Disciplining Children AKA Back in my day they behaved.

LirW

I think it would benefit parents and when they choose their own parenting style then fair enough but some basics would be great for all.

That's all well and good but the basics and every good parenting book in the world doesn't prepare you for the real life misbehaviour of kids and it can sometimes really wear you down. Have a super picky eater at home that plain out refuses anything and you've tried every good and bad advice that is out there and nothing worked, but you don't wanna give in and raise the child on nuggets and waffles.
There are plenty of situations nobody prepares you for (and can't prepare you) but they need to be handled delicately enough.

Whispered

There's a lot of info out there re parenting if parents bother to check. Parenting classes are all well and good but if you can't be bothered researching a bit yourself you're not likely to implement suggestions from a mandatory parenting class.

I have a toddler, I get away for an evening very rarely. An annoying/noisy child in a restaurant does my head in because I'm there to get away from that. But I don't think that's bad behaviour, it's kids being kids and not properly managed by the adults.

I have a severe lack of patience, I don't hit, I've pulled my hand back to a few times and look at each time as a failure on my part. Failure to read the situation, help my son deal with whatever is going on, to sufficiently control my reaction to being annoyed etc

I'm not a walkover by any means, but I don't think hitting my son is the road I'd go down when it comes to discipline.

PictureFrame

I'm a Child Psychologist by trade and would be absolutely appauled at the thoughts of using physical violence to discipline a child, it doesn't work and is a really bad sign if adults cannot use their common sense and a bit of tact to teach their children right from wrong and instead have to use violence, no matter what form it takes.

From a personal sense I grew up with a parent who would utilise slapping as a way of discipline, i've seen first hand how it can lead to a huge amount of fear and anxiety in children, and needless to say, we have no relationship anymore.

Use your common sense, your intellect and stay calm if your kids are driving you spare, don't be instilling fear in your child- it really is quite a horrible thing for any child to experience.

branie2

Could boarding school be an option?

xzanti

Take away their favourite toy/device for a week or two. Or ground them.

I think if you need to resort to violence against a child, then you're doing it wrong.

If an adult hit me, I'd press charges. Why should it be ok for an adult to hit a defenseless child?

Also, if the law banning people from hitting their kids was removed, there are certain people who would view it as a green light for abuse. Nothing surer.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

super_furry wrote: »

Weird to see so many people so eager to hit children.

Meh - it's Ireland...

biko

Why reason with a child when a smack sorts them out faster.

corner of hells

biko wrote: »

Why reason with a child when a smack sorts them out faster.

"Why reason with a child when smack sorts them out faster" , FYP

_Brian

Teaching children that hitting someone is how you get them to do what you want is not the best example to set.

If more parents stopped trying to be best friends with their kids and actually parented them as parents it would lead to better behaved kids.

Lastly, I’m sick of parents giving out about poorly behaved kids when they spend every weekend getting smashed drunk themselves. It’s hard to have the higher moral ground when your slumped in your own vommit beside the toilet every weekend.

I was never hit or smacked or belted or given a hiding or threatened with a wooden spoon etc. Not once.

Only the gods know how I've avoided a life of drug addiction and prison.

Candie

Candie wrote: »

I was never hit or smacked or belted or given a hiding or threatened with a wooden spoon etc. Not once.

Only the gods know how I've avoided a life of drug addiction and prison.

I was hit, smacked, belted, and I haven't turned into a violent person.

There are degrees of punishment same with being hit. My parents were careful with how they punished us, using a combination of physical and emotional punishment. It worked. Three children, and all turned out to be productive members of society without any criminal records or drug addictions.

The problem with physical punishment is that obviously it can be taken to extremes. However, the same could be said about emotional punishment, and frankly the effects of emotional punishment (guilt, anxiety etc) are far more likely to have lasting effects.

I wonder will they decide that any form of punishment, even "a firm talking to" should be banned simply because it might have lasting negative effects?

People seem to often confuse a lack of physical discipline with a lack of any discipline at all. My parents were strict enough without using physical punishment or any kind of emotional or anxiety inducing psychological methods. I was reasoned with, and on occasion I had things taken from me or was grounded or sanctioned in some other way. Same with my sister and two brothers, and my nieces and nephews are similarly raised, all of them lovely well behaved and well mannered kids.

It's not a choice between slapping kids or letting them run riot, there's a huge middle ground there.

AH only deals in extremes though.

GreeBo

donegaLroad wrote: »

Spare the rod and spoil the child has long thought to be unture.

