Weddings - a terrible day out.

BrianBoru00

Thank God I for my friends . The odd "away wedding - I think - great - an excuse for a night away and more importantly and excuse to meet up with friends or relations.

Long day - gives opportunity to chat to loads of friends or cousins that unfortunately I don't get to see anymore outside of weddings.stags or funerals.
Cost - present can be given in advance or a few weeks after so for local weddings it normally costs €100 or so between us - can time hair
appointment for the day of or before a wedding .

qwerty ui op wrote: »

Simply not true. My OH was been in the same job for the last 5 years during that time she has obviously made work friends, 4 or 5 of those have been very good to her over that time. One of those friends(really sound girl) is to get married in 2 months, all she can talk about for the last few months is the wedding.
If my OH doesn't go to the wedding it will certainly mean the end of the friendship. If we don't go as a couple it will also cause problems.

This is how weddings work.

How is the problem solved by simply not going?

What is the problem?
If you don't want to go - don't go. If your relationship isn't able to survive that then its not strong enough to last anyhow

If you both don't go then don't but if I had to go to a wedding in Malin Head in the morning it would cost me about €35 in diesel, €40 for Air BnB, €10 for taxi to same, €60 for drinks for the evening, €40 for dry cleaning. €185 and presumably I would have some notice of 6 weeks or so. add in €200 for present which I could delay for a month or two if money was tight for a few weeks.
If she's a very good friend then I would be thinking just go - your OH it would appear wants to go


d

marvin80 wrote: »

Biggest load of sh*t ever:
- drivingPeople having a big church wedding even though they haven't been in the church in years and then expect you to do the same.
- Then you have the hassle of driving to the church and to the hotel afterwards - couple of hours if you're not living in the same town as the church or hotel.
- Cheap, miserable cu*ts having their wedding on a Thursday (Friday isn't as bad) and you've to take a few days off work for it. Have a friend tell me he was doing this on purpose, cheaper but they'll still make loads of money from gifts.
- So much waiting around between the church, hotel, dinner etc..
- Speeches are usually sh*t - go on for ages and loads of in-jokes that no-one outside the immediate family get.
- Music is usually sh*t.
- Spending 30k on a piss-up - most people starting married life in debt because of it - idiots.
- Spending stupid money on stuff like the engagement rings - even though their real value is only about a 10th of the actual price.
- The traditions like asking the father of the bride for permission to marry his daughter or giving her away like she's a commodity.

-Most of the weddings I've been to involve at least one of the couple being a regular enough mass goer. In any case - give the church bit a miss that way you only have to take a max of a half day off
-Lets be honest most weddings you go to are not going to be several hours drive away.
-so that's one anecdote from someone out tomakle
-what if they work in the hospitality industry and it makes it easier for their colleagues to attend
-That's waiting around talking to people
-not usually. again if you know the people
-Can be, not usually.
-That's just a silly statement with nothing to back it up. The value is what people are wiling to pay for it
-Nothing to do with the wedding as a day out

erica74

LirW wrote: »

"When do I know it is the right venue?"
"Oh you'll get the feeling instantly when you step into it!"

Do you want to know how I picked our venue? I googled where we could have the ceremony and dinner all in the one place, this venue popped up, rang them to see what dates were available around August, they said 2nd August, I said grand as long as we can get married in the evening so nobody has to take the day off work, they said grand, job done. I didn't step foot inside the place until the day of the wedding:pac:

splinter65

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

The notion of the B+G changing and then leaving the wedding was hilarious and great fun. Was happening until maybe late 80's/90's or something. I was at a few and the departure of B+G brought much hilarity and slagging and fun.

But that was probably back in the day when there was (supposed to be) no Sex before Marriage at all, so escape to do the deed was paramount (in Private of course somewhere miles away).

Different now so the B+G are stuck in the same hotel with guests for a loooong time. My idea of pure hell.

The brides “going away outfit” was nearly as important as the wedding dress.
They’d disappear up to the room and reappear then hand in hand all dressed up. Then all the guests would link arms around them and the DJ would strike up with Congratulations! By Cliff Richard and everyone would be dancing around them in a ring singing along.
And all the male guests would be slagging the groom about his wedding night even though everyone knew that they were at it like rabbits since they met.
And the bride would be blushing while her mother dabbed at her eyes with a tissue.
Off they’d head then in his car to Dublin Airport being chased down the hotel avenue, to get a flight to Santa Ponsa at some god awful hour.
All the guests went back in the hotel to resume getting pissed.

