Sopranos best jokes

lion_bar

Pine barrens was directed by Steve Buscemi, which probably helped make it such a great episode

EagererBeaver

NinetyTwoTeam wrote: »

Furio* (smacks Dr. Kennedy's baseball cap off his head): You gotta bee onna your hat.

*Mr. Williams.

Stoopid-a facking game.

BalcombeSt4

Season 5: At Raymond's birthday dinner Larry Boy is giving a toast in Raymond's honour.

Larry Boy: Well what can we say about this guy? The ancient Romans had a word for him...........Asshole.

Season 1: At Juniors ceremony for becoming the new boss, Tony is giving a speech.

Tony: Now I'm no good at speeches...
Larry Boy: Yeah, you owe him a ****ing dime you'll hear some great speeches.

BalcombeSt4

Mustang Sally after he beat Vito's brother's head in with a golf club is talking to Bobby's dad when he thinks he got him a pass.

Sally: Oh thank you uncle Bobby, thank you, thank you so ****ing much. And tell Tony Soprano it will never happen again, or if it does I'll at least yell four next time.

Season Six when Tony & Paulie have to go on the run for a bit while the feds dig up a body Tony & Paulie killed years ago, they go to see Beanies who was put into a wheelchair by Richie Aprile & can't use his legs no more & there all talking at the table. Paulie without thinking starts talking about what a great guy Beansie is.

Paulie: Talk about stand up guys. (table goes dead silent) Oh sorry Beansie.

Season 5: Silvio getting pissed off at Paulies ass kissing & broken English.

Paulie: I've been reading a lot about Sun Tazoo lately.
Tony B: Who?
Paulie: Ya know? Sun Tazoo the Chinese military leader, Tony told me about him, Sun Tazoo.
Silvio: Tzu, Sun Tzu, ya ****ing ass kiss.

greencap

artvanderlay wrote: »

Phil Leoardo on Vito's death: " I loved him like a brother in law".


Another Philly one when he was asked how was Florida...."hot and sticky, like my balls".


One of my favs is any time Paulie had a row with Christopher he always said "that's me and him finished"!

Hope it's not in here already:

Vito and co waiting for a meet with Phil...

Phil arrives late...

Vito: thank god, we're waiting so long I got mushrooms growin out my ass.

- Phil's response (with epic timing) : "now there's an image".


Lol.

WHIP IT!

I suppose like any tv show you have watched a lot, on repeated viewings it's the subtle humour that starts making you laugh most. I always loved a line from Sil, in the back-room in the Bing. Carmella has been making noises about looking for Adriana, so Tony decides to reverse his earlier decision about getting her Spec house underway and tells Sil he needs to pay a visit to the Planning guy.

Tony: "need you to go back and lean on that building inspector..."
Sil (in typical Sil fashion): "To what end??"

It's just so funny the way he says it. I'm sure no consigliere in the history of the mafia has ever actually used the phrase "to what end", but the way Sil says it cracks me up every time...

Dyr

Tony repeatedly smashing an ice bucket off Georgie's head for pouring ice down the sink and then shouting "CONSERVE!" like he's Al Gore.

McMurphy

I laughed my ass off at this, and it wasn't so much what Tony said....


This is the scene.

Junior, sat in a clinic with the oxygen mask strapped to his face, I think he was just after being diagnosed with cancer.

Tony walks in, and on the way past, subtly smiles then asks junior "how many MIGS you shoot down"?

Junior looks at him, and you just know he's thinking "cacksucka" !

Juniors reaction was gold.

EagererBeaver

Under the boardwalk, with a schlong in Jan's mouth.

Jimmy Two Times

Dr. Melfi referring to Green Grove - " That retirement community is more like a hotel at Cap d'Antibes "

Tony, later trying to convince Livia - " It's more like a hotel at Captain Teebs "

Livia - " Who's he ? "

Tony - " I dunno, a Captain who owns luxury hotels or something , that's not the point "

EagererBeaver

Tony: A German Shepherd's shaved asshole won first prize.

Bobby: Whoa! You're talking about my wife

Tony: You married her!

HandsomeBob

Tony: Peeps.....his name was Pepperelli!

Sil: ****ing Jason, he's dyslexic.

Tony: What's that got to do with anything!

Sil: ........

