Botox in your balls.

Beanntraigheach

Excess Scrotal Laxity (ESL) is a common affliction with elderly gentleman such as yourself. A cause of discomfort and embarrassment.

Fortunately, there is a solution for your problem: Haemorrhoid cream.
That's right, common, over-the-counter haemorrhoid cream!
Massage vigorously into the scrotum, not once, not twice, but thrice daily (this is crucial), and you should see a marked improvement within weeks.
(You might like to consider asking your partner to apply the cream for you, many couples find the activity a deeply pleasurable and erotic addition to their intimate time together.)

percy212

Just the one bosca or a variety of boscai?

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Doubt I’ll get married again. One of those is enough for any sane person. No, having great fun sinking the one-eyed purple warrior in wet bosca.

Stoolbend

Vincenzo Savory Racket wrote: »

Don`t think many women your age would care tbh, their t*ts are probably doing the same

Best of luck with your saggy balls

Who said he's after women his age.

Half your age plus whatever it takes to make them 18 is the rule I think.

JohnnyFlash

Beanntraigheach wrote: »

Excess Scrotal Laxity (ESL) is a common affliction with elderly gentleman such as yourself. A cause of discomfort and embarrassment.

Fortunately, there is a solution for your problem: Haemorrhoid cream.
That's right, common, over-the-counter haemorrhoid cream!
Massage vigorously into the scrotum, not once, not twice, but thrice daily (this is crucial), and you should see a marked improvement within weeks.
(You might like to consider asking your partner to apply the cream for you, many couples find the activity a deeply pleasurable and erotic addition to their intimate time together.)

I’m cynical about this to be honest. I’ve never had a dose of the John Giles, but can’t see myself going to the chemist telling them I want to buy a large tub of Prep-H so I can rub it into the bearded love walnuts.

No, a discrete scrotux injection sounds preferable. Heard there’s Botox specialists who will call to your house to carry out the procedure. Could be lying on the couch with the legs akimbo, y-fronts around the ankles, and Pointless on the telly.

TheValeyard

Have you tried playing the drums with them?

Malayalam

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I’m cynical about this to be honest. I’ve never had a dose of the John Giles, but can’t see myself going to the chemist telling them I want to buy a large tub of Prep-H so I can rub it into the bearded love walnuts.

No, a discrete scrotux injection sounds preferable. Heard there’s Botox specialists who will call to your house to carry out the procedure. Could be lying on the couch with the legs akimbo, y-fronts around the ankles, and Pointless on the telly.

Try Tiger Balm instead. You'll have no energy left for cynicism then.

PS I don't understand how you imagine botox will work in this instance. It's job is to freeze muscles so that wrinkles decrease (I think). It doesn't magically lift loose skin up into a tauter position. For that you'll be needing a full on scrotal lift (I imagine). Some sort of scrotal hammock until you can afford that operation, OP

Wibbs

_Brian wrote: »

No offence OP but if you get to 50 and the dangle of your bollox is the big issue you see with starting a new relationship then I’d worry about your long term happiness.

I think we've found the recipient of the finest humourectomy ever performed by the best of Harley St.

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

The thing looked like a gorilla autopsy.

My morning tiffin just hosed out my nose across my keyboard. You magnificent cunt.

wexie

Just in case anyone is thinking that OP made up this Scrotox™ I'm sad to have to inform you he didn't....

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/scrotox-botox-men-testicles-scrotum-a7447871.html

Malayalam

wexie wrote: »

Just in case anyone is thinking that OP made up this Scrotox™ I'm sad to have to inform you he didn't....

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/scrotox-botox-men-testicles-scrotum-a7447871.html

Good God. What next.

Dr. Mesa explained that Scrotox allows the testicles to hang down further and appear bigger

I hope OP isn't already akimbo on his couch, for this news will not comfort him.

wexie

wexie wrote: »

Just in case anyone is thinking that OP made up this Scrotox™ I'm sad to have to inform you he didn't....

