Children not invited.

thierry14

Couples that have no kids wedding policy are pretty strange

Actually very strange people

Whats the big deal having kids there, they will be in bed early anyway

I have been to many weddings and it's lovely watching the kids having fun on the floor and meeting cousins etc, running around the place

Sure the toddlers might be cranky at dinner time, but would prefer listen them being cranky than the **** talk out of some guests

joeguevara

thierry14 wrote: »

Couples that have no kids wedding policy are pretty strange

Actually very strange people

Whats the big deal having kids there, they will be in bed early anyway

I have been to many weddings and it's lovely watching the kids having fun on the floor and meeting cousins etc, running around the place

Sure the toddlers might be cranky at dinner time, but would prefer listen them being cranky than the **** talk out of some guests

I have no issue with no kids at weddings. Doesn’t bother me either way.

But there is no guarantee that kids will be in bed early. I wouldn’t be bringing kids if bride and groom don’t want them there. But if they are kept in room then up to them. But if they were screaming during ceremony and making a racket then that is not on. Remember parents pride and joy are usually devils incarnate to everyone that is not their immediate family. I like kids (none myself) and can see both kids. But a reception may not be the best place for what could be essentially random kids that the bride and groom don’t know.

thierry14

thierry14 wrote: »

Couples that have no kids wedding policy are pretty strange

Actually very strange people

Whats the big deal having kids there, they will be in bed early anyway

I have been to many weddings and it's lovely watching the kids having fun on the floor and meeting cousins etc, running around the place

Sure the toddlers might be cranky at dinner time, but would prefer listen them being cranky than the **** talk out of some guests

I had a child free wedding and I don't consider myself strange in the slightest. I worked hard and saved up to pay for this event, why would I want kids at it when I absolutely can't stand them?

Caranica

The only children at my wedding were my two page boys and their baby sister, who travelled from far overseas to be with us. Their mother asked if a friend of hers could come to the ceremony and meal to look after them and then take them upstairs. The friend was coming from Europe. We said yes, these people were spending so much money to share our special day, an extra dinner was the least we could do.

Other than those it was a kid free wedding, and, as others have remarked, parents were happy to be able to enjoy their day.

The bride and groom are totally entitled to decide who they want at their wedding and invitees are totally entitled to decide if they want to go. Deciding to bring kids who have not been invited is totally unacceptable.

splinter65

thierry14 wrote: »

Couples that have no kids wedding policy are pretty strange

Actually very strange people

Whats the big deal having kids there, they will be in bed early anyway

I have been to many weddings and it's lovely watching the kids having fun on the floor and meeting cousins etc, running around the place

Sure the toddlers might be cranky at dinner time, but would prefer listen them being cranky than the **** talk out of some guests

...and when/if you have a wedding yourself then you can have a whole crèche present if you want. Or a troop of elephants or a punk rock band either.
Because it will be your special day that you and your OH will have organized, paid for and looked forward to for a long time.
And some guests will think the troop of elephants are strange and some will not but it’s irrelevant because it’s what the happy couple wanted and that’s all that mattered.
I’m yet another person who would prefer to be attending a child free wedding.
Are we all “strange”?
I also prefer religious weddings but I don’t think non religious ones are “strange”. I think if you want to be married by a bank clerk in the milk aisle in Tesco then that’s your choice and I will attend and applaud you and pass no judgement.
I don’t get how wedding guests think that the Ts &Cs on the invitation are optional and open to interpretation.
I also think that guests who have declined an invite sometimes “imagine” that one/some of the wedding party are in a huff over it.
I don’t think that actually happens unless the decliner is a sibling of either bride or groom.

Big Bag of Chips

What's the obsession with kids being invited/not invited to a wedding? It's a party at the end of the day. I wouldn't bring young children to a 21st or a 30th or whatever. I wouldn't bring them to a dinner dance. I certainly wouldn't be bringing toddlers. If you can't go because of nobody to mind your children then you decline the invitation. Same as you would a 21st or a 30th! Or you stay at home for the ceremony part and get a baby sitter so you go to the afters.