Hammer89

Tony B and his girlfriend find a plastic bag stashed in the bushes. The girlfriend asks if it's a foetus when Tony B looks inside.

thecretinhop

meadow walking paulie to tonys room after being shot.
meadow "the doctors say we need to talk positive paulie its very important"
paulie "dont worry i know just what to say"
they enter the room tony is hooked up to loads of machines and pipes
pauli: Offf maron!! he looks fuking terrible!!

artvanderlay

"My nephew is a c*nt hair away from controlling all of North Jersey......and I am that c*nt hair." - Uncle Junior

Jimmy Two Times

Jimmy Two Times wrote: »

Dr. Melfi referring to Green Grove - " That retirement community is more like a hotel at Cap d'Antibes "

Tony, later trying to convince Livia - " It's more like a hotel at Captain Teebs "

Livia - " Who's he ? "

Tony - " I dunno, a Captain who owns luxury hotels or something , that's not the point "

****IN Brilliant!!!

same with the, he's like and old woman with a ham under her arm crying cos she's no bread!!

Dyr

Not funny but a good moment I missed until recently: When Silvio is complaining to Tony about Feech La Mana, telling him that Feech is an egomaniac and a liability. Tony just looks sad and says "He's old. How d'you think that feels?" Considering what ultimately happened to feech..

Funny one: Benny about to drive off when Phil and his crew appear
Benny: I'm on my way to the hospital
Phil: Well, that's up to you

buried

Another dark funny bit when Tony kills yer man in the kitchen, and he calls on Christopher, the drug addled junkie, to help dispose the body and clean up the scene. When Chris arrives to the house and sees the body, Tony is claiming to Chris he didn't murder yer man on the ground and Chris completely high off his nyyuck claiming that he actually isn't high

Tony - "The f**k is wrong with you?"

Chris - "Nuthhhn"

Tony - "Don't lie to me........You're high."

Chris - "I sssmoked -alf a joint before you callled....I'm fine......"

Tony - "Look at you, your nose is running you f**kin Junkie.....YOU PROMISED ME YOU WUDNT DO THAT $HIT NO MORE"

Chris - " I Didddd-anntttt" (Nearly falls over)

Tony - "JESUS F**KIN CHRIST.....CAN YOU EVEN DO THIS????"

Then they discover yer mans wig while trying to decapitate his head. lol. ahh man, brilliant stuff

thebaz

Phil - the Shah of Iran -
Leotardo thats my ****in legacy - No more Butchy - No more of this - cue John Cooper Clarke - one of the greatest ending to any show (ever) . :-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ICvmf0u5R0

and Phil at his homecoming party - Why don't you get a bike you fat **** :-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouIoHCL7n2I

Mr Shinebox (Frank Vincent) was one of the geat gangster actors ever - he is missed. R.I.P.

sicknotexi

"It's the Jacketttttt!"- Richie Aprile

Also when Tony is having a panic attack at Richie's and Janice's new house and decides to leave. As he walks out Richie taps on the window smiling and Tony says "Oh you poor bastard".

squawker

started watching the show again thanks to this thread

forgot how this show changed TV forever

McMurphy

squawker wrote: »

started watching the show again thanks to this thread

forgot how this show changed TV forever

Best tv series ever made.

In my opinion of course.

Some people say the wire is better, but they're talking out of their hoops if you ask me.

James Bond Junior

I watched both several times, own both box sets and think even though the wire is fantastic, it just can't come near The Sopranos.

McMurphy

James Bond Junior wrote: »

I watched both several times, own both box sets and think even though the wire is fantastic, it just can't come near The Sopranos.

Completely agree with this whole post, the wires a good show, excellent even, and it's definitely up there in the top 10, but sopranos sits at the top IMO, and by a country mile ahead of the rest.

squawker

Johnny Dogs wrote: »

Best tv series ever made.

In my opinion of course.

Some people say the wire is better, but they're talking out of their hoops if you ask me.

its a top show no doubt, but it did suffer between the long breaks in production in the last couple of seasons

Dyr

I didn't watch either when they aired, didn't even have a TV back then


I watched both straight through on box set and the sopranos is just miles ahead of everything else.

artvanderlay

I love the Wire; when I was watching it, I was absolutely riveted. Watched the whole box set in a week. An incredible show, definitely one of the best. I have watched the Sopranos more often though, and I think this is because of the humour in it. So many great characters, great lines, and the concept of having a soap opera about sociopaths is just addictive to watch. The Wire is probably more real, and a bit of a downer to watch too often (although there is good humour and hope in it too). But it's great; we don't have to choose, just enjoy both and thank f*ck they exist! There are not many shows that come close to them.