Physically correcting children can lead to violent and aggressive behavior as the child grows older. (among other issues)

Not physically correcting children is arguably leading to more aggressive and misbehaved young adults...

GreeBo

Candie wrote: »

I was never hit or smacked or belted or given a hiding or threatened with a wooden spoon etc. Not once.

Only the gods know how I've avoided a life of drug addiction and prison.

I got a slap or the wooden spoon as a kid, as did my the other siblings and we are all perfectly normal humans who haven't murdered anyone...yet.

Does my example invalidate yours since you believe yours somehow invalidates mine?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

GreeBo wrote: »

donegaLroad wrote: »

Spare the rod and spoil the child has long thought to be unture.

Physically correcting children can lead to violent and aggressive behavior as the child grows older. (among other issues)

Not physically correcting children is arguably leading to more aggressive and misbehaved young adults...

You seem to have hit the 'submit reply' button before finishing the sentence and telling us why.

GreeBo

GreeBo wrote: »

I got a slap or the wooden spoon as a kid, as did my the other siblings and we are all perfectly normal humans who haven't murdered anyone...yet.

Does my example invalidate yours since you believe yours somehow invalidates mine?

I don't believe mine invalidates yours (or vice versa), I just don't believe that it's an essential child rearing tool. I think if you can avoid hitting people smaller than you, that's a good thing.

The only time I was slapped was when my Gran slapped my hand away from something I was about to touch that I didn't know was very hot. I completely understand that she hadn't time to chat to me about it and had to act decisively, but other than circumstances like that, taking the time to talk things through reasonably is a life skill worth teaching kids.

lawred2

Deleted User wrote: »

Teaching a child right from wrong seems to be a thing of the past. It's now all about their rights and perceived wrongs. And that someone else will do it, pay for it etc...

Some examples maybe?

GreeBo

Neyite wrote: »

Children are funny wee yokes. My child would be exactly the kind of kid you could break wooden spoons on and he'd remain defiant, and become more badly behaved if you physically punished him. Change the wifi password or threaten to remove the bedtime story though and he's putty in my hands.

Tbh, slapping kids is lazy or ignorant parenting IMO. My parents did it because looking back their parenting knowledge was limited to their own upbringings which were quite bleak and harsh. But when they saw their grandchildren being reared without getting slapped and turning out just as well as their parents did, they realised that there are other, more effective ways to discipline and correct poor behaviour, and mam has often said she wished she had the knowledge and resources back then that we have now.

A slap is lazy but changing the Wi-Fi password isn't?
You'll have to run that by me again...

You prefer the psychological approach of deprivation and isolation over the thumb screws I guess?
And yet we are the ones who apparently torture kids by slapping them:rolleyes:

lawred2

Was never even as much as slapped...

How am I not a depraved senseless villain with no moral compass?

GreeBo

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

You seem to have hit the 'submit reply' button before finishing the sentence and telling us why.

You tell me how you've come to the conclusion that corporal punishment leads to it, so why don't you tell us why?

As a society we have used corporal punishment for far longer than any other means, if its so destructive, how did at manage to get this far?

lawred2

lawred2 wrote: »

Was never even as much as slapped...

How am I not a depraved senseless villain with no moral compass?

We should get together, rob some banks, kill a few people, do some class A's. Sure it's only a matter of time.

GreeBo

Candie wrote: »

I don't believe mine invalidates yours (or vice versa), I just don't believe that it's an essential child rearing tool. I think if you can avoid hitting people smaller than you, that's a good thing.

The only time I was slapped was when my Gran slapped my hand away from something I was about to touch that I didn't know was very hot. I completely understand that she hadn't time to chat to me about it and had to act decisively, but other than circumstances like that, taking the time to talk things through reasonably is a life skill worth teaching kids.

And when kids go ahead and ignore you because texting boundaries is what they do, then what?

You often cannot reason with a 2 year old, what then?
I can't see how psychological punishment is soo much better, because that's what depriving them of toys, WiFi etc amounts to.

GreeBo

GreeBo wrote: »

And when kids go ahead and ignore you because texting boundaries is what they do, then what?

You often cannot reason with a 2 year old, what then?
I can't see how psychological punishment is soo much better, because that's what depriving them of toys, WiFi etc amounts to.

Taking toys is giving consequences, and not being able to play with a toy for a few minutes isn't comparable to a person twice your size physically inflicting pain on you, especially when it's one of the big people you love most.

