Am I getting better looking or are women getting more desperate?

Hammer89

Legitimate question and one I can't work out the answer to. I'm no Bradley Cooper, but I'd think of myself as relatively handsome. I'm about 18 stone at the moment I think, but I'm also 6'4 so I can carry it pretty well - well, better than a man who is 5'7 for example - and I have a pretty decent beard going.

I've been lighter, which means I've been far more attractive at one stage, but I find myself getting more attention in nightclubs now than when I was, say, 15 stone.

Not bragging but I smooched the face off five women this past weekend - all of whom I found very attractive. I probably could have gone home with any one of them, but I had enough Jagermeister in me to sedate a mammoth and my knob is about as useful as Stephen Hawking's computer when I'm drunk, so I wasn't interested in sex. It would've been like trying to get a Tesco self-service machine to take a scrunched-up fiver.

Being an analytical type, I was interested in discovering why this was and came to two logical conclusions: I'm more attractive when I'm a fat, bear-looking prick, or these women have just lowered their standards. All of them were between the ages of 29 - 35 I'd imagine, which is why I think the latter theory is more plausible.

Maybe I'm being too hard on myself, but I think the women, at their age, might feel under societal pressures to find a man and start families, and therefore have abondoned certain preferences regarding the opposite sex. Would they have let me kiss them in their mid-20s for example? No, they would have knee'd me in the bollox in the belief that they could do better, but now desperation has set in and any man will do.

It really does make you wonder: how many couples in their late 20s and early 30s are together now because they love each other, and how many are together in fear that it's too late to find someone better? How many put the 'settle' in settling down? How many have abondoned the search for Mr Right and are settling for Mr Anyone?

Or maybe it's the alternative. Maybe, just maybe, there's a niche market for fat, bear-looking arseholes who smell of Jagerbombs. I quite hope it's this; not because I'm well placed to monopolise on the market, but because the alternative is quite sad to me.

Fortunately, there's a good way to test out this theory and it involves coming on to (not literally, not when I'm drunk anyway) slightly younger women and gauging the results. If they're game then it'll be a big confidence boost for me, but if I'm unsuccessful then I think it'll go some way toward proving that I'm a low-hanging fruit rather than the apple of someone's eye.

badabing106

Hammer89 wrote: »

Legitimate question and one I can't work out the answer to. I'm no Bradley Cooper, but I'd think of myself as relatively handsome. I'm about 18 stone at the moment I think, but I'm also 6'4 so I can carry it pretty well - well, better than a man who is 5'7 for example - and I have a pretty decent beard going.

I've been lighter, which means I've been far more attractive at one stage, but I find myself getting more attention in nightclubs now than when I was, say, 15 stone.

Not bragging but I smooched the face off five women this past weekend - all of whom I found very attractive. I probably could have gone home with any one of them, but I had enough Jagermeister in me to sedate a mammoth and my knob is about as useful as Stephen Hawking's computer when I'm drunk, so I wasn't interested in sex. It would've been like trying to get a Tesco self-service machine to take a scrunched-up fiver.

Being an analytical type, I was interested in discovering why this was and came to two logical conclusions: I'm more attractive when I'm a fat, bear-looking prick, or these women have just lowered their standards. All of them were between the ages of 29 - 35 I'd imagine, which is why I think the latter theory is more plausible.

Maybe I'm being too hard on myself, but I think the women, at their age, might feel under societal pressures to find a man and start families, and therefore have abondoned certain preferences regarding the opposite sex. Would they have let me kiss them in their mid-20s for example? No, they would have knee'd me in the bollox in the belief that they could do better, but now desperation has set in and any man will do.

It really does make you wonder: how many couples in their late 20s and early 30s are together now because they love each other, and how many are together in fear that it's too late to find someone better? How many put the 'settle' in settling down? How many have abondoned the search for Mr Right and are settling for Mr Anyone?

Or maybe it's the alternative. Maybe, just maybe, there's a niche market for fat, bear-looking arseholes who smell of Jagerbombs. I quite hope it's this; not because I'm well placed to monopolise on the market, but because the alternative is quite sad to me.

Fortunately, there's a good way to test out this theory and it involves coming on to (not literally, not when I'm drunk anyway) slightly younger women and gauging the results. If they're game then it'll be a big confidence boost for me, but if I'm unsuccessful then I think it'll go some way toward proving that I'm a low-hanging fruit rather than the apple of someone's eye.

