Is 200 enough of a wedding present from a couple?

Couchpotato82

iamwhoiam wrote: »

You could indeed and I am guessing you are actually doing just that ! Lol at you being the Big I Am !!

Yeah busted Sherlock!!
Next time you’re emptying your change jar into a wedding card for a mate, rest assured it’s completely normal and that no-one gives €200+ cos that time you heard about it was just a bull****ter on the internet!!

Later, EbeneezerðŸ‘

_Dara_

facehugger99 wrote: »

It sounds like most of this is coming from you own head.

No, believe me, I know him very well. Every time without fail that he’s part of a group meal, he throws a conniption over the splitting of the bill. Every single time. And we’re not talking great differences in what people ordered, we’re talking him quibbling over €2. My husband dreads him being at group meals for this reason. There is always a scene made, without fail.

At a wedding we were at recently, he kept retiring to his car to pour out more drinks for him and the missus-to-be.

He brings naggins to pubs.

Definitely not in my head.

iamwhoiam

_Dara_ wrote: »

No, believe me, I know him very well. Every time without fail that he’s part of a group meal, he throws a conniption over the splitting of the bill. Every single time. And we’re not talking great differences in what people ordered, we’re talking him quibbling over €2. My husband dreads him being at group meals for this reason. There is always a scene made, without fail.

At a wedding we were at recently, he kept retiring to his car to pour out more drinks for him and the missus-to-be.

He brings naggins to pubs.

Definitely not in my head.

Made me laugh !! I can picture him and the missus escaping out to the car and sneaking a drink !!!
I was at a wedding a few years ago and after the event both sides realised there was a woman at it that no one knew !!! They said it to the manager next morning and he looked shocked and said it was the second time that month that he got that complaint !! A serial imposter!!

_Dara_

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Made me laugh !! I can picture him and the missus escaping out to the car and sneaking a drink !!!
I was at a wedding a few years ago and after the event both sides realised there was a woman at it that no one knew !!! They said it to the manager next morning and he looked shocked and said it was the second time that month that he got that complaint !! A serial imposter!!

Jaysus!

This guy’s fiancé is a lovely woman. Would you not treat your wife-to-be an overpriced drink from the bar FFS instead of dragging her outside periodically (and her in heels!)?

Electric Sheep

nthclare wrote: »

Do couples actually judge people on staying at the wedding hotel, and how much they slip into the envelope...

As you can see from some of the posters here, some do. I would not be surprised to hear that some of them keep a spreadsheet of who gave what so they can reciprocate with precision.

iamwhoiam

_Dara_ wrote: »

Jaysus!

This guy’s fiancé is a lovely woman. Would you not treat your wife-to-be an overpriced drink from the bar FFS instead of dragging her outside periodically (and her in heels!)?

The imposter sat at the bar flirting with all and sundry and both sides thought she was the others mad auntie !

_Dara_

iamwhoiam wrote: »

The imposter sat at the bar flirting with all and sundry and both sides thought she was the others mad auntie !

What a loon.

freshpopcorn

To be honest if I was getting married in the morning. I wouldn't really care what people gave or even if they gave nothing but I'd prefer cash. I'd have no issue with gifts and if I didn't like them they'd make handy presents in the future.
The only thing I wouldn't like would be a hotel voucher for hotels that a miles away from where I live and you'd probably end up putting a good bit of cash towards it as well.

jk23

Just reading this thread all I can think of the BOOM is back, it’s crazy basically friends are paying for the couple to get married :O

nthclare

Electric Sheep wrote: »

As you can see from some of the posters here, some do. I would not be surprised to hear that some of them keep a spreadsheet of who gave what so they can reciprocate with precision.

True I wouldn't be surprised myself terms and conditions.

Ironically these selfish brats usually end up splitting up in a few year's anyhow and trool dating websites looking to better themselves.

Any half decent sane man or woman isn't going to take on the drama that another man or woman left behind.

I wouldn't marry into the kind of marriages described here, I'm more traditional in an earthy sense.

Each to their own I suppose....

