Travelling with work missing kids birthdays

Jasper79

Hi

What are peoples thoughts on missing kids birthdays due to work. Have you had to Or would you ?

Work want me to travel for 2 weeks missing toddlers birthday. I explained the situation to see if can move dates or find work around but they said no and insisting has to be done.

Thanks for reading.

_Brian

See can you wrangle a few days extra leave so ye can make a special day out when your back and not affect your leave days.

Aufbau

Just change the date of the birthday. The toddler won't know the difference.

Don't forget to tell relatives so they don't send cards, presents etc on the 'wrong' day

Conservatory

You can be a low rate 9-5 minimum wage worker that goes to kids birthdays and your partner can complain about the lack of money you earn-

Or

—
You can go hustle and earn some money and your partner can complain about you missing stuff

It’s a win win at the end of the day.

Cocobongo

Bad situation, athough as the poster above said - you have to bring the money in, comfortable hours rarely comes with good money.

I tend to travel a lot for work and keep fighting with my wife over how little time do i spend with my child (i am the only one working in the family) and last time we had an arguement i did offer her to go get same paid job and i can stay at home, or if she’d like i could start working 9-5 and only get half of my current salary - obviously she answered “no” to both

As much as i sound like a di**head giving those options to her - i do hate working most of the day and coming back home when my child is asleep, but i also want to keep paying morgage, having them drive in a safe good car, eating well, going to good schools or universities, going out for vacation every so often, etc etc

bee06

Cocobongo wrote: »

As much as i sound like a di**head giving those options to her - i do hate working most of the day and coming back home when my child is asleep, but i also want to keep paying morgage, having them drive in a safe good car, eating well, going to good schools or universities, going out for vacation every so often, etc etc

I wouldn’t say you sound like a dickhead, you’re being realistic. Unfortunately somethings got to give. It’s actually the thing that worries me most about going back to work after my maternity leave.

OP, your child won’t remember. If you have to do it, you have to do it. My dad worked abroad twice for 6 month stretches when I was 2/3. I can’t remember if he missed my birthday but he did miss Christmas one year. I don’t remember being traumatised about him being gone and it didn’t adversely affect our relationship. I only know he missed Christmas because I named the doll I got from Santa after him because he wasn’t there.

Cash_Q

Toddler won't remember! As someone else suggested, just celebrate it on another date. Some things you just can't get out of with work.

Oh p.s. my mam missed mine and my twin's birthday a few years in a row when we were around 5/6/7 years of age. I remember but I don't care. There was a writer's festival on every year around the same time and raising 4 tiny kids she was entitled to go take that weekend off once per year. We always thought the novelty of being at home with our dad was fun.

Peregrinus

Aufbau wrote: »

Just change the date of the birthday. The toddler won't know the difference.

Don't forget to tell relatives so they don't send cards, presents etc on the 'wrong' day

This.

It was (and still is) absolutely standard in my family to move birthdays back or forward by a week or more in order to mark them on a day which would allow the best celebration. Absolutely not a problem unless you arbitrarily decide that it's a problem.

Wanderer78

If you cannot find a way of altering this situation to your satisfaction, I'd start to consider moving on, I think it's disgraceful that an employer would put an employee in this situation. Best of luck

skallywag

OP, how often do you travel with work, and was it pointed out explicitly when you took the position that some travel would be required?

Neither I nor my team members travel all that often (nor do we want to), but we do when it's absolutely necessary. When such a requirement pops up, then it's usually not something which can be postponed or renegotiated. A toddler's birthday would not justify pulling out, in my book.

uck51js9zml2yt

Aufbau wrote: »

Just change the date of the birthday. The toddler won't know the difference.

Don't forget to tell relatives so they don't send cards, presents etc on the 'wrong' day

Spot on. We do it most years and the kids don't realise.

Widdensushi

Wanderer78 wrote: »

If you cannot find a way of altering this situation to your satisfaction, I'd start to consider moving on, I think it's disgraceful that an employer would put an employee in this situation. Best of luck

really!funny place here,you can go from reading about children being forced to watch their father chopped up with a machete to people being advised to quit their jobs if they cannot make their kids birthday party,take a step back op ,is it really that big a deal not to be present,i have missed more of my kids birthdays than i have been present for but i dont think they could tell you that as it was not made a fuss of,do you want your kids growing up putting so much focus on birthdays etc and getting upset if somebody is not there?

Wanderer78

Widdensushi wrote: »

really!funny place here,you can go from reading about children being forced to watch their father chopped up with a machete to people being adviced to quit their jobs if they cannot make their kids birthday party,take a step back op ,is it really that big a deal not to be present,i have missed more of my kids birthdays than i have been present for but i dont think they could tell you that as it was not made a fuss of,do you want your kids growing up putting so much focus on birthdays etc and getting upset if somebody is not there?

at some point in time, workers must have some sort of say in how their lives are to be organised, rather than dictated to

TG1

Wanderer78 wrote: »

If you cannot find a way of altering this situation to your satisfaction, I'd start to consider moving on, I think it's disgraceful that an employer would put an employee in this situation. Best of luck

Bit extreme I think, if the travel can't be reorganised it can't be. Op, I'd be wary of getting caught up in high emotions in this one. The organisation has a schedule that needs to be stuck to and a toddlers birthday isn't high on any companies agenda.
Just go, and if these sort of days mean that much to you, in future, book them off well in advance as annual leave days and you won't have to travel on them.

