How do you find a one night stand

fizzypish

Appears to be that if you actually get the info your wife is after, she will
A: Be gutted if she perceives the chipper queen as more attractive and gorilla ****s you in the divorce as vengeance.
OR
B: Be confused/distraught if she perceives the chipper queen as less attractive as you still rode her, thus ruining the relationship and gorilla ****s you in the divorce as vengeance.

Don't like those odds horse. Fake your own death?

punisher5112

What you need to do tonight is reconstruct the whole even but find a new foxy lady.

Then make this a nightly ritual.

Agent Smith

See, you should have gone with the shaggy Defence...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_4ca8jthAs

sbsquarepants

Words to live by Agent Smith.

That and the sunscreen song together make up the sum of all the advice you'll ever need for any circumstance.

Sinister Kid

trevk wrote: »

Because she has a ****ing sixth sense for when I am up to something and she has basically known since then but I bull**** her and told her she was paranoid and crazy for the last 3 years and was basically a complete prick. It was kinda a relief she bluffed me into the truth

This bit is almost as bad as the cheating IMO, I feel sorry for your wife.

Seth Brundle

Agent Smith wrote: »

See, you should have gone with the shaggy Defence...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_4ca8jthAs

He has admitted that it was in fact him...

Shurimgreat

Ireland aint that big of a country. everyone knows someone who knows someone.
have you tried putting up a wanted poster?

Gravelly

Have you tried the pound? By your description, if she's found that's where she'll be brought.

gw80

Seth Brundle wrote: »

He has admitted that it was in fact him...

Oooo
Dont take this any further op, there are many dark roads this could lead to.for example, what if the wife does find her and then finds out she married, and husband turns out to be a big stud farmer type with excellent, ehh lets say road frontage, wifey hooks up with said stud two of them decide to have revenge sex with each other, husband decides to kick **** out of ya aswell.
You are just gona have to say to wifey, "it is, what it is" and take your medicine.

super_furry

Hang around on Camden Street at 4am and wait for someone to ask you for directions for a taxi.

deletthis

super_furry wrote: »

Hang around on Camden Street at 4am and wait for someone to ask you for directions for a taxi.

No no, you have to be looking for a cigarette for this to work.

Gravelly

gw80 wrote: »

Oooo
Dont take this any further op, there are many dark roads this could lead to.for example, what if the wife does find her and then finds out she married, and husband turns out to be a big stud farmer type with excellent, ehh lets say road frontage, wifey hooks up with said stud two of them decide to have revenge sex with each other, husband decides to kick **** out of ya aswell.
You are just gona have to say to wifey, "it is, what it is" and take your medicine.

There's a porn writer lost in you.

pistolpetes11

trevk wrote: »

Nope wife has known since October and has been ridiculously understanding and patient its just ****in with her head that she doesnt know what she looks like.

Tell her you don't know what she looks like either :p:p

gw80

Gravelly wrote: »

There's a porn writer lost in you.

I've see this kind of thing happen lots of times.





















On my computer.

Hammer89

Gravelly wrote: »

Maybe his missus just wants a recommendation for a good clit piercer.

I know a Father Clint Pearse.

GT_TDI_150

Im still of the opinion someone blabbed... She may have suspected... But if you didnt tell her till now she cant have KNOWN?!?.... Knowing implies certainty.

Did your buddies know?
Were you seen?
Did the spice bag see you out with ur missus, follow you home and has informed the wife at a later point - more than likely a kid involved if this is the case.

Maybe your missus already knows what she looks like....

Or maybe ur missus set the whole thing up to test you...you failed btw...

wexie

GT_TDI_150 wrote: »

Im still of the opinion someone blabbed... She may have suspected... But if you didnt tell her till now she cant have KNOWN?!?.... Knowing implies certainty.

Unless of course the mrs has been getting an itch (not of the good kind) and wondered where it came from?

swaner

Read ONS Guide, nicely explained where and how to what you need in real life or online using various apps or sites.
Always keep in mind that on this World there is same number of man and women, so they want same thing  I want to say it is not hard to land one night stand anywhere, anytime, if you know "the game"

A Pint of Goo

Ok here is some actual advice: find a random girl on Facebook, make sure she's not better looking than your wife, make sure she has the strictest privacy setting where you can only see her profile picture.

Tell your wife that's the girl.

wexie

A Pint of Goo wrote: »

Ok here is some actual advice: find a random girl on Facebook, make sure she's not better looking than your wife, make sure she has the strictest privacy setting where you can only see her profile picture.