I honestly don't see why or how people EXPECT their children to be invited to a wedding. And this is from someone who had children at ours (although it ended up an absolute disaster involving an ambulance!) And someone who has been to weddings where children were/were not invited. I've been to a wedding where "immediate family children only" were invited, and a cousin brought along hers. Height of rudeness. I wouldn't invite my best friend to come along as an extra to a wedding just because I really enjoy her company!

I'm honestly baffled by people trying to dictate a guest list to a couple most likely already under pressure from all sides.

It's a party. Accept the invitation as it is issued, or decline it. Your absence really won't be a huge problem if it turns out you can't go.

iamwhoiam

thierry14 wrote: »

Couples that have no kids wedding policy are pretty strange

Actually very strange people

Whats the big deal having kids there, they will be in bed early anyway

I have been to many weddings and it's lovely watching the kids having fun on the floor and meeting cousins etc, running around the place

Sure the toddlers might be cranky at dinner time, but would prefer listen them being cranky than the **** talk out of some guests

What I find strange is someone who presumes others are strange because they enjoy different things to them !
What I like or prefer maybe not be your taste or indeed what you like may not be mine but that doesn't make either of us strange .

georgina toadbum

thierry14 wrote: »

Couples that have no kids wedding policy are pretty strange

Actually very strange people

Whats the big deal having kids there, they will be in bed early anyway

I have been to many weddings and it's lovely watching the kids having fun on the floor and meeting cousins etc, running around the place

Sure the toddlers might be cranky at dinner time, but would prefer listen them being cranky than the **** talk out of some guests

Any of the weddings I've been to with kids the kids have been there until 12/1.

Is that early? You cannot presume the parents will put their kids to bed early.

PeterParker957

thierry14 wrote: »

Couples that have no kids wedding policy are pretty strange

Actually very strange people

Whats the big deal having kids there, they will be in bed early anyway

I have been to many weddings and it's lovely watching the kids having fun on the floor and meeting cousins etc, running around the place

Sure the toddlers might be cranky at dinner time, but would prefer listen them being cranky than the **** talk out of some guests

Kind of answered the question there.

Also, it;s not for you to decide whether others' choices are "strange" - if someone (as was touched on before) wants to get married on the LUAS Red Line - that's their choice!!!!

Neyite

thierry14 wrote: »

Couples that have no kids wedding policy are pretty strange

Actually very strange people

Whats the big deal having kids there, they will be in bed early anyway

I have been to many weddings and it's lovely watching the kids having fun on the floor and meeting cousins etc, running around the place

Sure the toddlers might be cranky at dinner time, but would prefer listen them being cranky than the **** talk out of some guests

I'll have all the nieces and nephews at my wedding. In fact, about half my guest list will be kids of all ages from babies right up to teens. That's the kind of wedding I personally want.

But I fully support any couple who for whatever reason choose to have no children at their wedding, or choose to allow them to the earlier part of the day if they were invited. It's not weird at all.

It's really rude to assume that an invite includes the guests' children, and it's very presumptuous to expect that a bride and groom are responsible for and are obliged to arrange your childcare for you. That's down to the parents to arrange the same way they arrange childcare at all other times.

Sunny Dayz

My husband's family generally bring their kids to weddings, I'm not sure if they are invited or not. When my brother in law got married he said we could bring our son (think he was maybe 4 at the time), I said no, my parents were going to take him for the weekend and we were going to enjoy ourselves. I know that if we brought him to the wedding, I'd be the one left to look after him. When our son got older he seen the wedding photos and wanted to know why his other cousins were there and not him. That was hard.


But I remember one wedding where another bro in law brought their baby, his wife had to leave the church and miss the ceremony cos baby started crying, then he missed most of the meal cos the baby started again, I dunno how they managed to enjoy it.


A couple of years ago friends of ours got married, they invited our son and because it was local, my mum collected him after the meal and in fairness he found the day long enough. Another friend of ours got married a few months later and he said he's rather not go to the wedding, it was too boring but wouldn't mind going to the dinner! The wedding wasn't as local as the other so it was all or none and he preferred to be spoiled in his granny's house instead!