_Dara_

Electric Sheep wrote: »

As you can see from some of the posters here, some do. I would not be surprised to hear that some of them keep a spreadsheet of who gave what so they can reciprocate with precision.

I kept a spreadsheet just so that I could personalise each thank you card. Not amounts but the gift type. The spreadsheet also helped me to organise writing the cards.

nthclare

jk23 wrote: »

Just reading this thread all I can think of the BOOM is back, it’s crazy basically friends are paying for the couple to get married :O

Chocolate fountains, with gold flake...

Maybe a few wolfhounds running around reception, a falconer outside, and a huge fish tank with two beluga whales swimming about....

Paid for by the guests...

300 euros please...

And an extra for a receipt.....

jk23

nthclare wrote: »

Chocolate fountains, with gold flake...

Maybe a few wolfhounds running around reception, a falconer outside, and a huge fish tank with two beluga whales swimming about....

Paid for by the guests...

300 euros please...

And an extra for a receipt.....

Also dont forget the photo booth and ice cream truck!!!

trixi001

I have heard a few complaints from people in the south complaining that Northern guests are stingy
They forget that northern wages are a lot lower!
At home I would give £100 per couple plus a small gift usually
If the couple are from the south - I give €150 plus a small gift - and feel stingy for this - but we can't afford more
I hate going to weddings in the south - expected to give a bigger present, extortionate hotel costs - the only good bit it the diesel is cheaper!

_Dara_

trixi001 wrote: »

I have heard a few complaints from people in the south complaining that Northern guests are stingy
They forget that northern wages are a lot lower!
At home I would give £100 per couple plus a small gift usually
If the couple are from the south - I give €150 plus a small gift - and feel stingy for this - but we can't afford more
I hate going to weddings in the south - expected to give a bigger present, extortionate hotel costs - the only good bit it the diesel is cheaper!

Even in England, weddings aren’t the money-orientated event they are here. Gifts of lower value than here are the norm.

€150 is plenty though. Any couple that would complain about that amount is utterly classless.

darced

This post has been deleted.

iamwhoiam

darced wrote: »

Nothing sadder than expecting your wedding to be paid for by the guests, anyone with any class would state no gifts on the invite.

Nothing wrong with wedding gifts as long as its not expected

lisasimpson

What would you give someone who is getting married for the 2nd time in 10 years? Considerig you gave them the standard the 1st time.. recent question asked in work

iamwhoiam

iamwhoiam wrote: »

The imposter sat at the bar flirting with all and sundry and both sides thought she was the others mad auntie !

I don’t know how this happens, I’ve around 250 coming to my wedding and I’ll have someone not invited spotted before the first course is finished if not before if it were to happen.

trixi001 wrote: »

I have heard a few complaints from people in the south complaining that Northern guests are stingy
They forget that northern wages are a lot lower!
At home I would give £100 per couple plus a small gift usually
If the couple are from the south - I give €150 plus a small gift - and feel stingy for this - but we can't afford more
I hate going to weddings in the south - expected to give a bigger present, extortionate hotel costs - the only good bit it the diesel is cheaper!

It’s not Northern Ireland in particular, the English are notoriously stingy when it come to wedding gifts. People with loads of money giving only 100 pounds as a coupe etc.

iamwhoiam

Miles Wrong Babbler wrote: »

I don’t know how this happens, I’ve around 250 coming to my wedding and I’ll have someone not invited spotted before the first course is finished if not before if it were to happen.



It’s not Northern Ireland in particular, the English are notoriously stingy when it come to wedding gifts. People with loads of monthly giving only 100 pounds as a coupe etc.

Why is that stingy ? People are kind enough to give a present and yet you consider under a certain amount stingy ?
Is there an amount you consider acceptable and to your liking ?
I can't believe people actually think like this

CeilingFly

€200???

I'm tempted to get divorced and remarry!! 😁

We asked guests to bring a piece of Irish craft from small local producers and we asked that it includes information on the artist - pottery, pictures, glasswork, woodwork etc.