Tell your wife that's the girl.

The wife would still be able to message her...

Be a pretty ****ty thing to do to some random bird no?

If you were going to go that way just create your own random bird fake FB profile so at least you wouldn't be dragging some unsuspecting randomer into it.

Colser

wexie wrote: »

The wife would still be able to message her...

Be a pretty ****ty thing to do to some random bird no?

If you were going to go that way just create your own random bird fake FB profile so at least you wouldn't be dragging some unsuspecting randomer into it.

Waste of time..our intuition and gut instinct would know straight away that it's a fake..

OP there is going to be no happy ending to this for you..you went out for burgers when you had steak at home.

A Pint of Goo

wexie wrote: »

The wife would still be able to message her...

Be a pretty ****ty thing to do to some random bird no?

If you were going to go that way just create your own random bird fake FB profile so at least you wouldn't be dragging some unsuspecting randomer into it.

As far as I know the messages just go into a secondary mailbox which most people never check. Have to say though, your idea of creating a fake profile is a good one.

Which makes me wonder why he didn't just look her up on Facebook. Does he not remember her name?

Ok, just how wasted were you when this happened?

wexie

A Pint of Goo wrote: »

secondary mailbox which most people never check.

And lots of people check every so often. Also I think they actually changed it a while ago so that you now get a notification : so and so sent you a message, would you like to accept it.

A Pint of Goo wrote: »

Which makes me wonder why he didn't just look her up on Facebook. Does he not remember her name?

Ok, just how wasted were you when this happened?

Think he said he never got a name. So quite wasted I'd imagine.
But who knows, seems I'm a bit overly old fashioned wanting to know not just a first name but also a surname of whoever it is I happen to be shaggin

fxotoole

A Pint of Goo wrote: »

As far as I know the messages just go into a secondary mailbox which most people never check. Have to say though, your idea of creating a fake profile is a good one.

Which makes me wonder why he didn't just look her up on Facebook. Does he not remember her name?

Ok, just how wasted were you when this happened?

No names were exchanged. Only bodily fluids.

wexie

fxotoole wrote: »

No names were exchanged. Only bodily fluids.

Is that normal these days?

I know I'm outta the dating game for a while but eh...I would have always known a woman's name before I'd known if she had a clit piercing like

trevk

A Pint of Goo wrote: »

As far as I know the messages just go into a secondary mailbox which most people never check. Have to say though, your idea of creating a fake profile is a good one.

Which makes me wonder why he didn't just look her up on Facebook. Does he not remember her name?

Ok, just how wasted were you when this happened?

Names were not exchanged

Franz Von Peppercorn

trevk wrote: »

Names were not exchanged

I do find that strange. Looks like there was no conversation at all. “You’re pulled, lad”, some shagging, then you teleported back to your own bedroom

Hercule Poirot

trevk wrote: »

Names were not exchanged

Would be more likely that you can't remember?

fxotoole

Franz Von Peppercorn wrote: »

I do find that strange. Looks like there was no conversation at all. “You’re pulled, lad”, some shagging, then you teleported back to your own bedroom

Chipper chick was obviously a durty ho who had no interest in making conversation and was only looking the ride

mea_k

This should be used as last resort .
1) find a girl - have sex with her
2) show picture of her
3) wife contacts the girl- she tell ye had sex recently blah blah blah
4) wife confronts you about what girl have said- tell wife she is psycho etc and why on earth would you have sex with someone so recently and then show her ? Sureley that would be madness

Warning can backfire very fast.

spaceHopper

Find a good match for her on rip.ie tell the misses she's dead.

Hector Savage

wexie wrote: »

The wife would still be able to message her...

Be a pretty ****ty thing to do to some random bird no?

If you were going to go that way just create your own random bird fake FB profile so at least you wouldn't be dragging some unsuspecting randomer into it.

Thats a great idea!

NickNickleby

spaceHopper wrote: »

Find a good match for her on rip.ie tell the misses she's dead.

hahahaha, there's been some great posts on this thread , but THIS one is the only one that made me actually laugh out loud.

I wish I'd thought of it.....:pac:

maxwell smart

OP there has been some good advice and bad advice, but there is, truly, only one way to solve this.

TALK TO JOE

NickNickleby

Joe: Mary from Offaly is on loine wun. So, Mary... you've a bit of a ahem, penchant for the oul' spice burgers and one night in 2015 ye went to de local chipper for a spice burger and some yunfella from Dublin shmoozed up to ya and ye went back to his hotel. Is dat right?

