A 'Typical Lads Whatsapp Group'?

irishman86

Anne1982h wrote: »

I asked my brother this same question as I find it hard to believe that it’s normal for men to talk like that amongst themselves. He said that him and the lads would speak in a similar manner sometimes about a girl they fancied from afar/a famous woman but that under no circumstances would they talk like that about girls they know or girls they were with (I.e if they took a photo with female friends or work colleagues they’re not sending it into a WhatsApp group titled ‘love workplace sluts’ - are those saying it’s the norm really saying they talk about the women in their life like that!?? ’) and would never talk about girls they slept with in such a disgusting manner. He was honestly very disgusted with the messages in that trial. And before someone says I’m naive he handed his phone over there and then and told me to scroll through the group for a look. Similarity my husband is very open with his phone - if there’s banter in a stag group he’ll regularly tell me to read it and I’ve never seen any as disgusting as what is said in those messages. Once someone posted in a video that was pretty bad and no other guy commented on it at all bar one saying ‘well I regret opening that’. I really think it’s a situation that is ‘not all men’!!! If I was my brother or husband I’d be v annoyed at people tarring me with the same brush as those rugby lads and saying ah shure that’s men for you.

I presume the reason some men are saying it’s all guys is because within their own group that type of language is used and given the similar mindsets of those in the group no one calls out the behaviour so it becomes normal and that becomes ‘everyone does it’ because within that peer group everyone does.

What exactly was said in the Ulster boys group that you have such a problem with
As i found it pretty pg
You do realise that your brother/husband would be less likely to write it about girls they know out of fear of said girls getting shown said pictures
Where girls they dont know lets say Rihanna would hardly ever see the messages wrote about them
Doesnt it in fact say a lot that they'd say it about girls not likely to find out, how some how its ok to talk about those women, but not about girls they knew
Its two sides of the same coin

Anne1982h

irishman86 wrote: »

What exactly was said in the Ulster boys group that you have such a problem with
As i found it pretty pg
You do realise that your brother/husband would be less likely to write it about girls they know out of fear of said girls getting shown said pictures
Where girls they dont know lets say Rihanna would hardly ever see the messages wrote about them
Doesnt it in fact say a lot that they'd say it about girls not likely to find out, how some how its ok to talk about those women, but not about girls they knew
Its two sides of the same coin

I take issue with all of it. If I took a photo with a group of girls and my male friend and he posted it into a group of his mates saying ‘love sluts’ that to me saying he only sees me as some kind of sex object there just to please him rather than a person and friend.

No I don’t find it says much at all. It’s quite clear that if you know someone you regard them in a certain way that is not as an object for your gratification - it’s not about how they might get ‘caught’ (worrying attitude to have). A simple example: if I saw a unbelievable good looking guy on a train I might say to a friend oh my god I’d love to ride him but if I knew said man was a work colleagues husband my perception on the whole thing would be completely different and I likely would instead say ‘look that’s so and sos husband isn’t she lucky he’s gorgeous’. Can you not comprehend the difference?

And if you find all that was said in that group pg if a friend posted into your WhatsApp group saying oh your sister is such a slut I spit roasted her last night with one of the lads - would your response honestly be ‘fair play you’re such a legend’? Personally for me talking about a woman you know and have been with that way and your friends treating her like a piece of meat is abhorrent.

Are you saying that the only reason you don’t say something disgusting and sexual about the women in your life is fear of getting caught saying it?

al87987

grahambo wrote: »

I'm in a few whatsapp groups with a few different groups of mates.

There is plently of "Banter" but it's not usually directed at women nor is there loads of naked pics of women in any of the groups.
Usually when there is women it starts off with a savage looking woman but turns out to be a Transsexual, or cuts in to some woman screaming or ends up being a pic of a black lad with a 2 foot micky.

There have been one or two groups where I've just said Nnnnnope! stuff being posted was to much for me.
Not in terms of what they were saying about women, but other MAD stuff.

I've never sent an abusive message about someone (man or woman) that was not in the group. Because at the end of the day, people are thick and that message could get back to them

The above is very typical of my whatsapp groups also.

Their is usually one or two guys in the group who post the NSFW videos and any outrageous stuff and they set the tone for the group I believe.

