Weddings - a terrible day out.

JohnnyFlash

Definitely not miserable, folks. Widely seen as a gas man, quite a hit with the ladies, can drink 12 pints without breaking a sweat.

Weddings just aren’t much fun. I think it’s time people started speaking out about this important topic. To be honest, a decent funeral wake is better than a bad wedding. And far less expensive.

iamwhoiam

rawn wrote: »

This!! There was something on the Spin103.8. Facebook page recently about some woman who lost her house due to the debt racked up from attending weddings, because it would be a social "faux pas" not to attend.

Just let that sink in for a moment...

More fool her

irelandrover

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Definitely not miserable, folks. Widely seen as a gas man, quite a hit with the ladies, can drink 12 pints without breaking a sweat.

Weddings just aren’t much fun. I think it’s time people started speaking out about this important topic. To be honest, a decent funeral wake is better than a bad wedding. And far less expensive.

Why can't you just say no?

If you didnt expect the invite then you arent that close, and they actually don't want you there but invited you out of politeness. Everyone is happier if you dont go.

Conor Bourke

ballsymchugh wrote: »

getting married in the summer. toying with the idea of putting

'you are summonsed to the wedding...' on the top of the invite.

I was bridesmaid for my friend last year, they made their invitations look like a summons, it was quite amusing

Steve F

The true meaning of a wedding has been lost now(bit like Christmas)
Commercialized to f+++!!!

qwerty ui op

murpho999 wrote: »

You’re obviously not close to these people as the invite seemed to come as a surprise to you. So why go?

I’d guess you’ve been invited out of politeness as you’re family but they won’t be devastated if you don’t go.

The rest of your post just makes you sound very miserable.

Been to foreign weddings and I think Ireland does weddings very well , a real sense of occasion, people dress up well etc. Also, some great venues out there with some very good food offerings.

It's not unusual for some Irish people to be averaging 12/13 weddings a year, even more if you're in a relationship, generally from around 24 to 35 years old, is the worst time. When they start to die down and you look back you couldn't tell one from the other. IT's all just one massive waste of time (hard earned free time) and money.
And true, by law you actually don't have to go but the issue is that, many are under massive pressure to go or risk falling out with someone.

Trust me at least 50% of the guests don't want to be there.

iamwhoiam

Cornelius Crow wrote: »

I was bridesmaid for my friend last year, they made their invitations look like a summons, it was quite amusing

How was it worded as a matter of interest ?

Steve F

qwerty ui op wrote: »

It's not unusual for some Irish people to be averaging 12/13 weddings a year, even more if you're in a relationship, generally from around 24 to 35 years old, is the worst time. When they start to die down and you look back you couldn't tell one from the other. IT's all just one massive waste of time (hard earned free time) and money.
And true, by law you actually don't have to go but the issue is that, many are under massive pressure to go or risk falling out with someone.

Trust me at least 50% 90% of the guests don't want to be there.

Fixed your typo

c68zapdsm5i1ru

I definitely think weddings have got out of hand and a lot of B&Gs seem to think they're going to be starring in Hello magazine or something.

Weddings used to be a nice celebration of a couple starting out on their life together, attended by family and close friends and involving a ceremony, a meal, a couple of hours of partying followed by the departure of the B&G and the guests going home.

Nowadays a lot of them have become big competitive events, each one trying to match the one before and spending ridiculous money on chair coverings, photo booths, sweet carts, ice cream vans etc or dragging all their guests to some out of the way location or foreign country, with no thought for the expense and inconvenience that puts them through.

It's easy to say 'just don't go', but it's not always that simple. There can be hurt feelings, family situations etc that can make it very very difficult to decline some invitations. Years ago, that didn't matter. People just sighed and resigned themselves to spending their Saturday at a wedding when they'd rather be home, and having to fork out for a new outfit and a toaster. But nowadays you're often having to resign yourself to spending an absolute fortune on plane tickets, hotel rooms, cash gifts etc. You also have to resign yourself to wasting several days of precious annual leave or spending your annual holiday in a destination not of your own choice.

murpho999

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

It's not that simple.

Also, just because a lot of people don't enjoy something you happen to enjoy doesn't make them 'miserable'. Thinking so does make you rather arrogant though.

