Is 200 enough of a wedding present from a couple?

awec

Getting a wedding invitation is like getting a summons.

Actually a summons is probably cheaper.

Liam28

aoh wrote: »

It's been a while since I was at a wedding but €200??? FFS. I think I gave them a mirror :-)

You need to take a good look at yourself!

Tippex

awec wrote: »

Getting a wedding invitation is like getting a summons.

Actually a summons is probably cheaper.

Especially if it is down the country.
We have one next month and it is 2 nights in the hotel and that alone is costing €306 before we do anything else. The wife has already bought the dress, the shoes & the bag. I'll be lucky to have new jocks and socks for it

stephenr92

I'm getting married in 2 weeks and I wouldn't expect any amount it's the thought that counts in my opinion

AlphabetCards

I'll never pay more than £100 max. I'm thankfully not acquainted with anyone who would throw a wedding to make a profit, and if anyone was upset at me and the gf giving £100 they can toddle along.

deletthis

somesoldiers wrote: »

8 of her relatives all clubbed together to buy us a BBQ for our wedding some years back after all attending the full wedding. I was expecting this fancy one stead of that we got a e50 job from Woodies between the lot of them

That's the other end of the scale right there, tight b*st*rds. If you're gona spend €7 each, I'd rather ye bought me a pint

JimmyMW

I have read the most of this thread and i feel that people are looking at the extreme cases, most couples getting married are just doing the normal thing and as someone who got married a few years ago I found that you can please everyone.

As for the earlier poster who gives a mirrors and photo frames if your not married yourself and plan on being in the future I hope you have plenty of space on your walls as you'll be getting plenty of these items back.

Generally there are 3 groups in wedding

1. Family and close friends, if your in this category 99% of people have absolutely no issue giving a cash gift as they know the financial pressure the wedding is putting on the couple. As said before the amount is very much dependent on what you can afford. A couple however would most likely prefer to see 100% of this group attending irrespective of presents.

2. Extended friends and family, this group are where some view an invitation as a fine, however if not invited they would be insulted in most instances. if seen as a fine im sure most couples would be fine with you refusing the invitation.

3. Neighbors and Parents Friends Etc, if your not in the other two categories your in this one, this should be the smallest group in a wedding, your being invited because they have to, most couples would be fine with you refusing the invitation. However that said, if the wedding is massive and group 3 is also massive, then most likely they are using the thing as a profit making venture.

A lot of people are referring to ridiculously lavish weddings etc however in my experience most couples don't do this, the lavishness is the minority. Guests at a wedding, particularly in Ireland, expect a certain number of things, like a meal, band, wine etc, this all costs money. The very guests who consider parts of a wedding lavish would be the first to complain if they arrived to the wedding with the groom in a t shirt and jeans and the bride in a top and mini skirt with a few plates of sandwiches to feed people, they would be branded a disgrace.

Cina

JimmyMW wrote: »

A lot of people are referring to ridiculously lavish weddings etc however in my experience most couples don't do this, the lavishness is the minority. Guests at a wedding, particularly in Ireland, expect a certain number of things, like a meal, band, wine etc, this all costs money. The very guests who consider parts of a wedding lavish would be the first to complain if they arrived to the wedding with the groom in a t shirt and jeans and the bride in a top and mini skirt with a few plates of sandwiches to feed people, they would be branded a disgrace.

That sounds good to me ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

hightower1

JimmyMW wrote: »

Guests at a wedding, particularly in Ireland, expect a certain number of things, like a meal, band, wine etc, this all costs money. The very guests who consider parts of a wedding lavish would be the first to complain if they arrived to the wedding with the groom in a t shirt and jeans and the bride in a top and mini skirt with a few plates of sandwiches to feed people, they would be branded a disgrace.

So wait, a couple should invite friends and family to the event which includes a meal, band and wine... then expect the guests to pay for those things?

Isn't that the same as getting invited to a birthday party and then expecting to have the guests pay for a portion of the cake?

If a couple want a wedding then great! But no one else should be financing this except the couple choosing to hold the event.