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/scrotox-botox-men-testicles-scrotum-a7447871.html

The Scrotoxed man also added that “The sex was great!” as he’d hoped.

JohnnyFlash

Malayalam wrote: »

Good God. What next.


I hope OP isn't already akimbo on his couch, for this news will not comfort him.

Ara shïte. It’s the opposite of that I want. Back to the drawing board.

Blazer

percy212 wrote: »

Just the one bosca or a variety of boscai?

ah you can' beat the "bosca fliuch"
Used to have great laughs at the yanks in Lisdoonvarna at the festival and when they asked if you could speak irish "an bhfuil bosca fliuch agat" and telling them it meant "have you a good heart" or some other ****e

_Dara_

Cupcake_Crisis wrote: »

Op find yourself a woman who’s a .... back dorothy. She’ll be very very appreciative of your low hanging fruits. Trust me.

New phrase to add to my lexicon. Ta, Cupcake!

J Mysterio

Ahaha, it's so gross and looks so unnatural and weird, like a pair of Chinese medicine balls.

Click at your peril.

Malayalam

J Mysterio wrote: »

Ahaha, it's so gross and looks so unnatural and weird, like a pair of Chinese medicine balls.

Click at your peril.

J Mysterio

J Mysterio wrote: »

Ahaha, it's so gross and looks so unnatural and weird, like a pair of Chinese medicine balls.

Click at your peril.

"...like a Christmas ornament..." Priceless!

Stigura

J Mysterio wrote: »

Ahaha, it's so gross and looks so unnatural and weird .....

:eek: Jesus Fukking Christ!

Stigura

Stigura wrote: »

:eek: Jesus Fukking Christ!

It's not real, don't worry!

The clue is in the 'It's not sandpaper...' headline.

Stigura

Candie wrote: »

It's not real, don't worry!

What a relief! (I hadn't spotted that)

TomOnBoard

Funniest thread I've read in a long whule... LMAO!!

Hammer89

J Mysterio wrote: »

Ahaha, it's so gross and looks so unnatural and weird, like a pair of Chinese medicine balls.

Click at your peril.

I think he enhanced the wrong part.

Beanntraigheach

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I’m cynical about this to be honest. I’ve never had a dose of the John Giles, but can’t see myself going to the chemist telling them I want to buy a large tub of Prep-H so I can rub it into the bearded love walnuts.

No, a discrete scrotux injection sounds preferable. Heard there’s Botox specialists who will call to your house to carry out the procedure. Could be lying on the couch with the legs akimbo, y-fronts around the ankles, and Pointless on the telly.

Suit yourself.

Another option you might want to look into is surgery to remove the excess scrotum skin.
You could find yourself put off by the exorbitant fees that a "professional" surgeon would demand to perform what is a pretty simple procedure.
But there is a far more economical alternative: I happen to be a reasonably skilled amateur surgeon and could do the job for as little as 200 quid!
Now I can't offer anything by the way of anaesthetic save a few swigs from a bottle of whiskey, and my equipment mightn't be exactly the same as that used in an operating theatre, but I'm clean, I work fast, and no fewer than 8 out of 10 of my (surviving) patients rate the results as "acceptable" or better.

Think about it

KERSPLAT!

Beanntraigheach wrote: »

Suit yourself.

Another option you might want to look into is surgery to remove the excess scrotum skin.
You could find yourself put off by the exorbitant fees that a "professional" surgeon would demand to perform what is a pretty simple procedure.
But there is a far more economical alternative: I happen to be a reasonably skilled amateur surgeon and could do the job for as little as 200 quid!
Now I can't offer anything by the way of anaesthetic save a few swigs from a bottle of whiskey, and my equipment mightn't be exactly the same as that used in an operating theatre, but I'm clean, I work fast, and no fewer than 8 out of 10 of my (surviving) patients rate the results as "acceptable" or better.

Think about it

Stapler?

TomOnBoard

Beanntraigheach wrote: »

Suit yourself.