We have a brilliant collection of various crafts from students in NCAD to pottery from potters no longer operating.

Almost 20 years later and most items are still used on a regular basis and we have a unique collection of fantastic crafts all with their own story.

Money can't buy that.

CeilingFly

Miles Wrong Babbler wrote: »

It’s not Northern Ireland in particular, the English are notoriously stingy when it come to wedding gifts. People with loads of monthly giving only 100 pounds as a coupe etc.

But in England many people marry several times, so €100 for each wedding adds up 😁

Electric Sheep

Miles Wrong Babbler wrote: »

It’s not Northern Ireland in particular, the English are notoriously stingy when it come to wedding gifts. People with loads of monthly giving only 100 pounds as a coupe etc.

It's not stingy when it's the social norm in that country.

Up until Celtic Tiger days nobody except perhaps close family members gave the ostentatiously large wedding presents that have become the norm in Ireland and are now expected.

I suspect most wedding guests these days would prefer to return to the old system where the couple paid for their own wedding, and the guests are, well, guests.

freshpopcorn

Electric Sheep wrote: »

It's not stingy when it's the social norm in that country.

Up until Celtic Tiger days nobody except perhaps close family members gave the ostentatiously large wedding presents that have become the norm in Ireland and are now expected.

I suspect most wedding guests these days would prefer to return to the old system where the couple paid for their own wedding, and the guests are, well, guests.

The old system people often gave presents to the couple that would be useful for when they moved in together for the first time. This isn't really the case anymore!
Now people feel sue they have a toaster. kettle, cutlery, etc so cash is what is seen as useful now.

Electric Sheep

freshpopcorn wrote: »

The old system people often gave presents to the couple that would be useful for when they moved in together for the first time. This isn't really the case anymore!
Now people feel sue they have a toaster. kettle, cutlery, etc so cash is what is seen as useful now.

Cash is always useful! But the expectations for the amount have gotten out of hand.

Hallowed

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

I’m ok with this. If you chose to give a cheap gift then you are stingy. Simple as.
I count myself very lucky that my friends and family don’t have the miserly trait as, outside of this thread I don’t think it’s ever even come up in conversation about a gift being “too much”

Tosser

freshpopcorn

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Cash is always useful! But the expectations for the amount have gotten out of hand.

I think people expectations for almost everything have increased since before!

Galway K9

_Dara_ wrote: »

Aaaah, afters would be a LOT less. €50 or a voucher. Expecting anything more from an afters guest is madness.

I wouldn't think you'd need to contribute anything if your an afters guest, you weren't part of the wedding just asked to attend the drinks after when everyone is hammered

JustAThought

CeilingFly wrote: »

€200???

I'm tempted to get divorced and remarry!! ðŸ˜

We asked guests to bring a piece of Irish craft from small local producers and we asked that it includes information on the artist - pottery, pictures, glasswork, woodwork etc.

We have a brilliant collection of various crafts from students in NCAD to pottery from potters no longer operating.

Almost 20 years later and most items are still used on a regular basis and we have a unique collection of fantastic crafts all with their own story.

Money can't buy that.

Yes indeed - it did.
And no doubt like today crafts from NCAD or any other specialist craft 'shop' or gallery comes with a hefty pricetag.

awec

trixi001 wrote: »

I have heard a few complaints from people in the south complaining that Northern guests are stingy
They forget that northern wages are a lot lower!
At home I would give £100 per couple plus a small gift usually
If the couple are from the south - I give €150 plus a small gift - and feel stingy for this - but we can't afford more
I hate going to weddings in the south - expected to give a bigger present, extortionate hotel costs - the only good bit it the diesel is cheaper!

Wedding gifts in NI is a whole different experience to here. People don't give as much. A lot more sensible.

They also in general don't invite as many people as people in the south. It seems down here (especially in the country), you have to invite every person you've ever met, the girl who cut your hair when you were 7, the friend of your mother who babysat you once when you were a baby and John and Susan from up the road cause sure they always say hello when you walk past and you'd be the talk of the town if you didn't invite them.