JimmyMW

hightower1 wrote: »

So wait, a couple should invite friends and family to the event which includes a meal, band and wine... then expect the guests to pay for those things?.

Contribute towards it Yes

hightower1 wrote: »

Isn't that the same as getting invited to a birthday party and then expecting to have the guests pay for a portion of the cake?

You bring an appropriate gift to a birthday party don't you? Using your birthday party example, what Im saying is its like coming to a birthday party with one lego brick rather than a small lego set or similar

hightower1 wrote: »

If a couple want a wedding then great! But no one else should be financing this except the couple choosing to hold the event.

Again back to what I said earlier, people will get insulted that they were not invited, an example, friend of mine recently got married, his wife is American. They got married in America as they live here and felt it would be nice for her family if the wedding was there as they will spend the rest of their lives traveling to Ireland to see them. None of his family went not even his parents and everyone was happy with that, his aunt was highly insulted she was not invited! Most people are just trying to go down the path of least resistance.

JimmyMW

hightower1 wrote: »

So wait, a couple should invite friends and family to the event which includes a meal, band and wine... then expect the guests to pay for those things?

Also just to add to that, if your not happy with that as its the expected run of things in Ireland, then stay at home.

iamwhoiam

JimmyMW wrote: »

Also just to add to that, if your not happy with that as its the expected run of things in Ireland, then stay at home.

Expected by whom ? We have a family wedding coming up and the couple expect nothing but a good day had by all
Not all weddings are the same , not all couples are the same

I wonder how much Harry and Meg made out of their wedding?

theyoungchap

Deleted User wrote: »

I wonder how much Harry and Meg made out of their wedding?

You wouldn't be throwing 200 euro in a card there I'd say.....

ninja 12

Dublinflyer wrote: »

When we got married a few years ago we had about 40 people at the wedding and made it clear on the invites that the only gift we wanted was for them to turn up and enjoy the day. You would be amazed how many people still gave us something, it was lovely but a few weeks later we did ask why they felt the need to give something and the general answer was that they did not want to be the one person who did not have a gift on the day.

Same here .

At our wedding we specifically said that we didn't need / want gifts or cash .

We had friends and family coming from the UK and Scandinavia as well as here and didn't want to add to anybody's expense ( practically everyone stayed in the hotel )

Some of our friends volunteered to make the cake / place settings /and do the flowers ( florist in the family ) and other bits and pieces ( which all turned out great )


We still ended up with plenty of cash gifts though .

scdublin

Wow, to me €200 per couple is a huge amount of money. I would have said €100-€150 was generous. You're spending so much money on hotels, drinks, possibly hen/stag parties, petrol etc. It's not just the gift. Anyone expecting €200 or more has to be having a laugh.

JimmyMW

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Expected by whom ? We have a family wedding coming up and the couple expect nothing but a good day had by all
Not all weddings are the same , not all couples are the same

Probably just as well, I hope you have a good day anyway

iamwhoiam

JimmyMW wrote: »

Probably just as well, I hope you have a good day anyway

Believe me we will , its all about family fir us !

JimmyMW

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Believe me we will , its all about family fir us !

Well go with your hands hanging and see how well your received by the couple in the next 6 months

SirChenjin

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

Got married a few years ago loads of envelopes flying around like the scene in Goodfellas but our favourite gift was a handmade embroidered framed message that one of her mates who hadn't a pot to p1ss in gave us easy to put cash in an envelopebut that took time and it meant a lot

I know what you mean, but I would like to think people appreciate a gift of hard earned cash too.

iamwhoiam

JimmyMW wrote: »

Well go with your hands hanging and see how well your received by the couple in the next 6 months

At what stage did I say I was going with my hands hanging ? I said the couple are not expecting anything

Akrasia

Deleted User wrote: »

In our house a wedding invite is as welcome as a summons. It really is like a summons if its assumed I'll be handing over 200 quid also.

My go to wedding present is a silver photo frame with the date of the wedding for the bride.

If they don't like it, then don't invite me to wedding #2 if there is one.