Another option you might want to look into is surgery to remove the excess scrotum skin.
You could find yourself put off by the exorbitant fees that a "professional" surgeon would demand to perform what is a pretty simple procedure.
But there is a far more economical alternative: I happen to be a reasonably skilled amateur surgeon and could do the job for as little as 200 quid!
Now I can't offer anything by the way of anaesthetic save a few swigs from a bottle of whiskey, and my equipment mightn't be exactly the same as that used in an operating theatre, but I'm clean, I work fast, and no fewer than 8 out of 10 of my (surviving) patients rate the results as "acceptable" or better.

Think about it

Aaaand, he could keep the bits you cut out... They'd make a gr8 purse...

Beanntraigheach

KERSPLAT! wrote: »

Stapler?

I had duct-tape in mind, but staples are a great idea.
Are you an amateur surgeon too?

Beanntraigheach

TomOnBoard wrote: »

Aaaand, he could keep the bits you cut out... They'd make a gr8 purse...

Well.... I usually prefer to keep those for my "collection".

BarryD2

Would the OP not be better advised to just go for a scrotum shrinking freezing cold bath a few minutes before peeling off? Cheaper and no long term side effects

Mountainsandh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VpdWOVsM0o

Go for the kinky option OP

TomOnBoard

Beanntraigheach wrote: »

Well.... I usually prefer to keep those for my "collection".

And there was me thinking Clarisse Starling had killed Buffalo Bill!!! How's the bodysuit doing? I hope yer still using the moisturiser...

Stigura

OP revealed!

That looks like it should hurt - a lot.

Now I need to go bleach my eyes.

J Mysterio

Candie wrote: »

That looks like it should hurt - a lot.

Now I need to go bleach my eyes.

It's Johnny Knoxville from Jackass (in old lad make up).

J Mysterio

J Mysterio wrote: »

It's Johnny Knoxville from Jackass (in old lad make up).

Phew! Thanks!

For a brief, horrific moment, I thought it was Bill Murray.

Cork Lass

Balls to that, there should have been a warning on that post - I may never recover :eek:

TomOnBoard

Candie wrote: »

Phew! Thanks!

For a brief, horrific moment, I thought it was Bill Murray.

So did I!!

Mountainsandh

Candie wrote: »

Phew! Thanks!

For a brief, horrific moment, I thought it was Bill Murray.

Me too ! If they'd stuck them out of the other shorts leg it wouldn't look a s sore...

josip

6 pages in and no sign yet of Pintman Paddy?

jimgoose

Depending on this and that and the other including, presumably, the phase of the moon, my own plumsack can resemble a slightly mis-shapen turnip that's well past it's sell-by, or a sock with a couple of pool balls in. I'm not quite sure which I prefer, and Her Ladyship hasn't ventured an opinion.

jimgoose

DellyBelly wrote: »

I'm just impressed a man at that age is still dating and even having sex. A bit uuggh but fair play anyway.

Another oul' fella here, with a schlong on me like a tower crane operator's Thermos. Woman and I bring the house down with a vim and vigour that shames folk half our age.

jimgoose

J Mysterio wrote: »

Ahaha, it's so gross and looks so unnatural and weird, like a pair of Chinese medicine balls.

Click at your peril.

I'm not seeing the advantage of this. On the left, I see a fairly normal-looking brace of Gentleman's Vegetables, while those on the right appear to be afflicted with some sort of exotic malady, possibly from The Spain.

Cleopatra_

Ah sure balls are pretty ugly looking anyway. Women won't care OP. Just don't expect to be tea bagged

jimgoose

Cleopatra_ wrote: »

Ah sure balls are pretty ugly looking anyway. Women won't care OP. Just don't expect to be tea bagged

At any rate, he'll be able to do Last Albatross In The Shop. Nice party-piece.

jimgoose

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

...The thing looked like a gorilla autopsy...

Can I just point out, at this juncture, that "Gorilla Autopsy" would be an outstanding name for an Alternative Funk-Metal outfit?

PARlance

Sofiztikated wrote: »

My older brother, at 59, is more of a baller now than I was in my 20's.

Sounds impressive, how big are they now?