I'm not arrogant.

I have been to some awful weddings and I have been to some good ones.

All depends on how it's done and what people you are with.

I just wouldn't deem all weddings to be a pain and bad food etc. That is just miserable.

It's also very easy not to go to a wedding, just say you can't go.

LirW

Don't hate weddings per se, but standard Irish weddings do my head in. Big, impersonal summonings, you don't get to spend any time with the people you actually travel for and spend a load of money. The standard food is usually awful. Most big hotel reception rooms are tacky and look like they haven't been re-done in about 30 years (par the new LED lights in either pink or purple). The horrendous amount of fake tan, they all look orange, I swear.
The present attitude, the resentment that builds up when people don't get their preferred amount or present. or the next level, the expectation to fund their wedding from gifts.
And my personal favourite: Parents of the bridal party inviting their old pals that have seen bride/groom when they've been babies, yet they show up. I wouldn't wanna have anyone I've never really seen shooing around there and as said guest it would feel pretty strange too.

If you don't wanna go, don't go, your absence isn't going to stand out, save yourself the money and write a card instead with a Harvey Normal voucher or 50 quid in if you're close to them.

murpho999

Cornelius Crow wrote: »

I was bridesmaid for my friend last year, they made their invitations look like a summons, it was quite amusing

Mmm. I had that too, wonder was it the same wedding?

Bank holiday weekend in Gorey?

valoren

You say you have to go and that is understandable, you don't want to fall out with your brother/sister.
It's one of those occasions where you just grin and bear it. Alternatively, just go to the wedding ceremony itself, get your mug in a picture and just feck off after it, your gift will cover the ****ty meal anyway. If you get challenged just say you took ill.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

murpho999 wrote: »

I'm not arrogant.

I have been to some awful weddings and I have been to some good ones.

All depends on how it's done and what people you are with.

I just wouldn't deem all weddings to be a pain and bad food etc. That is just miserable.

It's also very easy not to go to a wedding, just say you can't go.

Most people are saying that in general they find modern weddings long, impersonal and very expensive affairs and they don't really enjoy them. That is not miserable, anymore than someone saying that they don't like night clubs, going to the theatre or whatever is miserable.
Going to the wedding and spending the entire day going around with a long face and complaining about everything would be miserable, but I've never seen a guest do that, even the ones I know would really rather not be there.

Steve F

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

Most people are saying that in general they find modern weddings long, impersonal and very expensive affairs and they don't really enjoy them. That is not miserable, anymore than someone saying that they don't like night clubs, going to the theatre or whatever is miserable.
Going to the wedding and spending the entire day going around with a long face and complaining about everything would be miserable, but I've never seen a guest do that, even the ones I know would really rather not be there.

Wait till we bump into each other at a wedding

c68zapdsm5i1ru

valoren wrote: »

You say you have to go and that is understandable, you don't want to fall out with your brother/sister.
It's one of those occasions where you just grin and bear it. Alternatively, just go to the wedding ceremony itself, get your mug in a picture and just feck off after it. Let your sibling know that you'll be there for that but to let their kid know not to have you down for the meal.

If you get challenged about that tell them you're going to the wedding and that you couldn't give a ****e about the meal, band, cocktail sausages etc.

My elderly mother started to do this a few years ago. If she was invited to a niece or nephew's wedding she would go to the Church and back to the hotel for the drink reception and then head off. Her logic was that the young couple couldn't care less if their old aunt stayed for the meal or not, and by showing up she was keeping her own sibling happy.

GhostyMcGhost

rawn wrote: »

This!! There was something on the Spin103.8. Facebook page recently about some woman who lost her house due to the debt racked up from attending weddings, because it would be a social "faux pas" not to attend.

Just let that sink in for a moment...

I did let it sink in and it’s still downright stupid. No saving these people, best not to give them attention

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/woman-debt-friends-weddings-home-lost-this-morning-georgina-childs-a8320011.html

Apiarist

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

you can’t get too drunk

Wait, what?