Sinister Kid

Sunny Dayz wrote: »

My husband's family generally bring their kids to weddings, I'm not sure if they are invited or not. When my brother in law got married he said we could bring our son (think he was maybe 4 at the time), I said no, my parents were going to take him for the weekend and we were going to enjoy ourselves. I know that if we brought him to the wedding, I'd be the one left to look after him. When our son got older he seen the wedding photos and wanted to know why his other cousins were there and not him. That was hard.


But I remember one wedding where another bro in law brought their baby, his wife had to leave the church and miss the ceremony cos baby started crying, then he missed most of the meal cos the baby started again, I dunno how they managed to enjoy it.


A couple of years ago friends of ours got married, they invited our son and because it was local, my mum collected him after the meal and in fairness he found the day long enough. Another friend of ours got married a few months later and he said he's rather not go to the wedding, it was too boring but wouldn't mind going to the dinner! The wedding wasn't as local as the other so it was all or none and he preferred to be spoiled in his granny's house instead!

This is a big part of the B&G's issue, one of the kids is a screamer. The kid is so bad that she couldn't make it through dinner in a restaurant without kicking off a number of times & from what I have heard, the other kid isn't well behaved either...

I haven't asked the B&G but I'm guessing that there wouldnt be so much of a problem if the kids were well behaved & quiet.

LirW

It's a party. Accept the invitation as it is issued, or decline it. Your absence really won't be a huge problem if it turns out you can't go.

That's the thing though, when someone is really close to the couple, like a sibling or the best friend since childhood, I'd say it is slightly different. My sister is one of the most important people in my life, she is a single mum with little support and has to travel in. Of course she can bring her kid for parts of the day.
Have been to another wedding where the best man had to travel from abroad with wife and their 1y/o, they had an agreement that the wife will leave with the kid earlier and they also had a separate room where the kid could sleep.

I think when there are situations where a person/couple is stuck with a minder when they are immediate family/friends, the way how you approach the couple is crucial. You definitely don't just book them in.

iamwhoiam

There professional nannies who will come to a wedding venue at a time suiting you and will stay with the children in their room as they sleep . Some of my own family have used this service and it worked out really well

stargazer 68

The issue here is not whether children should or shouldn't be at a wedding. The couple have said that the only child invited is the only one and that is their prerogative. This couple have blatantly ignored this and have booked a room for the wedding to include the children.
So unless the groom nips this in the bud now it is going to be very awkward on the day when there are no seats and no food for these 2 children. The couple may have organised someone to look after them - but the OP doubts it. I think the groom needs to tackle this and soon.

Big Bag of Chips

Exactly Dovies - I have 4 families of cousins. 2 families I am very close to and all cousins from those 2 families were invited to my wedding. No cousins from the other 2 families were invited. Yes - they knew other cousins were going to be there but they didn't get an invitation and I'm sure people would have thought it unthinkable if a few of those cousins turned up just because other cousins were invited!

It is a ridiculous notion.

OutOfMyMind18

When we got married 5 years ago, we had a no kids policy except for the flower girls and pageboy. It didn't go down great with some of my cousins. But I've seen what a wedding is like with kids in my extended family and no thanks.

It's the Bride & Grooms choice and people should respect that.

But what annoys me is, when some get invites for their kids and others don't. That happened to us, was told it was no kids tried to arrange a babysitter, couldn't so had to decline invite which is fine but turns out kids where invited. That sort of stuff annoys me especially when people comment on how well behaved our wee person is and the rest of my cousin's kids are just left to run riot and pee people off.

The OP friend is not being a Bridezilla. It's out of order just bringing them. I would say it to them personally.

Addle

But that's exactly what you did?

iamwhoiam

OutOfMyMind18 wrote: »

When we got married 5 years ago, we had a no kids policy except for the flower girls and pageboy. It didn't go down great with some of my cousins. But I've seen what a wedding is like with kids in my extended family and no thanks.