Nobody really has 200+ friends and family.

erica74

JP85 wrote: »

Have you been married yourself, so you had a hard no to people even though your parents put the pressure on?

I wasn't looking to make money out of the wedding, we had an amazing day (apart from the weather) If somebody didnt have it to give, i wouldnt begrudge them

You were looking to make money, that's why it bothered you and you did begrudge them and still begrudge them now.

It was your wedding, you should have invited the people you wanted there, no more, no less. If you were paying for it, why would you be paying for someone else's choices?

awec wrote: »

Wedding gifts in NI is a whole different experience to here. People don't give as much. A lot more sensible.

They also in general don't invite as many people as people in the south. It seems down here (especially in the country), you have to invite every person you've ever met, the girl who cut your hair when you were 7, the friend of your mother who babysat you once when you were a baby and John and Susan from up the road cause sure they always say hello when you walk past and you'd be the talk of the town if you didn't invite them.

Nobody really has 200+ friends and family.

Yes! People invite so and so because their ma said they had to and then they whinge about it

Lord Glentoran

Wedding invites - a summons to a Verruca Salt fantasy theme day. They are lucky to get anything at all TBH.

_Dara_

Miles Wrong Babbler wrote: »

I don’t know how this happens, I’ve around 250 coming to my wedding and I’ll have someone not invited spotted before the first course is finished if not before if it were to happen.



It’s not Northern Ireland in particular, the English are notoriously stingy when it come to wedding gifts. People with loads of monthly giving only 100 pounds as a coupe etc.

What’s the relevance of a couple’s income? Are you entitled to a larger gift from a higher-earning couple? And it’s not stingy if it’s the norm. Wedding gifts are smaller in the UK, that’s the norm. Throwing money around seems to be viewed as tacky. And marrying couples cut their cloth to measure. My friend is married to a Welsh guy who was very insistent that they pay for everything beforehand. It was two years of belt-tightening but it was worth it for them. And it meant that whatever gifts they received were a bonus.

rob316

Honestly I just go to the afters unless it's a close friend or family member I like. Nearly every wedding is a carbon copy of the last. I don't really want the food as I can't enjoy drinks after.
The speeches are long, tedious and you can't wait for them to be over.

On what you give generally 200 for a couple but give what you can afford don't feel obliged to pay for the couple's day.

The best wedding I've been to was a buffet BBQ in a beer garden. The food was way better than some stodgy 3 course hotel meal and the atmosphere just far more casual.

An invitation is an invoice. They reckon it costs 750 for a couple in Ireland to go to a wedding, it doesn't sound far off. I can go do something I actually want to do with that money.

awec

awec wrote: »

Nobody really has 200+ friends and family.

Yes they do easily, between the people couple want to invite and the people their parents want it is very very easy to have 200+ people

erica74 wrote: »

It was your wedding, you should have invited the people you wanted there, no more, no less. If you were paying for it, why would you be paying for someone else's choices?

Its not just the couples day its a family event, parents should and do have a big say in invites too. Its their day too. Only a pig of a son/daughter would act up against their parents.

iamwhoiam

Miles Wrong Babbler wrote: »

Yes they do easily, between the people couple want to invite and the people their parents want it is very very easy to have 200+ people



Its not just the couples day its a family event, parents should and do have a big say in invites too. Its their day too. Only a pig of a son/daughter would act up against their parents.

I wouldn't dream of having a say in my daughters big day . She involved me and asked opinions and its lovely . At no stage would I insist on anything or force my say . You do know there are no rules set in stone don't you ? To each his own and knowing that is key

JustAThought

awec wrote: »

Wedding gifts in NI is a whole different experience to here. People don't give as much. A lot more sensible.

They also in general don't invite as many people as people in the south. It seems down here (especially in the country), you have to invite every person you've ever met, the girl who cut your hair when you were 7, the friend of your mother who babysat you once when you were a baby and John and Susan from up the road cause sure they always say hello when you walk past and you'd be the talk of the town if you didn't invite them.

Nobody really has 200+ friends and family.