CWF

I love the sopranos don't get me wrong, top ten of all time. But do you not find it a bit repetitive from season to season? Same kind of storyline and plot but just with a different character getting whacked, usually the annoying one of that season

pumpkin4life

The only thing I'll say is that other shows that are supposed to be up there (Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Game of Thrones) are completely surpassed by The Sopranos and The Wire. The Sopranos is the best TV show of all time. The Wire for me slips up in the last season with some of the media stuff. Though I'll take the 5th Season of The Wire over anything in Breaking Bad for example.

artvanderlay

pumpkin4life wrote: »

The only thing I'll say is that other shows that are supposed to be up there (Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Game of Thrones) are completely surpassed by The Sopranos and The Wire. The Sopranos is the best TV show of all time. The Wire for me slips up in the last season with some of the media stuff. Though I'll take the 5th Season of The Wire over anything in Breaking Bad for example.

I agree with a lot of that. The Sopranos and Wire top. I gave up on Breaking Bad countless times which is funny given that I loved the first 2 seasons of Better Call Saul (3 was a bit draggy). I tried with Game of Thrones, but I don't like the genre. Mad Men first 3 years maybe were excellent, then it got popular and disappeared up its own hole! Dexter first four years were excellent too. I've run out of shows to watch now because my bar is set so high by the best shows. I only liked Cobra Kai recently, and that is more of a guilty pleasure :P

artvanderlay

CWF wrote: »

I love the sopranos don't get me wrong, top ten of all time. But do you not find it a bit repetitive from season to season? Same kind of storyline and plot but just with a different character getting whacked, usually the annoying one of that season

Yeah I'd agree with some of that. Richie joins the cast, dead at the end of the season. Ralphie, dead after a season and half I think, Steve Buscemi joins, he dies at the end of season 5, same with Philly.



The story of the Wire was definitely more riveting and addictive (anything can happen in that world, there was very little code of honour), but the Sopranos had a style and humour that I love. I loved the subtle scenes, the witty lines and banter, and things like the relationship between Junior and Tony. I remember bawling my eyes out at that scene where Junior is getting dementia, and is getting frustrated, and had been picking on Tony, and Tony sits beside him on the couch, and says "Don't you love me" and Junior can't express himself. ****, that was a knockout scene. Also that huge fight Tony had with Carmela when she told him she loved Furio...I have had many ups and downs in my own marriage and that whole scene was so realistic. Incredible acting by both. I view most actors as spoofers, but when you see acting like that, you just are in awe at the talent on show.


Maybe too I see a bit of myself in Tony, a guy who feels trapped by circumstance and thinks he is better than everyone around him, but is actually worse!

pumpkin4life

CWF wrote: »

I love the sopranos don't get me wrong, top ten of all time. But do you not find it a bit repetitive from season to season? Same kind of storyline and plot but just with a different character getting whacked, usually the annoying one of that season

It was repetitive in terms of plot, but the acting in general and the focus around Tony Soprano was so good it never bothered me.

Also it adds to the show in its own way. The Sopranos goes out of its way to cut out the glamour or sophistication of a lot of gangster/mobster films (say The Godfather) by making them look more normal/mundane/day to day. It was way more believable as a result. The Godfather trilogy was great, but for me it felt really showy and cinematic for the sake of cinematic in parts. The Sopranos didn't, with the exception of a couple of bits.

I loved their obsession with The Godfather films, yet all they were in reality were not sophisticated Michael Corleone escape to some degree cùnts, but a bunch of fat, middle aged, mentally ill sociopaths who are doomed to an end in prison or being shot to pieces.

artvanderlay

Back to quotes: he's a goddam hothouse flower, that's his problem!

pumpkin4life

The Office has nothing on how fùcking funny and awkward that scene is.

artvanderlay

Janice was the most despicable character in the Sopranos. I loathed her as much as Tony did :pac: No redeeming features whatsoever.

TCM

munster87 wrote: »

Not a joke either but my funniest scene was when Paulie couldn’t hear Tony properly on the phone telling him about the Russian that they had to kill and then says to Christopher “You’re not gonna believe this, he killed 16 Czechoslovakians, guy was an interior decorator" and Christopher replies “his house looked like ****”.