It's the Bride & Grooms choice and people should respect that.

But what annoys me is, when some get invites for their kids and others don't. That happened to us, was told it was no kids tried to arrange a babysitter, couldn't so had to decline invite which is fine but turns out kids where invited. That sort of stuff annoys me especially when people comment on how well behaved our wee person is and the rest of my cousin's kids are just left to run riot and pee people off.

The OP friend is not being a Bridezilla. It's out of order just bringing them. I would say it to them personally.

But surely if its the bride and groom choice then its their choice which kids are invited ? So why be annoyed because other kids were invited ?

OutOfMyMind18

Addle wrote: »

But that's exactly what you did?

Flower Girls and Pageboys are 3 kids total, that where brought home after dinner! They are 3 kids that we wanted part of the ceremony that had a role.

There is a difference between having a role and not having a role. But to have kids that take up a quarter of the guest list and not invite one child because I had a no kid wedding, that's just wrong. It's a tit for tat situation, which is just childish.

And I think you will find that most people who have a no kid wedding will have page boys and flower girls.

People have a no kid wedding so the adults can enjoy themselves. Other have said they brought their kids and couldn't enjoy it or have a drink.

Even if my child was invited to a wedding now, I wouldn't them because it's other people getting drunk and being a**holes that are the problem.

OutOfMyMind18

iamwhoiam wrote: »

But surely if its the bride and groom choice then its their choice which kids are invited ? So why be annoyed because other kids were invited ?

Because its unfair...my brother's kids got invites (because they had kids at their wedding) all my cousin's kids their friends kids got invites bar ourselves who have one kid, all because we had a no kid wedding (this was before we had our wee person)

So tit for tat!

jimmycrackcorm

OutOfMyMind18 wrote:

Because its unfair...my brother's kids got invites (because they had kids at their wedding) all my cousin's kids their friends kids got invites bar ourselves who have one kid, all because we had a no kid wedding (this was before we had our wee person)

Sounds fair.

Hitman3000

OutOfMyMind18 wrote:

So tit for tat!

Mature.

iamwhoiam

OutOfMyMind18 wrote: »

Because its unfair...my brother's kids got invites (because they had kids at their wedding) all my cousin's kids their friends kids got invites bar ourselves who have one kid, all because we had a no kid wedding (this was before we had our wee person)

So tit for tat!

sounds very fair to me

Sinister Kid

The thing I absolutely hate about weddings is peoples expectations & sense of entitlement.

Why do some people find it so hard to respect the B&G's wishes?
My cousin got married last year, he had a very small wedding. There was about 30 guests for the meal, just the wedding party & the aunts/uncles. They invited everyone else to the afters for a big party...
One of the cousins & his wife got their knickers in a major twist over not being invited to the whole day & refused to go to the afters. Apparently they should have been invited to the full day & they made no secret that they were pissed.
Now, I'd be very friendly with my cousin & I even made his wedding cake... At no point did I think I should be entitled to a full day invite. My attitude is, Their day, their way...

osarusan

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

It's a party. Accept the invitation as it is issued, or decline it. Your absence really won't be a huge problem if it turns out you can't go.

Depending on the relationship to the bride and/or groom, their absence could easily be a big problem though. It they are a close family member, declining isn't even an option really.

GingerLily

Sinister Kid wrote: »

The thing I absolutely hate about weddings is peoples expectations & sense of entitlement.

Why do some people find it so hard to respect the B&G's wishes?
My cousin got married last year, he had a very small wedding. There was about 30 guests for the meal, just the wedding party & the aunts/uncles. They invited everyone else to the afters for a big party...
One of the cousins & his wife got their knickers in a major twist over not being invited to the whole day & refused to go to the afters. Apparently they should have been invited to the full day & they made no secret that they were pissed.
Now, I'd be very friendly with my cousin & I even made his wedding cake... At no point did I think I should be entitled to a full day invite. My attitude is, Their day, their way...

Was it an evening reception though? Was their drinks and food provided to these guests? Because if not I probably wouldn't attend either, altogether with a wedding that small I wouldn't assume an invite!