I'd prefer a photo frame without any engraving or reference to the wedding at all tbh. On our wedding, we got lots of picture frames but they all said 'Love' or 'Him and Her' or stuff like that. We're not the kinds of people who have our house covered in photographs of ourselves in our wedding gear, but we like to have pictures of our family and children etc on the walls.

I think if you're going to a wedding, presumably you actually like the people who are getting married, so you should get them a gift that they can use or would like. If you don't like the couple, don't go. You're not doing them any favours by turning up and looking grumpy and miserable for the whole time.

Akrasia

m17 wrote: »

Back in the day you gave a kettle and a toaster and everyone was happy out but now a days it's gone overboard

And the wedding couple had a lifetime supply of toasters and kettles to get rid of afterwards.

Unless the couple ask otherwise, I'll always give cash, because at least they can spend it the way they like, or if it covers the cost of the wedding, that's fine too.

My wife and I threw the best wedding we could afford on a shoestring budget, not because we wanted everyone to tell us how great we are, but because we knew that when we invited people to come to our wedding at considerable expense, we owed it to them to try and make it enjoyable for them by having a good band, good food and a nice comfortable venue. We relied on some cash gifts to pay some of the cost of the wedding, we didn't expect anyone to pay any amount, and at the end of it all, we sacrificed our own honeymoon to pay for a modest but enjoyable party for our family and friends.

Feisar

I got married recently, €200 was a fairly common present from couples, some gave more, some less.

robinph

Invited literally only a handful of people to ours, we paid their way and put them up in the same posh hotel, they just had to get themselves there. Nothing as crass as money changing hands needed to occur to fund OUR event. Was far cheaper to pay for the people we actually wanted to celebrate with and spend the money on a more expensive location than it would ever be to invite hundreds of people you barely know to a big event where you get crappy food, don't actually spend time talking to people and then half of them get too drunk and make a tit of themselves.

Got a couple of trinkets as gifts from those that we invited. Was our party we were asking them to attend, would have been offended if they felt the need to pay us for it.

iamwhoiam

robinph wrote: »

Invited literally only a handful of people to ours, we paid their way and put them up in the same posh hotel, they just had to get themselves there. Nothing as crass as money changing hands needed to occur to fund OUR event. Was far cheaper to pay for the people we actually wanted to celebrate with and spend the money on a more expensive location than it would ever be to invite hundreds of people you barely know to a big event where you get crappy food, don't actually spend time talking to people and then half of them get too drunk and make a tit of themselves.

Got a couple of trinkets as gifts from those that we invited. Was our party we were asking them to attend, would have been offended if they felt the need to pay us for it.

And the key message is to each their own .One likes it one way and another likes it another way .

Sleepy

We'd tend to give €150 as a couple or €100 if I'm attending alone unless it's very close friends or family. That said, my favourite wedding presents when we got married were a block of good knives from a friend who'd trained as a chef but couldn't make the day (I was extremely touched by that one as he was out of work at the time and good chef knives aren't cheap!) and the other was from from a good friend I actually met through this site: a set of tacky His & Hers mugs with a bag of really good weed hidden inside them!

c68zapdsm5i1ru

I usually give a cash gift, but I hate the fact that it's expected nowadays. There's lots of people who don't have cash to spare but who might have something they've never used that they can regift, or see something going cheap in a sale that normally costs twice the amount.

By explicitly asking for donations towards the honeymoon or whatever, you're making it awkward for people. It's also a bit rude, in my opinion.

_Roz_

Idea of giving someone €100+ euro for getting married is crazy, imo. Not a hope. And I wouldn't take it from people at my wedding either. Small, personal gifts far more welcome. No gift at all also perfectly welcome.