I don't think its abuse, at least not how I'd define it. One of my relatives is quite attractive and whenever she updates her profile pic on facebook it usually gets put in the group and everyone turns into animals for a bit but its all in jest and nobody acts like that in real life.

Beta Ray Bill

al87987 wrote: »

One of my relatives is quite attractive and whenever she updates her profile pic on facebook it usually gets put in the group and everyone turns into animals for a bit but its all in jest and nobody acts like that in real life.

Sounds more like they are having a jibe at you more so than anything else.

That's sounds fairly harmless.

ted1

FranklinMint wrote: »

ted1 wrote: »

There parental groups. Not a group of friends , there’s a huge difference

Ya I know

I meant making a mistake and posting in the wrong group

I’ve seen some classic one over the Christmas party season.
1 wife told all the parents of the jr infants that she was horny and gagging for it so not to be late home. Clearly meant for the hubby.

citytillidie

FranklinMint wrote: »

I'm in WhatsApp groups for the kids soccer and scouts

I'd be totally paranoid about posting anything dodgy .
Don't like WhatsApp groups at all.

This is what you need to do in those groups if not already doing it

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/gadgets-and-tech/news/whatsapp-restricted-groups-admin-stop-messages-silence-everyone-else-mute-a8086546.html

Fann Linn

Franz Von Peppercorn wrote: »

Want my advice? Don’t assume your WhatsApp will always remain confidential.

Okay Paddy.

irishman86

Anne1982h wrote: »

I take issue with all of it. If I took a photo with a group of girls and my male friend and he posted it into a group of his mates saying ‘love sluts’ that to me saying he only sees me as some kind of sex object there just to please him rather than a person and friend.

No I don’t find it says much at all. It’s quite clear that if you know someone you regard them in a certain way that is not as an object for your gratification - it’s not about how they might get ‘caught’ (worrying attitude to have). A simple example: if I saw a unbelievable good looking guy on a train I might say to a friend oh my god I’d love to ride him but if I knew said man was a work colleagues husband my perception on the whole thing would be completely different and I likely would instead say ‘look that’s so and sos husband isn’t she lucky he’s gorgeous’. Can you not comprehend the difference?

And if you find all that was said in that group pg if a friend posted into your WhatsApp group saying oh your sister is such a slut I spit roasted her last night with one of the lads - would your response honestly be ‘fair play you’re such a legend’? Personally for me talking about a woman you know and have been with that way and your friends treating her like a piece of meat is abhorrent.

Are you saying that the only reason you don’t say something disgusting and sexual about the women in your life is fear of getting caught saying it?

I think you are well over reacting a little tbh about it imo off course
How exactly is it different, your still objectifying someone of the opposite sex
In your mind your just validating your reasons for it, but its the exact same. Your basing both views on looks
No and ive never said i think the lads are legends, i think they are young lads
You do realise you are treating men like a piece of meat saying stuff like i'd love to ride him and isnt she lucky to have such a good looking man
You are being a hypocrite
Just because you didnt use slut doesnt mean its any different

Anne1982h

irishman86 wrote: »

I think you are well over reacting a little tbh about it imo off course
How exactly is it different, your still objectifying someone of the opposite sex
In your mind your just validating your reasons for it, but its the exact same. Your basing both views on looks
No and ive never said i think the lads are legends, i think they are young lads
You do realise you are treating men like a piece of meat saying stuff like i'd love to ride him and isnt she lucky to have such a good looking man
You are being a hypocrite
Just because you didnt use slut doesnt mean its any different

That was an example of how your reaction can differ. I’m happily married and not remotely interested in other men or anything to do with them. Interesting that you find being ‘young men’ an excuse to say derogatory things about women. I suppose if I was a ‘young woman’ I wouldn’t be a hypocrite then...

FranklinMint

citytillidie wrote: »

This is what you need to do in those groups if not already doing it

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/gadgets-and-tech/news/whatsapp-restricted-groups-admin-stop-messages-silence-everyone-else-mute-a8086546.html

The groups would be no use if members can't post at any time

Sometimes they also need random questions answered or notify if unavailable at short notice

Appledreams15

source wrote: »

doolox wrote: »

There was a time in the dim and distant past when people could communicate with each other in a very frank way either by talk or written word and it would gradually disappear. This is no longer the case as many people and job applicants have found to their cost.

