Whats the quickest you have falling in love with someone?

_Dara_

cantdecide wrote: »

Maybe this is a definitional thing but I've heard and read countless times (eg in the online dating forum and elsewhere) 'I was attracted to them but didn't have chemistry'.

Are you sure it's not worded more like "They were attractive but we had no chemistry". Like, you knew you were looking at a good-looking person but that didn't make you fancy them.

Wibbs

bluewolf wrote:

Only because you kept writing it, it's yea or nay. same pronunciation

When insufferable pedantry fails.

Malayalam wrote: »

Hah, that's mad What a conundrum.

Oddly enough, not really. The "nope" factor was just too much. The pure physical attraction was gone.

cantdecide

Wibbs wrote: »

IIRC the more different your immune systems are the more it's a yay, the more similar the more it's a nay. It seems we were totally incompatible at that level.

Interesting. I see googling in my future.

_Dara_ wrote: »

Are you sure it's not worded more like "They were attractive but we had no chemistry". Like, you knew you were looking at a good-looking person but that didn't make you fancy them.

I'm not sure if we're agreeing or at cross-purposes, _Dara_. I've had occasions where I've met people that have had me crushing on them after talking to them and I've had occasions when someone I initially had little attraction to slowly started floating my boat over time.

Think of meeting someone new through friends or a colleague you get to know over time - it's easy to feel an appreciation or admiration for someone even if you know they're out of your reach - we're only human.

Wibbs

Wibbs wrote: »

When insufferable pedantry fails.

Oddly enough, not really. The "nope" factor was just too much. The pure physical attraction was gone.

I have no idea what this means

PoulM

Last time it took me less than 2 minutes to fall in love.

But I think you need to define falling in love. The bloody well known feeling of butterflies in the solar plexus is a good indication that you've fallen in love. Having the person constantly on one's mind can also be an indication, however, it can also be an indication of hysterical obsession.

PoulM

PoulM wrote: »

Last time it took me less than 2 minutes to fall in love.

But I think you need to define falling in love. The bloody well known feeling of butterflies in the solar plexus is a good indication that you've fallen in love. Having the person constantly on one's mind can also be an indication, however, it can also be an indication of hysterical obsession.

2 minutes? I'd say you fell in lust or infatuation. Butterflies is definitely not an indication of something that deep, imo.

PoulM

Well, you may call it lust, that's allright. It's a severe interest in the other person, and once the butterflies are there, you have a distinct verification that you've fallen in love. That's how it works for me.

Not native English spoken so I don't know what infatuation is, sorry.

Wibbs

bluewolf wrote: »

I have no idea what this means

If it's in regard to your grammar nazism "Yay" is an acceptable spelling. So in future maybe take your corrections to the Spell Czechs forum where it will doubtless be appreciated by your fellow pedants? Never mind spelling/grammar correction is against the AH forum charter.

Wibbs

PoulM wrote: »

Not native English spoken so I don't know what infatuation is, sorry.

Infatuation would be a very quick and often strong romantic interest in someone with little actual experience or knowledge of them. A projection of what you think they are. It may turn out to be love in the long term if who they are matches what you thought, but it may not. Usually only lasts a few months. Kinda like lust with extra romance on top?

You surely need to know someone to love them, anything else is lust or infatuation. Unless you're talking about the visceral love of a parent for their own infant.

It's taken me a couple of months to fall in love, though I had already fallen in like (and in fancying) like crazy.

pickarooney

'officially' two weeks but really it was more a couple of hours. In my 40s.

Chemistry is an actual thing, a very accurate on even, I've discovered. The release of seratonins, endorphins when together and the other two followed by the stark feeling of loss the next day is very like necking a couple of yokes, although thankfully the whole thing is a lot more sincere.

Wibbs

Candie wrote: »

You surely need to know someone to love them, anything else is lust or infatuation. Unless you're talking about the visceral love of a parent for their own infant.

It's taken me a couple of months to fall in love, though I had already fallen in like (and in fancying) like crazy.

Pretty much nail on the head for me anyway C.

pickarooney wrote: »

Chemistry is an actual thing, a very accurate on even, I've discovered. The release of seratonins, endorphins when together and the other two followed by the stark feeling of loss the next day is very like necking a couple of yokes, although thankfully the whole thing is a lot more sincere.

Oh its a drug high alright P, with a vicious hangover if it goes south. Well the higher you go the further you fall, like any buzz. I forget the various compounds involved, but IIRC one of them is found in dark chocolate.

Not so sure I'd say it's necessarily accurate mind you. Likely is on a purely biological compatibility level alright, but the same "buzz" can and does throw people's better judgement and regularly enough with it. That's the cynic in me to be fair. Actually one thing the buzz does is almost completely remove cynicism and a fair amount of self consciousness. Certainly I found that on those occasions I was full on in love. Well my self consciousness is lacking as standard so.... But, yep, my cynicism went on holiday. Across the board too. My friends didn't know me.

PoulM

2 minutes is the quickest for me - the question in the topic says "Whats the quickest you have falling in love with someone?"

Whether it was a "falling in love" or whether it was lust or infatuation or spontanious interest is difficult to say. That's why I said you need to define falling in love

ginandtonicsky

The butterflies in stomach can't stop thinking about them is pure lust and nothing more. It's a carnal animalistic I want to ride the bones of them. The "love" feeling is less of a rollercoaster ride, it's a quiet acceptance that this person isn't some incredible god walking amongst mere mortals but they still simply feels like home, like a warm comfort blanket that fits your skin so perfectly despite all their weird quirks and idiosyncrasies.

Anyway, about four months into the relationship i felt that way with my ex, having known him for about a year by that stage.

zcorpian88

cantdecide wrote: »

It often takes time lots of time, IME. I don't believe in the 'chemistry' and 'spark' business. This is the flaw of online dating.

Best post I've read in some time, think we've come up with this disneyesque illusion of love almost, recently had 2 dates with someone nice, thought we were getting on ok, but it was cut short with the "no spark" thing from her. Literally what she said, Quite disappointing, didn't feel like she was really giving it a chance. I do believe there has to be common ground between two people early on, a bit of chemistry and enjoying the company and you build on that, a coffee and long walk on a first date and dinner and a movie as a second date isn't enough to make your mind up on someone. But that's what happened me recently but cest la vie.

As for the question in the thread title, 5 years ago I dated someone, hit it off, she was great, fell for her after a month, didn't make it known first because a month really isn't a long time, she said it first more or less the same week and it was great she was on the same page. Lasted just shy of 2 years, ended really badly. Mountain of complications with her and I had to end it.

Haven't really dated anyone I liked as much since. When I'm on dates these days, you get the feeling everybody has this kind of guard up and they can't get into it, it's like they are looking down the road to the next online date.