JustAThought

I think e200 is a bit OTT when you consider the expense of going to a wedding in a hotel -the travel costs usually 2 tanks of petrol, price of the room,day off work and varioud other costs not to mention the round of drinks for the table. Personally I like to buy off a wedding list as I know then its something to the couples taste that they want and will suit their house. I give max 100 if I was giving cash or a voucher. I had a wedding a few years ago and nothing on the wedding list (BT'S).was less.that e300 which I found really offensive - even things that were cheaper were bundled into purchasing units that added up to about e300.which was just offensive and tacky. (Mans branded shirt, designer chopping board & pepper mill -Jesus wept). (Set of 5 towels of various sizes adding to e300) And a 2 day even in.the absolute.middle.of.nowhere in an overinflated but big brand hotel chain wedding not to mwntion the BBQ and more expected drinking the afternoon after.
Some people lose the run of themselves and forget their manners when they get married.
E100 is plenty.

iamwhoiam

Abigail Nice Bellboy wrote: »

I usually give a cash gift, but I hate the fact that it's expected nowadays. There's lots of people who don't have cash to spare but who might have something they've never used that they can regift, or see something going cheap in a sale that normally costs twice the amount.

By explicitly asking for donations towards the honeymoon or whatever, you're making it awkward for people. It's also a bit rude, in my opinion.

Expected by some but no means by all

Kilkenny2018

Last wedding I went to was 4 years ago and I gave €50 in a card to a cousin I was close enough with, I went to the wedding alone. I never knew there was a (unwritten rule) minimum value but thankfully I don’t get invited to any weddings these days as I live abroad. I might sound like a Scrooge but the sheer cost of these events is too much and I am trying to save up for a property over here.

iamwhoiam

Kilkenny2018 wrote: »

Last wedding I went to was 4 years ago and I gave €50 in a card to a cousin I was close enough with, I went to the wedding alone. I never knew there was a (unwritten rule) minimum value but thankfully I don’t get invited to any weddings these days as I live abroad. I might sound like a Scrooge but the sheer cost of these events is too much and I am trying to save up for a property over here.

There is no rule unwritten or not . Not every couple by any means expect a set amount

Couchpotato82

We give €200 if its one of us on our own and €300 if we both go. Got married ourselves last year and that was about the go of it. Happy to give it as we were to receive it! Next year we’ve 7 weddings (2 abroad) to go to. That’ll be a balls, cos I’ll be at 4 stags as well so I can safely say it’ll be close to €10k on wedding related activities in 2019.

If €200 was good enough as a wedding present from a couple in 2006, it's good enough as a present in 2018!

Galwayguy35

I give 100 if invited to the full day and 50 if asked to the evening bit.

Have 2 coming up this year that's enough expense for me, some people were telling me that they have 7 or 8 weddings in the year.

Icsics

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

We give €200 if its one of us on our own and €300 if we both go. Got married ourselves last year and that was about the go of it. Happy to give it as we were to receive it! Next year we’ve 7 weddings (2 abroad) to go to. That’ll be a balls, cos I’ll be at 4 stags as well so I can safely say it’ll be close to €10k on wedding related activities in 2019.

Mother of God, that's crazy spending on weddings!

mistersifter

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

We give €200 if its one of us on our own and €300 if we both go. Got married ourselves last year and that was about the go of it. Happy to give it as we were to receive it! Next year we’ve 7 weddings (2 abroad) to go to. That’ll be a balls, cos I’ll be at 4 stags as well so I can safely say it’ll be close to €10k on wedding related activities in 2019.

Are you loaded, mad, or both?

decky1

i'd buy them a gift something that looks expensive but cost's 100, this wedding lark is gone a bit overboard lately. don't leave yourself short just to be one of the Sheep.

nthclare

Seriously I wouldn't expect people to bring money to my wedding if I was getting married

They work hard enough and they took time off work to share the day with my family and I.

Years ago people didn't expect much from people, now there's a set rate of what people should bring, Fck that ****..

I suppose whoever gave the least would be frowned upon...

I thought a wedding was about the Bride and Groom saving up for the big day and giving everyone a great time...

Creeping Death

SeanHarty wrote: »

Well i don't really drink so I don't have nights out every weekend where you spend a fortune to lose it the next day in the toilet.

I'm a foodie so if I get a really top meal I have no problem paying decent money for it.

Same as anything you may not see value in it but that doesn't mean someone else wouldn't!

Where exactly do you think that food ends up the next day?

PandaPoo

I'm completely shocked that couples give €200.
We got married 4 years ago and have been to a dozen weddings since then. We got €200 from very close family and the groomsmen, but close friends gave €100 as a couple. Single people gave €20 or €50...some people gave nothing at all. Didn't bother me in the slightest, but we give €100 as a couple and that's the norm if not generous in our group of friends!!!