People need to be ultra careful and thick skinned in their ventures into social media.

My daughter has been upset many times by conflicts and opinions expressed by her friends about each other on various social media.

Her older sister has helped her get over it and navigate through the maze that is modern social media.

People need to cop on to several things.

Certain jobs are very sensitive to opinions expressed in social media.

I would categorise these as caring jobs such as nurses, carers, teachers, child minders and jobs requiring a high level of trust such as police, accountants, bankers etc..

If you express odd or perplexing opinions or advocate unusual lifestyle choices you can expect to be challenged in your job and possibly fired.

This is more urgent if your company is run by churches or has church members on the board of management.

While it might be fun to party hard and get a kinky sexual experience with several partners in your late teens and early twenties, do not boast about it and go looking for a teaching job in a religious secondary school in your late twenties/ early thirties.

Anything you post will last forever if other people want it to, especially if you become famous in a sensitive profession.

WhatsApp isn't social media, it's a private messaging app with a high level of end to end encryption. The only way to access the messages sent is to see them on one of the phones they have been sent to.

I'm part of a WhatsApp group, and I've seen stuff said in that which are a million times worse than what came out in the trial. Most of it is satirical, we have a pretty unique sense of humour when we're together and the same in that group.

The thing about private messages is that conversations are had in them which are not expected to be made public. Therefore people can often discuss things they wouldn't and use it as a way of being un-pc, my experience would tell me that no offence was intended in these messages and as noted above they've been taken out of context.

I know my friends and i would get in trouble if what we said in an effort to outdo each other became public.

It's not the only way.
Peolple often screenshot stuff.
Remember last year when the GAA lads were with an escort and the cup.
One of the lads screenshotted the chat and put it on social media for all to see.

When you are talking in a group it is definitely alot less private

jimmycrackcorm

Anne1982h wrote:

I. He was honestly very disgusted with the messages in that trial. And before someone says I’m naive he handed his phone over there and then and told me to scroll through the group for a look. Similarity my husband is very open with his phone - if there’s banter in a stag group he’ll regularly tell me to read it and I’ve never seen any as disgusting as what is said in those messages.

You're never going to see the stuff that they don't want you to see. That will be deleted for sure.

Unless you don't believe that people would, never, ever, delete specific things.

irishman86

Anne1982h wrote: »

That was an example of how your reaction can differ. I’m happily married and not remotely interested in other men or anything to do with them. Interesting that you find being ‘young men’ an excuse to say derogatory things about women. I suppose if I was a ‘young woman’ I wouldn’t be a hypocrite then...

Im also happily married, not sure how thats relevant
I see young women writing similar stuff about men in a similar view, its much to do about nothing
You gave examples both of which are derogatory, you just have decided which ones are ok in your mind, when they are the exact same thing

aaakev

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

Anne1982h wrote:

I. He was honestly very disgusted with the messages in that trial. And before someone says I’m naive he handed his phone over there and then and told me to scroll through the group for a look. Similarity my husband is very open with his phone - if there’s banter in a stag group he’ll regularly tell me to read it and I’ve never seen any as disgusting as what is said in those messages.

You're never going to see the stuff that they don't want you to see. That will be deleted for sure.

Unless you don't believe that people would, never, ever, delete specific things.

Sounds like her husband plays a good game!

tretorn

Her husband shouldnt be showing her the messages at all, they are not intended for her eyes so if her husband isnt keeping the messages private then he should tell the other men in the group that their conversations are being shared.

I cant understand why any would would be bothered reading stag group conversations.

The issue is that men who talk like that about a woman have an ironclad belief that all men do it and that they are lying if they say they don't or that they are just saying they don't to keep their girlfriend or wife happy.

Birds of a feather flock together so it would be interesting to see who in their social milieu is careful when socialising with them, who in their milieu they are friendly with them but not friends because they know, who is not in the group chat.

People have to work with other people so it is not always possible to say something so some develop the skill of not joining in while remaining friendly but not friends with groups. It probably politicing but that is life.

leggo

mariaalice wrote: »

The issue is that men who talk like that about a woman have an ironclad belief that all men do it and that they are lying if they say they don't or that they are just saying they don't to keep their girlfriend or wife happy.

This. Sure you can even see it a bit in this thread.