Hitman3000

osarusan wrote:

Depending on the relationship to the bride and/or groom, their absence could easily be a big problem though. It they are a close family member, declining isn't even an option really.

Of course declining is an option. Only 3 people absolutely have to be at a wedding. The celebrant and B&G. It's a wedding invitation not a court summons.

pooch90

Ghekko wrote: »

Why would they extend the offer to book a room for someone who isn’t invited? Unfortunately for you they don’t need to consider your childcare arrangements. No doubt if your mother and kids had a room they wouldn’t stay holed up in it for the day/evening and would possibly end up at some point within the wedding group, which is not what the couple want. I think if you are uncomfortable having your mother mind them overnight alone then you’ll just have to drive home yourself. And I certainly wouldn’t give a second thought as to what the in laws think about that, nor would I go out of my way explaining my decision to leave the wedding that night.

The venue is a massive estate, kids could happily run in the grounds and not be in the reception room.
I probably will end up driving home tbh.

splinter65 wrote: »

Why do you have to go?!?

Because it's my brother in law's wedding :rolleyes:
Me not attending would actually cause a bigger row than if I arrived with 15 uninvited children.

SimpleDimples wrote: »

Your childcare choices or options are nothing to do with the couple getting married. May don't go, may pay for a room yourself for the kids/your mother (why do you think the couple should cover the cost off your childcare arrangement?)

.

I, at no point, suggested that they should cover my childcare costs so I don't know where you're getting that from.

Neyite

osarusan wrote: »

Depending on the relationship to the bride and/or groom, declining could easily be a big problem though. It they are a close family member, declining isn't even an option really.

Yes it is.
I probably wont be able to go to a sibling's wedding. And vice versa. And both of us are fine with that and there are no hard feelings. If you can't attend, you can't attend and that's that. I was also a possible no-show at another sibling's wedding right up until the day itself because it was very close to my due date.

It's only a wedding.

BarryD2

Cuts both ways. If a couple are arranging their wedding and have a no kids policy, no sense in them getting upset if somebody they would have expected to come, chooses not too because of the couple's choice. People can get insulted from both sides.

osarusan

Neyite wrote: »

Yes it is.
I probably wont be able to go to a sibling's wedding. And vice versa. And both of us are fine with that and there are no hard feelings. If you can't attend, you can't attend and that's that. I was also a possible no-show at another sibling's wedding right up until the day itself because it was very close to my due date.

It's only a wedding.

That's very mature of both of you, and an example of how it should be done.

But I'm sure you know that there are plenty of people for whom it is not 'only a wedding' and would react very badly to a family member or close friend deciding not to go because they had decided not to leave their kids with a babysitter or whatever.

Sinister Kid

GingerLily wrote: »

Was it an evening reception though? Was their drinks and food provided to these guests? Because if not I probably wouldn't attend either, altogether with a wedding that small I wouldn't assume an invite!

It was a proper evening reception, pretty much the same as any other afters I've been to except they waited to do the speeches til the evening guests arrived... They brought out platters of food around 10ish, plenty to go around. The hotel was fab. Everyone had a ball.

Neyite

osarusan wrote: »

That's very mature of both of you, and an example of how it should be done.

But I'm sure you know that there are plenty of people for whom it is not 'only a wedding' and would react very badly to a family member or close friend deciding not to go because they had decided not to leave their kids with a babysitter or whatever.

Yes, but they are deluded idiots because it IS only a wedding. :P

A wedding a legally binding ceremony between two people. There needs to only be 5 present - the couple, the celebrant, and two witnesses. Anything else is extra, and purely ceremonial or just part of the party. Including guests.

A couple who did just 5 people in their jeans on a Wednesday afternoon in the registery office are no less married than the ones who drop 20k on a frills galore occasion. Married is married.

You can't stop people being immature or behaving badly or getting offended over nothing. What you can do though is not pander to their tantrums.

Big Bag of Chips

osarusan wrote: »

Depending on the relationship to the bride and/or groom, their absence could easily be a big problem though. It they are a close family member, declining isn't even an option really.