1800_Ladladlad

Most weddings seem to be abroad now. If i was getting married abroad, I wouldnt be expecting anything from people I invited, but them following through and attending is all I would expect. But at home, my nanny use to always tell us to do something without the thought of a reward. If I invited someone, my expectations would be on them turning up and not on the money given, anything after that would be a plus. set your expectations and standards correctly, but it seems these days its all materialistic

joeguevara

1800_Ladladlad wrote: »

Most weddings seem to be abroad now. If i was getting married abroad, I wouldnt be expecting anything from people I invited, but them following through and attending is all I would expect. But at home, my nanny use to always tell us to do something without the thought of a reward. If I invited someone, my expectations would be on them turning up and not on the money given, anything after that would be a plus. set your expectations and standards correctly, but it seems these days its all materialistic

Most Irish people who get married get married in Ireland. I’d say the small minority are abroad. Less than 1% or even 0.5. Do you really believe it’s most.

Also, (at this is completely separate from your post) but I am sick of the amount of time people post here about wedding presents and money. No one cares. Give what you want and that’s it. Life is too short to be spending thinking about it. At the end of the day 1 hundred, 2 hundred, 3 hundred will make absolutely no difference to someone’s life. Go to their wedding. Make it memorable by being there and being you. Give what you want.

joeguevara

joeguevara wrote: »

Most Irish people who get married get married in Ireland. I’d say the small minority are abroad. Less than 1% or even 0.5. Do you really believe it’s most.

Also, (at this is completely separate from your post) but I am sick of the amount of time people post here about wedding presents and money. No one cares. Give what you want and that’s it. Life is too short to be spending thinking about it. At the end of the day 1 hundred, 2 hundred, 3 hundred will make absolutely no difference to someone’s life. Go to their wedding. Make it memorable by being there and being you. Give what you want.

I think you're overstating it a bit.. Most threads this big have a core group posting a lot. It's just a topic that lots of people have experienced.

joeguevara

Deleted User wrote: »

I think you're overstating it a bit.. Most threads this big have a core group posting a lot. It's just a topic that lots of people have experienced.

Sorry I should have said over in the weddings forum. A lot of threads are about how much to give for gifts causing anxiety.

mistersifter

mistersifter wrote: »

Are you loaded, mad, or both?

That’s doesn’t sound out of the ordinary at all in a big group of friends across the main years where everyone is getting married. I’ve been to over 20 weddings in the last 3 years, 3 or 4 of them abroad. Been to the stags of 4 or 5 of them also.

Eggs For Dinner

nthclare wrote: »

Seriously I wouldn't expect people to bring money to my wedding if I was getting married

They work hard enough and they took time off work to share the day with my family and I.

Years ago people didn't expect much from people, now there's a set rate of what people should bring, Fck that ****..

I suppose whoever gave the least would be frowned upon...

I thought a wedding was about the Bride and Groom saving up for the big day and giving everyone a great time...

Totally agree, but judging by the responses here, we didn't get the memo. I would be a fairly generous person by nature, but group funding a showy wedding is just tacky.

nthclare

Eggs For Dinner wrote: »

Totally agree, but judging by the responses here, we didn't get the memo. I would be a fairly generous person by nature, but group funding a showy wedding is just tacky.

The best wedding I was ever at was a quirky pagan wedding, and the bride and groom supplied the food and entertainment.

It felt more natural than those modern day plastic weddings.
There was an abundance of fresh food, all sourced from local growers and butchers.

Plenty of drinks and my favorite was the sparkling elderflower cordial mix...

They were planning on starting an orchard, so we all got together and bought them different varieties of apple trees from the seed savers in East Clare..

They were delighted, and the fruits of success will last longer than any of those weddings where theres money given...

Such a shallow way to be asking for cash from people in this day and age....

Sardonicat

Omackeral wrote: »

Its almost as if people are trying to recoup the money they’ve spent on ridiculously lavish weddings!

They are!