Should I return to the degree, after all that has happened or not?

Standup92

I went to a Dublin College as a mature student two years ago. It has not turned out as I expected, and I feel like a complete failure.

Basically, I was working in in the service industry on and off up to my mid twenties. Which was great at first when I was younger and was excited about getting paid, that novelty wore off after a few years, and I began to really hate it. I felt depressed about not having a qualification where I can get better pay, and also feel proud of the work I do.

So I ended up with my sisters help because I had lost all confidence in my academic abilities, applying as a mature students to a general Arts degree. I was accepted, and thought this was the beginning of a better life. Anyway to make a long story short, it has been possibly the worst 2 years of my life. I ended up in 2016, completing the first term with difficulty, the second term I couldn't bring myself to go, one of my closest family members who I spoke to almost daily passed away, at the same time I went through a break up of the first and only person I was with for 6 years, who left me for someone else and moved abroad. Had a lot of issues with family, where one parent and family was austracizing the other and causing a lot of stress to my mom, who I was also trying to be there for. I managed to drag myself out to go to counselling once a week, and avoided everything and everyone in life.

Move on to the beginning this academic year 2017: I decided I need to get myself together and get back to the course. I managed to with the support and help of some staff members go back to the course and they helped me not to pay the full fee which I couldn't afford. I lost the BTE, as I was repeating the first year, which I tried very hard to get to begin with. I envisioned it being difficult but that I would cope with it. I did my best to go in as much as possible the first semester, to not let down the people who helped me, but I had little to no motivation, and was miserable. I had no idea where this was leading to, I couldn't relate to any of the undergrads who were mostly teenagers and full of excitement, while I was dragging myself around feeling lost and useless. The thought of either doing this or a minimum wage job, was depressing. I felt I didn't fit in anywhere, I ended up giving up thinking I couldn't deal with the difficulties of life and dealt with being depressed. I always used to see the positive of every situation and have a social life, to having none and being reclusive. I went to the GP to talk about this 2 months ago, and she seemed to urge me to go back to college in September, I would have to come up with the fees and feel ashamed and also have lost the belief in myself I used to have to do things.

Anyway do you think it is my best option to return or should I look at a different route? I was trying to find jobs where they train you themselves. I was interested in becoming a counsellor or a job where I can help people. Is it possible to apply for other mature courses while not completing the Arts degree, or does that look bad? Would it be silly to leave the course and do a diploma in counselling and then work my way up for years to be a counsellor, or is it best to do 3 years of a degree I do not really enjoy, and cannot access a career from and see my options from there? I just want to make a decent living and move on in the best way possible and put these past years behind me.

Avatar MIA

Whatever about going back to college, and this may mean taking time out to save up the fees, the course you were doing doesn't seem the course for you.

How old are you?

Standup92

I am 25 years old.

Midnight Reader

Hello Standup92,

I've just seen your post so I'm not sure if this reply is too late to be helpful.

A family member of mine who's also 25 had a fairly similar experience. Started an Arts degree at age 21 and found it really hard to get into doing the work, especially as two older family members he was very close to died during his first year in college. He decided he really didn't want to go back, there was no point because he couldn't see the subject leading to a career. When I spoke to him about what he wanted, it was "to help people", which is what you've said too.

There is no point in pushing yourself to engage in something if your heart really isn't in it. My family member took a year out to do voluntary work ("helping people"), found he loved it and is now doing social care. You're only 25, there are all kinds of possibilities out there for you. Try to find an area that really interests you (sports? voluntary work etc.?) and build qualifications around that. Working with people in whatever way will also be good experience for a counselling qualification. So, step one, go a bit easier on yourself, and step 2, find someone to discuss what you really enjoy doing. Also maybe get some career guidance. This can work for you, I've seen it happen.
Best of luck.

Midnight Reader

p.s. He didn't go back to finish the Arts Degree and that really didn't come against him in any way.