Male carer for toddlers and its impact on kids

eeguy

Requesting your child has a female carer because men are more likely to be abusers is no different to requesting your cleaner be white because black people are more likely to steal.

It's bigoted and it sends a far more dangerous message. Would you rather your daughter grow up in a balanced environment or grow up fearing all men as potential rapists?

Owryan

What exactly will she be exposed to by having a male change her nappy? Is he going to be naked while doing it or singing racist songs?

I assume you change her nappy, how will it be so different?

Heaven forbid she goes to school and has a male teacher.

eeguy

Owryan wrote: »

What exactly will she be exposed to by having a male change her nappy? Is he going to be naked while doing it or singing racist songs?

I assume you change her nappy, how will it be so different?

Heaven forbid she goes to school and has a male teacher.

Maybe if her father does it she'll grow up with Daddy issues and be attracted to older men?

shesty

kerten wrote: »

Yes, that is exactly my concern. She is at an age discovering/observing everything and making decisions based on her findings.

And feel free call me a a control freak or helicopter parent, I would like to control what she is being exposed in this stage as much as I can. This is to me no different than not allowing her to watch cartoons than R rated movies.

When she reaches 4-5 years old, I would have a chance to give her education about those topics but at this age it is pretty much control her environment and exposure.

But the problem is that you won't be able to drop this habit.And in 'protecting' her (which by the way I do understand) you will teach her that she can't stand up for herself, and that she needs a man to do it for her....My elder is not 4 yet and already she is differentiating between boys and girls, despite not being exposed to cartoons/ads/gender specific toys.Waiting til 4-5 years, you've gone too far. Since she was small, I want her to be able to feel she can say "no" when someone is doing something she doesn't like, and that extends to not hugging people when she's 'told' to by other people, or telling Nana and Grandad to give her space when she feels overwhelmed.It's too confusing for them otherwise.
I do get she is small, it's your job at this age, but it's a hard habit to break.
By the way, you would do better to worry less about R rated cartoons, and more about the advertising in between that heavily promotes the gender stereotypes.

Glass fused light

kerten wrote: »

Thanks for the constructive comment here. Yes I believe in that she won't have the same level of barrier with females due to exposure in creche in her childhood.

Isn't that same type risk I am referring to ? Yes it certainly is.

Obviously not all molesters are male but unfortunately in my opinion male ones are the more aggressive ones to get what they need. Those all my personal opinions at the end of the day and questioning male carers in early age is not the only thing I will be doing towards to her protection.

You are male caring for her and you are already teaching her that it is acceptable for a male to change her nappy, wash her, dress and undress her.

Once you move on to toilet training you will probably end up with her running around with no knickers or bottoms, coming out of the bathroom looking to get her bottom wiped etc. Once she is dressing herself you will end up having to explain why knickers (and other bits of clothing) are not optional extras but to cover up 'private' body parts.
It's how you handle this and how open you are in allowing discussion to evolve, which will best protect your child.

El_Duderino 09

kerten wrote: »

Are you comparing a doctor/nurse checking your kid once every 2-3 months while you are next to him/her to a carer changing her nappies in separate changing room 2-3 times a day ?.

The doctor will be a stranger. The guy in the crèche won't be a stranger for long.

I think you're anxiety is being completely misdirected at this crèche worker. As someone said above, a child is more likely to be abused by someone known to them than a perfect stranger convincing them to get into their car.

It's ok to be anxious but you need to figure out what the actual cause of the anxiety is.

Jimbob1977

Female childcare workers have been convicted of abuse and making child pornography.

It's no wonder that male teachers have almost been purged from primary schools.

kerten

shesty wrote: »

OP I actually do feel for you.

I think your reaction is probably a gut one, based on years of society's definition of gender based roles.I think you should speak to the creche about your concerns.BUT I don't think you can expect too much by way of a reaction from the creche.They aren't doing anything wrong.So then it really becomes up to you to decide is this something that sits so badly with you that you feel you must move your daughter to another creche??That is your decision to make I'm afraid.

