My husband is a fussy eater, I need help

suicide_circus

there are fewer things more unattractive in an adult than being a fussy eater. I'm afraid you've married a petulant brat who expects you to be his mother. I feel for you, i really do. just cook whatever you want and let him go hungry - i'm 100% serious. And don't let him stunt your child's horizons with this pathetic carry on.

PS: If i told my wife that the dinner she cooked was bland and tasteless i'd end up with it on my head and rightly so.

Mackerel and Avocado Sandwich

The fact that you're even entertaining this idiot and his childish carry on is worrying, it tells me your self-esteem is at rock bottom tbh. There are a lot of fussy eaters in Ireland for some reason, it seems like half the country doesn't like fish even though we are an island, which is just bizarre. Coming from France this must be even weirder for you, given how famous and varied your own cuisine is!
I don't know how this thread has gotten this far. I mean you're about to give birth and you're worried about what this guy is eating. Do you have many friends? Do you get out much? It's like you're in some weird cocoon where you have been thinking all this is almost normal.
Personally I couldn't deal with someone like him for any amount of time, but you are where you are, and really only one response is required in this thread. Tell him to f**k off and feed himself, that you've other things to worry about, and to get his bloody act together. That should be that. I feel for you though.

Appledreams15

How rude is it to say to someone that has cooked for you, that the food is bland.

It shows such a complete lack of respect.

I am thinking of the people that cooked for me in my life. Not many, as I usually cook for myself.

My mother, would occasionally when I was a visiting adult, it was such a treat, I always loved her dinners, and was so appreciative when she made them for me.

One ex boyfriend. Again, I was always really grateful when he cooked for me.

How spoilt and selfish is your husband!

I

heretothere

Mackerel and Avocado Sandwich wrote: »

TThere are a lot of fussy eaters in Ireland for some reason, it seems like half the country doesn't like fish even though we are an island, which is just bizarre.

I've always found it so strange too, even though I am one of those who can't stand fish even the smell! When I was 21 I re-tried practically every type of fish, nope do not like a one!

OP, good for you that you spoke to him about it. That sort of behaviour is just not on. It's ok to be fussy but to not come up with alternatives is childish. He shouldn't be complaining if he asks for plain food and then it's 'too bland'.

Would he eat any of the following: Spaghetti Bolognese (blend the veg into the sauce) or meat balls (very easy to make healthy home made ones), homemade burger and home made chips, Fajitas, creamy pasta (chicken, bacon, mushroom, onion, 200ml chicken stock & philadelphia), chicken noodle stir fry, cottage pie, roast chicken dinner,

ManOfMystery

1) He's a child.

2) He needs to go on a nutrition course or similar. Asides from the irritation of him never knowing what he wants to eat, his snacking on rubbish to sustain hunger pangs will inevitably lead to ill health such as diabetes and so on. 

3) Stop pandering to him. If he doesn't want what you're making, don't make it. He will moan and whinge for a while (like a petulent teenager) but eventually hunger will take over and he's going to have to learn to either eat it or make his own.

MissShihTzu

I can relate to this. My husband too was a fussy eater. Typical Irish food - potatoes and everything boiled to within an inch of it's life, with absolutely NO seasoning! He also doesn't eat lamb. fish or pork. When we met, he wouldn't even eat pasta. As for salad or rice? Don't even go there!

I am West Indian. So we cook with lots of flavour - onions, garlic, any kind of herbs we can get hold of, spices - you name it. Over the years, I have gradually managed to educate his palate. I also made it very plain, that whilst I would accommodate his tastes as far as meat was concerned, he would eat what I cooked or go to his mother's for his meals. He still doesn't eat West Indian food, so I make that very rarely and usually for myself (although he does like jerk chicken). Still won't eat rice and only likes penne as other shapes 'taste funny'. But the rare occasions I buy fusilli or spaghetti/fettucine, I whack it on the plate and he eats it without comment! But - we're getting there.

I'm with the others - Cook what you feel like cooking and serve it up to him at the table. If he eats it - fine. If he doesn't? Do what my Mum used to do. Serve it up at the next meal!!!

He'll soon either eat it or go without.

heretothere

MissShihTzu wrote: »

I am West Indian. So we cook with lots of flavour - onions, garlic, any kind of herbs we can get hold of, spices - you name it.