"Sure all lads do it you're all just PC gone mad!"
"Nope...you think it's normal because it's you and your friends, but maybe you and your friends are just creepy?"

bucketybuck

al87987 wrote: »

One of my relatives is quite attractive and whenever she updates her profile pic on facebook it usually gets put in the group and everyone turns into animals for a bit but its all in jest and nobody acts like that in real life.

Thats just ****ing creepy, and says a lot about you to be honest.

I can understand the non specific banter and general horseplay that groups can get up to, but taking specific pictures of people you know and putting them up in private groups and then having a group of people commenting on it, thats just ****ing creepy.

Nobody acts like that in real life? Sorry to burst your bubble but this is real life and you are acting like that.

My personal experience of a lads group is occasional innuendo and the likes but it is mostly a bunch of middle aged men failing to arrange a night out and talking about sports I don't watch.

Ash.J.Williams

bucketybuck wrote: »

Thats just ****ing creepy, and says a lot about you to be honest.

I can understand the non specific banter and general horseplay that groups can get up to, but taking specific pictures of people you know and putting them up in private groups and then having a group of people commenting on it, thats just ****ing creepy.

Nobody acts like that in real life? Sorry to burst your bubble but this is real life and you are acting like that.

that's the behaviour that actually defines the internet at the minute.

El_Duderino 09

mariaalice wrote: »

The issue is that men who talk like that about a woman have an ironclad belief that all men do it and that they are lying if they say they don't or that they are just saying they don't to keep their girlfriend or wife happy.

To add some nuance to it, I’ve been part of groups who talk like that and I’ve been part of groups who would never speak like that. Particularly with the uni rugby team, the more coarse and crude the better.

That doesn’t mean that everyone in the group would say those things. Some fellas wouldn’t but everyone would have been involved in chats of that kind.

I’ve also been in groups who would never say any of those things.

irishman86

bucketybuck wrote: »

Thats just ****ing creepy, and says a lot about you to be honest.

I can understand the non specific banter and general horseplay that groups can get up to, but taking specific pictures of people you know and putting them up in private groups and then having a group of people commenting on it, thats just ****ing creepy.

Nobody acts like that in real life? Sorry to burst your bubble but this is real life and you are acting like that.

How does it say anything about him, why is it any different taking a picture of a famous person to a attractive person you know. (How do you differentiate in this situation)
Wait let me guess, youve done it yourself about a famous person so that makes it fine :pac:
You also know perfectly well the difference between real life and a whats app group of male friends
*One is the way people act in a private group messaging, the other is how they act on the streets/household/etc

bucketybuck

irishman86 wrote: »

Wait let me guess, youve done it yourself about a famous person so that makes it fine :pac:

What the ****? How the hell did you come to that conclusion?

Don't project your habits onto others, not all men get their kicks by perving over random women in group chats.

irishman86

bucketybuck wrote: »

What the ****? How the hell did you come to that conclusion?

Don't project your habits onto others, not all men get their kicks by perving over random women in group chats.

The same way you came to your conclusions with no facts at all
Who said i perve on women in groups, i didnt
Why so angry buddy, its ok let it all out

leggo

irishman86 wrote: »

How does it say anything about him, why is it any different taking a picture of a famous person to a attractive person you know. (How do you differentiate in this situation)
Wait let me guess, youve done it yourself about a famous person so that makes it fine :pac:
You also know perfectly well the difference between real life and a whats app group of male friends
*One is the way people act in a private group messaging, the other is how they act on the streets/household/etc

Dude your entire argument this whole thread is “Oh you just do this too” or “everyone does this.”

No. They don’t. Consider the possibility your normal may be different to other people’s for a second. And if people find behaviour within that normal unacceptable, saying “well other people do it too” is literally the argument of a 7-year old child.

irishman86

leggo wrote: »

Dude your entire argument this whole thread is “Oh you just do this too” or “everyone does this.”

No. They don’t. Consider the possibility your normal may be different to other people’s for a second. And if people find behaviour within that normal unacceptable, saying “well other people do it too” is literally the argument of a 7-year old child.

