Now Ye're Talking - to someone who's had an affair

I've had an affair, AMA

Purple Mountain wrote: »

Just ask her straight out JP for a threesome

johnpatrick81 wrote: »

She flat out ignored me!!

Must cancel the planned AMA, my 3some with an AMA star and her FB

Sure Bridget would only hijack it anyway

*The AMA Bridget! You can hijack the other thing any time :pac:

I didn’t ignore you! I was cooking dinner and then it took me ages reply to some other posts *cough plentyohtoole’s cough*

Bridget Clarke

Deleted User wrote: »

Sorry now, but what's that got to do with this AMA? Do you want to ask the OP questions or don't you? I'm not interested in you or your situation. I'm interested in the current AMA- that's all. If you want to do an AMA, then as I said earlier, why don't you get in contact with the mods here in this forum? I don't know why you've replied to my post with this outpouring- I didn't ask for it nor am I interested in it right now.

Fair point. Bowing out with as much dignity as I can muster.

anewme

OP, do you think you are being too harsh on yourself in all of this?

I've had an affair, AMA

anewme wrote: »

OP, do you think you are being too harsh on yourself in all of this?

No, I don’t think so. When I volunteered to do this I decided that I was going to be totally honest, there was no point doing it otherwise.
Bottom line is, I have a degree of culpability here, and there’s no point pretending otherwise. Having said that, I don’t let it define my life, it’s in my past, most days it doesn’t even cross my mind.

Conservatory

If you could ask a younger you one question what would it be?

Nokia6230i

OP.

On the weight loss issue, from someone who's er, "horizontally challenged" I'm doffing my hat to you; serious respect and admiration for you halving your weight by my Ordinary Level Maths; you're incredible.

I do get some of it's will or staying power, commitment etc.; I've none of that and, related to my weight or not, no stamina in any department; but people like you're my life goal in terms of such physical attainment.

What I am disappointed on here about is the "slut shaming", those saying it's all her, the OPs fault.

Biology wasn't something I majored in in Secondary School (Honours Science for the Junior was as far as I got) but crikey, one'd swear it was OP and a sweeping brush.

No way'm I judging OP on this one, her openness is refreshing; for those who's husbands or partners've cheated on 'em it's not the other person you need to be on at, it's them.

anewme

My point exactly.

Op accepting too much blame and shaming.

I've had an affair, AMA

Conservatory wrote: »

If you could ask a younger you one question what would it be?

Do you know, I think it actually would relate to the weight... I’d sketch out the life I had as an obese woman and ask “is that really what you want for yourself?”. It would’ve been much easier halt and undo the weight gain years earlier.

Conservatory

I've had an affair, AMA wrote: »

Do you know, I think it actually would relate to the weight... I’d sketch out the life I had as an obese woman and ask “is that really what you want for yourself?”. It would’ve been much easier halt and undo the weight gain years earlier.

On a scale of 1-10 how feminist are you and how feminist was the young you?

I've had an affair, AMA

Nokia6230i wrote: »

OP.

On the weight loss issue, from someone who's er, "horizontally challenged" I'm doffing my hat to you; serious respect and admiration for you halving your weight by my Ordinary Level Maths; you're incredible.

I do get some of it's will or staying power, commitment etc.; I've none of that and, related to my weight or not, no stamina in any department; but people like you're my life goal in terms of such physical attainment.

What I am disappointed on here about is the "slut shaming", those saying it's all her, the OPs fault.

Biology wasn't something I majored in in Secondary School (Honours Science for the Junior was as far as I got) but crikey, one'd swear it was OP and a sweeping brush.

No way'm I judging OP on this one, her openness is refreshing; for those who's husbands or partners've cheated on 'em it's not the other person you need to be on at, it's them.

Re the weight loss, thank you. I’m not going to get all evangelical about it, but I do think that you need to be in the right mindframe to lose weight. You need to have reached that tipping point in your life where you say “that’s it, this can’t continue”. I can’t begin to tell you how many false dawns I had in terms of diets that i stuck to for only a few weeks. When that something ‘clicked’ it became easier. I lost half of it (so 5 stone) purely by addressing my food intake, with no exercise. Truth be told, I wouldn’t have been able for exercise anyway. After that, the rate of loss slowed down so I started walking a bit, and that helped. But I’m lazy when it comes to exercise, I don’t enjoy it so I don’t do much.

On your second point, to be fair I didn’t think there was too much ‘slut shaming’ here, I was expecting more tbh. But as I said I don’t think I can absolve myself of all responsibility...some, but not all.

anewme

Bearing in mind this is a loaded question.

Purple Mountain

If you were the commitment type and was looking to settle would you choose the older man, the work fling or the current fwb?