Can you come and cook at my house please I love Indian food I've never been to India but I have lived in areas with large Indian populations and have been lucky enough to try home cooked Indian food.

cmoidd

Thanks again everyone for all the help and advice you gave me it's a lot to take, things are getting better, one day at the time, as we say Rome wasn't built in one day. We will get there

Rechuchote

heretothere wrote: »

Can you come and cook at my house please I love Indian food I've never been to India but I have lived in areas with large Indian populations and have been lucky enough to try home cooked Indian food.

Heh, West Indian, she said! I love Caribbean food. Can all the French and Caribbean and other good cooks come to my house, please?

Irish_rat

Please don't tell me he doesn't do the washing up either. He needs to start cooking and looking after himself like a normal adult should do.

dudara

heretothere wrote: »

Can you come and cook at my house please I love Indian food I've never been to India but I have lived in areas with large Indian populations and have been lucky enough to try home cooked Indian food.

Rechuchote wrote: »

Heh, West Indian, she said! I love Caribbean food. Can all the French and Caribbean and other good cooks come to my house, please?

Posters - this is Personal Issues, not a general chit chat. Please stick to the topic at hand and post constructive, helpful advice for the OP.

dudara

cmoidd

Hi everyone, today's update

I didn't cook anything for my husband today.

I was going to cook him jumbo sausages and bread and ketchup.. something quick, but because he was late i started cooking a lovely couscous with merguez and chicken instead, it takes a long time, it's all homemade (my grandmother recipe)
So when he came back home, i was busy chopping the veggies with the help of our little man, and ask him, to cook his own sausages, he said he didn't know how, so i insisted telling him i was busy, i'll show you, he then said fine, in an unhappy tone, i'll do it then, i was about to show him, when he said, i know how to do it, i just didn't want to do it, what do you think i'm stupid or what? I was chocked the way he talked to me and his "revelation" he does know how to cook he is just lazy! And want someone to do it for him! I then asked him why was he lying? He said of course i know how to cook this, i'm Not stupid, i live my mother who was always making late dinner and was a bad cook so of course i know how to cook.... i was upset, he was just using me all this time!

So tonight no dinner for him too! He know how to cook, great, he can cook then! And tomorrow i'll have my couscous, i won't make anything else, if he not happy he can fix his own dinner! Because he knows how to cook!

MissShihTzu

cmoidd wrote: »

Hi everyone, today's update

I didn't cook anything for my husband today.!

Good!

cmoidd wrote: »

So tonight no dinner for him too! He know how to cook, great, he can cook then! And tomorrow i'll have my couscous, i won't make anything else, if he not happy he can fix his own dinner! Because he knows how to cook!

NOW you're getting it!! Do not cook anything for him. Hubby wants jumbo sausages, bread and ketchup? Fine. He wants to eat crap 'cos he can't be arsed and thought he had a maid? That's OK too!! Just cook for yourself and the kids. At least THEY will be getting a nourishing meal and not crap. You need to be firmer with the little guy too. Don't let him follow Dad's terrible example. Make him eat the lovely food you've cooked at the table nicely.


Good luck!

qwerty13

My god. You have my sympathy OP. I’m sorry to be insulting, but your hubby sounds like a giant man/child.

Was he treated like a mini-god by his mother? Drives me mad when someone says ‘I don’t like cheese’ - eh hundreds of flavours and lots of textures. How can that be dismissed in one go? I personally don’t like root veg. But I’ll happily eat peppers, onions, mushrooms & tomatoes.

The notion that he won’t eat your ‘fancy’ food with sauces - but then accuse your ‘other’ cooking of being bland?!?! I’d be fit to kill him. How hypocritical and rude is that.

It really sounds like he is still a mammy’s boy (I’ve havent read all posts, but I know his mother has died). What are his siblings like re food? It sounds like he’s stuck at about 10 years old re food. And been pandered to all his life.

There’s no way in hell I’d do separate meals. Just no. At most, I’d do 50/50 between what he views as ‘french’ meals and doing stereotypical ‘irish’ ones. Take it or leave it after that.

I’m so mad on your behalf. He’s behaving like a big ungrateful lump of a 1950s man.

iamwhoiam

qwerty13 wrote: »

My god. You have my sympathy OP. I’m sorry to be insulting, but your hubby sounds like a giant man/child.





I’m so mad on your behalf. He’s behaving like a big ungrateful lump of a 1950s man.