If the bride and groom really want you there (say a sibling who absolutely wants you part of their day) they will accommodate you. If you're optional they'll let you decide yourself!
My friend was 8 and a half months pregnant when I got married in a small hotel. We booked every room in the hotel for our immediate families. I also made sure 1 room was kept for my very heavily pregnant friend. No other friend got that they got a list of local B&Bs to pick from if they wanted to come/stay.

osarusan

Neyite wrote: »

Yes, but they are deluded idiots because it IS only a wedding. :P

A wedding a legally binding ceremony between two people. There needs to only be 5 present - the couple, the celebrant, and two witnesses. Anything else is extra, and purely ceremonial or just part of the party. Including guests.

A couple who did just 5 people in their jeans on a Wednesday afternoon in the registery office are no less married than the ones who drop 20k on a frills galore occasion. Married is married.

You can't stop people being immature or behaving badly or getting offended over nothing. What you can do though is not pander to their tantrums.

It's simple to say 'sure just don't go, it's just a wedding, it doesn't matter, nobody will mind', and yeah, it would be nice if that is the way it was perceived by all parties all the time.

But the reality is that for many people, weddings are big events, the couple getting married get very invested in them, and in who attends them. This forum is full of anecdotes that highlight this. It matters a lot, and they will mind, and it can have an impact on people's lives afterwards.

Big Bag of Chips

If a couple (who we'll assume are close to you and understand your circumstances) really want you at their day and know it is simply not possible without your children being there too they will make arrangements. They will let you know the child is welcome. Or they will let you know there is a babysitting service available in the hotel. Or they will suggest you bring someone along as a babysitter for the day to remove the child at the appropriate times so that you can be fully present at their day.

If they want you there but feel you will be more preoccupied running around after your small child than is there really any need for you to be there?!

Neyite

osarusan wrote: »

But the reality is that for many people, weddings are big events, the couple getting married get very invested in them, and in who attends them. This forum is full of anecdotes that highlight this. It matters a lot, and they will mind, and it can have an impact on people's lives afterwards.

Of course they are big events and people get very invested in them. But parents will always be far more invested in their own children than a family wedding.

And if for whatever reason the parents decline an invite because the circumstances or rules of a wedding make planning childcare too complicated for them, then their kid's needs are going to trump the feelings of the bride and groom every time.

What's NOT appropriate is to bring the uninvited children along and expect that the hosts paying for the party should be ok with that.

Nettle Soup

Weddings are often a chore. Weddings with kids running around are worse again.
It should definitely be a blanket ban. No exceptions. And the babysitter excuse is just that, an excuse (usually from attention seeking parents).

osarusan

Again, my point is that while it would be great if everybody treated weddings the way posters on here treated theirs: 'just a wedding, don't go if you don't want to, nobody will mind', I think that that attitude is as much idealistic as it is realistic.

We all know that many don't feel this way. And in those cases, it isn't as simple as just declining the invitation and everybody getting on with things, no hard feelings. There can be lasting impact in some cases, and relationships can be damaged. It serves no purpose to pretend this isn't a reality.

So, while it's easy on a forum like this, when discussing somebody else's situation, to argue that it's just a wedding, nobody will mind, no harm done, in our own real lives we would probably treat it quite differently.

If I were offering advice to one of my own friends in a similar situation, I'd probably be asking them consider how the bride and groom will react, and also the impact it might have on their relationship with them. I'd imagine most posters on here would be the same.

Big Bag of Chips

On the other hand if a bride and groom, say a sibling, know your circumstances and know it would simply be too difficult to organise childcare to attend without your children they would understand and accommodate you. If they don't then there's more wrong with that relationship than "just a wedding".

DrPhilG

I didn't have any kids at my wedding, not even nieces or nephews.

There were a few who didn't come, most likely because we had stated no kids. I have no problem with that. If someone had rudely insisted on bringing kids despite us very politely asking that they didn't, I would have no issue asking them to leave and take their kids with them.

