Ambivalent about babies

fits

Faith wrote: »

I think the ability to feel entertained is more about personality than children, tbh. I don't find I feel particularly bored during lockdown, but I might feel frustrated that I can't do all the things I'd like to do. Equally I've heard plenty of my friends with kids complain about unrelenting boredom.

Well it’s really not easy at all. I’m up most days around 5am. I’m not employed at the moment so I have all the childcare responsibility during the working week. And it’s really full on with no outlet. ( at least not until this week )

However on balance I’d rather be here in the craziness than on my own in an apartment and living alone like I was before. I know I’d be susceptible to depression in that situation.

Addle

Loneliness and boredom are like broodiness in that they don’t affect everyone in the same way.
Thankfully, I’ve yet to be affected by any of them, and hopefully I never will be.
I’ve spent about 90% of the last year physically on my own and it hasn’t bothered me negatively at all.
I’m lucky!

Faith

fits wrote: »

Well it’s really not easy at all. I’m up most days around 5am. I’m not employed at the moment so I have all the childcare responsibility during the working week. And it’s really full on with no outlet. ( at least not until this week )

However on balance I’d rather be here in the craziness than on my own in an apartment and living alone like I was before. I know I’d be susceptible to depression in that situation.

Ah okay, I didn't realise you were speaking about purely your own experience, I thought you were making a broad generalisation.

It definitely doesn't sound easy to be up at 5am every morning. I'm a frontline healthcare worker and that's not easy too. I think we're all suffering in one way or another as a result of the pandemic. I'm glad your children are helping you through this, and I'm glad I don't have the extra stress of trying to look after children on top of everything else on my plate

fits

And I’m glad I’m not working at the moment too!

shesty

I am somewhere between thank god I have kids because I would be out of my mind by now with all of this otherwise...and the flip side of the coin is that I am desperately, desperately in need of some me time.I have reached and passed cracking point several times in the last year. I mean right down to head space, I can't even have my brain to myself to think a thought because someone is always talking at me or wanting me to read something or asking questions.

Kids fill the hours of this alright, but god what I wouldn't do for a day to lie on the couch and watch adult TV....a day where I do not have to haul out of bed at 7am, and drag kids out into the freezing cold at some point in the day because they need to get out.(even if I don't).I actually don't know what kind of person I will be by the end of this, I feel traumatised by it on many levels that I haven't identified yet.Much like the rest of you I expect.On the other hand living alone during this would be too hard for me anyway, I wouldn't be able to.

fits

Sums it up well Shesty! Some days are really hard. My husband was doing a project a few weekends ago so I had no real break over the weekend - and I really was at the end of my tether after that.

I’m supposed to be studying for an interview at the moment so.. I should get back to it.

Addle

Thinking about this since my last post.
My OH is working away.
If I was offered an hour now with him, or an hour with my hairdresser, I’d pick my hairdresser! 🀭

Dickie10

i always find it a bit mad how some people that are settle/married with children could never see themselves as single again. I know some people who would have dreaded being single for more than a year when they were in there 20s, always needed to be going out with someone to varying levels of seriousness. I am the opposite just cant see myself in a relationship, id be petrified.

fits

fits wrote: »

I’m just busy the whole time. I lived abroad on my own in an apartment in Finland a few years ago and on winter weekends there was sometimes close to nothing to do. It’s a very different experience.

I'm busy all the time and a don't have kids!
Also spent a lot of time in Finland, so know the winters there well, I didn't find myself bored at all.
Don't think boredom would be a particularly good reason to have kids.

I don't mean to be smart with this poster, but it's just more of the attitude I listen to regularly. Like why would I need to buy a big car?
Cos I can & I want to.

shesty

fits wrote: »

Sums it up well Shesty! Some days are really hard. My husband was doing a project a few weekends ago so I had no real break over the weekend - and I really was at the end of my tether after that.

I’m supposed to be studying for an interview at the moment so.. I should get back to it.

I had a bit of a bad day yesterday.But things are tough at the moment, and I think if it was only me, I could cope, but because this horribleness is hurting my kids, who are innocent parties in all this, it hurts me even more....I mean having my 2 year old going into a shop with me and "washing his hands" and saying things like "and you can't forget your mask mammy' is just....dagger through my heart stuff.He is 2, this shouldn't be part of his world.I find I swing from wanting to protect them and desperately wanting to give them their normal back, to wanting my own space, a zillion times a day.

Anyway, today is a new day.Good luck with your interview Fits.

The Cool

I would say that in the last year with lockdowns etc I've been lonely rather than bored, but lonely for my friends. Maybe the boredom thing also depends on whether you enjoy having nothing to do. Any time I've felt like I've been going up the walls from it being just myself and my partner in the house, it's more so that I'm dying to spend some time with my close girl pals. I haven't ever felt like I would have liked kids around for company. Maybe because (usually) I can see my friends whenever I want, but also say no when I want to spend time alone. I grew up in a busy house of 4 kids with lots of coming and going, but that doesn't appeal to me for my life now, I like a bit of peace!

Loveinapril

I think The Cool has a very good point. With kids, there is never nothing to do. Mine are 1.5 and 3 so there is very little alone time or peace and quiet, which I LOVE. I work outside the home so I am lucky in that respect that I see colleagues but other than that, it is fairly isolating a lot of my time it is just me and the kids because my husband works 24 hour shifts. I just imagine that my child free lockdown would be filled with hangovers, phone calls with friends and reading all the books in a tidy house. Although my mother is both sick of cleaning and reading so I get that kids kind of fill the possibility of "boredom". But I think parents are feeling lots of other things right now. I can't be the only one who is totally overwhelmed by Groundhog Day and the fact that my youngest has never spent time with any kids other than her brother. Having kids is a massive commitment and they change every aspect of your life so boredom and loneliness is not a reason to procreate.

fits

bubblypop wrote: »

I'm busy all the time and a don't have kids!
Also spent a lot of time in Finland, so know the winters there well, I didn't find myself bored at all.
Don't think boredom would be a particularly good reason to have kids.

I don't mean to be smart with this poster, but it's just more of the attitude I listen to regularly. Like why would I need to buy a big car?
Cos I can & I want to.

So what did you get up to on weekends in November and December. I’m no social butterfly but I found the margins of winter tough going. And I love Finland. And Are you actually insinuating I had kids to ease boredom?

Don’t mean to be smart? Indeed.

fits

fits wrote: »

So what did you get up to on weekends in November and December. I’m no social butterfly but I found the margins of winter tough going. And I love Finland. And Are you actually insinuating I had kids to ease boredom?

Don’t mean to be smart? Indeed.

No, I didn't insinuate that. And I said I wasn't being smart, I meant it.