A little unfair to 50's men in my opinion .I grew up around 50/60's men and my father , uncles , friends dad were all very respectful and mannerly .The roles may have been more defined but they were grateful for the meals they got .They helped out around the house in other ways and the garden and repairs and lifting and carrying .My dad would take us kids to the beach etc . None of the men around me in the 50/60 were big ungrateful lumps !


OP . Keep up the good work you have started and my advice is to start respecting yourself first .Then your husband will respect you too .

Big Bag of Chips

How long do you know him? How long are you married? I find it strange that only now you are realising he is able to fry sausages.

He doesn't sound very respectful towards you. And that is something you need to be mindful of. Otherwise your child will grow up watching that sort of treatment and learn from it. The obvious thing now is to stop cooking for him and let him fend for himself. Whatever he eats is his business.

But I think your issues with him go far deeper than fussy eating.

The Young Wan

OP this would drive me absolutely baloobas. In mirroring what some people have said, If all he like is takeaways/greasy food, can you show him how to home make some takeaway classics? Introduce some things slowly? The website Pinterest is your friend here, there are recipes there for almost anything.

If that fails, a wallop over the head with a frying pan is in order.

Neyite

I think he's just lazy. He can do things for himself but now he's got a slave wife to do them he feels entitled to not do anything for himself.

Very unattractive trait.

Appledreams15

Poor you. It is disrespectful.

But well done you for standing up for yourself.

Cook for yourself from now on. Let him cook for himself.

You are setting respect for yourself..

woodchuck

OP have you actually tried to have a mature conversation with him about all of this outside of dinner time? Your updates generally seem to revolve around confrontation when dinner is being cooked/eaten. I really think you should discuss it at a separate time, so it's clear that the issues isn't in relation specific meals, but how you function as a couple.

The fact that he doesn't eat vegetables is very worrying. Not just for his own health, but he's setting a horrible example for your child. The fussy toddler is a somewhat separate issue, but all the tricks in the world won't work if he sees that his Daddy never eats his vegetables.

Coming up with a meal plan together was a good suggestion. What happened there?! You could even draft a meal plan yourself with some backup options (things he might like such as curry, stew, shepards pie, homemade burgers, roast dinner etc). But then the two of you should decide together what the plan is for the week. That way there are no surprises or excuses from him when he sees what's on the dinner table.

Sunflower 27

Good grief, how utterly childish. He is lazy, ungrateful and rude. I hope he has some redeeming qualities because if my partner behaved like this, I'd be breaking it off.

Do you do all the household chores? Does he pull his weight in other areas or is the cooking and cleaning and keeping him happy your job?

Neyite

Sunflower 27 wrote: »

Good grief, how utterly childish. He is lazy, ungrateful and rude. I hope he has some redeeming qualities because if my partner behaved like this, I'd be breaking it off.

Do you do all the household chores? Does he pull his weight in other areas or is the cooking and cleaning and keeping him happy your job?

She does the lot according to a post earlier in the thread. He does things like bathe the child occasionally but leaves the bathroom in such a heap it's more housework for OP to do :rolleyes:

cmoidd

Hi guys,

To answer you i've known him for 10years, he wasn't that bad at 1st, he slowly came over time, or i didn't realise how much i was doing before it become harder and harder every day since the pregnancy, every little effort i do makes me tired...
No he doesn't do any chores in the house, but since our little chat the other day, when i explained him, how hard it was for me to keep doing all of this while nearly 8 months pregnant, he understood and each time i ask for his help he is helping more with the chores, he is not happy to do it and shows it, but he does help.
And then today, i asked our son who is 4 to put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket, he was tired and wasn't really willing to do it. And my husband said out loud in front of our son, yeahh i know with all these new rules nowadays, it feel like you're a tyran!! I was just like woahh seriously? Just because i'm asking him to pick up his clothes??? are you going to picked them up? He said No! So if he doesn't and you won't who do you think will do it???

But some other time he is really nice, like when i needed him to go with me to the shop to buy a big mdf board for some diy i'm going to do, he was happy to help, and carrying the board for me
I just don't know how he can be nice a minute and the next he is not...

Dinner time was good too, he ate 2 plates of my homemade couscous, and told me he was surprised it turned out to be actually nice! So he ate a lot of veggies and survived! We're getting there.
For tonight, he wasn't in the mood to eat the same than me, so he just snacked on cookies and stuff on the coach on his own while i was giving the little man his bath.