That's my take, yours is obviously different but I'll never find it a reasonable situation that slapping another adult is a crime, but slapping a toddler of two is perfectly fine and totally reasonable.

Neyite

GreeBo wrote: »

A slap is lazy but changing the Wi-Fi password isn't?
You'll have to run that by me again...

You prefer the psychological approach of deprivation and isolation over the thumb screws I guess?
And yet we are the ones who apparently torture kids by slapping them:rolleyes:

Changing the wifi password is not lazy nor depriving or isolating the child. It takes far more time to explain the poor behaviour, explain the correct behaviour, and give him advance warning of the sanction he will get if he continues with the poor behaviour, then following through when the behaviour stays the same, then talking it over with him, and letting him know that he will get the wifi back after an allotted time.

I wont have a home where slapping anyone is acceptable.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

GreeBo wrote: »

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

You seem to have hit the 'submit reply' button before finishing the sentence and telling us why.

You tell me how you've come to the conclusion that corporal punishment leads to it, so why don't you tell us why?

As a society we have used corporal punishment for far longer than any other means, if its so destructive, how did at manage to get this far?

What...? All I did was ask you to finish a sentence!

uck51js9zml2yt

Was in a pub with some friends for a meal this weekend. Some little darlings were bashing on the piano.
A friend asked them if they could play and when they said no, suggested they stop.
They continued to the delight of their parents.
My friend then asked the bar staff to stop them. He locked the piano to the disgust of the kids and their parents.
We enjoyed by a quiet meal and a chat:)

freshpopcorn

Zainab Wailing Turpitude wrote: »

Was in a pub with some friends for a meal this weekend. Some little darlings were bashing on the piano.
A friend asked them if they could play and when they said no, suggested they stop.
They continued to the delight of their parents.
My friend then asked the bar staff to stop them. He locked the piano to the disgust of the kids and their parents.
We enjoyed by a quiet meal and a chat:)

If only you saw what the kids did to ye're food when ye weren't looking!

jimbobaloobob

Just look at Banduras Bo bo the clown experiment and you have your answer.

It (beatings) didn't work before you think it would be better in today's world. Ehh no.

GreeBo

Candie wrote: »

Taking toys is giving consequences, and not being able to play with a toy for a few minutes isn't comparable to a person twice your size physically inflicting pain on you, especially when it's one of the big people you love most.

That's my take, yours is obviously different but I'll never find it a reasonable situation that slapping another adult is a crime, but slapping a toddler of two is perfectly fine and totally reasonable.

That argument isn't at all logical.

Giving a slap is giving consequences, feeling a small bit if pain for s few seconds isn't comparable to being denied access to your favorite toy for an hour, especially when the person denying you access is the person who is supposed to love you the most.

Taking items from another adult is a crime, denying them access to things that are they're is a crime, but it's somehow grand to do it to a child?

If I took the deprivation example to the extremes that you side takes the no slapping argument, you would rightly call me out on it, but it's somehow fine when you do it.

We are talking about a slap that will sting for a couple of seconds, not someone abusing a child or walloping them!

GreeBo

Neyite wrote: »

Changing the wifi password is not lazy nor depriving or isolating the child. It takes far more time to explain the poor behaviour, explain the correct behaviour, and give him advance warning of the sanction he will get if he continues with the poor behaviour, then following through when the behaviour stays the same, then talking it over with him, and letting him know that he will get the wifi back after an allotted time.

I wont have a home where slapping anyone is acceptable.

Why do you automatically assume that the adult giving the slap isn't explaining why the child got the slap, explaining what is required to not get another slap and giving warning that another slap will follow if the unwanted behavior continues?

Why do you all base your arguments against slapping on some lunatic who would swoop in, wallop the unsuspecting child and then leave without a word of explanation?!
Any adult who behaves like that isn't suddenly going to become a better parent just because they can't slap.

There is never any reasoned logic to these arguments, just knee jerk, unbalanced opinions. It does nothing to change anyone's opinion.

GreeBo

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

What...? All I did was ask you to finish a sentence!

The sentence was finished.
In my opinion, people are no better behaved now than when slapping was common place, I'd argue they are far worse. Hence argue that slapping was a better method.

Again, no one is advocating abusing or beating children, one side seems to be unable to accept that unfortunately. Instead resorting to childish jokes about robbing banks and thanks whoring.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

GreeBo wrote: »

The sentence was finished.
In my opinion, people are no better behaved now than when slapping was common place, I'd argue they are far worse. Hence argue that slapping was a better method.