I just want to (confusedly) explain the context of my thinking to you....I am a mum of daughters.I am engineer, working in an male-heavy, engineering environment.I want to try to avoid my daughters feeling they can only do 'girl' things, and I want them to know they are as good as any male - but at the same time, when my elder told me one of the student teachers in her playschool was a man, I raised an eyebrow internally.Much as I did, when I realised a male midwife was going to assist me when I gave birth to my second.You'd think I'd know better, given my own background.Even just this morning, my elder told me she wanted to see a 'girl dentist, not a boy one'.I told her she saw a 'boy doctor' a few weeks ago , and that was ok, wasn't it....as I mentally chided myself for possibly giving her the message that strange men looking at her is ok....

My point is, it's a bloody minefield.Your brain will be fried trying to give a neutral message while surrounded by a world that bombards your daughter (in particular) with messages about what it's ok for girls to do.Your daughter is very small, and it won't make any difference to her.It's your issues that are the problem here, and I think if you can talk to the creche about your feelings it might help.Honestly I am sure you won't be the only parent feeling this way. And if it still bugs you, then by all meams movle her, but do acknowledge to yourself that you are moving her for you, more than for her.

And maybe put some time into thinking about the next few years and the messages you want to give her as she gets bigger and realises that genders are different.Do you want to teach her she's a girl, and there's certain things she should do as a girl, while boys do other stuff....or do you want to teach her that she is as good as any man, and she should feel free to blaze her own path and own her own life?

I have to thank you for putting my feelings into words properly. I fully agree that I justify moving her today for my peace of mind. We do many things when growing up a child and most of those are driven with the hope of positive impact on kids. Can we measure those ? No we can't mostly but we still do them.

Yes there is certainly bias towards to certain things even they are not fair by today's society standards.

But what I really don't understand is such bias didn't appear out of nowhere, it was human beings have done pretty nasty stuff and still doing and such bias becomes instinct in your life. Like questions above "Are you planning to leave you kid alone in the street" is result of such human actions.

Maybe I am taking this to another level by overthinking(engineer myself) but any parent does that in many topics.

Regarding to message I give to my daughter, I agree with girls vs boys stuff and I am already doing this to not to create such distinction. When it comes to protecting herself, I am not planning to do this based on gender as well. Risk is a risk regardless of where it comes from.

Glass fused light

Jimbob1977 wrote: »

Female childcare workers have been convicted of abuse and making child pornography.

It's no wonder that male teachers have almost been purged from primary schools.

It's worse than that a niece of mine fell in the playground at break time and the female teacher did not even wash off the stones and mud from the cut due to the child welfare policy of no touching.

Owryan

kerten wrote: »

I am not planning to do this based on gender as well. Risk is a risk regardless of where it comes from.

This is exactly what you have done, you saw a male worker, decided he was a risk purely on his gender and reacted to it. Nothing to back up or support that risk only your prejudice.

Friend of a friend (of a friend) gave up his job as a carer (albeit he was working with older people, not kids). Said the constant scrutiny was exhausting.

I'd imagine that If I was into molesting kids and child porn and all that craic, that the last job I'd want is a carer. Everyone looking at you with suspicion for everything you do, no matter how small or trivial.

OP I'd be more concerned with giving the child a balanced view of the world and instilling some common goodness into them. Not teaching them that men are predators. Besides, a carer is a chap doing a job. Much as Im sure most of them like their line of work, at the end of the day, it is just a job, and they, like everyone else, can't wait to go home. They're not there to replace parents. You still need to do the legwork.


Part of me can't believe this thread even exists, to be honest.

pwurple

kerten wrote: »

osarusan wrote: »

Your idea seems to be that because your infant daughter has had her nappy changed by a male carer, this experience will stick with her and will somehow make her less resistant to and thus more vulnerable to pedophiles (male ones at least) in the future?

You appear to be genuine about this, but I don't think it is reasonable in any way whatsoever.  You haven't really been able to (or even attempted to) justify why you worry about this at all.

Yes, that is exactly my concern. She is at an age discovering/observing  everything and making decisions based on her findings.

And feel free call me a a control freak or helicopter parent, I would like to control what she is being exposed in this stage as much as I can. This is to me no different than not allowing her to watch cartoons than R rated movies.

When she reaches 4-5 years old, I would have a chance to give her education about those topics but at this age it is pretty much control her environment and exposure.

You're possibly asking us to help you assess this risk, as you think it is something that can't be quantified. I do a bit of risk assessing as part of my job, yet to come across something that can't be mitigated / assessed.
Here's a link for you.
https://www.cachouston.org/child-sexual-abuse-facts/

Likelihood of child being molested at all. Low.
Mitigations / risk reductions / actions you can take, or be aware of. 

