jobs for drinking and will often drink from early morning before doing the most menial of tasks (going to an interview or going grocery shopping with her mother). You’d never know she had a drink on her

That girl’s child when it is born will almost certainly have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome spectrum disorder. Very debilitating condition, very low IQ and severe mood and behavioral disorders. It will essentially be destroyed from the very start.:(

Given how heavily she appears to drink the best thing that woman could have done when she found out she was pregnant but could not stop drinking very heavily would have been to terminate. That’s what I’d have done if I was a woman in her situation.

JupiterKid

JupiterKid wrote: »

Yep. Alcoholic here in early recovery.

Best of luck, Jupiterkid. Keep at it, don't give up.

MyStubbleItches

My parents weren't drinkers, never went to the pub and what they'd drink in a year I'd probably drink in a good session. I drink socially, can handle my drink but only ever drink in the pub, very rarely at home. Just don't have an interest in it really. I go to the pub for 'the craic', few pints and a chat or a match. I have zero interest in alcohol from Monday to Friday but I like the pub at the weekend. I guess I'm a stereotypical binge drinker.

Today we brought my MIL to the emergency dept and not for the first time. She's an alcoholic, suffers with anxiety and depression. I've known her for 9 years now and it's a horrifying disease. The ups and downs, the selfishness, the self-loathing, the lies, the inability to think of anything but drink, no food for days. The absolute sadness of it and how it affects those around her. She's a smart, witty, lovely lady when she's on the relative straight and narrow but when she descends into her darkness she's a different proposition. The term 'wreck' aptly describes her as much as I don't like to use it.

It's a horrible, horrible disease.

Drumpot

Snowseer wrote: »

That's exactly what it is. I have some experience of it, unfortunately.

I can only talk of my experience but most people haven’t a clue about alcoholism. Take the alcohol from and alcoholic and the isms still exist. A very respected therapist thought me that. That’s why getting rid of the bottle is only part of the solution.

Get rid of alcohol without proper support and many alcoholics will turn to other vices. Sex, work, excercise, drugs , pharmaceutical drugs , tv, food , video games, cigarettes, and pretty much anything else that can help them get out of reality in a desperate attempt to find some peace and comfort that comes naturally to most people.

Imagine your mind constantly attacking you. The washing machine head was one of the best phrases I heard early in sobriety. I know it’s not unique to alcoholics but bing drinking to get a break from my racing mind was the only way at times I could get a break.

I nearly died getting prescribed all sorts of stuff. Doctors can only work with what they are told. The power of self delusion can be so strong that doctors can’t possibly know the extent of some people’s issues and as such try to prescribe the issue away.

I was at a meeting the other night and one of the major talking points was that you do need to be careful in AA. Be careful who you trust. But when you find people you trust they are absolutely priceless support. They help with the chronic loneliness that comes with addiction and helped me reconnect with my family. I was so lonely and yet I have a wife and young children!

There are other alternatives to AA and I have heard people do their own thing. I also do some professional CBT. The desire to stop drinking and the willingness to be open and allow a light to be shed on my deficiencies really helped. Addressing harrowing moments from my past also helped me move on from the painful memories that would haunt me every day...

My drinking problem was sinister. I drank on my own at weekends once a week when My wife went to bed. I told close friends and family and they were surprised. It’s sad cause you can always tell who may have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol but it can be much harder to spot a real alcoholic. It’s not always about quantity but about the effect and reason for drinking. Some alcoholics can give it up for months!!!

Drumpot

Drumpot wrote: »

I can only talk of my experience but most people haven’t a clue about alcoholism. [...]

Best of luck in your recovery, Drumpot. Well done for how far you've come.

Bambi985

Thanks for sharing your stories. And best of luck to those that are in recovery, I have nothing but admiration and respect for you.

What really stands out is how as Jupiterkid says, alcoholism really destroys families. To be honest I'm not right in the head after going through it with my ex, I've sunk into days of deep depression when the feelings of complete powerlessness that I felt in the face of his disease really took over. The gravity of what I've lost to this bloody thing and how he simply can't stop and that's the priority over any love he has for anyone else. Like with your relative Candie, there was chance after chance after chance in good faith, and every single one was thrown back in my face.

It's so hard to separate the person from the disease and to remind myself that it wasn't because he didn't love me, or care about the relationship. Alcoholism is a nasty, insidious, deceptive disease symptomised by lying and manipulating and taking advantage of good will and putting the bottle above absolutely everything else. But as with all addictions, it is vital to make that separation. There's the person and then there's their illness. But boy is it hard.