TLDNR

Are Am Eye

Could your post be a few bullet points. They could
link to appendices containing the volumes above. For those
who wish to thread that far.

fattymoon

Hammer89 wrote: »

Legitimate question and one I can't work out the answer to. I'm no Bradley Cooper, but I'd think of myself as relatively handsome. I'm about 18 stone at the moment I think, but I'm also 6'4 so I can carry it pretty well - well, better than a man who is 5'7 for example - and I have a pretty decent beard going.

I've been lighter, which means I've been far more attractive at one stage, but I find myself getting more attention in nightclubs now than when I was, say, 15 stone.

Not bragging but I smooched the face off five women this past weekend - all of whom I found very attractive. I probably could have gone home with any one of them, but I had enough Jagermeister in me to sedate a mammoth and my knob is about as useful as Stephen Hawking's computer when I'm drunk, so I wasn't interested in sex. It would've been like trying to get a Tesco self-service machine to take a scrunched-up fiver.

Being an analytical type, I was interested in discovering why this was and came to two logical conclusions: I'm more attractive when I'm a fat, bear-looking prick, or these women have just lowered their standards. All of them were between the ages of 29 - 35 I'd imagine, which is why I think the latter theory is more plausible.

Maybe I'm being too hard on myself, but I think the women, at their age, might feel under societal pressures to find a man and start families, and therefore have abondoned certain preferences regarding the opposite sex. Would they have let me kiss them in their mid-20s for example? No, they would have knee'd me in the bollox in the belief that they could do better, but now desperation has set in and any man will do.

It really does make you wonder: how many couples in their late 20s and early 30s are together now because they love each other, and how many are together in fear that it's too late to find someone better? How many put the 'settle' in settling down? How many have abondoned the search for Mr Right and are settling for Mr Anyone?

Or maybe it's the alternative. Maybe, just maybe, there's a niche market for fat, bear-looking arseholes who smell of Jagerbombs. I quite hope it's this; not because I'm well placed to monopolise on the market, but because the alternative is quite sad to me.

Fortunately, there's a good way to test out this theory and it involves coming on to (not literally, not when I'm drunk anyway) slightly younger women and gauging the results. If they're game then it'll be a big confidence boost for me, but if I'm unsuccessful then I think it'll go some way toward proving that I'm a low-hanging fruit rather than the apple of someone's eye.

You sure they were women?

Poor Uncle Tom

Naw, you just fell asleep......

Avatar MIA

Hammer89 wrote: »

I have a pretty decent beard going.

I'm a bloke and this made me laugh. Not sure why, but there you go.

It could have been the beer goggles. What you think is attractive pissed off your head in a darkened nightclub may not live up to scrutiny in the cold light of day sans alcohol.

That or there's some famous guy you've not heard about that's your doppelgänger.

Jim Bob Scratcher

The women have the vino goggles on

Hammer89

Avatar MIA wrote: »

It could have been the beer goggles. What you think is attractive pissed off your head in a darkened nightclub may not live up to scrutiny in the cold light of day sans alcohol.

Good point but nightclubs were still dark environments when I was a slimmer man and the results are still pretty different.

I suppose another theory is that I get drunker with age, which means maybe I'm more brazen than I was when I was slimmer and therefore more appealing.

TheValeyard

Im far to lazy to read or believe all that.

artanevilla

I think I should get both parachutes because I'm great. In fact, I think I should get the two in case one them fails!

gifted

Obviously you judge people by how they look and their weight....you sound like a good catch...your a lucky man...









Lol lol

mojesius

You sound like Carrie Bradshaw OP

Hammer89

gifted wrote: »

Obviously you judge people by how they look and their weight....you sound like a good catch...your a lucky man.

Dunno what you're on about.

mojesius wrote: »

You sound like Carrie Bradshaw OP

Right, so I more or less said the following: I'm an overweight man who suffers from erectile dysfunction whilst under the influence, and suggested that only desperate women who have no choice find me attractive. But apparently I'm tooting my own horn and bragging. Categorically not the case.

facehugger99

Hammer89 wrote: »

my knob is about as useful as Stephen Hawking's computer when I'm drunk,

So, really useful?

Hammer89

facehugger99 wrote: »

So, really useful?

I can't imagine it's being utilised at the moment mate, so no not very useful.

NickNickleby

I'm surprised no one has asked you this OP, but do you have Before and After photos you could post up and then we could give you a more considered response.