No my argument is that its done by most people
And talking about a famous person is the exact same thing as talking about a person you know.
You do realise you dictating whats unacceptable is your opinion and not the opinion of everyone
Ive never once said i write about women like the Belfast lads as i dont but i am in groups where is is done and that the ulster lads were pretty pg
Now consider what you think is normal and think maybe it is your view that is abnormal to others
My view is whats held by most, yours is a view held by few
People decide in there head its ok to say "id ride him/her" about a famous person but saying something similar about a attractive boy/girl they know is outrageous :rolleyes: and insulting to the person
For me its exactly the same, im just not in denial about it happening like some in here

bucketybuck

leggo wrote: »

Dude your entire argument this whole thread is “Oh you just do this too” or “everyone does this.”

irishman86 wrote: »

No my argument is that its done by most people

Well, thats consistent.

You do realise you dictating whats unacceptable is your opinion and not the opinion of everyone

Speaking for everybody, who would do such a thing...

Ive never once said i write about women like the Belfast lads as i dont

Ah, so everybody else does it, most people do it, but not you, you don't do it.

For me its exactly the same, im just not in denial about it happening like some in here

And anybody else who claims not to do it is in denial.

Remarkable.

leggo

irishman86 wrote: »

Now consider what you think is normal and think maybe it is your view that is abnormal to others
My view is whats held by most, yours is a view held by few

Who is this most, though? It's not most of this thread. You're in a minority of one from what I can see here. I'm gonna go out on a limb and presume you haven't done any kind of rough polling around this.

So really, when you boil it down, your view is normal to you and 'most' of your friends.

Your statement is laughable like (literally, I laughed) and just demonstrates that you'll ignore everything around you to believe what you want to believe, to the point you'll do it in writing, on a website people will be able to read for years, while still being oblivious to how ridiculous the point you're making is.

irishman86

leggo wrote: »

Who is this most, though? It's not most of this thread. You're in a minority of one from what I can see here. I'm gonna go out on a limb and presume you haven't done any kind of rough polling around this.

So really, when you boil it down, your view is normal to you and 'most' of your friends.

Your statement is laughable like (literally, I laughed) and just demonstrates that you'll ignore everything around you to believe what you want to believe, to the point you'll do it in writing, on a website people will be able to read for years, while still being oblivious to how ridiculous the point you're making is.

Or maybe im in the minority in this thread because those who agree and there is plenty are not bothered coming in with your type of posting here
Clearly you think your view is correct, i dont as i live in the real world
Thats funny because i also laughed at yours(and others) posts in here as i feel you are well trying to get replies :rolleyes:
You keep saying your view, when have i said its my view exactly, i didnt so atta boy jog on
I said i dont live in denial that both sexes speak like this regularly, you can continue to live in denial if you want buddy, i would never enforce my view on you

TheAnalyst_

We actually deleted ours and started a new one after the trial such was the level of material. A few guys would have political aspirations so we needed a purge.

Addle

TheAnalyst_ wrote: »

We actually deleted ours and started a new one after the trial such was the level of material. A few guys would have political aspirations so we needed a purge.

How can you guarantee there are no screenshots out there?

Try_harder

TheAnalyst_ wrote: »

We actually deleted ours and started a new one after the trial such was the level of material. A few guys would have political aspirations so we needed a purge.

Blackmail!

El_Duderino 09

TheAnalyst_ wrote: »

We actually deleted ours and started a new one after the trial such was the level of material. A few guys would have political aspirations so we needed a purge.

That's probably wise. I thinknow that this kind of thing has been made public we're probably at the stage where we need to acknowledge that it's not great to speak about people like that. I say that as someone who has been involved in that kind of chat. I think it would be very hard to defend now and completely indefensible in decades to come.

Eric Cartman

nothing out of the ordinary there for some of the WhatsApp groups I'm in. Normally not referring to women quite so crassly but it depends on the group really. Lads WhatsApp conversations congratulating other lads for pulling / discussing a session the previous night are quite usual.

MayoSalmon

Eric Cartman wrote:

Lads WhatsApp conversations congratulating other lads for pulling / discussing a session the previous night are quite usual.

Unless the lad has pulled Michelle Keegan or something that just sounds pathetic.

irishman86

MayoSalmon wrote: »

Unless the lad has pulled Michelle Keegan or something that just sounds pathetic.

Why is it different exactly

El_Duderino 09

MayoSalmon wrote: »

Unless the lad has pulled Michelle Keegan or something that just sounds pathetic.