Noveight

Every wedding I’ve been to has been a carbon copy of the last. The ones of close friends or family have been enjoyable as they’re relevant, but being brought as a plus one is often a drag as it’s 90% strangers.

Heres Johnny

Fred Swanson wrote: »

No recession it seems with weddings and gifts.

Recession is over 5 years ago at this stage.

_Dara_

One thing that amazes me is the level of analysis some couples put into planning their wedding. I kinda get it. It's costing a lot of money and you are asking people to spend time and money to attend. So I can understand the fretting. But looking at the wedding forum can be eye-opening (well, when it was busier a few years back at least) in how analytical people can be about a day that people will enjoy well enough but quickly forget about if it's not somebody really, really close to them.

Jaysci20

I'd agree with a previous poster than the music and food are most important. Short speeches are always welcomed.

I couldn't give a damn about "treats" or other nonsense. Foreign weddings are ridiculous. Black tie? Get lost.

Other than that it can be an opportunity to catch up with family and close friends. It's awful when you know no-one there.

Dakota Dan

facehugger99 wrote: »

Most men will be lucky to remember she was wearing a white dress.

Food and the music are the two main things.

The food is quickly forgotten when the drink comes along.

martingriff

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

You kind of do though. And you have to give 150 as a gift if you’re single, or 300 if you’re a couple. They are nearly always a complete waste of a day. As I said, the only positive is that there’s a decent chance you’ll chat up a bird later on in the evenings, and retire to the massively overpriced room for a bit of the beast with two backs.

Sorry what. I was at my cousins wedding last week & it was 100 if single. Love weddings

iamwhoiam

martingriff wrote: »

Sorry what. I was at my cousins wedding last week & it was 100 if single. Love weddings

There ' s a rule ?

Dakota Dan

....... wrote: »

So tell me Father, what should I do when I ask her to try a new sexual position and she isnt into it?

Turn your arse to her.

Heres Johnny

Women have weddings ruined.
And gay wedding planners.
No way any men want a completely organised formal event miles from home with everyone they ever met invited.

Fancy seat covers. Chocolate fountains. Matching outfits. Organised seating plans. Names for each table. Calligraphic invitations. Make up artists and florists.

What's wrong with a few pints in a beer garden?

_Dara_

My husband had a nightmare at a wedding we attended recently.

The groom didn’t have one of his besties as best man because they’re not public speakers. He chose a more peripheral friend who is, quite frankly, an over-confident, arrogant wankstain.

Let’s call him Paul. He firstly was treating the speech like Paul show, like he was a charismatic guy who everyone was rapt by. He was pacing the room rambling on, showing no warmth towards the groom. My husband knows him fairly well and the groom is one of my husband’s best friends. Paul kept talking about funny stories about the groom but wouldn’t give up any up. But he beelined for my husband and asked him for a story, on the spot. He gave my husband NO WARNING! All Huz could say was “I got nothing!”. Even a bit of warning would have allowed him to come with a funny but not embarrassing story. It was the most toe-curling thing I’ve sat through. The guy died on his arse. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer person. But I have to say I didn’t enjoy it. It was painful. A more mumbled, from-the-heart, short speech from a close friend would have been so much better.

suicide_circus

We had no speeches and unlimited free drink.

iamwhoiam

Heres Johnny wrote: »

Women have weddings ruined.
And gay wedding planners.
No way any men want a completely organised formal event miles from home with everyone they ever met invited.

Fancy seat covers. Chocolate fountains. Matching outfits. Organised seating plans. Names for each table. Calligraphic invitations. Make up artists and florists.

What's wrong with a few pints in a beer garden?

Nothing at all wrong with it if its what you want . But whats the problem with others not wanting what you want ? Surely its to each his own

Dakota Dan

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Wow, very sour response. Believe me dude, I’ve no problem with bedding members of the more dangerous sex. Up to the seam of my nutpurse in fanny most weekends.

Calm down lad, have another read of that post and look carefully for the joke.

Galwayguy35

I've 2 weddings this year, the first one is a neighbour so I'll know most of the people there and the brother and his missus will be invited as well so will have a lift home.

That will be a good day out.

The second one is a guy I work with whop everyone hates and as I was the only person who made an effort to talk to him now I'm being invited to the wedding.

I'll know nobody at it and it's in Cork city so will have to stay over.

Dreading that one.

It's all right peeps saying don't go but that can be taken as an insult to many people, i know this fella would take it as one.

freshpopcorn

I blame the Franc dude!