I've had an affair, AMA

Conservatory wrote: »

On a scale of 1-10 how feminist are you and how feminist was the young you?

Not sure how that relates to the post of mine you quoted??

I’m an old-fashioned feminist I guess, basically an egalitarian. I’m not militant about it, and a lot of stuff that seems to trouble more modern feminists doesn’t concern me much.

In my career, I’ve broken the glass ceiling a bit. There are relatively few women in my position and it’s something that still gets commented on by clients “oh I was expecting a man” kinda stuff, or “aren’t you great to be in this job”. (For context, my job is something involving academic or mental talent rather than physically demanding... if it were the latter I could understand why some people would express surprise but the former, not so much)

My father is a terribly sexist man and my mother is sexist too in her own way. I don’t bother challenging them on their views, I pick my battles and it’s just not worth the hassle.

I've had an affair, AMA

Purple Mountain wrote: »

If you were the commitment type and was looking to settle would you choose the older man, the work fling or the current fwb?

By process of elimination it would be the current FWB. Definitely not the older man, for reasons I’m sure are clear. The work fling, while he was a nice guy, if I was looking for commitment I’d have to take into consideration that he’s proven himself to be a man who cheats on those he commits to, so...

anewme

Conservatory wrote: »

Op seems like a decent person. Does a bit to educate people on women’s rights, bit annoying at times but ask her a question or start your own thread I think would be the general consensus around here.

The men that rode her would have just rode somebody else, they probably try it on with a different girl every night it’s not really her fault if she was lonely or desperate, you can’t marry a sleazeball and run around waving a stick at every girl in the world.

I've had an affair, AMA wrote: »

Not sure how that relates to the post of mine you quoted??

I’m an old-fashioned feminist I guess, basically an egalitarian. I’m not militant about it, and a lot of stuff that seems to trouble more modern feminists doesn’t concern me much.

In my career, I’ve broken the glass ceiling a bit. There are relatively few women in my position and it’s something that still gets commented on by clients “oh I was expecting a man” kinda stuff, or “aren’t you great to be in this job”. (For context, my job is something involving academic or mental talent rather than physically demanding... if it were the latter I could understand why some people would express surprise but the former, not so much)

My father is a terribly sexist man and my mother is sexist too in her own way. I don’t bother challenging them on their views, I pick my battles and it’s just not worth the hassle.

I’m not sure why you feel the need to justify and entertain someone who labels you “a bit annoying at times” and “lonely or desperate” then asks if you are a feminist and what scale.

That’s why I’m asking if you are too hard on yourself. Especially when you say you expected negative feedback.

Anyone else would tell ppl like that to just fck right off, you don’t owe them anything and that’s not in the spirit of this thread.

overall, Its been very interesting, thanks.

Conservatory

anewme wrote: »

I’m not sure why you feel the need to justify and entertain someone who labels you “a bit annoying at times” and “lonely or desperate” then asks if you are a feminist and what scale.

That’s why I’m asking if you are too hard on yourself.

Anyone else would tell ppl like that to just fck right off, you don’t owe them anything and that’s not in the spirit of this thread.

overall, Its been very interesting, thanks.

It’s row o clock. I’m saying nothing. Thanks for your contribution to this thread.

anewme

Conservatory wrote: »

It’s row o clock. I’m saying nothing. Thanks for your contribution to this thread.

It’s not about you- question for OP and and what is acceptable normal behavior to her.

Conservatory

Do you ever start random arguments with people on the internet just for the sake of it?

anewme

One more question OP, Sliding doors, if you knew how it would all pan out in the end but were back at the start, would you do it all again?

Conservatory

anewme wrote: »

One more question OP, Sliding doors, if you knew how it would all pan out in the end but were back at the start, would you do it all again?

The film “sliding doors” or the album?

irishrebe

I've had an affair, AMA wrote: »

johnpatrick81 wrote: »

How often do you meet your FB and would you consider a 2nd or 3rd at the same time if the opportunity popped up? Variety is the spice of life eh :pac:

At the moment about once a week, or once every ten days, depending on both our work/social schedules.

For a glorious 6 month period going back a few years ago, I had 3 on the go at once! Good times.....!

Were you never concerned about STIs? Particularly when sleeping with the men you were having the affairs with?

I've had an affair, AMA

anewme wrote: »

I’m not sure why you feel the need to justify and entertain someone who labels you “a bit annoying at times” and “lonely or desperate” then asks if you are a feminist and what scale.

That’s why I’m asking if you are too hard on yourself. Especially when you say you expected negative feedback.

Anyone else would tell ppl like that to just fck right off, you don’t owe them anything and that’s not in the spirit of this thread.

overall, Its been very interesting, thanks.