ArchXStanton

I was a pretty severe alcoholic,thanks be to God that's behind me,gone are the days of trying to swallow a mouthful of raw vodka and immediately throwing it back up over my shoes

My great uncle was an alcoholic and my dad looked after him for the latter part of his life.

He worked in England during the 50s as a brickie and this is where drink really took hold of him, before leaving aparently he never really drank as he looked after my great grandmother who was very ill.

He used to tell my dad and I of how alone he felt in England and the abuse he used to get for being Irish, meant that he only socialised with other Irish guys he worked with. They spent all their time in the pub when not working as it was about the only place they didn't get hassle. Given that they were also paid in the pub didn't help matters either and things just went downhill from there.

By the time he returned to Dublin in the late 60s he was just about functioning, but couldn't keep work with anyone except one of his brothers and had to live with my gran. As time went on he got worse and he alienated everyone who had been a friend to him before he left for England as he ended up being very abusive when drunk. He was verbally abusive to my gran only once as my dad went for him and only my gran being there to stop my dad doing some real damage saved him.
My dad never told me about this happening, my grand uncle actually did when I was giving out about my dad on a site once, he said I should show more respect for my dad because of what he did for all his family even the ****ups like him.

My thoughts are with all who are and have been affected and for those who try to help them, may you all reach the light at the end of the tunnel.

KatW4

My dad was an alcoholic. When he was drinking he was a lovely, chatty man but if he had a hangover, he was a demon. My mum had to sneak us out of the house on too many occasions so he wouldn't take it out on us. I remember being 4 or 5 and he had me sitting at the bar of a pub and he was trying to get me to drink Guinness.

She kicked him out when I was 7. He got liver cancer when I was about 9. The doctors begged him to give up smoking and drinking but he didn't so they gave up. He died when I was 11 because of it.

I agree with what others have said above, alcoholism destroys families. I have very few good memories of him and most memories have something to do with him drinking.

JupiterKid

OP thanks so much for putting this thread up. Another thread put up here recently about some wastrel who could drink 36 pints in one session and how much of a “lad” he was made me very angry - I don’t know if you saw that thread and if that’s why you posted this one.

There is so much denial and outright delusion about alcoholism and the massive problems and destruction alcohol brings to Irish society. It really is an utterly alarming problem in this country that is simply swept under the carpet lest it upset the apple cart of the booze trade and the culture of heavy drinking. I personally think that a lot of heavy drinking is self medicating mental health problems and childhood issues and it is a curse on this country.

Alcoholism from my experience of rehab (I’ve been through many) and AA and other support groups affects ALL walks of life. The stereotypical image of an alcoholic as a unkempt wino homeless guy in his 50s living on the streets is a total myth - most alcoholics appear relatively normal to the outside world but inside they are falling apart. Quite a few people who knew me well were pretty shocked to find out how bad my alcoholism really was because I outwardly appeared relatively functional and ok - inside I was in hell.

It affects men and women (more women than ever apparently), young and old, rich and poor, white and black, straight or gay. ALL walks of life.

The scary thing is that only a small fraction of those with serious alcohol problems actively seek help - via AA, rehab or other means. Most will not seek support and it will destroy them. And of those who do seek help only about half or less will succeed in giving up permanently. Most will and do relapse.

The lows you go to just to secure another drink is horrifying. I’m glad I don’t have children because I know I would have damaged them immensely but I caused huge pain to my family and my former partner but they never gave up on me. I’m eternally grateful for that. The lying, cheating, stealing, sheer deception an alcoholic will go to just to continue drinking is soul destroying. I’m told I’m a very good, kind, bright, caring and decent person but alcohol would make me a cunning liar.

In the end you are only lying to yourself. And for those who say “just snap out of it” you have simply no idea just how powerful the disease of alcoholism is. And as another poster opined it is progressive - it just gets worse and worse and worse.

Bambi985

Amazing post Jupiterkid. So sorry for what you've been through but glad to hear you're successfully fighting your demons.

The statistics for recovery are pretty stark. It's why I left my ex-partner in the end. It became a very bleak, distressing Groundhog Day of lies, rows, self-delusion and denial. Empty promises on every turn. It was hard to align all of those behaviours with the sweet, honest, loyal man I had fallen in love with. To watch that same man self-destruct and to be completely helpless.