Wanderer78

TG1 wrote: »

Bit extreme I think, if the travel can't be reorganised it can't be. Op, I'd be wary of getting caught up in high emotions in this one. The organisation has a schedule that needs to be stuck to and a toddlers birthday isn't high on any companies agenda.
Just go, and if these sort of days mean that much to you, in future, book them off well in advance as annual leave days and you won't have to travel on them.

even though your recommendations are good and probably the best way forward, id still have to somewhat disagree

AndrewJRenko

Wanderer78 wrote: »

at some point in time, workers must have some sort of say in how their lives are to be organised, rather than dictated to

So if I'm organising a training course of 15-20 people across Europe, I not only have to take into account other projects and annual leave, I now need to check who's kids and wives and grannies have birthdays on the week in question?

I'm not one to bang the pro-business drum, but you have to get real.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

TG1 wrote: »

The organisation has a schedule that needs to be stuck to and a toddlers birthday isn't high on any companies agenda.

There's plenty of organisations that would have empathy in this case and reorganize the meeting or whatever it is. It's hardly going to make or break the company.

Wanderer78

AndrewJRenko wrote: »

So if I'm organising a training course of 15-20 people across Europe, I not only have to take into account other projects and annual leave, I now need to check who's kids and wives and grannies have birthdays on the week in question?

I'm not one to bang the pro-business drum, but you have to get real.

again, at some point in time, employees needs must also be met, as actually it is their work that actually completes tasks and creates wealth, i.e. without workers, there is nothing. are our places of employment dictating our lives?

irishrebe

Widdensushi wrote: »

Wanderer78 wrote: »

If you cannot find a way of altering this situation to your satisfaction, I'd start to consider moving on, I think it's disgraceful that an employer would put an employee in this situation. Best of luck

really!funny place here,you can go from reading about children being forced to watch their father chopped up with a machete to people being adviced to quit their jobs if they cannot make their kids birthday party,take a step back op ,is it really that big a deal not to be present,i have missed more of my kids birthdays than i have been present for but i dont think they could tell you that as it was not made a fuss of,do you want your kids growing up putting so much focus on birthdays etc and getting upset if somebody is not there?

Indeed. That's how you end up with adults like my ex-coworker, who threw a tantrum when not all of us (coworkers) could make it to her 28th birthday. Pathetic. I mean, obviously you'd rather be there, but if it can't be helped than it can't be helped. I agree that just moving the day is a good solution, then you still get the big party and the kid will be none the wiser.

Wanderer78

Wanderer78 wrote: »

If you cannot find a way of altering this situation to your satisfaction, I'd start to consider moving on, I think it's disgraceful that an employer would put an employee in this situation. Best of luck

Might be worth staying put, job security could be good etc. Can't have it all.

Wabbit Ears

Seriously, just have a birthday party on another day. You don't have to be there on the actual birthday day. It's perfectly normal to be working or away for work on if a kids birthday falls midweek and if you're away the weekend sure there are weekends either side.

At a guess your partner is the one who is making you feel bad for missing the actual day and it's your first kid. We've all been there and can empathise.

Tony EH

On the plus side OP, it's just a toddler, they're not going to remember anything.

When they get to 5, 6 or older. You may have to think about looking for another job. One that resepects your family life a bit better.

When you're older, you'll be happier with the memories of silly little things like your children's birthdays etc, more so than that crappy business trip your job insisted that you take.

Your family means everything. Your job doesn't mean shit at the end of the day and they won't think twice when they want rid of you.

TG1

Ramon Slow Jackpot wrote: »

There's plenty of organisations that would have empathy in this case and reorganize the meeting or whatever it is. It's hardly going to make or break the company.

How many people are going? Is there anyone going from outside the company? Is what is being discussed time sensitive?

We have no information to say that it won't make or break the company! The organization and planning and spending that goes into planning any meeting/training/briefing is often severly underestimated by employees who just have to turn up on the day.

Any company's first priority is their bottom line, and employees need to be aware of that. If their first priority isn't their bottom line that's when you should go job hunting, because they may not be around in the long term.

Pronto63

Aufbau wrote: »

Just change the date of the birthday. The toddler won't know the difference.

Don't forget to tell relatives so they don't send cards, presents etc on the 'wrong' day

Great 👠idea 💡

_Brian

Fairness plenty of shift workers are in the same position.

When I worked shifts I would be away from the house from 5:30am to 8:30pm and on occasion missed one of the kids parties when I couldn’t get leave.

Similarly when I was on night shift I would have missed night outs and family celebrations.

SusanC10

My Husband travels a lot for work. He has missed Birthdays, Anniversaries, special occasions. We just move the celebration date and celebrate when he is here. Our Kids are older now but they are used to this happening. Our son's Birthday is this week. My Husband is away. So his Party will be in July.

Jasper79

OP here, thanks for the comments everyone. I don't want to give too many details , guess it's not that big a deal to move the date to celebrate.

JustAThought

Jasper79 wrote: »

OP here, thanks for the comments everyone. I don't want to give too many details , guess it's not that big a deal to move the date to celebrate.

Ah sure its heartbreaking but you are absolutely doing your best for your family and toddler -I am sure if they knew how much you agonised over it and tried to fix it with work they would give you a hug and say they loved you and that it was ok.

jca

Wanderer78 wrote: »

If you cannot find a way of altering this situation to your satisfaction, I'd start to consider moving on, I think it's disgraceful that an employer would put an employee in this situation. Best of luck

AHH will ya stop with that aul rubbish. I missed many birthdays because of work commitments, children starting to walk, talk etc. These children need to be paid for bills need to be paid nobody died my children and wife understood then as they do now. No jars no jam unfortunately.

C3PO

Wanderer78 wrote: »

If you cannot find a way of altering this situation to your satisfaction, I'd start to consider moving on, I think it's disgraceful that an employer would put an employee in this situation. Best of luck

Really?

Squeeonline

When we organise group events in my organisation, we use something like Doodle to select a date that suits the most number of people at once. We have an annual retreat this year that I'm missing because of prior commitments but the most number of people can go. Greater good and all that.