I can tell you for sure that after I've had a few pints I'm definitely better looking and more attractive to women. They just don't know it. Apart from one, my wife , who simply says "yes, dear, of course you are....."

Hitman3000

Easily know the kids are off school, wait till Sunday and they're loaded up on 'Eggs'.

Ygritte

I don't think real desperation kicks in until mid 40's......Maybe when you were slimmer you looked like a string bean of a boy at 6'4" and now you look more "burly man".....you weren't beating your chest by any chance?

Hammer89

NickNickleby wrote: »

I'm surprised no one has asked you this OP, but do you have Before and After photos you could post up and then we could give you a more considered response.

I can tell you for sure that after I've had a few pints I'm definitely better looking and more attractive to women. They just don't know it. Apart from one, my wife , who simply says "yes, dear, of course you are....."

None that I'm willing to post up, no. But yes it seems I overlooked the theory you suggested. Maybe I'm more of a laugh - 'Oh FFS he's bragging again, after bragging about his broken dick and his fat belly' - when I'm drunk now than when I was a few years ago when pissed, and it's the confidence that's appealing.

harry Bailey esq

Hitman3000 wrote: »

Easily know the kids are off school, wait till Sunday and they're loaded up on 'Eggs'.

Temazepam?? I don't think that's gonna help a stubborn cudgel, on the upside if he necks a few he'll be blissfully not giving a f*ck. Both physically and metaphorically.

MightyMandarin

I'd say women would find you way more attractive if you put a TL;DR in your post.

Ejeca

"Men age like wine, women age like milk"

JohnnyFlash

Good man OP, sounds like you're having a having a ball of a time! Ridin' more fillies than Ruby Walsh in Galway! Make sure you wrap up the todge before you go into battle - don't want to be visiting a GP complaining of an itchy helmet, and havin' to get a strong course of antibioitics.

Have a similar story myself. Not long out of a 25 year marriage that was crushing my soul and spirit. Took a few months to feel meself again, but now I'm out in Dublin most weekends, and having monumental success with the women. And I'm no spring chicken with a 6-pack and a neck tattoo. 53 years young, in fairly good shape, and not afraid to approach a woman to chat her up. I'm raw from saw at this stage. Birds in their 30's take a definite shine to auld JOhnny, and I'm testing the structural integrity of mattresses all around Dublin most Saturday night. Enjoy yourself pal, and make hay while the sun shines. Spot on, no fúckin' bother to you!!

jimmycrackcorm

Hammer89 wrote:

It really does make you wonder: how many couples in their late 20s and early 30s are together now because they love each other, and how many are together in fear that it's too late to find someone better? How many put the 'settle' in settling down? How many have abondoned the search for Mr Right and are settling for Mr Anyone?

There is no such thing as Mr / Ms right. Otherwise marriage itself wouldn't have needed to be invented to make it so difficult for people to separate.

dhaughton99

Jesus. I can’t get a kick in a stampede. Maybe I should start going to nightclubs.

Avatar MIA

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Took a few months to feel meself again

I highly doubt that! :P

Avatar MIA

dhaughton99 wrote: »

Jesus. I can’t get a kick in a stampede. Maybe I should start going to nightclubs.

Or just wait until you're old, fat and with hair growth from your chin. Happy days!

Hammer89

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Good man OP, sounds like you're having a having a ball of a time! Ridin' more fillies than Ruby Walsh in Galway! Make sure you wrap up the todge before you go into battle - don't want to be visiting a GP complaining of an itchy helmet, and havin' to get a strong course of antibioitics.

Have a similar story myself. Not long out of a 25 year marriage that was crushing my soul and spirit. Took a few months to feel meself again, but now I'm out in Dublin most weekends, and having monumental success with the women. And I'm no spring chicken with a 6-pack and a neck tattoo. 53 years young, in fairly good shape, and not afraid to approach a woman to chat her up. I'm raw from saw at this stage. Birds in their 30's take a definite shine to auld JOhnny, and I'm testing the structural integrity of mattresses all around Dublin most Saturday night. Enjoy yourself pal, and make hay while the sun shines. Spot on, no fúckin' bother to you!!

Don't know if this is a piss take or not, but it's hilarious all the same.

John DoeReMi

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I'm out in Dublin most weekends, and having monumental success with the women.

And where's the best pub/nightclub for these women in your view?

JohnnyFlash

Avatar MIA wrote: »

I highly doubt that! :P

That comprised the last few years of my marriage to be honest! Tryin' to pull the skeleton out of meself while the rest of them were off down the shops.