An an exercise I just counted up immediate family & their partners -I have 64 -out of them there are 10 that would not make any list ever and another 2 or 4 that would be too frail or disinterested to attend. This is just aunts&uncles, adult married cousins & immediate adult family and their LT partners. No friends. I can well understand how with the immediate family of the partner added on and twenty friends each thrown in each you could get up to 200 guests.
Still would not excuse demanding or expecting them to pay their way. Gonna be a whole lot of lamps and photo frames going in! Charity shops must make an absolute fortune out of weddings!

erica74

Miles Wrong Babbler wrote: »

Yes they do easily, between the people couple want to invite and the people their parents want it is very very easy to have 200+ people



Its not just the couples day its a family event, parents should and do have a big say in invites too. Its their day too. Only a pig of a son/daughter would act up against their parents.

Oh to live in your perfect world.

Miles Wrong Babbler

Miles Wrong Babbler wrote: »

Yes they do easily, between the people couple want to invite and the people their parents want it is very very easy to have 200+ people



Its not just the couples day its a family event, parents should and do have a big say in invites too. Its their day too. Only a pig of a son/daughter would act up against their parents.

The parents already had their day. Time to move on

bluewolf

bluewolf wrote: »

The parents already had their day. Time to move on

A wedding is a family event so no, parents should have a major input.

LirW

erica74 wrote: »

Oh to live in your perfect world.

Of 1960.


When your wedding is really really small it would be so odd inviting people that you might not even know or have seen last time when you were 3. My partner's folks got invited to a wedding from the bride's parents and they went but regretted it afterwards because it was really weird for them being at a wedding where they don't know the couple really. They've seen the bride once when she was a toddler.

But then again I find Irish wedding traditions very ott.

erica74

LirW wrote: »

Of 1960.


When your wedding is really really small it would be so odd inviting people that you might not even know or have seen last time when you were 3. My partner's folks got invited to a wedding from the bride's parents and they went but regretted it afterwards because it was really weird for them being at a wedding where they don't know the couple really. They've seen the bride once when she was a toddler.

But then again I find Irish wedding traditions very ott.

Well I was moreso touching on this notion

Miles Wrong Babbler wrote: »

Only a pig of a son/daughter would act up against their parents.

:rolleyes:

LirW

erica74 wrote: »

Well I was moreso touching on this notion



:rolleyes:

I think it's publicly known at that point that nox impersonates every cliche of rural Ireland, he won't understand 2018 urban dwellers and we won't understand his way.
A big affair with a 3 day hangover is not my definition of fun, I hate big crowds. Others see this as something to aspire to and genuinely enjoy it.
I don't feel like a pig though because I don't invite my folk's pals to a wedding that has 20 guests. Cry me a river.

Christine LaDuchesse

Electric Sheep wrote: »

It's not stingy when it's the social norm in that country.

Up until Celtic Tiger days nobody except perhaps close family members gave the ostentatiously large wedding presents that have become the norm in Ireland and are now expected.

I wasn't aware that guests are now expected to pay for the wedding that they were invited to by handing over huge amounts of money as a 'gift'. I have never in my life given a couple money. I always give something handmade or handpicked of which I think it has a special meaning to the couple.

I suspect most wedding guests these days would prefer to return to the old system where the couple paid for their own wedding, and the guests are, well, guests.

Amen to that!

LirW

I honestly was flabbergasted when I heard for the first time that you should give an amount that "covers your plate". someone on here even said before that you can easily look the packages up on the homepage of the venue and then you know how much to give.
Erm no Rachel, you get this lovely voucher for this damn fine restaurant and if I don't have the money for that then you get whatever I can afford.

robinph

Miles Wrong Babbler wrote: »

A wedding is a family event so no, parents should have a major input.

No it isn't a family event.

It is a couples event, and them alone. If they want other people to join them in celebrating it then they alone should be the ones decide who they want to celebrate with.

JustAThought

Christine LaDuchesse wrote: »

I wasn't aware that guests are now expected to pay for the wedding that they were invited to by handing over huge amounts of money as a 'gift'. I have never in my life given a couple money. I always give something handmade or handpicked of which I think it has a special meaning to the couple.