Dakota Dan

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

You kind of do though. And you have to give 150 as a gift if you’re single, or 300 if you’re a couple. They are nearly always a complete waste of a day. As I said, the only positive is that there’s a decent chance you’ll chat up a bird later on in the evenings, and retire to the massively overpriced room for a bit of the beast with two backs.

There's only one have to in this life and you know what that is.

Beechwoodspark

This craic of having the venue in a “unique, memorable” location is a load of bollix. Was at a wedding last year in an comically remote area up the Wicklow mountains in a sort of outdoor activity centre that had a function room. The main topic of conversation among the guests was how they managed to get there in one piece.

Load of people left early to navigate the treacherous roads home. What’s the point other than saving moolah for the B and G

Dakota Dan

What's worse is this new gimmick of 3 day weddings.

metaoblivia

I don't mind weddings, but I have a small social circle and have never been to more than a few. My brother has been married 3 times and knows better than to ask me to be part of the wedding party. As long as the ceremony is brief, the pictures don't take too long and the food is decent, I'm a happy camper.

I had a colleague who had a true wedding disaster. She and her husband got married in Hawaii, so all of their family and friends flew out. They were both approaching 40 and had also recently learned they were pregnant, so planned on announcing it at the reception to all of their family and friends. The day before the wedding, the bride's mother went for a morning walk on the beach, had a stroke, and died in the hospital a few hours later. The silver lining was that the whole family was there, so they all got to say their goodbyes. My colleague and her family, god bless them, decided that the 200 guests had flown out to Hawaii to celebrate and have a good time and they were going to give them that. They explained the mother's absence by saying she wasn't feeling well and had a beautiful wedding. A week later, my colleague sent out a very beautiful note to all of her guests explaining what had happened and announcing their pregnancy. They had their little boy last August. So whenever I hear about Bride or Groomzillas losing their minds over the smallest details, I think of my colleague and of how gracefully she handled a truly terrible wedding event.

Teyla Emmagan

Dakota Dan wrote:

The food is quickly forgotten when the drink comes along.

Not everyone wants to drink their heads off. I'd rather a good meal than a feed of pints!

Franz Von Peppercorn

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Nothing at all wrong with it if its what you want . But whats the problem with others not wanting what you want ? Surely its to each his own

It’s not really is it? If the woman wants a big wedding she will get it.

Spanish Eyes

I've often wondered what input grooms have into all the trappings of a BIG wedding?

I suppose they just go along with it and leave the Bride and entourage to it. Easier for the Groom I think!

Am I wrong?

qwerty ui op

theyoungchap wrote: »

I've never heard anybody get ratty over people not attending a wedding. Most people couldn't give a toss who attends and who doesn't.

I believe you! but you must understand the reason you've never heard anyone get ratty isn't because of all the love for a big irish wedding, it is because people conform and go. The spend a few hundred quid doing something they don't really want to do.

erica74 wrote: »

But if you want to go to all of those weddings, then go. Presumably if it was your close friend's wedding you would want to go.

Well I am living in reality and I have just not gone to different weddings down through the years and it wasn't that big a deal. The couple who are getting married really don't give a shite who turns up bar the people who they are really close to and those are all people who probably want to go anyway.

Here you are, the couple do give a ****e if certain people don't go.
If you don't like wedding then you don't like weddings, you're not going to suddenly like just because people getting married are "really close". Some people never shut up about "really close".
You'd be surprised how the "really close" number can grow. If a guy had 3 siblings and 3 children you can chalk that down for 7 visits to the top table, his partner has same that's another 3 trips for her.
So in Ireland if the guy and girl had absolutely 0 friends between them, they could be at 10 weddings on immediate family alone.
This is before you count in.
School friends
College friends
Work friends
former job friends
Close friends
really close friends
really really really close friends
football team
soccer team
extended family
extended other side of family
Current neighbors
Neighbors growing up

Then just double for your OH

but they're all special days

iamwhoiam

Franz Von Peppercorn wrote: »

It’s not really is it? If the woman wants a big wedding she will get it.

Well is that not the grooms business if he is happy to give her what she wants ? Not sure why that would bother anyone else really

Franz Von Peppercorn

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Well is that not the grooms business if he is happy to give her what she wants ? Not sure why that would bother anyone else really

The guy you responded to initially said he would like a few beers in a tent but women in general want a big wedding.

Therefore the maxim live and let live can’t apply. Somethings gotta give, and it’s generally the beers in the tent.