Ah I haven’t taken his/her posts too seriously here, they’ve all been a bit on the idiotic side, so I’m not going to go getting offended or upset by their comments

Plus I don’t think it’s reasonable to sign up for an ama and then start telling posters to fcuk off unless they’ve been quite offensive/insulting!

LirW

You mentioned many times that you're not one for commitments and you also mentioned that you're doing well for yourself in work. Would you say you're a person that takes a lot more enjoyment from work and work commitments than private ones? Would you say your career is your "baby"?

I've had an affair, AMA

anewme wrote: »

One more question OP, Sliding doors, if you knew how it would all pan out in the end but were back at the start, would you do it all again?

Definitely not! At least, not with the first one. The second one, I’m not so sure about as it kinda happened in a bubble and was consequence-free for everyone.

I've had an affair, AMA

irishrebe wrote: »

Were you never concerned about STIs? Particularly when sleeping with the men you were having the affairs with?

Of course. I used/use condoms with everyone who I was casually involved with, apart from occasionally with one of them. I’ve gone for testing a few times and have always been clear.

johnpatrick81

What's your biggest turn on? Ever considered the swinging scene up in Dublin? You do seem very open minded!

I've had an affair, AMA

LirW wrote: »

You mentioned many times that you're not one for commitments and you also mentioned that you're doing well for yourself in work. Would you say you're a person that takes a lot more enjoyment from work and work commitments than private ones? Would you say your career is your "baby"?

I do really enjoy my work and it’s definitely a career that has taken up a huge amount of time in terms of education, training, career progression etc. it’s also a demanding job that requires commitment and dedication, and by its nature it is not a job in which you can down tools at 5 on the dot and go home. I carry a tremendous amount of responsibility and decision-making power, but a decision I make today could see me called in front of an emergency court hearing in two days time.
So sometimes I think that when I get home I want to shed all the demands and responsibilities and just.. chill, relax, not have to deal with stress or others expectations/needs/demands.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a good life outside work. It’s quite organized rather than spontaneous because of the way my friends are spread out but I go on plenty nights out, to theatre and music events, matches, I go on one luxury holiday and 3 regular ones a year, as well as weekend breaks etc. I enjoy simple things like gardening, music and books.

If I won the lotto I’d leave work without a second thought, I’d have no problem filling my time.

I've had an affair, AMA

johnpatrick81 wrote: »

What's your biggest turn on? Ever considered the swinging scene up in Dublin? You do seem very open minded!

My biggest turn-on? Gosh, I don’t know that I can articulate it, it’s more undefinable and intangible. Like, with the second affair man, if he winked at me it was the hottest thing ever. Yet there’s plenty men better looking that him who could wink at me and I would hardly notice.
There are lots of things that are turn-ons such as a gravelly voice, a hairy chest, toned forearms (but strangely enough muscular upper arms tread a very fine line for me between ‘nice to look at’ and ‘self absorbed prat who spends all his time in the gym’!) but there still needs to be something else there, that je me sais quoi, I suppose.


I’ve often thought about it, or of going further afield like London, but lack the balls to actually do anything about it!

I've had an affair, AMA

Nokia6230i wrote: »

What I am disappointed on here about is the "slut shaming", those saying it's all her, the OPs fault.

Biology wasn't something I majored in in Secondary School (Honours Science for the Junior was as far as I got) but crikey, one'd swear it was OP and a sweeping brush.

No way'm I judging OP on this one, her openness is refreshing; for those who's husbands or partners've cheated on 'em it's not the other person you need to be on at, it's them.

You post got me thinking a bit so I went off and found a previous AMA here, it was done last year with an Irish escort. Over the course of more than 700 posts, she was asked just twice , in posts #131 and #272 if she felt guilty cos of the clients’ wives and children, even though she said 90% of her clients were married men. My AMA got as far as post #5 before that was asked, and it was asked way more than twice.

She was also told by various people that she ‘had no reason to feel guilty’, that they ‘totally respected the choices’ she made and that they wished her ‘nothing but the best’.

While I didn’t think that my AMA thread was too judgemental overall, on re-reading of hers I think mine was worse, in terms of the questions asked. A lot of people on her thread seemed to have a curiosity and fascination with the subject, and be less judgy.

It’s an interesting observation. I wonder do people, women in particular, see escorting as something very unlikely to affect them, but have a niggling concern that their man may have an affair?? Maybe there’s other reasons for it, but that’s the one that immediately springs to mind.

mvl

any genuine advice for the wives that could end up being cheated on ? (i.e. scenario where an affair is happening without their approval, unlike having the relationship open)
what would be for them the advantages of having someone like you as third person in their marriage ?
thanks.