anxiety about revealing pregnancy at work

siara99

So my last thread on this topic was closed and I'll open this one leaving out the re-hashing of the 8th amendment.

So I guess now that the 8th is gone I have different reasons for feeling anxious about having to tell my boss that I'm pregnant.

The 8th was kind of a shield for me... like termination is not possible so women are bound to get pregnant from time to time anyways so I have no reason to justify being pregnant, my family size or the timing of it etc... I felt that it kind of shielded me in a lot of ways... like an excuse almost. It felt that it would be unreasonable to discriminate against a working mother with the 8th in place etc. etc.

Now that the shield is gone I kind of feel exposed.

I guess I feel odd about telling my male boss that I'm pregnant. I work in a male-dominated industry. It just feels so wrong to have to tell a man that yes I indeed was 'active' in December.

Last time I had a very hands-off boss that wasn't in the office very much and I had no idea when he would be in next so I told him over email. He was in absolute shock that I was pregnant and was really weird about it. He also wasn't crazy that I told him over email and not to his face. I guess I find that odd. If we were simply just coworkers me being impersonal should not have effected him.

If I tell people, I'm going to be very casual and nonchalant about it. Like 'oh, hey there is another baby.' I've had people in the past sort of hate on me for being reserved and unenthusiastic.

I don't know ugh! I find having kids to be kind of stressful more than anything. In the first 16 weeks I felt like complete crap so I wasn't able to feel excited. And then just as I started to feel better there was a death in my husband's family so we haven't told anyone - we didn't want to when they are still grieving and my mother is not really the 'grandma' type of person. My mother doesn't approve of our situation so I'm not sure how she is going to react to the news. I told my best friend right away but she lives in another country.

I do have concerns about my job. Last time I came back from mat leave the place had changed so much that I would have been better off getting a new job. I basically had to prove myself all over again etc. and when you're a new parent you're not really in a place to do that easily.

GingerLily

The 8th has nothing to do with your pregnancy worries, you need to separate the two.

siara99

GingerLily wrote: »

The 8th has nothing to do with your pregnancy worries, you need to separate the two.

I am, did you read the second bit where the real anxieties are?

lunamoon

I replied to your last thread. I'm also pregnant and work in a male-dominated industry. I am the only female in the office. Believe it or not, though, men can be parents too. I don't see why you would feel uncomfortable telling your male boss you're pregnant because it would mean he knew you were 'active' in December.

TBH, and I mean this in the nicest way possible. I think a lot of this is in your head. You are not the first person in the world to be pregnant. If you have concerns about your job, however, you should bring these up with your manager.

baby and crumble

siara99 wrote: »

The 8th was kind of a shield for me... like termination is not possible so women are bound to get pregnant from time to time anyways so I have no reason to justify being pregnant, my family size or the timing of it etc... I felt that it kind of shielded me in a lot of ways... like an excuse almost. It felt that it would be unreasonable to discriminate against a working mother with the 8th in place etc. etc.

Now that the shield is gone I kind of feel exposed.

It's illegal to dicriminate against a person for taking meternity leave. you are entitled to it, there was literally NOTHING in the 8th amendment that had ANYTHING to do with working conditions for mothers. Nothing.

siara99 wrote: »

I guess I feel odd about telling my male boss that I'm pregnant. I work in a male-dominated industry. It just feels so wrong to have to tell a man that yes I indeed was 'active' in December.

If you think the first thing that your boss is going to think about is you having sex, then you need to work on that. People in relationships have sex. You clearly already have at least one child by the sounds of things. Nobody expects anyone to be celibate.

siara99 wrote: »

Last time I had a very hands-off boss that wasn't in the office very much and I had no idea when he would be in next so I told him over email. He was in absolute shock that I was pregnant and was really weird about it. He also wasn't crazy that I told him over email and not to his face. I guess I find that odd. If we were simply just coworkers me being impersonal should not have effected him.

TBH I can kind of understand why he might have felt that it was dropping a bit of a bombsell, if you look at it from his persepctive he now has to find maternity cover for up to a year. You're not simply coworkers, he has responsibilities towards you, his company and his other employees.

siara99 wrote: »

If I tell people, I'm going to be very casual and nonchalant about it. Like 'oh, hey there is another baby.' I've had people in the past sort of hate on me for being reserved and unenthusiastic.

I really don't understand why you feel the need to be nonchalant about having ababy. Are you even happy about being pregnant, at all? it doesn't read that way.

siara99 wrote: »

I do have concerns about my job. Last time I came back from mat leave the place had changed so much that I would have been better off getting a new job. I basically had to prove myself all over again etc. and when you're a new parent you're not really in a place to do that easily.

That's life I'm afraid. Work and how it's done moves on. If anyone missed significant periods of time for any reason, they'd have to catch up. Having a baby doesn't mean that the company has to stop operations or keep doing things the old way in case someone needs to catch up. Plus, there's no gaurentee to him that you will return after maternity leave. I know an awful lot of women who decide to not return once their maternity leave is up. It's entirely their choice, of course, and they're entitled to do that. But it's still a difficult situation for any employer.

Honestly, OP, I think you're overthinking pregnancy and everything around it. If you dislike your workplace so much, why not take this chance to leave? Clearly the attitudes of people there are not compatible with your own.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

You sound paranoid. Nobody will care that you’re pregnant and nobody will force you to have an abortion. If you’re struggling with your mental health speak to your gp

siara99

Tiana Weak Corner wrote: »

You sound paranoid. Nobody will care that you’re pregnant and nobody will force you to have an abortion. If you’re struggling with your mental health speak to your gp

No, I do not believe that they would force me to do anything.

However, I guess in the past I've had coworkers who I hardly knew try very hard to become involved with my pregnancy in a way that was uncomfortable to me.

For example: getting offended that I didn't tell them until 30 weeks, MONTHS after I returned to work whinging and complaining repeatedly that I need to bring the baby into the office when it would have been extraordinarily difficult for me to do so. A photo wasn't good enough.

Being offended/upset by lack of enthusiasm towards telling them. etc.

They certainly did appear to care beyond the kind of relationship that I had with them to begin with.

lunamoon

Why don't you hand them your address and say that they are more than welcome to visit if they'd like to see the baby? Guarantee you they won't and then they can't whinge about a photo not being good enough.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

I hate to be the one to tell you but id put money on the fact nobody really gives a crap about your baby. I doubt anyone would give your pregnancy a second thought. Tell them, don’t tell them. But don’t be under any illusion that the whole company revolves around your pregnancy it doesn’t

baby and crumble

siara99 wrote: »

For example: getting offended that I didn't tell them until 30 weeks, MONTHS after I returned to work whinging and complaining repeatedly that I need to bring the baby into the office when it would have been extraordinarily difficult for me to do so. A photo wasn't good enough.

Wow, people in work interested in your life shocker.

Really, OP, I'm trying hard to be generous with my opinions here but you seem determined to find offense where there is none.

I mean I agree you have no obligation to tell them anything about your life and they do seem overly interested which is something you clearly don't want to reciprocate. That's fine. But sometimes workplaces have cultures that just tick on and on and if you're not taking part then yeah, people will be miffed. It's your perogative, of course it is but I honestly think you're creating drama for yourself where none exists.

Neyite

Mod:


Your last thread was closed due to the fact that you were using the forum to soapbox your views on abortion, and fabricating a personal issue out of something that has yet to happen, and may never happen.



You are catastrophising over a non-existent issue and if this is genuine, then you need to seek professional help preferably via your midwife who can refer you onto the appropriate services to correctly deal with it.


Do not start another thread, and do not create another account to start another thread.