Spanish Eyes

The only thing I feel after a big wedding (when I get home) is RELIEF!

Funnily the wedding is never really a topic of conversation for very long, maybe a couple of days or so? You know, swapping Whatsapp pics for a couple of days, and they eventually get deleted. Storage issues lol. We move on quickly, but a few hundred quid lighter though all the same.

Franz Von Peppercorn

I don’t get the “you don’t have to go” philosophy either. You may chose to not go to the marriage of family or close friends but you will lose contact with them - it’s a big snub. Workmates you have to meet in work after the wedding - so you can’t refuse in that situation without a good reason.

In small towns or some city suburbs even acquaintances can’t be avoided, so it’s awkward if you snub them.

Jamsiek

Beechwoodspark wrote: »

This craic of having the venue in a “unique, memorable” location is a load of bollix.
Was at a wedding last year in an comically remote area up the Wicklow mountains in a sort of outdoor activity centre that had a function room. The main topic of conversation among the guests was how they managed to get there in one piece.

Load of people left early to navigate the treacherous roads home. What’s the point other than saving moolah for the B and G

Depends on the location
A "unique, memorable" location doesn't need to be in a remote area with dangerous roads.
Churches can be in remote locations with dangerous roads too.

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

Franz Von Peppercorn

Patww79 wrote: »

Just have a good excuse and give them a present. Once they get the money they won't really care anyway.

My dad did that for my sisters wedding but it didn’t work.

(No he didn’t but it underlies the stupidity of the “you don’t have to go” philosophy. For close friends and family you do).

qwerty ui op

theyoungchap wrote: »

Well go home then misery guts the wedding will probably be better craic without you!!!

A wedding would be nothing without me, I throw back as much free drink as I can before leaning up against the bar, when there I start giving out about everything, I cut cut cut, nobody or no thing is safe. The food the music the people the dresses. I'll always manage to bring a good crowd under my blanket of misery.

paw patrol

Dakota Dan wrote: »

What's worse is this new gimmick of 3 day weddings.

ah jaysis are you for real?

thankfully i'm old enough where those who are gonna married have done so and young enough that the next gen of kids are too young.

Dakota Dan

paw patrol wrote: »

ah jaysis are you for real?

thankfully i'm old enough where those who are gonna married have done so and young enough that the next gen of kids are too young.

Very real, going to one on December and it's her second time getting married in 6 years. It's enough going to their wedding but when they decide to have multiple weddings it's a pure pain.

Heres Johnny

Franz Von Peppercorn wrote: »

I don’t get the “you don’t have to go” philosophy either. You may chose to not go to the marriage of family or close friends but you will lose contact with them - it’s a big snub. Workmates you have to meet in work after the wedding - so you can’t refuse in that situation without a good reason.

In small towns or some city suburbs even acquaintances can’t be avoided, so it’s awkward if you snub them.

I'm not attending a work wedding this summer. Said I've a weekend away booked. She got pissed off with me without saying so but I really don't care.
Others moaning about 'having to go'.

Franz Von Peppercorn

Heres Johnny wrote: »

I'm not attending a work wedding this summer. Said I've a weekend away booked. She got pissed off with me without saying so but I really don't care.
Others moaning about 'having to go'.

Ok. The phrase “have to go” doesn’t mean people have to go by law, or are forced to go.

It means you can’t not go without repercussions.

Heres Johnny

Franz Von Peppercorn wrote: »

Heres Johnny wrote: »

I'm not attending a work wedding this summer. Said I've a weekend away booked. She got pissed off with me without saying so but I really don't care.
Others moaning about 'having to go'.

Ok. The phrase “have to go” doesn’t mean people have to go by law, or are forced to go.

It means you can’t not go without repercussions.

Don't agree with that. I've not gone to a load of cousins weddings, extended circle of friends weddings. I haven't had any repercussions of which you speak. I'm getting married next year and I don't care who goes to be honest.
I've about 60 cousins, played on loads of sports teams, big work network, school friends, college friends, then just my normal circle of friends.
I'll do a list of about 20 I want there. She can invite the other 180 if she wants.

indioblack

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

This is a "marmite" issue, you either love or hate weddings.

But even if you hate them, there are some of close family that it is very difficult to get out of, particularly with the "save the date" things, meaning you cannot inadvertently oooops, have booked a holiday for the same time" Trapped we are !

Anyway, I'm not a great lover of weddings myself have to say, but will go to immediate family ones no problem. I know everyone and get sitting beside like minded people. Usually good fun.