• Parents be employed and from a higher socio-economic background. 
• Family structure with lowest risk: Two married biological parents who are together.

Child: 

• Do not be a foster child or come from a broken family.  
• Be white. 
• Be male. 
• Be a happy confident, untroubled child. 
• Be outside the ages of 7-13. 
• Live in a city or non-rural area. 
• Do not be disabled. 
• Do not witness abuse. 
• Be outside the house.  (71% of abuse occurs in the residence)

Hope that helps OP, and you don't lock your child up in a nunnery for the rest of her days.

Malayalam

Whoa, OP. You attracted the negative flack. Wrongly so, in my opinion. And not because I think there is anything wrong with male carers in a creche - there is absolutely not! Sounds great! Nor is there anything wrong with male nurses, teachers, whatever.
But as a parent for it to cross your mind that a male you don't know hardly at all will be dealing with your girl-child's bottom, maybe applying nappy rash creams, or cleaning the vulval area - and for you to feel somewhat apprehensive about that - I do not reckon you are the spawn of Satan for having entertained such thoughts. Imagine!
I don't know what the evolutionary biology word for that kind of instinctive concern is, but don't beat yourself up for having it. Or let others beat you up for having it either. It may be of course that one can educate oneself and rationalise such a concern away, but I feel there is something instinctive about it and it being there in the first place is acceptable. When it came to my father and brothers - none of whom were or are renowned nappy changers, let's be honest - I wouldn't have batted an eyelid at them wiping the shyte off my boy-child's backsides, but I would not - for whatever primitive, instinctive, reflexive, non-PC, irrational, primeval reason - have felt so casual about them cleaning my daughters bottom. Not the same feeling with regards my husband of course, but again on an evolutionary biological level the father of the girl-child is in a different genetic, psychic, instinctive role.
So feck it, old primordial instincts have stirred. Don't beat your self up. Don't be put off by all this flack here. It is not the carer's fault - I am sure he is a lovely fellow and will be fab in his job. But if you want a female caregiver to wipe your girl-child's bottom clean, then I do not see how that is somehow utterly bizarre. Maybe just ask at creche and a reasonable creche owners response will be forth-coming?

iamwhoiam

Deleted User wrote: »

Friend of a friend (of a friend) gave up his job as a carer (albeit he was working with older people, not kids). Said the constant scrutiny was exhausting.

I'd imagine that If I was into molesting kids and child porn and all that craic, that the last job I'd want is a carer. Everyone looking at you with suspicion for everything you do, no matter how small or trivial.

OP I'd be more concerned with giving the child a balanced view of the world and instilling some common goodness into them. Not teaching them that men are predators. Besides, a carer is a chap doing a job. Much as Im sure most of them like their line of work, at the end of the day, it is just a job, and they, like everyone else, can't wait to go home. They're not there to replace parents. You still need to do the legwork.


Part of me can't believe this thread even exists, to be honest.

I know first hand of highly qualified male paeds nurses who also gave up being in a clinical situation because of people like the OP constantly doubting them

kerten

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

The doctor will be a stranger. The guy in the crèche won't be a stranger for long.

I think you're anxiety is being completely misdirected at this crèche worker. As someone said above, a child is more likely to be abused by someone known to them than a perfect stranger convincing them to get into their car.

It's ok to be anxious but you need to figure out what the actual cause of the anxiety is.

I tried to explain this earlier in this thread. I don't see male carer is a bigger risk than female carer in class as an individual. Risk there is same for both if they are risk to my kid. If such abuse occurs, only thing you an rely on is others in vicinity or your kids showing symptoms.

It is the setup of the creche and how much thinking goes into that was my point.

But it seems to be majority thinks it is irrational(without saying anything why other than in family molestation is a bigger risk so potential message given to kids in creshe is negligible) and gender equality is more important than such s small risk for your kids.

Thanks everyone for theirs opinion on this topic regardless what it is. It helps me to rethink my position in this and act better.

MileHighGuy

Well I can only hope some Male childcare workers are reading this thread. I'm sure it will hearten them, that the overwhelmingly majority of posters see absolutely no issue with the care they give their child on a daily basis.

kerten wrote: »

I fully agree that I justify moving her today for my peace of mind .