Amen to that!

Handpicked? Like a robot chooses all other peoples gifts or like flowers from a field? As for handmade nonsense I have all kind of problems with people visiting who have gifted me their extraordinarily bad "art" and "craft" eyesores. Unless you are extraordinarily talented or maybe disabled I really dont want a house filled with adult juvenile crafts from a workshop,hobby or class you once attended where I made the fatal mistake of being polite and praising your efforts. I have a corner in a kitchen press where I whip out 'homemade arts and crafts' and put them back in display when I know their makers/ people are coming or who I spot in advance at the door. If it were just one person it would be managable but the volume of mediocrely talented or flat out untalented adults who do it is staggering. Get over yourselves. I have a nice home & dint want it filled with huge pieces of bad art or mála fired cartoon knickknacks- nor do I want any more people to 'surprise' me with unframed canvasses from their art class and tell me I 'jyst' have to frame it or that it would be 'perfect' for over my mantlepiece. Get lost the lot of yiz! Wedding list is perfect please - post it on and I will choose from it for your gift. Handcrafted Art my aras.

goz83

_Dara_ wrote: »

Aaaah, afters would be a LOT less. €50 or a voucher. Expecting anything more from an afters guest is madness.

I don’t do afters. I made an exception for the neighbours where the wedding was small enough anyway, but generally I refuse to go. A wedding is bad enough without having to attend the part everyone is dancing to YMCA.

stephenr92 wrote: »

I'm getting married in 2 weeks and I wouldn't expect any amount it's the thought that counts in my opinion

That’s nice. I was the same. Receiving gifts was the last thing on my mind.

awec wrote: »

Nobody really has 200+ friends and family.

Tell that to facebook :pac:

JustAThought wrote: »

Handpicked? Like a robot chooses all other peoples gifts or like flowers from a field? As for handmade nonsense I have all kind of problems with people visiting who have gifted me their extraordinarily bad "art" and "craft" eyesores. Unless you are extraordinarily talented or maybe disabled I really dont want a house filled with adult juvenile crafts from a workshop,hobby or class you once attended where I made the fatal mistake of being polite and praising your efforts. I have a corner in a kitchen press where I whip out 'homemade arts and crafts' and put them back in display when I know their makers/ people are coming or who I spot in advance at the door. If it were just one person it would be managable but the volume of mediocrely talented or flat out untalented adults who do it is staggering. Get over yourselves. I have a nice home & dint want it filled with huge pieces of bad art or mála fired cartoon knickknacks- nor do I want any more people to 'surprise' me with unframed canvasses from their art class and tell me I 'jyst' have to frame it or that it would be 'perfect' for over my mantlepiece. Get lost the lot of yiz! Wedding list is perfect please - post it on and I will choose from it for your gift. Handcrafted Art my aras.

Wow. How 2-faced can you be?

erica74

goz83 wrote: »

I don’t do afters. I made an exception for the neighbours where the wedding was small enough anyway, but generally I refuse to go. A wedding is bad enough without having to attend the part everyone is dancing to YMCA.

:pac::pac::pac:

partyguinness

_Dara_ wrote: »

What’s the relevance of a couple’s income? Are you entitled to a larger gift from a higher-earning couple? And it’s not stingy if it’s the norm. Wedding gifts are smaller in the UK, that’s the norm. Throwing money around seems to be viewed as tacky. And marrying couples cut their cloth to measure. My friend is married to a Welsh guy who was very insistent that they pay for everything beforehand. It was two years of belt-tightening but it was worth it for them. And it meant that whatever gifts they received were a bonus.

I live in England, got married in England and been to a few English weddings.


The norm is to cover the cost of the meal. Expect £40-£50.00 at best.



In fact at my wedding, we had two English couples for the meal who gave cards- that's it. No gift of any sort. I do not have a sense of entitlement so I really didn't give a crap.



We paid for the day ourselves on a budget that we could afford so we were not depending on cash gifts at all.