So here is the update...

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

You've got the patience of a saint. Your husband sounds like a flute.

road_high

This all sounds way more than him merely being a fussy eater to him. This is borderline emotional abuse and if this is his attitude to being waited on, I dread to think what he is like in other aspects of the relationship.

retro:electro

Unsubscribing from this thread because my blood pressure can’t take it. He is not changing and he will never change. What little he gives you with one hand he takes back in chunks with the other. It’s sad that you found the fact he carried the mdf for you so remarkable that you felt it was worthy of praise. You’re 8 months pregnant ffs! Honestly some of this stuff just seems beyond repair, and if it was me or anyone I know I’d be urging them to get away.

Tell me how

cmoidd wrote:

To answer you i've known him for 10years, he wasn't that bad at 1st, he slowly came over time, or i didn't realise how much i was doing before it become harder and harder every day since the pregnancy,

This is worrying. If he has grown into this, it's because you have facilitated him completely.

You need to recognize that he will not change unless you do.

(I say this for your benefit)

Pelvis

OP, it's time for you to down tools completely.

If there were no kids involved then the resounding response you would be getting is to leave this guy.

fxotoole

cmoidd wrote: »

So when he came back home, i was busy chopping the veggies with the help of our little man, and ask him, to cook his own sausages, he said he didn't know how, so i insisted telling him i was busy, i'll show you, he then said fine, in an unhappy tone, i'll do it then, i was about to show him, when he said, i know how to do it, i just didn't want to do it, what do you think i'm stupid or what? I was chocked the way he talked to me and his "revelation" he does know how to cook he is just lazy! And want someone to do it for him! I then asked him why was he lying? He said of course i know how to cook this, i'm Not stupid, i live my mother who was always making late dinner and was a bad cook so of course i know how to cook.... i was upset, he was just using me all this time!

So tonight no dinner for him too! He know how to cook, great, he can cook then! And tomorrow i'll have my couscous, i won't make anything else, if he not happy he can fix his own dinner! Because he knows how to cook!

Jesus wept, what a lazy slob. I honestly don’t know how you put up with such a manchild. Spoilt for too long by his mammy.

I hope this revelation has made you see the light, and that it is a turning point for you. He needs to cook for himself if he’s not happy to try the amazing home cooked French cuisine you are making! And moaning about your food after you’ve been slaving over a hot stove is the beyond insulting!!

Sunflower 27

So he got the MDF, probably because he wanted it or wanted a project for himself.

Your son is picking up on his atrocious habits.

I could not live with someone so utterly selfish and patronising. I'm sorry, but he is horrible. He really is.

He clearly thinks if he belittles these new rules enough you will revert back to the old way. I really don't know what else to say, other than life with him sounds like it will become even more unbearable because he is a selfish, lazy manchild.

The Young Wan

Pelvis wrote: »

OP, it's time for you to down tools completely.

If there were no kids involved then the resounding response you would be getting is to leave this guy.

Even with a young fella involved, I'd be telling her to up sticks. The behaviour he's been showing is appalling, and sets a horrific example for his son (and soon new child.)

iamwhoiam

I don't know why any woman would actually think that their husband was " great " or " really nice " for carrying MDF . At 8 months pregnant a stranger would offer to carry MDF if he passed by !
I saw my husband only a few day ago walk across to a car where he saw a woman struggle to lift big compost bags into her boot . He heaved them in and that was that . He wasn't wonderful or exceptional he was just being normal !


I actually now think we are all being led down a merry path to be honest . Then what woman could actually write that and think it something to be excited about ? And the OP paying absolutely no heed to the posts and the advice .
Grant me patience !

Sunflower 27

iamwhoiam wrote: »

I don't know why any woman would actually think that their husband was " great " or " really nice " for carrying MDF . At 8 months pregnant a stranger would offer to carry MDF if he passed by !
I saw my husband only a few day ago walk across to a car where he saw a woman struggle to lift big compost bags into her boot . He heaved them in and that was that . He wasn't wonderful or exceptional he was just being normal !


I actually now think we are all being led down a merry path to be honest . Then what woman could actually write that and think it something to be excited about ? And the OP paying absolutely no heed to the posts and the advice .
Grant me patience !

It is often the case that people in abusive relationships will grab and staunchly hold on to anything positive in their partner to try and justify why they stay, so, in this case, the MDF.