I'm afraid if you don't address your own unfounded concerns, you will never have peace of mind.

kerten wrote: »

Maybe I am taking this to another level by overthinking(engineer myself) but any parent does that in many topics.

Yes, I absolutely think you are overthinking it. Not being funny, but do you see "female dentists" and "female doctors" and "female bus drivers"? They are just dentists, doctors and bus drivers, end of.

kerten wrote: »

Regarding to message I give to my daughter, I agree with girls vs boys stuff and I am already doing this to not to create such distinction. .

You are doing the complete opposite and from reading your posts will continue down that route.

Neyite

Look, maybe it's a good thing that this has forced you to think hard about child protection. I hope you come to realise that if the carer is fully vetted and supervised that your fears are unfounded.

It's never too early to begin teaching our children about bodily autonomy.

The younger the better. You teach her the proper names of private parts,
answer questions as honestly and in an age appropriate way as possible rather than lying. You teach that during tickle fights or playing if someone says stop, the other person has to stop.

Things like insisting she kisses Aunt Mabel or is forced to dole out hugs to all and sundry when she really doesn't want to will erode that bodily autonomy of hers far quicker than a male professional changing her nappy while his colleague is right beside him changing another child.

When she's potty trained, you build on that and explain about bathroom privacy, and explaining that its private unless something is sore and then it gets looked at by a parent or doctor to fix it.

You tell her that secrets are only supposed to make you feel happy and nice - like planning a surprise for mammy, and that if someone tells her a secret that makes her feel sad or scared, that she should always tell her parents because they can help.

You make sure that you know who are the people around her, and pay attention to her interacting with adults. If she's odd with someone, don't force it, it could be just a toddler phase but don't override it on her.

uck51js9zml2yt

chubbs2011 wrote: »

your child will never remember having a nappy changed. she is only 2 years of age. Why is it ok for a female to change her nappy and not a male or a female change a males nappy.

I occasionally remind my niece that I changed her nappies....the cringe factor is priceless

She's now in her 30's and a stable adult.

El_Duderino 09

kerten wrote: »

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

The doctor will be a stranger. The guy in the crèche won't be a stranger for long.

I think you're anxiety is being completely misdirected at this crèche worker. As someone said above, a child is more likely to be abused by someone known to them than a perfect stranger convincing them to get into their car.

It's ok to be anxious but you need to figure out what the actual cause of the anxiety is.

I tried to explain this earlier in this thread. I don't see male carer is a bigger risk than female carer in class as an individual. Risk there is same for both if they are risk to my kid. If such abuse occurs, only thing you an rely on is others in vicinity or your kids showing symptoms.

It is the setup of the creche and how much thinking goes into that was my point.

But it seems to be majority thinks it is irrational(without saying anything why other than in family molestation is a bigger risk so potential message given to kids in creshe is negligible) and gender equality is more important than such s small risk for your kids.

Thanks everyone for theirs opinion on this topic regardless what it is. It helps me to rethink my position in this and act better.

I completely get that you don't see the man himself as a risk. You said it gives your daughter the impression that it's ok for a strange man to touch her which could make her vulnerable in the future. Presumably because she might be less wary around other strange men.

The fact that most abusers aren't strangers is relevant. Your fear is irrational.

GreeBo

kerten wrote: »

Yes, that is exactly my concern. She is at an age discovering/observing everything and making decisions based on her findings.

And feel free call me a a control freak or helicopter parent, I would like to control what she is being exposed in this stage as much as I can. This is to me no different than not allowing her to watch cartoons than R rated movies.

When she reaches 4-5 years old, I would have a chance to give her education about those topics but at this age it is pretty much control her environment and exposure.

Would you keep her away from blondes if the statistics showed blonde people are more likely to abuse children?
How about black people?
Can you see where I am going with this?

And no, is it VERY different than controlling what movies she watches.

Keyzer

Dead right OP... Sure us men are all child molesting rapists anyway, best not take the chance.

kerten

GreeBo wrote: »

Would you keep her away from blondes if the statistics showed blonde people are more likely to abuse children?
How about black people?
Can you see where I am going with this?

And no, is it VERY different than controlling what movies she watches.

I can't follow your logic to be honest. If someone/something puts my kid at risk, I won't care who or what it is to decide if I should protect my kid and I educate her to be ready for the pattern leading the risk not the individual's race or color or gender.