Mary: yeah Joe, me fella was in for aggeravated murder and I was gaspin' for it. Showed him the clit piercin' me fella did, an all.

Joe: murder!!

Mary : yeah Joe. He's a seventh Dan Black Belt in murder and one of his dealers skimmed off some of the takin's. So he murdered him one weekend. Well, all weekend really.

Joe: How long did he get?

Mary: 8 years Joe, he's out next week. Eh, can dey hear dis in de Joy, Joe?

mapaca

sbsquarepants wrote:

My own personal experience has led me to conclude that women you pull in chippers at 3am are seldom the cream of the crop

Same goes for the men in the chippers at that hour, to be fair

sbsquarepants

No.

Princes amongst men, every last one of us.:D

retalivity

Some people just want chips at 3am, not a 40-something tin-growler with a husband

MattressRick

OP you need to man up and tell the wife you're not gonna track the chipper woman down. No need to drag her marriage into it and mess that up cos of your cockup. Is your wife gonna just look at a photo of her and leave it at that or
how'd you know she won't put a screenshot of her up on Facebook with a tirade of abuse?
Leave well alone and deal with your own mess yourself. Was your one good in the sack anyways?

Cupcake_Crisis

I know it’s a bit late, but you could try NOT riding randomers you find in the chipper. Just a suggestion!

corner of hells

Cupcake_Crisis wrote: »

I know it’s a bit late, but you could try NOT riding randomers you find in the chipper. Just a suggestion!

AHH he was just lookin' for a spice bag.

Couldn't resist.

american ninja warrior

For the men out there follow the following and get laid at least 50% of the time
when your friend go drinking , tell them you will meet them later, stay at home sober
go out about midnight to Pub/Club sober
by then most of the groups of girls will have a mix of those coupled up with boyfriend and those still single
as you have just entered the Pub/Club the girls will be judging you for the first time with beer goggles on
the single girls will see the coupled up friends and want a bit of that
most other men will be drunk/messy after drinking for hours
sober you will appear like George Clooney if you have any game about you
you will have your pick of drunk/horny/desperate women
enjoy

Cupcake_Crisis

corner of hells wrote: »

AHH he was just lookin' for a spice bag.

Couldn't resist.

He’ll be a long time looking for a spicebag in the chipper!

Cupcake_Crisis

american ninja warrior wrote: »

For the men out there follow the following and get laid at least 50% of the time
when your friend go drinking , tell them you will meet them later, stay at home sober
go out about midnight to Pub/Club sober
by then most of the groups of girls will have a mix of those coupled up with boyfriend and those still single
as you have just entered the Pub/Clue the girls will be judging you for the first time with beer goggles on
the single girls will see the coupled up friends and want a bit of that
most other men will be drunk/messy after drinking for hours
sober you will appear like George Clooney if you have any game about you
you will have your pick of drunk/horny/desperate women
enjoy

Jesus wept :rolleyes:

NickNickleby

Have to say, OP has gone suspiciously quiet all of a sudden. Should we be worried?

I initially misread Cupcake's post and thought it began
"would you not try riding randomers you find in the chipper..."
and automatically inserted
"... again, in the hope of bumping into her again". Seems like a plan to me.


She'd only be three years older, so he'd probably recognise her. She'd still be a pert young fifty-something.

NickNickleby

american ninja warrior wrote: »

For the men out there follow the following and get laid at least 50% of the time
when your friend go drinking , tell them you will meet them later, stay at home sober
go out about midnight to Pub/Club sober
by then most of the groups of girls will have a mix of those coupled up with boyfriend and those still single
as you have just entered the Pub/Club the girls will be judging you for the first time with beer goggles on
the single girls will see the coupled up friends and want a bit of that
most other men will be drunk/messy after drinking for hours
sober you will appear like George Clooney if you have any game about you
you will have your pick of drunk/horny/desperate women
enjoy

Cupcake_Crisis wrote: »

Jesus wept :rolleyes:

Dammit, I was just about to put my coat on, but now you've put me RIGHT off.

american ninja warrior

Cupcake_Crisis wrote: »

Jesus wept :rolleyes:

kissless touchless perma vergin detected!

Cupcake_Crisis

NickNickleby wrote: »

Dammit, I was just about to put my coat on, but now you've put me RIGHT off.

Good!! You’re better than that!

corner of hells

american ninja warrior wrote: »

kissless touchless perma vergin detected!

Eh ?

NickNickleby

corner of hells wrote: »

Eh ?

I believe its meant to be a chat up line...