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

you can’t get too drunk or the extended family will be gossiping about you

The way I see it, they will gossip about you anyway. Think about it. If you do not drink, one could assume that you have something to hide. Stands to reason that whatever you are hiding is more embarrassing than being seeing drunk. And now the imagination runs wild

Use reverse psychology -- get drunk, make a scene. You will have something benign for your relatives to gossip about. You may even be excluded from further weddings! Win/win situation.

murpho999

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

Most people are saying that in general they find modern weddings long, impersonal and very expensive affairs and they don't really enjoy them. That is not miserable, anymore than someone saying that they don't like night clubs, going to the theatre or whatever is miserable.
Going to the wedding and spending the entire day going around with a long face and complaining about everything would be miserable, but I've never seen a guest do that, even the ones I know would really rather not be there.

I was referring more to the OP's attitude in their original post where he/she's just complaining about everything and comes across as very miserable. All food is poor etc.

I stand by that completely.

I do get how people find weddings nowadays are changed. Between weekend stags and hens, often abroad, two day affairs with follow up BBQs, it has become too much and a lot of it is for show and keeping up with the Jones's but you can still control what you go to or don't go to.

For example I had an invite last year and skipped hotel the night before and after and just went to the one day event. Enjoyed it and went about my own way the next day whilst they carried on with a BBQ.

Odyssey 2005

JohnnyFlash your certainly not. Save everyone the bother and decline the invitation

erica74

HeidiHeidi wrote: »

You don't HAVE to go, you know.

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

You kind of do though. And you have to give 150 as a gift if you’re single, or 300 if you’re a couple. They are nearly always a complete waste of a day. As I said, the only positive is that there’s a decent chance you’ll chat up a bird later on in the evenings, and retire to the massively overpriced room for a bit of the beast with two backs.

But you really don't have to go though.

People who think they "have to" go and "have to" give x amount of money are part of the problem. Stop going to weddings you don't want to go to. Stop giving money you don't want to give. And the problem goes away.

Cousins and the like don't invite me to weddings or hen parties or any other absolute bollox event because they know I won't go.
The last wedding invitation I got from a cousin was nearly 10 years ago. This big fancy envelope arrived to my house, inside was a big scroll with these plastic things on either end so you could open up the scroll. The invitation was all this Mary's parents and John's parents invite you to celebrate blah blah blah, rsvp here, website there, lists of pre and post wedding activities - what are these people on??? I didn't even know who Mary and John were. I mean, if you don't know the people, why are they even inviting you?! Texted my sister, it turned out to be a cousin I hadn't seen since in around 10 years. That invitation got thrown in the fire, they wasted their money there. They invited 250 people to that wedding, imagine the cost of the invitations alone?!
If people can afford to have big weddings, great, but the vast majority of people have a big wedding funded by loans, credit cards and on the hopes of lots of cash gifts from people.

rawn wrote: »

This!! There was something on the Spin103.8. Facebook page recently about some woman who lost her house due to the debt racked up from attending weddings, because it would be a social "faux pas" not to attend.

Just let that sink in for a moment...

And you believed that story:pac:

suicide_circus

The standard irish wedding is pure ****e. Nothing to recommend it.

LirW

I have the feeling people just forget that the day means a lot to them and their closest family, most other people simply don't give a toss beside being there at the stated time, getting some drinks and grub and p1ss off again.

It's just a billion euro industry and completely misses the point. The nice saying is "getting married costs 200 quid for the green folder", everything else is optional.

razorblunt

We've attended 13 weddings over the last 2 years.
2 this year and 3 next year.
They were mostly ones we wanted to attend anyway, most were a great laugh, living away from Ireland it was great catching up with friends and all that.

But some can be a right chore, on a few of them we were gone after the first dance.

OldNotWIse

Hate them. Full of people I barely know, small talk. Have to buy something to wear. Have to provide a gift. Hours of waiting around for people to arrive/ say their sh*t about vows etc., hours of waiting for photographer to finish up, speeches, lukewarm prosecco. Sh*te food and rarely a "veggie" option that isn't salmon. Limited options at the bar and cheesey music after. Everyone getting sloshed and desperate spinster bridesmaids throwing shapes on the dancefloor :pac:

sbsquarepants

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Does anyone actually enjoy Irish weddings?

.