And I asked what this was based on, because it was missing from your initial post. Instead, there were three dots.

As it is, your argument is based on the fallacy that corelation is causation.

Again, no one is advocating abusing or beating children, one side seems to be unable to accept that unfortunately. Instead resorting to childish jokes about robbing banks and thanks whoring.

Never said it was. My observations are:

1) It's done without communication. If you can communicate with children, then communicate with them. If you can't then how is hitting them supposed to teach them right from wrong? And effective conflict resolution (or are you ok teaching them hitting is a good way of resolving your conflicts with other people?)

2) It's rule by fear. And as soon as the fear is gone, the behaviour returns. The only thing the kids learn is not to get caught.

Parents are gone soft nowadays, that's quite evident here and in day to day life. Lack of a smack is only one thing, there are plenty more things too.

"Oh I'd never slap my child" :rolleyes:. A good smack is a valuable tool in teaching manners to a child, it's not something that's needed all the the but there are times where a child deserves it. Also once you use it you always have the threat of using it again which is another tool in disciplining a child so you may not even need to smack them as they will cop on to avoid it.

Also a smack is not a "beating" or "an assault" :rolleyes: like some claim. It's a quick slap across the ar*se or legs like we all got as kids and deserved too.

SimonTemplar

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Teaching a child right from wrong seems to be a thing of the past. It's now all about their rights and perceived wrongs. And that someone else will do it, pay for it etc...

I don't think teaching a child that it is acceptable to hit another person is teaching them right from wrong.

GreeBo

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

And I asked what this was based on, because it was missing from your initial post. Instead, there were three dots.

As it is, your argument is based on the fallacy that corelation is causation.



Never said it was. My observations are:

1) It's done without communication. If you can communicate with children, then communicate with them. If you can't then how is hitting them supposed to teach them right from wrong? And effective conflict resolution (or are you ok teaching them hitting is a good way of resolving your conflicts with other people?)

2) It's rule by fear. And as soon as the fear is gone, the behaviour returns. The only thing the kids learn is not to get caught.

My point was exactly that, if some poster can use correlation to somehow prove slapping is bad, I can use the same to prove it's not. Clearly that was lost on you I your bid to be clever.

Observe a lot of parenting do you then? Let's try to put a percentage on that...would you say it's even 1%? Not sure your sub 1% exposure is in any way valuable to the argument frankly.

So removing the WiFi access isn't rule by fear then? The child isn't afraid of losing access? Why does simple logic go out the window in these arguments?

Somehow the child losing Wi-Fi doesn't learn to not get caught huh?

Children aren't afraid of being slapped, we are not talking about beatings here, so your "argument" is illogical as it equally applies to both sides.

qwerty ui op

Reuben Bumpy Ground wrote: »

Parents are gone soft nowadays, that's quite evident here and in day to day life.

People keep saying this or something along these lines, How is it quite evident in day to day life?

SimonTemplar

SimonTemplar wrote: »

I don't think teaching a child that it is acceptable to hit another person is teaching them right from wrong.

Nor do I.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

GreeBo wrote: »

My point was exactly that, if some poster can use correlation to somehow prove slapping is bad, I can use the same to prove it's not. Clearly that was lost on you I your bid to be clever.

Not at all - just need a little context. But then if that's the case, and you're merely highlighting the fallacy in his post, fair enough, my mistake.

But it's difficult position to hold accurately: I mean, how exactly is it possible to know this? Are kids worse today than they were in the 80s, for a start? I'd argue much the same, but would be open to reasoned counter-debate. And how do you know whether their parents using physical chastisement or another form of punishment?

Observe a lot of parenting do you then? Let's try to put a percentage on that...would you say it's even 1%? Not sure your sub 1% exposure is in any way valuable to the argument frankly.

So removing the WiFi access isn't rule by fear then? The child isn't afraid of losing access? Why does simple logic go out the window in these arguments?

Somehow the child losing Wi-Fi doesn't learn to not get caught huh?

Children aren't afraid of being slapped, we are not talking about beatings here, so your "argument" is illogical as it equally applies to both sides.

None of this is in any way deals with the arguments I made: the wifi argument is someone else's, not mine; and the slapping/beating argument doesn't deal with communication whichever word you use.

Neyite

GreeBo wrote: »

Why do you automatically assume that the adult giving the slap isn't explaining why the child got the slap, explaining what is required to not get another slap and giving warning that another slap will follow if the unwanted behavior continues?