JohnnyFlash

John DoeReMi wrote: »

And where's the best pub/nightclub for these women in your view?

I tried Coppers once, but felt like a proper auld lad in it. House is good, and while you wouldn't want to be going every Saturday night, RAIN in Portobello isn't bad for meeting a bird in her 30's looking for a go on a good girthy schlong.

Chev_Chelios

Wo-man???

dmc17

Hammer89 wrote: »

I can't imagine it's being utilised at the moment mate, so no not very useful.

Which?

Hammer89

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I tried Coppers once, but felt like a proper auld lad in it. House is good, and while you wouldn't want to be going every Saturday night, RAIN in Portobello isn't bad for meeting a bird in her 30's looking for a go on a good girthy schlong.

I keep picturing that scene from Intermission, when the two lads go to some nightclub on Jonesy's recommendation

punisher5112

Did you drop the hand op....


Something about Miriam comes to mind.

ToddyDoody

Desperate about not having children and getting older?

We'll all die someday anyway so I wouldn't worry... would be my advice.

dubstepper

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

53 years young, in fairly good shape, and not afraid to approach a woman to chat her up. I'm raw from saw at this stage.

ThinkProgress

Can't really speak from experience, regarding being fat and unattractive like the OP... wouldn't know what that's like at all tbh! :P

However, I can confirm that there certainly are a large cohort of very desperate women around these days. Women don't really show their desperation in the same overt ways that men do... the signs are more subtle. But visible nonetheless, if you have a keen eye for that kind of thing!

Mister Vain

Jasus... Johnny is back. We haven't heard from you since you rode that randy Welsh bird after the match.

Rubberchikken

Women have lowered their standards. And that'ssaying lot based on past evidence.

Irish_rat

It's one thing meeting someone on a night out, it's another sustaining a meangingful relationship.

Personally I did the lad thing in my 20's and that got boring after a while. Also single men in their 30's tend to dress much better and look after themselves.

andekwarhola

When we next send a satellite into space with cultural information for other possible inhabitants of the galaxy, a selection of phrases such as 'I've A Pretty Decent Beard Going' should be included to emphasize the essential intellectual futility of the early 21st century.

Greentopia

ThinkProgress wrote: »

However, I can confirm that there certainly are a large cohort of very desperate women around these days. Women don't really show their desperation in the same overt ways that men do... the signs are more subtle. But visible nonetheless, if you have a keen eye for that kind of thing!

What makes you think so many women are desperate? lots of women actually enjoy the single life and going out socialising with their girlfriends without being on the hunt for a man, shocking I know.

We're not living in the dark ages where an unmarried woman is seen as a 'spinster' and past it after the age of 35 any more. I was happily single for several years well into my forties. Desperate I certainly was not and I've had friends in a similar situation. And no, I'm not a Victoria Secret model but I'm attractive and I'm a genuine decent person and never had a problem getting a man and having long term relationships.

I've always felt I would rather be single for the rest of my life than 'settle' and be in a relationship or married with someone I wasn't completely happy with. And certainly not with a guy who thinks he's doing me a favour by being with me because he thinks I won't do any better at my age!

bilbot79

Only women write posts that long

Hammer89

Greentopia wrote: »

And no, I'm not a Victoria Secret model but I'm attractive and I'm a genuine decent person and never had a problem getting a man and having long term relationships.

Would you be interested in a bear who smells like smoke and Jagerbombs by any chance?

tea and coffee

Probably a confidence thing OP. When you're not coming across as desperate and gagging for it you are more approachable. In general, people are a bit more mature and self assured once they get into their 30s

gifted

gifted wrote: »

Obviously you judge people by how they look and their weight....you sound like a good catch...your a lucky man...









Lol lol

Speaking as a fat bastard I don't think there are too many people who don't judge someone by how they look and their weight.

TheValeyard

tea and coffee wrote: »

Probably a confidence thing OP. When you're not coming across as desperate and gagging for it you are more approachable. In general, people are a bit more mature and self assured once they get into their 30s

Think its the whole not giving two f*cks anymore.

LETHAL LADY

Hammer89 wrote: »

Would you be interested in a bear who smells like smoke and Jagerbombs by any chance?

I thought bear was gay terminology?

misstearheus

Jaysus.

Hammer89

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

I thought bear was gay terminology?

Is it? No idea, I was just describing myself.