Not me anyway - hate them. Terrible day out, over priced, over hyped, just shíte from start to finish.

jester77

The typical Irish wedding is just re-hashed drivel and is an awful occasion. No originality to them and most are just a money grabbing racket. I'm glad I can use the excuse of living abroad not to have to attend most of the ones I am invited to.

LirW

People who think they "have to" go and "have to" give x amount of money are part of the problem. Stop going to weddings you don't want to go to. Stop giving money you don't want to give. And the problem goes away.

I always get the cringe when people give out about what they "have" to give. If you only can afford to give a box of biscuits, then give that. If you wanna get them a Tipperary crystal vase, do that. Sure, cash makes sense because they can do whatever, but the couple can't act like ar5ehole royalty when they get some picture frame or so.

DaeryssaOne

rawn wrote: »

This!! There was something on the Spin103.8. Facebook page recently about some woman who lost her house due to the debt racked up from attending weddings, because it would be a social "faux pas" not to attend.

Just let that sink in for a moment...

What an absolute moron.

I love weddings, yes they are expensive and yes they can take up a lot of weekends but it's always lovely to hang out with friends / family and usually get to see a new part of the country (or a different venue at least).

If people don't enjoy spending time with family / friends in that type of situation then don't go. If you need to go to save face then just go to the ceremony, give them a card and apologise that you can't stay for the reception. If the church is too far away, send a card and apologies that you can't make it. None of this is a big deal.

Unless it's your closest friends or family getting married you really won't be missed and if it is your closest friend or sibling for example then why would you hate spending time with them in the first place?

pickarooney

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Opened the letter box this morning, and discovered an invite to the wedding of my nephew and his girlfriend. Has put me in bad mood as a result. I’ll have to go, but I’d rather get a 5-fingered prostate exam than attend to be honest. Does anyone actually enjoy Irish weddings?

They take all day. They cost a fortune. The food is nearly always shîte, you end up talking to cousins and other relations you hate, the speeches are always the same, you can’t get too drunk or the extended family will be gossiping about you, you don’t know who you’ll be sitting beside, the music is terrible. Just a really bad day out. The only positive is that there’s a decent chance you’ll get the ride at the end of the night.

When will start having w mature conversation about this? No one wants to go to these dreadful affairs only Bridezilla and her bridesmaids. Fiasco.

How about being mature enough to decline the invitation and realise nobody really cares if you go?

zl1whqvjs75cdy

Think a lot depends on the guest list. If it's small and everyone kind of knows everyone else it's OK. When it gets to 250 plus and I'm sitting beside auntie Margaret on the "others" table it can be a bit grim. But I enjoy them overall, good craic and get to meet up with a lot of my friends at once.

murpho999

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

You kind of do though. And you have to give 150 as a gift if you’re single, or 300 if you’re a couple. They are nearly always a complete waste of a day. As I said, the only positive is that there’s a decent chance you’ll chat up a bird later on in the evenings, and retire to the massively overpriced room for a bit of the beast with two backs.

This gift thing does annoy me.

You do not have to give €150.

Why would you? I have gone to plenty of weddings and given €100 as a couple and not been an issue.

How can people complain about a gift?

I've heard other people justifying by saying well the couple are paying for your food etc but I think that's rubbish.

You should be invited as you mean something to them and they want you to be part of their day and not just be a cash cow.

Weddings should be viewed as one of those occasions in life that cost money.

Years ago people just got household stuff as presents so where does this ridiculous idea of €150 a head come from?

DaeryssaOne

OldNotWIse wrote: »

desperate spinster bridesmaids throwing shapes on the dancefloor :pac:

Sorry but that is just complete boll*x. Having been to 15+ weddings in the last couple of years I have never once witnessed a desperate bridesmaid and the word spinster is just insulting really.

Neyite

If your username correlates in any way with the amount of euros you stuff in a card I think I might know why you keep getting invited.

Become a stinge. Give them a cheap toaster in a battered box with lots of dust on it. Bonus points if the price tag is still in Punts and there's a gift tag from 1983 in the box addressed to you and the missus congratulating you both on your wedding from a long dead relative.

Do that, I guarantee the invites will dry up.