That scene was hilarious.

TCM

HandsomeBob wrote: »

I hear Ginny Sack had a 90 pound mole removed from her ass.

That didn't end well.

NinetyTwoTeam

artvanderlay wrote: »

Janice was the most despicable character in the Sopranos. I loathed her as much as Tony did :pac: No redeeming features whatsoever.

the actress who played her gave a criminally underrated performance, the fact that she really made you hate Janice is proof of how good a job she did. i have a sister similar to her and just watching her made my blood boil.

anyway, some more good jokes:

Beansie: (lying in the bed paralysed, his nose is running so Tony wipes it with a tissue) I can hardly wipe my own ass!
Tony: Well the nose is as far as I'm willing to go.

Chris: (riding in the car with Tony fresh out of rehab) The only step I haven't done is the one where you make amends to people you f'd over when you were using.
Tony: Maybe you should skip that one. You know, let sleeping dogs lie?
Chris: Yeah I ws thinking maybe just sending some flowers. Or cash, in some cases.

thebaz

Paulie was class

Hey Shaggy grab a bucket and lycol and scrub off my tyres . .. you'll be picking up your teeth in a second ... Gooooo before it sets in the trheads . ....

There he is EhhEhh (the Paulie laugh) . - Why didn't you tell me you were dating my niece :-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3d_mqQzsxE


Paulie :-Did I do something wrong?
Tony :- Sunday, my house, a box of Malomars on the counter, ****ing empty, you think I don't know it was you ?

Paulies face

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30Orzf66f4A

steves2

Long time reader, first time poster. Sopranos has so many funny lines and characters but Paulie had to be the funniest. "I don't wanna smell ya piss" from Pine Barrens is up there.

Riddle101

"He's a degenerate gambler"

That quote has become something of a running gag among my friends. Usually when someone loses in the bookies.

EagererBeaver

The Wire takes the number one spot for me. The whole show is a single story, majestically crafted and woven together. Season 5 did dip a tad though.

tinpib

NinetyTwoTeam wrote: »

the actress who played her gave a criminally underrated performance, the fact that she really made you hate Janice is proof of how good a job she did. i have a sister similar to her and just watching her made my blood boil.

Completely agree, she was underrated and brilliant.

Also love how often Tony explodes in anger due to some innocuous thing Janice does. :pac:

EagererBeaver

Aída Turturro was nominated twice for the Best Supporting Actress Emmy. Don't think she was underrated at all.

artvanderlay

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dj6E7Z1dNv8


One of the greatest scenes ever, in any show or movie, especially 2:28 onwards. Plus it features one of Carmela's best lines "who knew all this time you wanted Treacy and Hepburn"! :pac:

Riddle101

EagererBeaver wrote: »

The Wire takes the number one spot for me. The whole show is a single story, majestically crafted and woven together. Season 5 did dip a tad though.

Funny you should mention The Wire as i'm binge watching the whole series again. Truly a masterpiece of a show.

Brian?

EagererBeaver wrote: »

The Wire takes the number one spot for me. The whole show is a single story, majestically crafted and woven together. Season 5 did dip a tad though.

Season 1 was the best, followed by season 5 IMO. Season 5 really displayed the futility of it all.

The Wire miles better than any tv show ever made, except The Sopranos. I’ve watched the Sopranos through about 7 times now, it actually gets better on each watch.

I particularly enjoyed Ginny Sacs brother on the last watch. Trying to talk like a gangster:

“The coffee with the chicory”

"you know Quasimodo predicted this"!!!!!

EagererBeaver

Brian? wrote: »

EagererBeaver wrote: »

The Wire takes the number one spot for me. The whole show is a single story, majestically crafted and woven together. Season 5 did dip a tad though.

Season 1 was the best, followed by season 5 IMO. Season 5 really displayed the futility of it all.

The Wire miles better than any tv show ever made, except The Sopranos. I’ve watched the Sopranos through about 7 times now, it actually gets better on each watch.

I particularly enjoyed Ginny Sacs brother on the last watch. Trying to talk like a gangster:

“The coffee with the chicory”

Season 4 by a mile with the kids and Chris/Snoop being the most terrifying duo ever seen on TV.

Sopranos right up there too obviously.

artvanderlay

I'd go season 3 and 4 of the Wire; I nearly lost patience with it during season 2; f*cking Sobotkas!