Why do you all base your arguments against slapping on some lunatic who would swoop in, wallop the unsuspecting child and then leave without a word of explanation?!
Any adult who behaves like that isn't suddenly going to become a better parent just because they can't slap.

There is never any reasoned logic to these arguments, just knee jerk, unbalanced opinions. It does nothing to change anyone's opinion.

*slap*
"Don't slap your brother. The reason I slapped you is punishment for slapping your brother because slapping is wrong and abusive and you must never do it. Violence is never the answer."
*slap*

Yeah, explaining makes it crystal clear with no contradictions or mixed messages at all. A 4 year old will really get the nuances of your illegal actions towards them. :rolleyes:

Reuben Bumpy Ground wrote: »

Also a smack is not a "beating" or "an assault" :rolleyes: like some claim. It's a quick slap across the ar*se or legs like we all got as kids and deserved too.

If your colleague boss or partner slapped you across the arse because you did something wrong, it's legally assault and they could be prosecuted for it. Since 2015 when the clause of 'reasonable chastisement' was removed from law as a defence for hitting children, it's effectively a ban on slapping children. You slapping your (hypothetical) child IS legally assault, it IS a crime and can be treated and prosecuted as such.

If you hit an intellectually or physically disabled adult or your dementia-ridden parent, you'd be the lowest scumbag of the low. I'd go as far as to call someone like that an utter cnut. Children are equally as vulnerable as the elderly or disabled, and hitting them is just as wrong, and just as illegal.

qwerty ui op

qwerty ui op wrote: »

People keep saying this or something along these lines, How is it quite evident in day to day life?

I think it can be seen in shopping centers, or other public places where in some cases kids are running all over the parents. You can see that combination of helplessness and embarrassment in the faces of the parents, as their kids shout, cry, pull things down, throw tantrums, etc. In an open space, it's fine, and somewhat amusing. In an enclosed space, like a bus/plane, then it's incredibly annoying. (12 hours long flight with children that won't settle down is a nightmare for the whole plane of passengers)

I don't think kids are much worse than before, and honestly, when it comes to kids, it's not really much of an issue. If teens are acting up in a similar manner then that's a different story, but I imagine this thread isn't about teens.

GreeBo

Neyite wrote: »

*slap*
"Don't slap your brother. The reason I slapped you is punishment for slapping your brother because slapping is wrong and abusive and you must never do it. Violence is never the answer."
*slap*

Yeah, explaining makes it crystal clear with no contradictions or mixed messages at all. A 4 year old will really get the nuances of your illegal actions towards them. :rolleyes:

*I'm talking your your toy for a day because you took your brothers toy when he was playing with it*

Do you want to try again?

This is great fun and all, but until you come up with an argument that I can't turn back on you just as easily as I above then you are not proving any point that you might think you are.

Neyite

GreeBo wrote: »

*I'm talking your your toy for a day because you took your brothers toy when he was playing with it*

Do you want to try again?

This is great fun and all, but until you come up with an argument that I can't turn back on you just as easily as I above then you are not proving any point that you might think you are.

My way is legal. Yours isn't.

andekwarhola

Threads like these always end up with the stereotypical poles of permissive hippy vs child abuser.

Smacking is not really an effective means of punishment in its own right but one thing about these threads is that is for every person that's lining up to point out that they turned out OK in the absence of smacking, there's an equal number that did get smacked on occasion who have somehow avoided succumbing to a life of inflicting violence on others.

As ever, real life outstde the keyboard is generally found between the extremes.

GreeBo

Deleted User wrote: »

I think it can be seen in shopping centers, or other public places where in some cases kids are running all over the parents. You can see that combination of helplessness and embarrassment in the faces of the parents, as their kids shout, cry, pull things down, throw tantrums, etc. In an open space, it's fine, and somewhat amusing. In an enclosed space, like a bus/plane, then it's incredibly annoying. (12 hours long flight with children that won't settle down is a nightmare for the whole plane of passengers)

I don't think kids are much worse than before, and honestly, when it comes to kids, it's not really much of an issue. If teens are acting up in a similar manner then that's a different story, but I imagine this thread isn't about teens.

Well these teens started out and learned their behaviors as kids so...

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

Not at all - just need a little context. But then if that's the case, and you're merely highlighting the fallacy in his post, fair enough, my mistake.

But it's difficult position to hold accurately: I mean, how exactly is it possible to know this? Are kids worse today than they were in the 80s, for a start? I'd argue much the same, but would be open to reasoned counter-debate. And how do you know whether their parents using physical chastisement or another form of punishment?