I feel like thread got too long to be read fully and I already became a racist bigoted potential molester and someone who will grow up kids with discrimination as a ultimate motive.

After some research and posts in this topic, I can see that my fear is based on 10% of the total reported cases where attacker is not part of the family and we are at relatively low risk group for this particular risk.

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/globalassets/documents/statistics-and-information/child-protection-register-statistics-england.pdf

heroics

Is it any wonder men don't want to go into caring/teaching roles with parents like the OP around.

Op you need to take a look at yourself and your imaginary fears. From reading your posts I am actually feeling sorry for you daughter when she grows up.

You seem to say that you are not discriminating based on gender but you are. It is exactly what you are doing. You are teaching her that women do some jobs and men do others.

Can female creche workers change male babies nappies? Haven't seen you answer that yet.

Also as above this is nothing to do with what movies she watches.

SortingYouOut

I'd usually agree with this being sexist but when I put myself in that situation, I have to say I'd probably feel the same way as the OP. It's purely due to the fact that I was brought up always having female minders and if I was ever changed my a man, it'd only ever be my father.

I guess it's hard to look past the fact that most convicted paedophiles are men and the risk is higher.

Again, that is just the way I was brought up but not necessarily PC.

Nekarsulm

kerten wrote: »

I tried to explain this earlier in this thread. I don't see male carer is a bigger risk than female carer in class as an individual. Risk there is same for both if they are risk to my kid. If such abuse occurs, only thing you an rely on is others in vicinity or your kids showing symptoms.

It is the setup of the creche and how much thinking goes into that was my point.

But it seems to be majority thinks it is irrational(without saying anything why other than in family molestation is a bigger risk so potential message given to kids in creshe is negligible) and gender equality is more important than such s small risk for your kids.

Thanks everyone for theirs opinion on this topic regardless what it is. It helps me to rethink my position in this and act better.

Backpeddling now, OP.
You absolutely see the male carer as a bigger risk than a female carer.
Look at the name you give the thread.

Now you are trying to say it's the layout of the Creche, and how it's organised that is a problem.

How about this happy thought, Garda Vetting only means they haven't been caught yet.

For the sake of the Creche, and its workers, move your child somewhere else.

Seth Brundle

Nekarsulm wrote: »

How about this happy thought, Garda Vetting only means they haven't been caught yet.

So does that mean that I'm a paedo but just not been caught?
I presume that I'm also a rapist and wife beater.
On the good side, I'm a better driver too though!

iamwhoiam

This child needs a parent who is less anxious and teaches the child how to cope in real situations not in imaginary ones . Honestly I am starting to doubt the whole thread .

kerten

heroics wrote: »

Is it any wonder men don't want to go into caring/teaching roles with parents like the OP around.

Op you need to take a look at yourself and your imaginary fears. From reading your posts I am actually feeling sorry for you daughter when she grows up.

You seem to say that you are not discriminating based on gender but you are. It is exactly what you are doing. You are teaching her that women do some jobs and men do others.

Can female creche workers change male babies nappies? Haven't seen you answer that yet.

Also as above this is nothing to do with what movies she watches.

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=106751724&postcount=41

Glass fused light

kerten wrote: »

I tried to explain this earlier in this thread. I don't see male carer is a bigger risk than female carer in class as an individual. Risk there is same for both if they are risk to my kid. If such abuse occurs, only thing you an rely on is others in vicinity or your kids showing symptoms.

It is the setup of the creche and how much thinking goes into that was my point.

But it seems to be majority thinks it is irrational(without saying anything why other than in family molestation is a bigger risk so potential message given to kids in creshe is negligible) and gender equality is more important than such s small risk for your kids.

Thanks everyone for theirs opinion on this topic regardless what it is. It helps me to rethink my position in this and act better.

If you mean sex bias in the caring professions? In child care this is evolved due to biology. Pregnant and breast feeding women can't hunt or fight as sucessfull as an unencumbered female or male. When the little critters start to run around its logic for these women to provide child care same logic applies to farming practice and to factory work.  Nursing as a profession evolves from the military, males all being out on the front line trying to killing each other while the female were doing triage for injured, a male doing the same would have been shot for desertion.  Male 'aggression' in matters of sex abuse is also partly a social construction due to how society previously regulated sex.  This construct is changing. Sex abuse by females is harder to detect, post puberty it has historically been seen as the lad scoring.

