Botox in your balls.

JohnnyFlash

I’ve always had a low hanging set of clockweights. Happy enough with my twig and berries in general, but I now find myself back on the ‘dating scene’ as a man in his mid-50’s, and have become slightly self-conscious about my nutpurse losing its fight against gravity and age. Even when you do shave your sac, you can’t say the scrotum is an attractive part of the male anatomy. You don’t want a lady venturing down there and finding out your plums are trying to become friends with your kneecaps.

So I was reading recently that you can now get Botox injected into your porridge pouches. Apparently they tighten up and lose that unattractive wrinkly appearance. The version is called Scrotox. Was wondering if any of the good folk of AH have had the procedure done, and if so, would you recommend it? Was your lover impressed with the taut nature of your bollocks? And if you haven’t, would you consider it?

Not looking for medical advice obviously.

passatman86

I just logd in to say that is the funniest post I ever read on boards

Al_Coholic

Load of bollox

ianob7

"taut nature of your bollocks"

One of best lines I've ever read on boards over the years

AllForIt

No needle is coming anywhere near my scrotum.

Purple Mountain

Are you not saving yourself for your next wife, you fiend of sin?

JohnnyFlash

Purple Mountain wrote: »

Are you not saving yourself for your next wife, you fiend of sin?

Doubt I’ll get married again. One of those is enough for any sane person. No, having great fun sinking the one-eyed purple warrior in wet bosca.

Sam Quentin

Your crazy like a coconut.

Sir Oxman

Low swingers are prized but making friends with your kneecaps...?
inject the pouch

gifted

Never want a needle near my pair.....

Lorelli!

I wouldn't have the balls for that.

wyf437gn6btzue

Don`t think many women your age would care tbh, their t*ts are probably doing the same

Best of luck with your saggy balls

deisedav

True or not that fella is a seriously chap

Purple Mountain

Are you Ross O Carroll Kelly by any chance?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I’ve always had a low hanging set of clockweights. Happy enough with my twig and berries in general, but I now find myself back on the ‘dating scene’ as a man in his mid-50’s, and have become slightly self-conscious about my nutpurse losing its fight against gravity and age. Even when you do shave your sac, you can’t say the scrotum is an attractive part of the male anatomy. You don’t want a lady venturing down there and finding out your plums are trying to become friends with your kneecaps.

So I was reading recently that you can now get Botox injected into your porridge pouches. Apparently they tighten up and lose that unattractive wrinkly appearance. The version is called Scrotox. Was wondering if any of the good folk of AH have had the procedure done, and if so, would you recommend it? Was your lover impressed with the taut nature of your bollocks? And if you haven’t, would you consider it?

Not looking for medical advice obviously.

You've actually used nine different synonyms for scrotum there.

Stigura

Is your name Barry, OP? Barrys teabags have plastic in them.

limnam

Stigura wrote: »

Is your name Barry, OP? Barrys teabags have plastic in them.

I'd say the last thing this fella should be doing is tea bagging tbh.

Purple Mountain

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

You've actually used nine different synonyms for scrotum there.

That's why I think he's the Rossmeister.

Seth Brundle

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

You've actually used nine different synonyms for scrotum there.

Look at you with your big fancy words ya nutbag!

somefeen

For people that love making puns this thread is low hanging fruit

JohnnyFlash

limnam wrote: »

I'd say the last thing this fella should be doing is tea bagging tbh.

No, the chicken skin handbag isn’t designed for that.

2nd Row Donkey

Scrotox

/end thread.

Pero_Bueno

JohhnFlash - never change.

Unfortunately I can't offer you any advice on botox on the oul "Clockweights" - I'd imagine it wouldn't change the hanging nature tho, just will smooth them out.

AMKC

There must be something better than getting a needle stuck in your balls you can do to fix them. Maybe ask a Women to kick them a few times. Not sure if that would help but at least you would have made some women very happy for a while anyway.

JohnnyFlash

AMKC wrote: »

There must be something better than getting a needle stuck in your balls you can do to fix them. Maybe ask a Women to kick them a few times. Not sure if that would help but at least you would have made some women very happy for a while anyway.

Jesus, lot of pent up imagery in that post. Wouldn’t be into any S&M stuff like that. A gallon of porter, then into the leaba for a good ride is way more my scene. Maybe press the ‘devil’s doorbell’ a few times, if you catch my drift....

JohnMc1

Wouldn't you be better off just taking those Testosterone Booster supplements?

oneilla

Are you talking about botox into the scrotum or the testicles? Cause the latter might affect your sperm production.

limnam

oneilla wrote: »

Are you talking about botox into the scrotum or the testicles? Cause the latter might affect your sperm production.

i thought you were Louise O'Neil for a minute.

_Brian

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I’ve always had a low hanging set of clockweights. Happy enough with my twig and berries in general, but I now find myself back on the ‘dating scene’ as a man in his mid-50’s, and have become slightly self-conscious about my nutpurse losing its fight against gravity and age. Even when you do shave your sac, you can’t say the scrotum is an attractive part of the male anatomy. You don’t want a lady venturing down there and finding out your plums are trying to become friends with your kneecaps.