Pherekydes

ballsymchugh wrote: »

no, you definitely don't.

Yes, I definitely do. The bride(zilla) is my wife's eldest.

marvin80

Biggest load of sh*t ever:
- People having a big church wedding even though they haven't been in the church in years and then expect you to do the same.
- Then you have the hassle of driving to the church and to the hotel afterwards - couple of hours driving if you're not living in the same town as the church or hotel.
- Cheap, miserable cu*ts having their wedding on a Thursday (Friday isn't as bad) and you've to take a few days off work for it. Have a friend tell me he was doing this on purpose, cheaper but they'll still make loads of money from gifts.
- So much waiting around between the church, hotel, dinner etc..
- Speeches are usually sh*t - go on for ages and loads of in-jokes that no-one outside the immediate family get.
- Music is usually sh*t.
- Spending 30k on a piss-up - most people starting married life in debt because of it - idiots.
- Spending stupid money on stuff like the engagement rings - even though their real value is only about a 10th of the actual price.
- The traditions like asking the father of the bride for permission to marry his daughter or giving her away like she's a commodity.

Malayalam

Hate them. Ran off and got married in secret abroad myself and saved everyone the bother. And the siblings and in laws had very quiet, lovely, low-key affairs. I cannot understand people shelling out that much money - you could have a fab holiday every year for a couple of decades with that amount of dosh! And probably love each other all the more because of it. The few I have been to seemed super stressful for at least the bride - plus the make-up, Jesus Christ, what's going on there!

qwerty ui op

erica74 wrote: »

But you really don't have to go though.

People who think they "have to" go and "have to" give x amount of money are part of the problem. Stop going to weddings you don't want to go to. Stop giving money you don't want to give. And the problem goes away.

Simply not true. My OH was been in the same job for the last 5 years during that time she has obviously made work friends, 4 or 5 of those have been very good to her over that time. One of those friends(really sound girl) is to get married in 2 months, all she can talk about for the last few months is the wedding.
If my OH doesn't go to the wedding it will certainly mean the end of the friendship. If we don't go as a couple it will also cause problems.

This is how weddings work.

How is the problem solved by simply not going?

LirW

marvin80 wrote: »

- Cheap, miserable cu*ts having their wedding on a Thursday (Friday isn't as bad) and you've to take a few days off work for it. Have a friend tell me he was doing this on purpose, cheaper but they'll still make loads of money from gifts.

Agree with all par that one, when you wanna have a civil ceremony with an HSE registrar you only can do it from Monday - Friday. It's grand when couples accept the fact not everyone will be around because of work, but jesus, there are some people getting seriously worked up over others not taking annual leave for their party.

Sandor Clegane

Why do you have to go?

GreeBo

We were very nice to people.

Dublin wedding, inviting only Dublin people and only family were at the Church.

So basically all anyone needed to do was join us from 6 for Dinner and drinks and go home when they wanted. (When the tab ran out :P)
Basically cost was a Taxi and a babysitter in some cases.

Shag that hotel in the midlands crap.

knucklehead6

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

You kind of do though. And you have to give 150 as a gift if you’re single, or 300 if you’re a couple. They are nearly always a complete waste of a day. As I said, the only positive is that there’s a decent chance you’ll chat up a bird later on in the evenings, and retire to the massively overpriced room for a bit of the beast with two backs.

Ahhh

We get to the point of the thread...

Johnny Flash is wealthy and needed to show it

theyoungchap

Got married a couple of years ago, maybe it is only when you get married yourself you realise what the day means to the couple involved.....gives you a new appreciation of weddings I have found.

Personally, I would rather people hadn't came if they viewed it as a chore. But it was their choice to come after all.

There is no "you have to give 200 quid" rule. If you have a load of weddings, or can't afford it, drop the present. Some
people gave us a small gift which is just as nice.

No couple will give 2 ***** whether you attend or not. We asked people out of feeling an obligation to do so....a few no's etc and I can honestly say we breathed a sigh of relief in some cases!

People complain about cost of hotel - drive then and leave early. Or stay in a local B&B. No couple will care that Paddy Murphy went home after the meal. Plenty of people left our wedding after the meal, thanked us for inviting them, we thanked them for coming, nobody cares when you leave.