If this guy washed his dinner plate one day, that would be held onto as well. He is "being so supportive".

This is the mindset of someone in an abusive relationship. The op is clearly not ready yet to address the bigger issues at play here (we all know this is about much more than him being a fussy eater).

At eight months pregnant I can understand someone not facing the issues, but burying the head in the sand won't make them go way either.

dellas1979

Well, its very simple.

His bad behaviour is his. He is a grown man.

But you are, or have been, enabling him.

We could tell you from page 1 that of course he can cook. Nothing extravagant maybe. But enough. I dont like cooking. I am a fussy eater. If I am hungry, I will make something I will eat. I do that cause else I will go hungry.

He hasnt been making an idiot out of you.

He's been making an idiot out of himself. He is not taking any responsibility for his behaviour as long as of course he can keep blaming you for things.

kylith

Op, what did you do when he said you were being a tyrant? Did you apologise, or did you point out that a heavily pregnant woman shouldn’t have to act tyrannically in order to get a grown man to do some housework and pick up his dirty clothes?

rainbowtrout

cmoidd wrote: »

Hi guys,


No he doesn't do any chores in the house, but since our little chat the other day, when i explained him, how hard it was for me to keep doing all of this while nearly 8 months pregnant, he understood and each time i ask for his help he is helping more with the chores, he is not happy to do it and shows it, but he does help.

You shouldn't have to ask for his help, he should be willingly helping you. You are 8 months pregnant, tired, doing all the housework and looking after your other child, and I presume at this stage finding mobility a bit harder. You really shouldn't need to ask.

cmoidd wrote: »

And then today, i asked our son who is 4 to put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket, he was tired and wasn't really willing to do it. And my husband said out loud in front of our son, yeahh i know with all these new rules nowadays, it feel like you're a tyran!! I was just like woahh seriously? Just because i'm asking him to pick up his clothes??? are you going to picked them up? He said No! So if he doesn't and you won't who do you think will do it???

Absolutely disgraceful behaviour, he is undermining and disrespecting you, but also is doing it in front of your child, and teaching your child that it is ok to treat you like that. It's really not ok. He wouldn't get past the front door in my house with that behaviour.

cmoidd wrote: »

But some other time he is really nice, like when i needed him to go with me to the shop to buy a big mdf board for some diy i'm going to do, he was happy to help, and carrying the board for me
I just don't know how he can be nice a minute and the next he is not...

I think your definition of nice and other people's definition of nice are unfortunately vastly different because of your current dynamic. You needed him to carry mdf that you couldn't carry yourself, that's not being nice or giving you special treatment, that's something you should expect as normal. And at this stage of your pregnancy you should have been able to ask him to go and get it for you.

cmoidd wrote: »

Dinner time was good too, he ate 2 plates of my homemade couscous, and told me he was surprised it turned out to be actually nice! So he ate a lot of veggies and survived! We're getting there.

A backhanded compliment. He was surprised it was nice? How about saying 'thanks for cooking dinner, that was lovely' and leave it at that. He's an ungrateful prick at best.

cmoidd wrote: »

For tonight, he wasn't in the mood to eat the same than me, so he just snacked on cookies and stuff on the coach on his own while i was giving the little man his bath.

Wasn't in the mood? FFS, he is getting a dinner handed up to him, and he's sitting eating cookies on the couch and won't eat dinner with you. Total waste of space.

OP, what is going to happen when the baby arrives and you are left looking after the baby, toddler, cooking dinners and doing the housework and he is still being a selfish prick? If you are in hospital for a couple of days after the birth (which you could be if you need section) is he going to cook for your older child? Things need to radically change in your household.

cmoidd

Hi guys,

He is not that bad, it's not always a war zone in the house, most of the time we have a great time, if it doesn't involve duties (housework or cooking)

Someone asked about the mdf, it was actually for me, not for him, i also do the DIY in the house, my husband is not manual kind, so mdf project was because we're running out of spaces, so much baby stuff! i'm making some shelving that i will add in the existing wardrobes, so i cut the board yesterday, today i sanded and painted (3 layers) the boards so tomorrow it will be ready to be added to the wardrobes

It might sound weird the little things he does to help, i make a big deal about it but i guess it's better than nothing... i need to find some positive out there somewhere... And he wasn't really doing those little things before, but since our chat life is getting better... one day at time, i'm not loosing hope, he will get used to this new "tyrannic" rules eventually, he might even not give out about it in the long run

The lunch today had to be quick, we had a doctor appointment, so he ates his sausages and bread on the coach and our son i had pasta

Tonight we're having soup and said he will eat it, i'll see that...

