Dungeons and Dragons - Attack of the Colossi

Fourier

The room erupts with an arc of electricity. Both Irvek and Tolliric are fried toasty crisp. The Banjo is electrically resistant.

However they shut off the engine. The fortress shakes and the woman, Molly, falls off and lands in the city below with a splat.

The teleportation spell summons two more from below.

sKeith

Irverk casts bookspeak on banjo.

Banjo

"call me Ishmael. It was a bright cold day in April and the clocks we're striking 13. Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins."

Necro

OOC: Noooooooooooo

Boldin awakes and searches the fried body nearest to her for items. The odd logo on the dead females breastplate makes her roll her eyes in disdain.

'Another frackin' feminist. I suppose she was a vegan too, huh?'

sKeith

Ster searches the remians for a weapon and find the sword of a Billion Bastards and the meathook. "Nice, I always wanted one of these bastards to get my meathooks into."

sKeith

Banjo wrote: »

"call me Ishmael. It was a bright cold day in April and the clocks we're striking 13. Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins."

Hi ishmael, My name in Ster the great, named after all the other greats out there."

Fourier

Necrominus wrote: »

OOC: Noooooooooooo

Boldin awakes and searches the fried body nearest to her for items. The odd logo on the dead females breastplate makes her roll her eyes in disdain.

'Another frackin' feminist. I suppose she was a vegan too, huh?'

She picks up "the Second Sex" by Simone de Beauvoir.

Necro

Banjo wrote: »

"call me Ishmael. It was a bright cold day in April and the clocks we're striking 13. Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins."

Boldin curtsies and flutters her eyelashes at Ishmael.

'Praytell, you handsome man. Can you get us out of here? I don't wanna end up like Kentucky Fried Feminist over there, oh lawds no!'

Banjo

sKeith wrote: »

Hi ishmael, My name in Ster the great, named after all the other greats out there."

I am an invisible Man. Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show.

sKeith

Ster looks around the room looking for clues as to there mission, loads of dead bodies, what else?"

Necro

Fourier wrote: »

She picks up "the Second Sex" by Simone de Beauvoir.

Boldin tosses the book onto the floor in anger. Super Saiyan Feminist? The worst kind ever known to man.. oops.. womankind.

Banjo

sKeith wrote: »

Ster looks around the room looking for clues as to there mission, loads of dead bodies, what else?"

Where now? Who now? When now?
It was like so, but wasn't.

Necro

Boldin spots the control panel and walks up to it. She randomly pushes the 5 button... mainly cos the band makes her feel quite tingly.

Fourier

Necrominus wrote: »

Boldin spots the control panel and walks up to it. She randomly pushes the 5 button... mainly cos the band makes her feel quite tingly.

She opens up a portal where she stands, splitting her in half.

A dwarf appears in the room after she dies.

sKeith

Banjo wrote: »

Where now? Who now? When now?
It was like so, but wasn't.

"At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along
And so you're back, from outta space
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second you'd be back to bother me"

Banjo

All this happened, more or less. The moment one learns English, complications set in

Necro

Dhormit looks around in a little bit of shock. One minute he was quietly worshipping his god, the next...?

He wanders up to the control panel and examines the buttons to try to determine the best option. He's good at that stuff. Or at least he thinks he is.

Fourier

Necrominus wrote: »

Dhormit looks around in a little bit of shock. One minute he was quietly worshipping his god, the next...?

He wanders up to the control panel and examines the buttons to try to determine the best option. He's good at that stuff. Or at least he thinks he is.

The control panel is fried.

Fourier

The portal remains open.

Banjo

Diddle diddle ding dang ding
The banjo's neck falls on the 3 button.
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times"

Necro

Dhormit picks up a mace from the ground, gestures to the others, then jumps into the portal.

sKeith

Ster grunt, "move aside" and jumps into the portal.

Fourier

They enter a shrine to some sort of Dwarven god, only exits are the portal and a stone ramp leading upward.

Necro

Dhormit examines the shrine. He prays to the deity for some form of guidance.

Banjo

On his scissors-like feet the banjo goes up the ramp declaring "Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board."

sKeith

Ster wannders up the ramp mumbling "forwards, not backwards"

Fourier

Necrominus wrote: »

Dhormit examines the shrine. He prays to the deity for some form of guidance.

Dhormit kneels before the altar and receives a vision.

In the space beyond spaces he stands. The pinnacle of Dwarven perfection, the true god, BandyLegs. His nude form glowing and a wisp of beard blocking true knowledge.

The others see this vision, but the light grows too bright for them to see, only Dhormit sees the wisp move aside to see the truth.

The vision ends. Dhormit weeps, not for himself, but for the uncounted millions who will never witness the perfection of what lay behind that beard.

He knows what he has to do.