The message that all males are sex offenders is irrational. The idea that a male in crèche will groom your girl for sex abuse but your interactions as a male won't is irrational.


Not to pull the thread off topic but gender is not sex. Google self id, transgender and girl guides uk if you really want to worry about how complex safeguarding is becoming.

MileHighGuy

kerten wrote: »

If someone/something puts my kid at risk,

......you mean "puts my kids at (my own imagined) risk"......

kerten wrote: »

I won't care who or what it is to decide if I should protect my kid and I educate her....

I'm not sure why you canvassed opinion on the matter if that's the case. Of course you are free to do as you please. Even if it is wrong.

kerten wrote: »

....to be ready for the pattern leading the risk not the individual's race or color or gender.

...you are absolutely talking about the persons gender. You never mentioned having an issue with the "pattern" of female staff changing nappies.

kerten wrote: »

I feel like thread got too long to be read fully

Well you did ask people's opinion's in your OP.

BelovedAunt

If you feel this strongly, why not mind her yourself instead of in a crèche?

fineso.mom

mloc123 wrote: »

Look at this rationally. The female carer in the creche changes her nappy and toilet trains etc.. Does this build the idea in your daughters mind that *all* women are allowed to touch her now and in the future?

At some point in the future you will have to have a conversation with her about "private" parts of her body that NOBODY is allowed to touch... male or female.

OP read this and then read it again.

iamwhoiam

What a cop out OP . Instead of teaching your child how to be safe you think its ok to ask a creche to move a member of staff because you have imagined a situation ? Unbelievable

Nekarsulm

kbannon wrote: »

So does that mean that I'm a paedo but just not been caught?
I presume that I'm also a rapist and wife beater.
On the good side, I'm a better driver too though!

Can you prove that you're not?
You have given us no information on how you treat your (presumably) female partner.
The male creche worker has been investigated by the Gardai and passed vetting or he would not be employed in the Creche.
But you are not satisfied by this and believe that he is a risk to your child.

Why ask for people's opinions when you are determined to ignore any answers given?

eviltwin

Find another creche or get a child minder or mind her yourself.

Poor guy is just trying to make a living and he has to deal with this kind of suspicion. You are the problem OP not him

I hope you are able to sort your paranoia out because it's not fair on your daughter to let her grow up seeing men as dangerous

heroics

kerten wrote: »

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=106751724&postcount=41

No you answered that you didn't mind a female changing your daughters nappy as much. but everyone got that from your OP and your comments since.

Maybe this is easier. What if you had a son, would you let a female change his nappy?

In your mind every man that comes into contact with your daughter in a caring role is potentially grooming her for sexual assault later. You need to deal with these concerns before you pass this onto your daughter.

You say that at this age she is watching and learning what is going on. You are therefore passing your bias onto her as well.

heroics

Nekarsulm wrote: »

Can you prove that you're not?
You have given us no information on how you treat your (presumably) female partner.
The male creche worker has been investigated by the Gardai and passed vetting or he would not be employed in the Creche.
But you are not satisfied by this and believe that he is a risk to your child.

Why ask for people's opinions when you are determined to ignore any answers given?

I presume KBannon was taking the pi$$. He is not the OP

Glass fused light

heroics wrote: »

I presume KBannon was taking the pi$$.

Definitely.. Better driver !:rolleyes: try telling that to the risk underwriters

Nekarsulm

Sorry Kbannon,
Mis read your post as being made by the OP!

H3llR4iser

I don't think there is any amount of discussion that will change the way you think, OP; I'll leave the consequences of that with you.

Just one thing - ideally, you'd think of the well-being of the unfortunate creche worker and find a way to get what you want (a female carer) without making him pay the dues of your own convictions; He has done no wrong, but the simple fact the creche deemed it necessary to "warn you" there'd be a male carer, speaks of the fact that a lot of people are still indeed guided by prejudice. Wouldn't be the first time a care worker was let off for "being male".

Seth Brundle

Nekarsulm wrote: »

Sorry Kbannon,
Mis read your post as being made by the OP!

Aah bloody hell - I had gone on the offensive and had a rant filled post and you then had to go and clarify yourself.