So I was reading recently that you can now get Botox injected into your porridge pouches. Apparently they tighten up and lose that unattractive wrinkly appearance. The version is called Scrotox. Was wondering if any of the good folk of AH have had the procedure done, and if so, would you recommend it? Was your lover impressed with the taut nature of your bollocks? And if you haven’t, would you consider it?

Not looking for medical advice obviously.

No offence OP but if you get to 50 and the dangle of your bollox is the big issue you see with starting a new relationship then I’d worry about your long term happiness.

JohnnyFlash

oneilla wrote: »

Are you talking about botox into the scrotum or the testicles? Cause the latter might affect your sperm production.

Oh Jesus, just into the hairy knap sack and no further. Don’t want to be injecting a strain of botulism into the jizz factory itself. No Sir! Even though I had the snip a few years ago so my trouser gravy is harmless anyway.

elstingeo

Hey OP...

I know I may get slated for this seeing as it's After Hours and all that....

This isn't medical advice. Just one bloke chatting to another... If you are really concerned about how low your "clock weights" hang, ask your doctor... I had a similar problem and I'm a few decades younger than you, it turned out to be harmless... But still... Also apparently such things are part of the aging process....

Personally, I wouldn't bother getting Botox injected in to such an area as the effects of Botox are temporary and do not usually yield a permanent result as far as I can remember regarding the results of Botox based upon general knowledge..

What I would say to you is this; if a potential new partner cannot accept your anatomical features for the way they are then it sounds like an unnecessary stressor... If you are personally uncomfortable about the aesthetic looks of your "clock weights", then maybe accept that this happens to a large majority of men as they age.. Best of luck getting back in to the dating scene..

JohnnyFlash

_Brian wrote: »

No offence OP but if you get to 50 and the dangle of your bollox is the big issue you see with starting a new relationship then I’d worry about your long term happiness.

Happy as the proverbial pig, Brian. Just sometimes I look in the mirror after getting out of the shower, lift up the lad (which is a best in show example to be honest), and wish the two buckos didn’t look like two plums in a skin coloured sandwich bag. That’s all. Won’t find me buying a Porchse or becoming one of those fat lads of my vintage spending 6k on a racing bike so they can huff and puff around Wicklow of a Sunday morning.

dd972

Does your username hint at your hobbies OP, because that post certainly points that way!... :pac:

deisedav

deisedav wrote: »

True or not that fella is a seriously chap

A seriously funny chap

Purple Mountain

We can't really comment on our opinion without seeing if you're telling us the truth.
Mods- permission for Johnny to post a selfie of his shrivelled prunes here?

limnam

Purple Mountain wrote: »

We can't really comment on our opinion without seeing if you're telling us the truth.
Mods- permission for Johnny to post a selfie of his shrivelled prunes here?

Purple Mountain

limnam wrote: »

Nah..they're fairly typical.

DellyBelly

I'm just impressed a man at that age is still dating and even having sex. A bit uuggh but fair play anyway.

JohnnyFlash

Purple Mountain wrote: »

We can't really comment on our opinion without seeing if you're telling us the truth.
Mods- permission for Johnny to post a selfie of his shrivelled prunes here?

Wouldn’t be into sending dick pics or anything like that. Even with some good mood lighting and a good dab of vasoline on the area to give it a pleasant sheen. Don’t like receiving them either. Mate of mine told me he received a fanny pic off a lady he was flirting with on WhatsApp. Said it nearly made him sick. The thing looked like a gorilla autopsy.

Ain’t going to be happening I’m afraid.

limnam

DellyBelly wrote: »

I'm just impressed a man at that age is still dating and even having sex. A bit uuggh but fair play anyway.

Course he's having sex.


He's not married.

limnam

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Mate of mine told me he received a fanny pic off a lady he was flirting with on WhatsApp. Said it nearly made him sick. The thing looked like a gorilla autopsy.

All I can see now is a blue waffle

PucaMama

Op women aren’t worried about what they look like

JohnnyFlash

DellyBelly wrote: »

I'm just impressed a man at that age is still dating and even having sex. A bit uuggh but fair play anyway.

Why? I’m in my mid 50’s, not some auld fûcker in a nursing home getting a stiffy while getting a sponge bath. In great shape, and can run up a boner you could hang a theatre curtain on. I’m like a metronome once I get going.

PucaMama

DellyBelly wrote: »

I'm just impressed a man at that age is still dating and even having sex. A bit uuggh but fair play anyway.

He’s in his 50s lol not 100

Purple Mountain

There's must be some sort of anti-gravity device you can get to clip onto the boys.

Sofiztikated

DellyBelly wrote: »

I'm just impressed a man at that age is still dating and even having sex. A bit uuggh but fair play anyway.

My older brother, at 59, is more of a baller now than I was in my 20's.

limnam

Purple Mountain wrote: »

There's must be some sort of anti-gravity device you can get to clip onto the boys.

blue tac?

Cupcake_Crisis

Op find yourself a woman who’s a .... back dorothy. She’ll be very very appreciative of your low hanging fruits. Trust me.

Purple Mountain

limnam wrote: »

blue tac?

I was thinking more of a meat hanging S hook that he could pierce through the skin and attach to his Y fronts on the waistband.

_Dara_

I lolled so I did. Like, really genuinely laughed out loud. A lot.



Porridge pouches.

sydthebeat

The lower the swing, the louder the ding.