I agree about the drinking culture we have and how unhealthy it is, it actually promotes binge drinking and alcoholism and there's absolutely no education about the dangers and pitfalls of drinking above your limit, or indeed what your limit even should be. In France and Spain, children will learn to take a drink at the dinner table to complement the meal, wine pairing, moderation, respecting alcohol...in Ireland we get sorted with our fake IDs and drink our way through our 20s and it's all great "craic' and if you succumb to addiction you're on your own. No option but to disappear and deal with it behind closed doors.

Sandor Clegane

I never considered myself an alcoholic but I was definitely a big binge drinker.

I posted the below text in the non-drinkers forum recently. I have not had anything in about 7-8 months.

I suppose looking back I was a heavy drinker for years, since about 17 I binge drank quite heavily, mainly on weekends when I was that young. It started out ditch drinking and when I turned 18 i started going to the pubs, this went on for years, id go out without fail every Friday, Saturday and Sunday and get pissed, id average about 8-10 pints and after that hit the hard stuff, all doubles and shots until I was wasted.

Then when my early twenties came I started drinking at home on top of that, I've always been an introvert and I enjoyed drinking at home by myself most of the time if im honest.

So id usually pick say two days out of the week not including weekends, id have anywhere from 10-15 cans of beer in one sitting, never any less as I always drank to get drunk..

So anyway this went on and on until one day BANG...woke up after a session to find myself in hospital, didn't no why or how I got there, nurse comes in and says doctor will talk to you do you no what happened, i said no, she said they had to pump my stomach due to alcohol poisoning , I honestly had no recollection of any of it, what so ever. It turns out I passed out and started vomiting in my sleep, nobody could wake me so they called an ambulance.

Doctor came in and basically said all the same stuff and asked a few questions and all that, they took blood and I awaited the results.

In the mean time my then friends were kind enough to put the video they took of me up on social media. It took me a while for it to register and sink in, I was so so bad, zero control over myself, still drinking, speaking in tongues, couldn't stand up, pissed and **** myself and more but the friends thought it was a great laugh, bit of craic,

Anyway then the blood tests came back and the doctor said my Liver enzymes were high, too high and that the drinking was damaging my liver, this scared the **** out of me no end, he said come back in two three weeks for repeat tests and then we'd go from there, so I did that and while still too high they came down a bit and he recommend I stop drinking and consult with my GP, so I did. Anyway it's only now that my liver function is back to normal, some 7-8 months later.

I could of died that night, my blood pressure dropped very low and my breathing was too shallow, but I was more concerned with my liver, I thought being as young as I was id be immune, not the case. I have not had a drink since and doubt I ever will again. I'll never be a social drinker, that never interested me as I was always an all in or not kind of guy so I don't or wont ever bother with it at all now.

I've lost all my friends now as a side effect though, I wouldn't go out and do the pub/nightclub thing sober, the whole motivation for me was going out and getting pissed, I never actually enjoyed the nightclub scene truth be told.

Anyway that's basically it, im just thankful I came away with my health, I look back on that hospitalization night (as humiliating as it was) as a saving grace, if it hadn't of happened how much more abuse would I of given my liver? I certainly had no intention of stopping at the time and I could of done some real and permanent damage, scary to think about it really and it's something all drinkers/binge drinkers need to be aware of, that it can and will over time affect your health.

So thats my story with drink! sorry for the wall of text I tried to condense it down as much as I could:

Blazer

Ajsoprano wrote: »

Everyone is addicted to something.
10 years from now kids will be acting out because dad was always on the laptop or Xbox. Get on with it your parents weren’t perfect human beings learn how to be better in yourself and stop blaming other people you came into contact with as a cop out.

Absolutely clueless.
Dad being on the laptop or Xbox is not even close to having an alcoholic parent.

Blazer

Blazer wrote: »

Absolutely clueless.
Dad being on the laptop or Xbox is not even close to having an alcoholic parent.

Wasn't going to reply to that post as its just troll outburst and shows the mentality some people have on here in relation to this and other issues that affect people, but fair play for calling it out.