Ultimate Seduction

I feel sorry for your child OP. You will do her far more damage than any one else.

Glass fused light

H3llR4iser wrote: »

I don't think there is any amount of discussion that will change the way you think, OP; I'll leave the consequences of that with you.

Just one thing - ideally, you'd think of the well-being of the unfortunate creche worker and find a way to get what you want (a female carer) without making him pay the dues of your own convictions; He has done no wrong, but the simple fact the creche deemed it necessary to "warn you" there'd be a male carer, speaks of the fact that a lot of people are still indeed guided by prejudice. Wouldn't be the first time a care worker was let off for "being male".

I very much doubt it was a warning.
I would expect the crèche informs all the parents of staffing changes which impact their childrens care. I would expect it as a matter of good manners, that a carer should be introduced in person where they are new on staff.

Bacchus

I think it's all been covered already but the big point for me is the OP seems to think removing the male carer from certain duties is somehow "teaching" his daughter something positive about her body and boundaries. The only thing it's teaching her is that there's something wrong/dangerous/negative about men which could have very damaging consequences on how she views men and relationships as she gets older. It's not teaching her anything about boundaries, that's something you, the parent needs to teach when they are old enough to understand. Of course you can implement body positive practices/language in your day to day life while she is still a toddler but really it's something you'll teach in a more direct way when she can understand the concepts a bit better.

As a dad to a little girl myself, I can understand your unease with the scenario but really, the best course of action is to address your own issues and if it's that serious for you, talk to the creche about it to seek reassurance (not to impose rules on the male carer).

iamwhoiam

Glass fused light wrote: »

I very much doubt it was a warning.
I would expect the crèche informs all the parents of staffing changes which impact their childrens care. I would expect it as a matter of good manners, that a carer should be introduced in person where they are new on staff.

Absolutely right . When a new carer comes to my granddaughters creche they put up a notice introducing the carer . And the put a print out of qualifications and introduce her to the parents or guardians and to the children .

Nekarsulm

kbannon wrote: »

Aah bloody hell - I had gone on the offensive and had a rant filled post and you then had to go and clarify yourself.

Sorry 'bout that.
A rant wasted is a terrible thing....

Seth Brundle

Glass fused light wrote: »

I very much doubt it was a warning.
I would expect the crèche informs all the parents of staffing changes which impact their childrens care. I would expect it as a matter of good manners, that a carer should be introduced in person where they are new on staff.

The creche warned parents because unfortunately the OP's views aren't that uncommon. I completely disagree with the OP's attitude but it's easy for me to look down from my high horse because I haven't been put in that position. If I had then maybe it would cross my mind: I don't know.

I know a fella that would have been brilliant with kids but he and his OH can't have any of their own. He was highly qualified but always found it difficult finding work because of these attitudes.

To be honest, the creche we've used has had its share of barely qualified staff, usually just our of school themselves. I believe that the guy I know would do a much better job than them but unfortunately society has these prejudices. Parents pay the creche. The creche won't want to raise dust so IMO will opt for the lesser qualified young one over the qualified man.

Glass fused light

kbannon wrote: »

The creche warned parents because unfortunately your views aren't that uncommon.

Not sure what you mean by " my views"? Cheers re #100

kbannon wrote: »

The creche won't want to raise dust so IMO will opt for the lesser qualified young one over the qualified man.

In this instance the crèche has opted for the man, it's possible that if there is a mass exodus that the crèche will let the man go on an a last in first out basis. But they had to be aware, that legally, once he signed their contract he a protected class of worker and so harder to get rid of than his female colleague.

Seth Brundle

Glass fused light wrote: »

Not sure what you mean by "my views"?

Typo - fixed thanks.

Mr.H

How would you feel if I put up a post about how I feel my son being touched by a female carer would send the wrong message so I don't think the creche should allow so many female carers?

Or is it sexist when women are targeted?

We are not talking about a stranger as such. Any carer will become a non stranger to the child. Of course there are other points such as; women can also moleste and are statistically more likely to beat a child. Then there is the fact that carers should be looked at in the same bracket as health care workers. Would you not like your daughter to be treated by a male doctor or nurse just because "it sends a wrong message"?

You need to be rational and realise treating men and women different is the wrong message.

Any man or woman working as a carer is hopefully well capable of being a great carer to your child. Regardless of your child's gender.