I told him tomorrow i was in a mood for a quiche lorraine, he made a face but said he will give it a try so it's good!

fxotoole

cmoidd wrote: »

Hi guys,

He is not that bad, it's not always a war zone in the house, most of the time we have a great time, if it doesn't involve duties (housework or cooking)

Someone asked about the mdf, it was actually for me, not for him, i also do the DIY in the house, my husband is not manual kind, so mdf project was because we're running out of spaces, so much baby stuff! i'm making some shelving that i will add in the existing wardrobes, so i cut the board yesterday, today i sanded and painted (3 layers) the boards so tomorrow it will be ready to be added to the wardrobes

It might sound weird the little things he does to help, i make a big deal about it but i guess it's better than nothing... i need to find some positive out there somewhere... And he wasn't really doing those little things before, but since our chat life is getting better... one day at time, i'm not loosing hope, he will get used to this new "tyrannic" rules eventually, he might even not give out about it in the long run

The lunch today had to be quick, we had a doctor appointment, so he ates his sausages and bread on the coach and our son i had pasta

Tonight we're having soup and said he will eat it, i'll see that...

I told him tomorrow i was in a mood for a quiche lorraine, he made a face but said he will give it a try so it's good!

I'm shocked he's OK with you doing DIY work while 8 months pregnant. Words are literally failing me right now

Tell me how

cmoidd wrote: »

Someone asked about the mdf, it was actually for me, not for him, i also do the DIY in the house, my husband is not manual kind, so mdf project was because we're running out of spaces, so much baby stuff! i'm making some shelving that i will add in the existing wardrobes, so i cut the board yesterday, today i sanded and painted (3 layers) the boards so tomorrow it will be ready to be added to the wardrobes

I'll be hones cmoidd. The more I read posts like this, the more I think this might be a wind up. If you can write the above along with everything else about what you do versus what your husband does and not see it as being off the charts disproportionate then things really aren't going to change.

If everything you are saying here is true then you are enabling your husband entirely. From the right place and with love in your heart maybe but absolutely you are helping him to be the man he is today.

You said it yourself that he wasn't as bad when ye first met.

rainbowtrout

cmoidd wrote: »

Someone asked about the mdf, it was actually for me, not for him, i also do the DIY in the house, my husband is not manual kind, so mdf project was because we're running out of spaces, so much baby stuff! i'm making some shelving that i will add in the existing wardrobes, so i cut the board yesterday, today i sanded and painted (3 layers) the boards so tomorrow it will be ready to be added to the wardrobes

It's irrelevant who the mdf was for. Your husband is not the anything kind. He doesn't clean, doesn't cook, doesn't do DIY. What exactly does he do if you're delighted that he carried an mdf board for you. You are setting the standard way too low for yourself.

fxotoole

I'm actually thinking this is a windup. No way is this real.

iamwhoiam

fxotoole wrote: »

I'm actually thinking this is a windup. No way is this real.

Said it this morning , we are being led a merry dance .

cmoidd

Yes of course everything i'm saying here is the true why would i lie?

So he is how he is because of me? I enable him too much... What can i do to stop that?

What do i meant to do? I like doing the DIY, hanging frame, drill holes in the walls, do stuff with my hands, even if it's not perfect, i know i made it. And he is not good at it...

About dinners each time i ask him to cook he doesn't want, what do i meant to do? after following your advices, now most of the time, i cook what i want to cook and if he doesn't want to eat it, he can cook himself (more likely snacks in our case). And he seems to be receptive to that because he is trying to eat.

He is now helping a bit in the house duties during the weekend so i guess we're making progress, it's not a lost cause!
What more can i do?

Now we're going to make a weekly meal plan, that should help even more....

Pelvis

cmoidd wrote: »

And he is not good at it...

What IS he good at?

iamwhoiam

cmoidd wrote: »

Yes of course everything i'm saying here is the true why would i lie?

So he is how he is because of me? I enable him too much... What can i do to stop that?

What do i meant to do? I like doing the DIY, hanging frame, drill holes in the walls, do stuff with my hands, even if it's not perfect, i know i made it. And he is not good at it...