Musefan

My father is/was an alcoholic. I say was as he currently has wet brain (wernike-korsakoffs syndrome) which means he is totally dependent on 24hour care and has a memory span of about 10 seconds. He no longer has access to drink and is in a nursing home. The condition develops when alcoholics neglect other aspects like eating and nutrition, and they become thiamine deficient. He’s developed it in his early 60s after life long alcoholism. He was a classic binge drinker for a few weeks/months and then sober for a few. He lost his marriage as a result. He was already difficult to live with when sober, and a tyrant when drunk. Outwardly he was a functioning alcoholic, respected, successful. I will never erase the image of him, emaciated in the hospital, after being found unconscious and having seizures. He doesn’t recognize me now. He missed out on loads of big stuff like marriages, grandkids, graduations. He can’t remember where he is, can’t remember what he had to eat that day, or if and when we visit. He’s stuck in a perpetual loop of wanting to go home and wanting a cigarette. It’s a horrific future down the line for anyone who danced with drink the way he did.

NinetyTwoTeam

As a country we are in denial about the damage alcohol does to our families and communities.

We're so addicted to this destructive substance that we will pay the highest price in the EU for it even after our economy just collapsed. It is a factor in the majority of violent crimes and suicides in Ireland as well as many accidents, divorces, sexual assaults, and plenty of generally embarrassing and regrettable behavior. Yet we still do it and maintain that it's part of our identity nd culture.

It's simply the most damaging drug in our society currently, and yet so readily available.

The cost alone is ridiculous, a fiver for a glass of cold piss now, like.

the_syco

Drumpot wrote: »

Get rid of alcohol without proper support and many alcoholics will turn to other vices. Sex, work, excercise, drugs , pharmaceutical drugs , tv, food , video games, cigarettes, and pretty much anything else that can help them get out of reality in a desperate attempt to find some peace and comfort that comes naturally to most people.

Imagine your mind constantly attacking you. The washing machine head was one of the best phrases I heard early in sobriety. I know it’s not unique to alcoholics but bing drinking to get a break from my racing mind was the only way at times I could get a break.

Blazer wrote: »

Absolutely clueless.
Dad being on the laptop or Xbox is not even close to having an alcoholic parent.

Used to game from maybe 7pm until 2am and then survive on bare minimal sleep before school or work when I was a teen. I wouldn't compare alcoholism with gaming, but addiction is addiction, although some forms or escapism are still ignored. Have known a person who gamed to the point of getting evicted as he didn't pay rent, because one day he decided to keep gaming rather than going to work. As it's not "unhealthy", and most importantly, not seen, it can be an easy one to "ignore".

gctest50

NinetyTwoTeam wrote: »

As a country we are in denial about the damage alcohol does to our families and communities.

We're so addicted to this destructive substance that we will pay the highest price in the EU for it even after our economy just collapsed. It is a factor in the majority of violent crimes and suicides in Ireland as well as many accidents, divorces, sexual assaults, and plenty of generally embarrassing and regrettable behavior. Yet we still do it and maintain that it's part of our identity nd culture.

It's simply the most damaging drug in our society currently, and yet so readily available.

The cost alone is ridiculous, a fiver for a glass of cold piss now, like.

That's one problem with it,

seems to take from other things that are damaging and involve plenty money :

“By the time we see them, they could be taking the pills for a month or more — some taking up to 30 a day"

.......most young people buy them illegally from street dealers, when they can cost anything from 50c to €5 for a tablet.

Dr Sharon Lambert, who works with young people at the Matt Talbot Adolescent Services, said teenagers from the age of 14 are presenting for help
http://bit.ly/2FoI8LU

A report carried out for the Road Safety Authority (RSA), first accessed by RTÉ under the Freedom of Information Act, found that prescription medication was implicated in 30% of 109 fatal road traffic accidents examined in 2013.

http://bit.ly/2FTvFxw

zcorpian88

Lost a cousin to alcoholism 2 years ago, he'd be a second cousin of mine, he's my dad's cousin, my family lost touch with him for years being he lived in another part of the country but we all reconnected with him about 12 years ago after a family funeral.

He was a great guy, when he reconnected with us, I got to know him really well, he's was unbelievable craic, amazing story teller and just really good banter. We used to take these great family holidays and stay in his gorgeous house out in this really rural part of the country, loved it, used to go 2 or 3 times a year.

Knew he liked a drink but he drank a lot of spirits in secret, like he'd have a Guinness around us, then wander out of the room and pour a huge vodka for himself, drink it, and come back into us like he'd just went to the bathroom or whatever, basically needed it to function, when he was drunk, you really couldn't tell, he'd never fall all over the place or anything, had been in the car many times with him and I was told much later that he'd probably had a drink before getting in the car, didn't seem to affect his driving anyway.