It's also fairly common and predictable. If lads went to play a match you would expect them to discuss the match. If lads went for a night out on the pull you would expect them to discuss the night out. The only difference is that the WhatsApp messages are recorded.

Bob Harris

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

That's probably wise. I thinknow that this kind of thing has been made public we're probably at the stage where we need to acknowledge that it's not great to speak about people like that. I say that as someone who has been involved in that kind of chat. I think it would be very hard to defend now and completely indefensible in decades to come.

Are people more conscious of talking in that way because of type of moral epiphany brought about but he Ulster case or because it might come back to bite them in the arse if it's ever made public?

MayoSalmon

irishman86 wrote: »

Why is it different exactly

Because its like buying a Fiat Cinquecento as opposed to Ferrari Spider..one is noteworthy and the other is certainly not!

leggo

irishman86 wrote: »

Or maybe im in the minority in this thread because those who agree and there is plenty are not bothered coming in with your type of posting here

Delusional. You sound like Donald Trump saying horrible stuff then saying "I'm just saying what everyone is thinking!" That's the logic of a 13-year old.

You're living in the real world, as is everyone else here, and all of these people you claim to be normal aren't coming in and defending you getting ridiculed because..."my sort"? How do you type that with a straight face? Like there are these thousands of mysterious people out there who think you're great and they're just terrified to speak up because of me. :pac: Even if that argument was true, does the fact they're ashamed of their actions and don't want to admit them publicly not tell you that, by your own line of thinking, they know that it's wrong?

There probably are a fair few people who go on talking about "sluts" and sharing Facebook/Insta pics of people they know so they can all have a **** over them. It doesn't make it not weird or creepy. It's really seedy behaviour. It also doesn't mean that just because you know these people and it's standard for you that the rest of the world does it and think it's okay. There are probably sickos who do the same over children in group chats...if a lot of people did that too, would you say it's okay? Because that's literally your only defence for this.

El_Duderino 09

Bob Harris wrote: »

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

That's probably wise. I thinknow that this kind of thing has been made public we're probably at the stage where we need to acknowledge that it's not great to speak about people like that. I say that as someone who has been involved in that kind of chat. I think it would be very hard to defend now and completely indefensible in decades to come.

Are people more conscious of talking in that way because of type of moral epiphany brought about but he Ulster case or because it might come back to bite them in the arse if it's ever made public?

It's an interesting question. Probably a bit of both. It depends on whether or not you can make a good defence for speaking like that. I think it would be difficult to make a good defense.

It's similar to bitching about someone behind their back. We know it happens and we also know it's wrong to do it.

El_Duderino 09

MayoSalmon wrote: »

irishman86 wrote: »

Why is it different exactly

Because its like buying a Fiat Cinquecento as opposed to Ferrari Spider..one is noteworthy and the other is certainly not!

But of you I had no car and I bought a Fiat Cinquecento, it would be normal to be proud of it and talk about it. It would even be normal to joke about and exaggeration would be normal too.

I don't think it would be normal to tell your mate that it's pathetic to be proud of his Fiat Cinquecento, to use your word

leggo

The problem is that people aren't cars. They're not something you possess. Even if one of them let you inside of them for a night while drunk, you don't then own them and don't have bragging rights over them to be proud of.

Like I'd tell people funny/interesting stories about experiences I had, including sexual, or I'd talk to mates about situations I wanted advice or to vent on. I dunno, I find it a bit tragic if someone is boasting of a sexual conquest. It kinda reeks of latent insecurity like "Look at the high quality human who likes ME! Do you believe it because I don't?!"

I know a lad who used to send on unsolicited naked pics of girls that would send him nudes. I wasn't going to change him so it wasn't worth the fight, I just minimised him from my life. He's now engaged and wouldn't think of sending us pics of his missus like that. I think a lot of these types would be the same and it kind of tells a story: they see their partners and people they have feelings for as humans worthy of respect, whereas they categorise the rest as effectively porn. It's a ****ty way to treat other humans who've made themselves vulnerable to you and I'd kinda see people who do that as fairly broken.

El_Duderino 09

leggo wrote: »

The problem is that people aren't cars. They're not something you possess. Even if one of them let you inside of them for a night while drunk, you don't then own them and don't have bragging rights over them to be proud of.