Although for the OP, be sure that they aren't booked into the hotel for babysitting. My brother and his wife booked a room so that their youngest could stay in the room with her granny, so my sister in law could pop up during the day to check on her.

georgina toadbum

When people say 'No kids' I assume that's no kids at all. No exceptions for nieces and nephews etc.

How would people feel (I'm mainly asking the people who are OK with kids weddings) if only the B&G kids (under 2) were at the wedding?

dr.fuzzenstein

Well, it was an Irishman who said "Kids are like farts. You can barely stand your own".
Had kids at my wedding, they're part of the family after all. And I'm very fond of my family. Even the smaller members.
Of course a German wedding is different, it's mostly close family. Maybe if someone spent months planning a €20k behemoth with hundreds of guests the night has to be perfect and kids are nothing but a nuisance to some people. It better be perfect, the debt will outlast most marriages.
But each to their own. If that's what they want, why try and go against it? Have the kids minded or don't go. Tolerance works both ways.

osarusan

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

On the other hand if a bride and groom, say a sibling, know your circumstances and know it would simply be too difficult to organise childcare to attend without your children they would understand and accommodate you.

I don't share your confidence that this would always happen.

Again, this forum offers examples of brides and grooms whose wedding plans (and hen/stag plans) have involved serious sacrifice of time, money, travel, for everybody involved (including, and especially for, close family), and have been blissfully unaware of or unconcerned by such sacrifices; rather, having a complete expectation that everybody would attend, and be thrilled to do so.

Anyway, I've said what I wanted to say, so I think I'll leave it at that.

DrPhilG

PS we were never likely to have kids at our wedding for a number of reasons. It's too long for them, we prefer our guest to be able to relax, kids are often rowdy in big crowds.

But even if we hadn't been thinking that way anyway, the deal clincher would have been the wedding we attended about a year before our own. Some woman planted half way up the church left her carry cot with baby inside sitting in the (pretty narrow) aisle. Someone had to tap her on the shoulder and tell her to lift it as the bride was coming up the aisle and would have to negotiate around it.

Then just as the vows were starting, the same child started having an enormous screaming fit which lasted all the way through the ceremony while mammy sat there oblivious to (a)the disruption the child was causing and (b)the obvious distress the child was in!

To top it off there was another family at the reception with 4 kids who shouted and fought with each other throughout.

So yeah, it's not the kids that are the main issue, it's the irresponsible parents!

GingerLily

georgina toadbum wrote: »

When people say 'No kids' I assume that's no kids at all. No exceptions for nieces and nephews etc.

How would people feel (I'm mainly asking the people who are OK with kids weddings) if only the B&G kids (under 2) were at the wedding?

We had a no kids rule with exception of nieces and nephews. I have 20 first cousins, mostly under 12, if we included children on my OHs side it would mean over 30 kids, and we only had 80 people at our wedding - I didn't want to host a children's party!

woodchuck

GingerLily wrote: »

We had a no kids rule with exception of nieces and nephews. I have 20 first cousins, mostly under 12, if we included children on my OHs side it would mean over 30 kids, and we only had 80 people at our wedding - I didn't want to host a children's party!

I think is a very good point. With kids "all or nothing" tends to be best to avoid offending anyone, but if you go for the "all" option, it could be a huge chunk of your guest list!

This thread just confirms for me that weddings are bloody mine fields...

Neyite

georgina toadbum wrote: »

How would people feel (I'm mainly asking the people who are OK with kids weddings) if only the B&G kids (under 2) were at the wedding?

I'd be fine with it. It's their party, they are the hosts, they get to choose who they want there. And if they choose to only have their own children there, they can.

Are there actually people out there that get the hump because the bride and groom choose to include their own children in a party they are paying for, but not each child of each guest??

lazygal

Couldn't care less who the couple have at THEIR wedding because as a guest I'm not the one paying for it and planning it.
Someone thought we should have asked a relative I deliberately didn't ask for myriad reasons. I paid him no heed, it was our wedding and not his, and we paid for it ourselves. People seem to get huffy over the most random crap when it comes to weddings.