None of this is in any way deals with the arguments I made: the wifi argument is someone else's, not mine; and the slapping/beating argument doesn't deal with communication whichever word you use.

My point was that it's impossible for either side to use today's society to prove their approach is better or worse.

I think I did deal with your arguments, you said slapping is rule by fear, I I pointed out that any correctional behavior is rule by fear, the child is afraid of the consequences, whatever they may be.
Ditto for not getting caught next time.

What point of yours do you think I missed?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

GreeBo wrote: »

I think I did deal with your arguments, you said slapping is rule by fear, I I pointed out that any correctional behavior is rule by fear, the child is afraid of the consequences, whatever they may be.
Ditto for not getting caught next time.

What point of yours do you think I missed?

That there's no communication. Same with the wifi rule (which, again, I didn't bring up).
Can you (you generally, not you specifically) communicate to the child what the child has done wrong, yes or no?
If yes - then why do you need to slap at all?
If no - then how is slapping (or any punishment) supposed to teach right from wrong?

Also, rule by fear is will not work when the child is no longer scared. What do you do then?

joey100

The main reason smacking has been banned though isn't because of it's success or not with dealing with behaviour it's because a parent shouldn't hit their child. Much the same way no one should hit anyone. Their is no situation where an 80kg person (rough estimate for a parent) hitting a 30kg child (rough estimate for a 10 year old child) is a fair or appropriate response.

GreeBo

GreeBo wrote: »

Well these teens started out and learned their behaviors as kids so...

Which is why any argument about slapping children will fail... You're not going to get a rational argument, because people can assume the high moral ground..

However, considering the effects of Teen behavior, then you can argue your point from a better position (will still be difficult). That's why this thread is a set-up, due to the focus on children.

kildare lad

Im of the age, that me and many of my school mates got a smack for being bold. Thankfully none of us ended up being violent serial killers. Theres a huge difference between giving your kid a smack on the arse and kicking the ****e out of him. I got slapped growing up and i deserved it to. My sons friend is an absolute nightmare, no manners ,spoilt rotten he has no bother screaming at his parents anywhere, and he's only 10.. Ive watched his parents try and stop his tantrums by the nicey nicey approach and its laughable. They end up having to bribe him with match attack stickers or chocolate to make him stop. He was with my son the other day, and i asked him " did you win your match at the weekend" which he replied to me " mind your own buisness" i was gobsmacked. If i said that as a child to an adult, why dad would make sure i never said it again, and rightly so in my opinion.

LirW

kildare lad wrote: »

Im of the age, that me and many of my school mates got a smack for being bold. Thankfully none of us ended up being violent serial killers. Theres a huge difference between giving your kid a smack on the arse and kicking the ****e out of him. I got slapped growing up and i deserved it to. My sons friend is an absolute nightmare, no manners ,spoilt rotten he has no bother screaming at his parents anywhere, and he's only 10.. Ive watched his parents try and stop his tantrums by the nicey nicey approach and its laughable. They end up having to bribe him with match attack stickers or chocolate to make him stop. He was with my son the other day, and i asked him " did you win your match at the weekend" which he replied to me " mind your own buisness" i was gobsmacked. If i said that as a child to an adult, why dad would make sure i never said it again, and rightly so in my opinion.

Problem is though that the root cause is something different, not the missing smack. The reason why that child is like it because the parents approached their parenting concept in a really wrong way. Of course they could have done better without smacking him, most do.
A kid like that is smart enough that if the parent would decide to go with a smack it'll kick up a huge stink and will land the parents in huge trouble.

LirW

LirW wrote: »

Problem is though that the root cause is something different, not the missing smack. The reason why that child is like it because the parents approached their parenting concept in a really wrong way. Of course they could have done better without smacking him, most do.

And you're basing that on what? You're assuming that the lack of physical punishment doesn't have any bearing on his case, when, in fact, strategic usage of spanking might just as easily sorted him out. It might not have, but to simply assume that it wouldn't work is ridiculous... We have centuries where children were smacked for being disrespectful to adults, and it did encourage a culture where children were careful of how they behaved.

I remember being spanked for bad behavior, and knowing that repeating that behavior would result in the same punishment. So I didn't behave that way. I learned to respect adults because I knew the boundaries, and that there would be consequences to crossing those boundaries.

It's when punishment (emotional or physical) is applied without a context/framework, or association with an act, that it becomes incredibly negative.