Like I'd tell people funny/interesting stories about experiences I had, including sexual, or I'd talk to mates about situations I wanted advice or to vent on. I dunno, I find it a bit tragic if someone is boasting of a sexual conquest. It kinda reeks of latent insecurity like "Look at the high quality human who likes ME! Do you believe it because I don't?!"

I know a lad who used to send on unsolicited naked pics of girls that would send him nudes. I wasn't going to change him so it wasn't worth the fight, I just minimised him from my life. He's now engaged and wouldn't think of sending us pics of his missus like that. I think a lot of these types would be the same and it kind of tells a story: they see their partners and people they have feelings for as humans worthy of respect, whereas they categorise the rest as effectively porn. It's a ****ty way to treat other humans who've made themselves vulnerable to you and I'd kinda see people who do that as fairly broken.

If the car was a poor analogy then MayoSalmom shouldn't have brought it up.

Are you suggesting young people are less secure in themselves than older people? Jeez, never thought of that. Lol

leggo

I didn’t mention age once there...

El_Duderino 09

leggo wrote: »

I didn’t mention age once there...

You mentioned your mate who used to send pictures of women (demonstrating the latent insecurity you mentioned above), and now he's engaged and wouldn't do it anymore. Unless he got younger in that period of time, I'm concluding he got older. I'd say that's typical enough. For example d say it's fair to say people in their 30s are on average more secure than people in their teens or 20s

MayoSalmon

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

But of you I had no car and I bought a Fiat Cinquecento, it would be normal to be proud of it and talk about it. It would even be normal to joke about and exaggeration would be normal too.

I don't think it would be normal to tell your mate that it's pathetic to be proud of his Fiat Cinquecento, to use your word

I'm afraid it would

leggo

leggo wrote: »

I know a lad who used to send on unsolicited naked pics of girls that would send him nudes. I wasn't going to change him so it wasn't worth the fight, I just minimised him from my life. He's now engaged and wouldn't think of sending us pics of his missus like that. I think a lot of these types would be the same and it kind of tells a story: they see their partners and people they have feelings for as humans worthy of respect, whereas they categorise the rest as effectively porn. It's a ****ty way to treat other humans who've made themselves vulnerable to you and I'd kinda see people who do that as fairly broken.

I remember someone sending on a pic in our teens. He only sent it to me though and we were young and stupid. :P
Like I said I'll make comments about how anyone who could get with me must have something wrong with them. :P But the rare times someone will put their trust in me enough to sleep with me I don't intend to betray it. (I must come off well to a very small group of women on online dating, they put themselves in situations I probably wouldn't, and as long as it's 1-on-1 I'm not worried about a fight :P )

leggo

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

You mentioned your mate who used to send pictures of women (demonstrating the latent insecurity you mentioned above), and now he's engaged and wouldn't do it anymore. Unless he got younger in that period of time, I'm concluding he got older. I'd say that's typical enough. For example d say it's fair to say people in their 30s are on average more secure than people in their teens or 20s

Yeah there's no dramatic change in age that'd lead to a massive maturity there though, you ultimately don't know timelines and I don't want to make people in any way identifiable.

You're missing that the main point is more about the how people (I'd say women would do this kinda stuff too, it wouldn't really be a gender thing) treat people they respect differently to people they don't. In any interaction I'd have with him, I'd say he'd still do the same today if he was single, for what it's worth.

I wouldn't necessarily conflate age with maturity in this instance. It's a reference point, for sure, but I know lads in their 40's who carry on like they probably did doing their Leaving, and I know lads who've been rock solid human beings since their early 20's. And sex, as well as the way we talk and act around it, is a great equaliser. Today's children growing up in the #MeToo generation with knowledge about STIs, informed consent etc will probably put all of us to shame with their level-headedness by the time they're of age.

El_Duderino 09

MayoSalmon wrote: »

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

But of you I had no car and I bought a Fiat Cinquecento, it would be normal to be proud of it and talk about it. It would even be normal to joke about and exaggeration would be normal too.

I don't think it would be normal to tell your mate that it's pathetic to be proud of his Fiat Cinquecento, to use your word

I'm afraid it would

Maybe it would be for you. But for lots of people it wouldn't, not would it be normal to expect the fella to defer his sense of pride until he has a Ferrari spider, just because you asked him to n