Younger folk love them for the all day event, the drinking and dancing, and sing song into the small hours. I was one of them once!

But now I'm getting older the only part of weddings I don't like is the dancing part. So now, we go to all the ceremonies, hang around, have a drink, eat the meal, chat to everyone, and then feck off about an hour into the dancing. We are NOT missed at all!

I think the Queen has the right idea. At all the recent weddings she attended, she just toasted the B+G at the after ceremony drinks reception and fecked off home to her corgis!

A Marmite issue. Must remember that one!
"This is a Marmite situation, men". Love it.

EPAndlee

I just refuse to attend social events and the last invite I got to a wedding, I told them straight out I'm not going because I don't want to. I haven't been invited to anything since

Heres Johnny

EPAndlee wrote: »

I just refuse to attend social events and the last invite I got to a wedding, I told them straight out I'm not going because I don't want to. I haven't been invited to anything since

Result!

TheRiverman

I'm not good at the old dancing,so I hate being looked upon as some sort of invalid if I am not on the floor moving like a professional."A come on,out on the floor"Bollocks, I just want to sit here and enjoy my pint.

weldoninhio

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

It's not that simple.

Also, just because a lot of people don't enjoy something you happen to enjoy doesn't make them 'miserable'. Thinking so does make you rather arrogant though.

But they are miserable. And they seem to want praise for going to a ceremony that’ll make them miserable, just so that they can whinge about how awful it was.

splinter65

EPAndlee wrote: »

I just refuse to attend social events and the last invite I got to a wedding, I told them straight out I'm not going because I don't want to. I haven't been invited to anything since

My brother in law just refuses to go too. Especially family occasions. No excuses and no apologies. Just “thanks for asking but no, I don’t go to any of these things”. End of story now change the subject.

.......

....... wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

I don't mind the middle bit at all. After the church a big gang of us will always pull into a local pub either near the church or between the church and the hotel and have 2 or 3 pints. Then onto the hotel check in, drop bags in the room and then tuck into finger food, have a few more pints while chatting away/listening to what ever entertainment was put on. To be honest I usually find we are being rounded up for the meal and hunted in as the time flies between the end of the church and the start of the meal.

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

Yay! I'd love to see smaller 1950s style weddings come back into fashion. Even in the 80s and 90s brides still changed into 'Going away' clothes and were seen off by the guests, all standing on the steps of the hotel as the B&G drove away with cans and horseshoes trailing behind them.
It was a lovely end to the wedding. Nowadays the bedraggled bride and stocious groom are usually the last to leave the resident's lounge, still in their wedding gear. It's just not the same.

The bride and groom leaving during the reception was the most ridiculous concept ever. Leaving your own party just when it was getting started and miss all the craic that went on. How it ever started I'll never know. I still hear my parents and people of their generation mention how looking back thet really felt they missed out on half their own party with leaving.

Don't get this desire for an early finish to a wedding, some of the bet craic is at 4am in the residents bar.

Hannibal_Smith

I love a wedding! I just love them. I love selecting a fancy rigout, getting my hair and make up done. Everyone is in good form. Lovely food, a bit of a dance. Probably all very selfish...but I love a good wedding!

Nettle Soup

Weddings are a real chore. People only pretend to like them. They are pretentious, expensive and a bloody waste of time.
I can never remember a particular wedding, they all just merge into one bad night out in my memory.

"Yes of course, your wedding was so different and one of the best I was ever at....and no the food for 200 people didn't taste like carvery at all.
You were right to make it a 3 day extravaganza and I thought your friends and family were amazing people"

bodhrandude

Most weddings I've been to have been really dull with terrible discos and awful country western music at the end of the night. There is a few out there I enjoyed though, my mates wedding, a trad musician, so a crazy session was had. My sisters wedding was great craic, she made me musical director, so I hired all my mates as the trad act along with myself, another mate from Scotland who played the fine bagpipes to pipe in the dinner guests and another friend to do a set dancing class with said trad band creating the sound And my cousins last year, also a trad musician with mighty sessions on the go, she's a dancer too so she had friends from Riverdance do a show with live trad music and Smash Hits to close the night. Sorry for going against the rant, lost the run of myself.

EPAndlee

splinter65 wrote: »

My brother in law just refuses to go too. Especially family occasions. No excuses and no apologies. Just “thanks for asking but no, I don’t go to any of these things”. End of story now change the subject.

Better to be honest about it and not constantly just making up excuses not to go. I can't just away and leave my dog alone at home