I have been to all sorts of weddings, but as I get older I now realise they are the only occasion where I see some people, cousins, college friends, etc - other than funerals of parents, etc.

I have a massive problem with overseas weddings - they cost a fortune, you are generally forced into some poxy location which you can't leave because some narcissistic couple want to be indulged for the day with no distractions. I went to one a few years ago and will never go to another unless it is a relative from the country they are getting married in.

Irish people just love to complain about everything!

GreeBo

knucklehead6 wrote: »

Ahhh

We get to the point of the thread...

Johnny Flash is wealthy and needed to show it

Johnny Flash a.k.a. Flash Johnny

Spanish Eyes

A colleague had an "old fashioned" wedding breakfast/lunch thing last year. It was a small affair of about 25 people. (family only, so I wasn't one of them!)

Registry office around midday, off to long lunch somewhere can't remember think it was Schoolhouse. B+G legged it at 6pm and left a tab at the bar. No band or music either.

Now that sounds ideal to me!

Retro weddings, please come back! But I reckon that type of wedding would really only suit small gatherings, but still.....

pickarooney

qwerty ui op wrote: »

Simply not true. My OH was been in the same job for the last 5 years during that time she has obviously made work friends, 4 or 5 of those have been very good to her over that time. One of those friends(really sound girl) is to get married in 2 months, all she can talk about for the last few months is the wedding.
If my OH doesn't go to the wedding it will certainly mean the end of the friendship. If we don't go as a couple it will also cause problems.

This is how weddings work.

How is the problem solved by simply not going?

Who needs petty, childish "friends" like that?

erica74

LirW wrote: »

I always get the cringe when people give out about what they "have" to give. If you only can afford to give a box of biscuits, then give that. If you wanna get them a Tipperary crystal vase, do that. Sure, cash makes sense because they can do whatever, but the couple can't act like ar5ehole royalty when they get some picture frame or so.

This will tell you how ingrained the whole "have to" give a wedding gift idea is. When my husband and I got married, we told all of our guests that we didn't want gifts, no gifts, nothing, just come to the wedding if you can. We had 20 guests altogether. A few additional people were invited but couldn't make it but were insistent on sending a gift anyway "but sure we have to give you something", eh no.

LirW

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

A colleague had an "old fashioned" wedding breakfast/lunch thing last year. It was a small affair of about 25 people. (family only, so I wasn't one of them!)

Registry office around midday, off to long lunch somewhere can't remember think it was Schoolhouse. B+G legged it at 6pm and left a tab at the bar. No band or music either.

Now that sounds ideal to me!

Retro weddings, please come back! But I reckon that type of wedding would really only suit small gatherings, but still.....

We're having that, casual gathering with 18 people, registry office and some fancy early dinner in a function room with a private bar. They'll kick us out at 11 latest, whoever wants to go can go, no obligations. It's kind of nice keeping the timeline open to see what happens. Wedding car is probably going to be a Dublin taxi :pac:

c68zapdsm5i1ru

murpho999 wrote: »

This gift thing does annoy me.

You do not have to give €150.

Why would you? I have gone to plenty of weddings and given €100 as a couple and not been an issue.

How can people complain about a gift?

I've heard other people justifying by saying well the couple are paying for your food etc but I think that's rubbish.

You should be invited as you mean something to them and they want you to be part of their day and not just be a cash cow.

Weddings should be viewed as one of those occasions in life that cost money.

Years ago people just got household stuff as presents so where does this ridiculous idea of €150 a head come from?[/QUOTE]

Since weddings got bigger and flashier and turned into three ring circuses. Expectations around the gift have also grown. Obviously we're all eejits to go along with it, but at the same time no one wants to be seen as the miser who only gave forty euro.

Spanish Eyes

LirW wrote: »

We're having that, casual gathering with 18 people, registry office and some fancy early dinner in a function room with a private bar. They'll kick us out at 11 latest, whoever wants to go can go, no obligations. It's kind of nice keeping the timeline open to see what happens. Wedding car is probably going to be a Dublin taxi :pac:

Congratulations and best of luck for your day. Sounds great!