About dinners each time i ask him to cook he doesn't want, what do i meant to do? after following your advices, now most of the time, i cook what i want to cook and if he doesn't want to eat it, he can cook himself (more likely snacks in our case). And he seems to be receptive to that because he is trying to eat.

He is now helping a bit in the house duties during the weekend so i guess we're making progress, it's not a lost cause!
What more can i do?

Now we're going to make a weekly meal plan, that should help even more....

No one says you shouldn't enjoy DIY ? But to think he is great because he carried the blessed MDF is daft . Therin lies your problem in my opinion .
I am unfollowing this thread now as its just like banging a head on a brick wall

dee_mc

You're making excuses for him.
Forgive me but from reading all your posts, I can't help thinking you enjoy acting the martyr too. By doing EVERYTHING for your husband and son, AND building shelving and sanding and painting etc, you get some sense of satisfaction from being so practical and so capable, but at the same time you're giving the husband carte blanche to be a useless fu/ker and do as little as possible!
Is the end if your pregnancy not a great excuse/incentive to down tools and put it up to your husband to be the practical one?
I know you're trying to play the long game but realistically, you need to make the change now! What would he do if you were laid up for weeks after the baby's birth?
Why not approach it from the 'I need you to step up as I'm not physically able to do everything while pregnant and nursing' point of view for now, but you will have to get him to pull his weight longterm.
Stop making allowances for him and stop enjoying the glory of being the useful one - as long as you're insistent on being the doer, he has no reason to pull his finger out and start pulling his weight!
Oh, and don't ask him to 'help' - emphasise that you're not asking him to do your work, you're asking him to do his share.

Appledreams15

dee_mc wrote: »

You're making excuses for him.
Forgive me but from reading all your posts, I can't help thinking you enjoy acting the martyr too. By doing EVERYTHING for your husband and son, AND building shelving and sanding and painting etc, you get some sense of satisfaction from being so practical and so capable, but at the same time you're giving the husband carte blanche to be a useless fu/ker and do as little as possible!
Is the end if your pregnancy not a great excuse/incentive to down tools and put it up to your husband to be the practical one?
I know you're trying to play the long game but realistically, you need to make the change now! What would he do if you were laid up for weeks after the baby's birth?
Why not approach it from the 'I need you to step up as I'm not physically able to do everything while pregnant and nursing' point of view for now, but you will have to get him to pull his weight longterm.
Stop making allowances for him and stop enjoying the glory of being the useful one - as long as you're insistent on being the doer, he has no reason to pull his finger out and start pulling his weight!
Oh, and don't ask him to 'help' - emphasise that you're not asking him to do your work, you're asking him to do his share.

Why are you being so harsh to an 8 month pregnant woman?

And to the people telling her to leave him, for god sake she has a little boy, and is pregnant. That is a terrible idea.

I know plenty of men like this in ireland, I remember going out with a man aged 33, he lived at home. He would go out on the piss all night, come home and collapse, his mother would come home from the nighy shift and he would make her bring him a glass of water.

I know a 40 year man whose mother does everything for him. Ireland's stereotype of men is "manchild" who want the woman to do everything


It sounds like her husband is listening, and progressing. Good luck.

juneg

Appledreams15 wrote: »

Why are you being so harsh to an 8 month pregnant woman?

And to the people telling her to leave him, for god sake she has a little boy, and is pregnant. That is a terrible idea.

I know plenty of men like this in ireland, I remember going out with a man aged 33, he lived at home. He would go out on the piss all night, come home and collapse, his mother would come home from the nighy shift and he would make her bring him a glass of water.

I know a 40 year man whose mother does everything for him. Ireland's stereotype of men is "manchild" who want the woman to do everything


It sounds like her husband is listening, and progressing. Good luck.

I agree. He is lazy but making some progress. Nobody is perfect there are plenty of men and women as lazy as this today in Ireland. I'm so jealous of him though having the french cuisine handed up to him !

Tell me how

Appledreams15 wrote:

. Ireland's stereotype of men is "manchild" who want the woman to do everything

I think you're very wrong here. Look at all the posters of both genders on this thread who are clearly suggesting this is abnormal behavior.

iamwhoiam

Tell me how wrote: »

I think you're very wrong here. Look at all the posters of both genders on this thread who are clearly suggesting this is abnormal behavior.

Yes . In my circle of friends , family , nieces , etc not one I know would put up with that behavour . Its most definitely not stereotypical in my world