Eventually his liver started giving out, and he had to have a couple of stays in hospital and rehab. During his clean phase he was doing ok, he came down to us for Christmas, and knowing he was clean, I felt weird drinking around him, and my family convinced me it was ok to have a few beers around him and that his thing was vodka, where I was thinking, "what difference does it make alcohol is alcohol." But I had the few beers anyway, always felt weird him there and everyone having a drink, he had been clean for 18 months by then and not long after Christmas the news got out that he fell off the wagon, went back to rehab and stayed off for another year. Wouldn't go to his meetings then afterwards and eventually he fell off the wagon again. Lost touch with him again somewhat but he did ring every few weeks to see how we were getting on, we'd have him on loudspeaker and have a laugh and he was as much craic as ever on the phone.

A while later my Grandad died, and he came down for the funeral, took one look at him, and he looked like death walking, very gaunt and grey in the face. He didn't hang around long for the afters, it was in a pub naturally. He had to drive home, gave him a hug and that was the last time I saw him.

4 months later the phone rang with the awful news saying he'd been found at home, stomach aneurysm/internal bleeding, also heard the grim details of how he was found, apparently there was blood everywhere and the house was off limits, a detail I really didn't want to hear. We were crushed, such a good bloke and he went like that, and on his own.

It was terrible, the silence in the sitting room, after the phone call and we had to tell my sister who was 8 and a half months pregnant and they were very fond of each other. My mother went in and told her, we were in the living room, and my sister let out this horrible cry, I'll never forget it..

Couldn't even go to the funeral, the day before he passed away I was called for a job interview, which I accepted, the next day then I met a friend to give me tips for the interview, then after that I came home and a few hours later the news had filtered up here. He was found in the morning time and we weren't told until pretty late in the evening.

Went to that job interview which was the same day as the funeral and was pretty hazy headed thinking I should be there....didn't get the job then. It was my second attempt to get that job too, if I knew I hadn't a hope I'd have told them to shove it and saw the cousin off.

JupiterKid

To put how destructive alcoholism and alcohol abuse is in context, I have been through four different residential rehabs over the past 4 years.

Of the various people who did those rehabs with me, seven are now dead. That I know of...there could well be more. Of those seven, they were five men and two women. The youngest was 26 and the eldest was 55. The means by which they died - three to suicide, two to alcohol poisoning, two to accidents caused directly by alcohol. All lovely people.

One in particular I was very close to. We did 3 months in rehab and as he’d been in the rehab facility before he showed me the ropes and we became fast buddies. We kept in regular touch after rehab. We both had our slips and relapses but he had a massive relapse which led to bad liver and kidney damage and a long spell in hospital. The addiction was just so strong for him and I understood. Only another alcoholic can fully understand how the mind of an alcoholic works.

Just after Christmas 2016 I got the news by text message from his brother that he was dead. Found in a field clutching a bottle of vodka. Alcohol poisoning. 40 years of age. Two children aged 14 and 11. An ex-wife and an estranged partner. His funeral was unbelievably sad. I’m still in touch with his ex partner.

But would you believe that even this guy’s death, a chap I got very friendly with in rehab, did not stop me from a subsequent relapse? That’s how powerful this disease is. But I do know that if I don’t keep sobriety as my number one priority in life, this is where I am headed.

I’d really like to know the true extent of the number of deaths attributable to alcohol in this booze soaked country. Not just direct deaths like drunk driving incidents, violent killings, accidents and organ failure but suicides, cancers, heart disease, strokes, haemmorages and so on. And also the number of people with serious chronic health problems caused by excessive drinking.

I would say the figures would be shocking.

fyfe79

Good thread. Someone mentioned the drink industry earlier and it got me thing about the Vintners Association. I'd compare it's power in Ireland as similar to the NRA in the States. Alcohol is seen here as the basic fabric of social life, which is ridiculous when you step back and think about it, much like how guns are considered completely normal in American society. There is always money to be made from human suffering and misery.

And I say all that as your typical weekend warrior (well, certainly in my late teens/20's). These days I'd just have a couple of cans watching Match of the Day on a Saturday night or whatever. Alcohol is fine in moderation of course, but the over-riding acceptance it has in Irish life is a bit weird when you think about it.

ThinkProgress

I don't ever feel sorry for an alcoholic... they choose the bottle. It doesn't choose them!

Even if it's a subconscious choice... it's always a choice in the end.

But at the same time, I also do not judge them either. If you want to kill yourself slowly with alcohol or any other drug... work away. It's your life, your choice! It's always a choice! Plenty more people in this world, make the choice to live and face reality....