He disrobes. With BandyLegs's protection, his stark bollock naked form is more resilient than any armour.

Fourier

sKeith wrote: »

Ster wannders up the ramp mumbling "forwards, not backwards"

Ster reaches the top.

The queen is here. Her head larger than the others, with horns, robotic parts and a green energy coursing over her.

"So you have arrived" she says.

Necro

Dhormit, embibed by the power of the one true dwarven deity, runs up the ramp shoving the others out of his way

sKeith

Fourier wrote: »

Ster reaches the top.

The queen is here. Her head larger than the others, with horns, robotic parts and a green energy coursing over her.

"So you have arrived" she says.

"Yes, my queen, and have delivered these two as promised, now, where my gold?"

Fourier

sKeith wrote: »

"Yes, my queen, and have delivered these two as promised, now, where my gold?"

"Yes Unix admin, you have done as I asked. I will provide you with Mod privileges for all future werewolf games. Now, you, nude but powerful dwarf...I shall show you my true evil."

She wraps Dhormit in a tentacle that he cannot escape from.

Necro

Dhormit wraps the queen's tentacle with his own...I'm gonna say tentacle.

Fourier

Necrominus wrote: »

Dhormit wraps the queen's tentacle with his own...I'm gonna say tentacle.

The Banjo grows interested.

sKeith

Ster manovers behind the queen, to back up any assault she may have on the others, out of her direct eyeline.

Fourier

"For centuries I could not obtain god-like power. I had reached the pinnacle of my kind's evolution. Until I found one, who harnessed the power I needed."

Dhormit and his...tentacle...shake with fear as a cage descends from the ceiling containing Winnie the Pooh Bear.

Banjo

"Justice?—You get justice in the next world, in this world you have the law"
Says the banjo as his "third string" becomes as concrete, girthed in the 600 range, and he brings it down on the Queen's head.

Fourier

The Tiger bursts into the room.

"Pooh?"

Necro

Dhormit weeps.

'Ya evil b1tch! How could ye chain up a childhood icon like Winnie! I will nay stand fer this!'

He beats the queen with his... tentacle repeatedly.

Fourier

Says the banjo as his "third string" becomes as concrete, girthed in the 600 range, and he brings it down on the Queen's head.

He beats the queen with his... tentacle repeatedly.

The Queen knocks the similar weapons aside.

"You forget dear Banjo, I learned how to handle such, eh....weapons...from your own mother."

sKeith

If ster has successfuly found his way behind the queen, he stealth attacks her duel weilding the meathook and the billion bastards sword.

Banjo

Fourier wrote: »

The Queen knocks the similar weapons aside.

"You forget dear Banjo, I learned how to handle such, eh....weapons...from your own mother."

Mother died today.
It was the day Grandmother exploded.

Fourier

sKeith wrote: »

If ster has successfuly found his way behind the queen, he stealth attachs her duel weilding the meathook and the billion bastards sword.

The queen screams in pain, ripping herself from the ceiling.

"But it could have all been yours, why?"

sKeith

"cause i'm a right bastard!"

Fourier

Seizing his moment the Tiger races at the queen, but is impaled.

"You will have no badass moment Tiger."

He drops to the ground holding his stomach.

"You believe I am another ten a penny, five in a campaign Xenomorph Pirate black belt Capoeira giant centaur wereshark. You fool, I have added many powers over the years.

I am a Pooh Bear Psychic Demon Xenomorph Pirate black belt Capoeira giant centaur wereshark.

You foolish Tiger."

Fourier

The Tiger coughs up blood. He gazes up at Pooh.

"I gotta get up" he says.

"I gotta get goin'
I gonna see a friend of mine"

He stands.

"Pooh Bear, I gotta be the-e-ere
It's me and it's you
My silly ol' Winnie the Pooooooooooh"

He takes out his bow and exploding arrows.

"You foolish Tiger."

"IT'S PRONOUNCED WITH TWO Gs YOU BITCH!!!!" he roars, firing an arrow into her core.

Banjo

"Of all the things that drive men to sea, the most common disaster, I've come to learn, is Pooh Bear Psychic Demon Xenomorph Pirate black belt Capoeira giant centaur weresharks"
Says the Banjo, slicing it's knife feet at the Queen's ovaries

Necro

Dhormit resumes trying to beat the Queen with his... yeah, definitely his tentacle.

sKeith

Ster admires the tentacles, "mighty fine tentacles you have"

Fourier

The arrow, the back stab wound, Dhormit's....tentacle and the Banjo's knife feet prove too much for the queen. She explodes and everybody becomes like Level 10 or some sh1te.

Necro

Dhormit half wonders if he will now become a God like Bandylegs.

He stabs himself in the head with one of the Banjo's spiky feet to find out.