Worried about son 13 years old - No Friends

pob82

Hello all,
It's been a long time since I posted here and this is a bit of a long rant so please bare with me!!
My DS is 13 years old. He was always a happy outgoing child. He got to about 11 and a half/going on 12 and started getting moody. That's to be expected I suppose. He was a very fast developer so the hormones were probably raging through him.
Where we live there are not many kids his age. The nearest in age to him would be two 15 year old boys. He is particularly close to one of these lads. The lad he is friends with is a manipulator. Always has been. If he says jump my lad will say how high. I've found that over the last year or so this lad has made sure that my DS has been isolated from all of his primary school friends. He started secondary school in September last year, he has been getting on well grades wise, but has not mixed with anyone in his year at all. He doesn't seem to spend any time with the boys he was friends with in primary school at all any more. He spends his lunchbreak sitting with the 15 year old friend from our estate. He is not sporty, he doesn't like sports at all actually, he is a very good swimmer, but on moving to secondary school the times of training didn't suit so he had to leave the swimming team. I'm worried that he is isolated to the point where he has no one else. This "friend" of his has always been a bit of a trouble maker (which is often remarked upon by neighbours and anyone that knows him), but I've always trusted my DS not to get involved in anything stupid. Now he's showing signs that he is getting involved in this stuff (vaping, snapchatting late at night etc.) I'm not having him, at 13 years of age, turn into a trouble maker. How can I encourage him to make other friends, I know that some children are loners and as they go through to college or work they will meet like-minded people, but I am genuinely worried that my DS is not making an effort to do anything now. It's like he just isn't bothered. He doesn't want to join a club or group, he doesn't want to do anything else in school, he seems to have no interest in life in general. It worries me...A LOT! When my DH asked him why he didn't get on with anyone else in his classes in school his reply was "I don't like people". A the moment the only thing he does is a guitar lesson once a week. Anything I've suggested, and I've suggested lots!!), he has had no interest in. If his "friend" did it then he would, but I want him to make up his own mind and do something that interests him! All and any advise greatly appreciated!! x

rainbowtrout

You mightn't be able to get him to mix with other kids his own age immediately but you can control what is going on at home. E.g. no phone after 9pm at night, phone must be left downstairs with you, so no late night snapchats etc.

You can treat vaping in the same way as smoking and let him know there are consequences for doing it.

Maybe check out if there are any lunchtime activities in his school that he could get involved in so he's not spending all his time with this older lad.

Even if he can't go back to swimming competitively could you bring him in the evenings so he's not hanging around the estate and it breaks up contact with this guy a bit? Also presumably there are other kids who are his age on the swimming team he was involved with, how do they manage for training?

You could perhaps also have a chat with his teachers, without letting him know and maybe if there are group projects going on during the year that they could put him in groups with his old friends where he might start interacting with them a bit more and hopefully the friendships might rekindle?

Also the fact that he is 13 and the other lad is 15 doesn't mean you have to give him the freedom of a 15 year old. You don't want him to be isolated but you set the rules in your house.

Gingermac

Can you change schools?

AndrewJRenko

If the guitar is the thing he likes, can you build on this? Arrange group lessons, or get him to start a band, or get involved with music in the school?