Worried about 13 year old son - No Friends

pob82

Hello all,
It's been a long time since I posted here and this is a bit of a long rant so please bare with me!!
My DS is 13 years old. He was always a happy outgoing child. He got to about 11 and a half/going on 12 and started getting moody. That's to be expected I suppose. He was a very fast developer so the hormones were probably raging through him.
Where we live there are not many kids his age. The nearest in age to him would be two 15 year old boys. He is particularly close to one of these lads. The lad he is friends with is a manipulator. Always has been. If he says jump my lad will say how high. I've found that over the last year or so this lad has made sure that my DS has been isolated from all of his primary school friends. He started secondary school in September last year, he has been getting on well grades wise, but has not mixed with anyone in his year at all. He doesn't seem to spend any time with the boys he was friends with in primary school at all any more. He spends his lunchbreak sitting with the 15 year old friend from our estate. He is not sporty, he doesn't like sports at all actually, he is a very good swimmer, but on moving to secondary school the times of training didn't suit so he had to leave the swimming team. I'm worried that he is isolated to the point where he has no one else. This "friend" of his has always been a bit of a trouble maker (which is often remarked upon by neighbours and anyone that knows him), but I've always trusted my DS not to get involved in anything stupid. Now he's showing signs that he is getting involved in this stuff (vaping, snapchatting late at night etc.) I'm not having him, at 13 years of age, turn into a trouble maker. How can I encourage him to make other friends, I know that some children are loners and as they go through to college or work they will meet like-minded people, but I am genuinely worried that my DS is not making an effort to do anything now. It's like he just isn't bothered. He doesn't want to join a club or group, he doesn't want to do anything else in school, he seems to have no interest in life in general. It worries me...A LOT! When my DH asked him why he didn't get on with anyone else in his classes in school his reply was "I don't like people". A the moment the only thing he does is a guitar lesson once a week. Anything I've suggested, and I've suggested lots!!), he has had no interest in. If his "friend" did it then he would, but I want him to make up his own mind and do something that interests him! All and any advise greatly appreciated!! x

appledrop

Its very difficult when teenagers decide to choose friends who we don't think are a good influence on him. I don't think banning the friendship will get you anyway however I do think it would be a good idea to have a chat with him about what you expect in your house + rules + consequences. I wouldn't refer to friend but would refer to behaviour that you won't tolerate in your house vaping etc.

It's great that he has an interest in music + is willing to go near once a week. Check wth the school to see if there is any other after school activities/clubs that he could go to. I know you say he is not keen but if music related he might go or maybe you need to push him a bit + make him try them. 13 is a bit young for him to be calling the shots.

While his friendship is not ideal in your eyes at least he has one friend at the moment.

It's a very tough age for all parents. Best of luck with it.