Ideal Gap

ggg16

What do you perceive as the ideal gap age-wise between children and why?
Deciding here. Obviously we are taking it we conceive straight away like last time and all goes well. Am aware both might not.

IvoryTower

Im 8 years older than my youngest brother and we're very close, i would guess 1-5 years is ideal but as you get older it makes less difference, then no difference from late 20s onwards.

arsebiscuits82

There was 15 months between our 2, he is 2 next month and they are best buddies. Busy house but they’re a joy to watch together

pwurple

WOrld health organization recommended gap for optimum health of infant and mother is 3 years.

That’s my perceived ideal gap.

There are studies on infant mortality, higher rates of autism etc for birth spacing less than that. There are studies that show risks for gaps larger than 5 years also.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/getting-pregnant/in-depth/family-planning/art-20044072

fits

I’d think 3 years is ideal. But 2 is fine.

30 seconds between ours !

sillysocks

We’ve two and a half years between our first two(and they’re great friends now), and then 3.5 years between number 2&3. It suited us, and we liked that by the time the next baby came the older ones could do things for themselves. Even just being able to play by themselves a bit, feed themselves, sleep better (and they are easier to manage if anyone offers babysitting!)

When I see people with two very young babies I don’t know how they manage with the small gaps. I really couldn’t!
Although there is now 6 years between my eldest and youngest which does seem quite a big gap, but generally it has worked well for us.

I think when people ask questions like this every reply is different.

wexie

Not sure there is such a thing as the ideal gap. Depending on the children involved really.

From a practical point of view though (we found this out the hard way) it's very helpful if number 1 can walk reasonably well by the time you're pregnant with number 2...
Carrying around a small toddler when you're heavily pregnant (and may or may not have a bad back) isn't ideal.

smaoifs

According to an article my mother forwarded to me, the ideal gap is 2.25 years.

denismc

There is about 2 minutes between my first 2. They seem to get on great so far:D

jlm29

There’s four years between my first two. And 18 months between the second and third. The small age gap is harder when you’re pregnant. But the big age gap is harder overall I think. I found having to do the school run and after school activities etc with a new born in tow a killer. It’s much easier to not have to be anywhere at any particular time.
But that depends on your set up (my oh works crazy hours, so I do everything), and geography (we live half an hour from school- if my eldest was in the local school, which is 5 min away, maternity leave would be much easier)

unknowngirl!!

pwurple wrote: »

WOrld health organization recommended gap for optimum health of infant and mother is 3 years.

That’s my perceived ideal gap.

There are studies on infant mortality, higher rates of autism etc for birth spacing less than that. There are studies that show risks for gaps larger than 5 years also.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/getting-pregnant/in-depth/family-planning/art-20044072

8 months postpartum and pregnant with baby 2. Wish I hadn't seen your post :0

shesty

There was a thread on this previously....
21 mth age gap between 1&2 and (shortly I hope) a 2 year age gap between 2 & 3.Deliberately left the extra couple of months the second time.

Depends on how you feel.Me, I find since we are in the nappy-zone anyway, might aswell get it done.The advantages are that the closeness in age means their toys and games are of interest to one another, and they are great pals (mostly!!!).Disadvantages being that it is HARD work the first year, you could be very, very sleep deprived depending on how your kids sleep, two lots of nappy changes is a pain in the A&*% and your older will be going through the toddler years while you have a smallie....making it twice as hard in some ways because the older won't be able to help or verbalise how they are feeling about the new arrival (and help you with subsequent behavioural issues!!).On the other hand, these are all very, very short term issues, and even after just a year, the benefits of a close age gap outweigh the disadvantages in terms of parenting.

Personally I would find it tough to have a 4/5 year old and have to start all over again.But that's personal opinion.

catrionanic

Ideally we wanted 2.5-3 years, but Mother Nature had other ideas and it will be 20 months, maybe 21 if this one is as late as my first was!

I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant and have a 14 month old. It was tough being so sick and exhausted in the first trimester and not being able to do much with my wee man - we were stuck indoors a lot. I imagine the third trimester will be really hard as he will have properly found his feet by then and be running everywhere, and I’m expecting the pelvic problems I had on my first to return so I’ll not be very mobile... but we will cope!

deliberately not thinking too much about when the baby is here and I’m changing a thousand nappies a day and getting no sleep, plus dealing with toddler jealousy... ignorance is bliss for now!

bee06

There are so many variables with this including the type of children you end up with. If I was to wait the recommended 3 years I’d be 38 and if it took us as long to concieve again as this time I’d be 40 which isn’t what I’d want.

Moonbeam

I think 2 years is perfect.
My lot are(all born in January) 9,7,5 and then a 15 month gap and she is 4. Having a just 4 year old and a 5 year old can be intense and tantrum central.
It was not planned that way but I did not want big gaps.

rainbow kirby

We have a 22 month gap (they are 2 years 1 month and 12 weeks). Being pregnant with a rambunctious toddler is one of the hardest things I've ever done - absolutely exhausting! We're getting the baby phase over and done with relatively quickly though, which is good. Our age wasn't a factor - both myself and my husband are 33 now.

We don't want a third - can't really afford it and after a somewhat traumatic birth with my second I'd rather not go through that again.

seamus

3 years is probably bang on the money, but none are "bad". As a general anecdotal observation, anything outside of 8/9 years tends to lead to a more senior/junior dynamic between siblings, where one feels like they have parental authority over the other, and usually by adulthood they either become closer or become completely disconnected and nod at eachother like semi-familiar cousins.

Kids closer together tend to be much closer through their whole lives, though that's not to say that conflicting over resources can't drive them apart.

Parent-wise, 3 years means that the older one is out of nappies, is for the most part probably entertaining themselves, they can be dressed quickly, can be fed by sticking food in front of them, and will understand how to be careful around the baby. It's really the toddler stage that's the hard bit. If you have two kids in the toddler stage at the same time, you're in for hell until the older one turns 3.

But at the same time, when you have a 3/4/5 year old, the thought of having to dive back into a newborn and go through it all again is exhausting. So there is a lot to be said for stacking them all up and getting through the early years as quickly as possible!

lazygal

We have 15 months between one and two and that was good and bad. Bad at the start because it is madness having two so close but good now because they're both getting ever more independent. I don't automatically think they'll be best buds because they're close in age though.
Number three will be a six and five year gap. This is purely down to circumstances. There's no ideal gap IMO. I'm not looking forward to the newborn stage at all again!

dizzymiss

There's 363 days between my first two. By the time I have this baby they'll be 5.5 and 4.5. I think provided you're well and healthy, you're ideal age gap is what you want it to be.