Out of my depth (again)

LegacyUser

I am really struggling in my job at the moment. I work as a database developer, writing SQL queries etc. I have been there ten months so I am not new. I have been badly rattled the last few days from working on a SQL application. I was supposed to have it finished two weeks ago but I ran into problems and got bogged down. As soon as I fix one issue another one crops up or else the fix that fixed one problem broke another one that was working OK beforehand (if you get my drift). I am getting really stressed by it and the people working near me have noticed too (I'd say they think I am f####ng nuts to be honest).
I have hardly said a word to anyone in there since I started working on this application. The guy next to me even said to me he was afraid to talk to me. I haven't been rude to anyone but I am really wired and wound up. I only talk to someone when absolutely necessary. I work on my own but in an open office space.
I have been coming in an hour early for the last two weeks to work on it and I work through lunch too. I worked late this evening, I think it is working almost OK now but when it's tested it could fall over again.
It's an application that two of the managing directors have asked for. They asked for it via another person so I am not directly answering to them but this person is being asked about it all the time and I am being cc'ed on the emails.
I must preface this by saying I was never supposed to do the job I am doing in the first place because when I went for the interview the job was advertised as being a support job to another guy (he'd been there for years and built all the existing apps). A few weeks after I started he quit and I am doing his job now. He came back a few times to do bits and pieces that I couldn't do but he's gone for good now.
I'm a bad developer anyway, I was never any good at it. I am 45 and have been working in IT for ten years and I haven't got any better. I never wanted to be this big important developer working on all this complex stuff; I had a job as an IT teacher a couple of years ago and I loved it but it was only a contract job. I can't leave this job without something else to go to. I left the job I was in after this one after four months because it was too hard for me too (same story, working by myself,arriving early and working late, trying to get code working).
When I saw this job come up and it was a support role I knew it would have less responsibility so I went for it. Now I am in the same position as before because of the guy leaving. My boss is a nice guy and is letting me "get away with it" but I don't want to get away with it, I want to be good.
I'm sick of being stupid, I can't stand it. The people I work with know I am stupid too which is the worst part. I just want out of there, I'm very upset right now.

I do not have any great advice for you, but as a recent IT graduate who has an interest in SQL, my biggest worry is ending up in a situation like you are in, being out of my depth and stressed in my work. I am not a delevoper and have never made out to be on my CV or from my degree but in recent interviews I have noticed interviewers always expecting more and more from me than I believe I would be able for and being able to do the jobs of a number of people. I feel in IT you need to be able to learn fast and be motivated to be the best of the best or you will get left behind. I hope things get better for you.

MattressRick

ollie_87 wrote: »

I am really struggling in my job at the moment. I work as a database developer, writing SQL queries etc. I have been there ten months so I am not new. I have been badly rattled the last few days from working on a SQL application. I was supposed to have it finished two weeks ago but I ran into problems and got bogged down. As soon as I fix one issue another one crops up or else the fix that fixed one problem broke another one that was working OK beforehand (if you get my drift). I am getting really stressed by it and the people working near me have noticed too (I'd say they think I am f####ng nuts to be honest).
I have hardly said a word to anyone in there since I started working on this application. The guy next to me even said to me he was afraid to talk to me. I haven't been rude to anyone but I am really wired and wound up. I only talk to someone when absolutely necessary. I work on my own but in an open office space.
I have been coming in an hour early for the last two weeks to work on it and I work through lunch too. I worked late this evening, I think it is working almost OK now but when it's tested it could fall over again.
It's an application that two of the managing directors have asked for. They asked for it via another person so I am not directly answering to them but this person is being asked about it all the time and I am being cc'ed on the emails.
I must preface this by saying I was never supposed to do the job I am doing in the first place because when I went for the interview the job was advertised as being a support job to another guy (he'd been there for years and built all the existing apps). A few weeks after I started he quit and I am doing his job now. He came back a few times to do bits and pieces that I couldn't do but he's gone for good now.
I'm a bad developer anyway, I was never any good at it. I am 45 and have been working in IT for ten years and I haven't got any better. I never wanted to be this big important developer working on all this complex stuff; I had a job as an IT teacher a couple of years ago and I loved it but it was only a contract job. I can't leave this job without something else to go to. I left the job I was in after this one after four months because it was too hard for me too (same story, working by myself,arriving early and working late, trying to get code working).
When I saw this job come up and it was a support role I knew it would have less responsibility so I went for it. Now I am in the same position as before because of the guy leaving. My boss is a nice guy and is letting me "get away with it" but I don't want to get away with it, I want to be good.
I'm sick of being stupid, I can't stand it. The people I work with know I am stupid too which is the worst part. I just want out of there, I'm very upset right now.

You're not stupid so don't be thinking that. I've had technical design work that I started badly and then when deadlines came I realised I should've done the work a different way but just ended up adding one mistake onto another. Stress messes up your ability to think logically. You just rush the stuff to get it to work for you.
Learn from it. Finish this out and look for another role. You got lumped with work you never signed up for and yet you think you're stupid? Don't be daft.

Fr Tod Umptious

Hi OP

Was kind of of a situation like you are in, came into a job with a person who was there for years, they left and suddenly everything was on my shoulders and I was sinking.
They came back a few times to help out but that was it.
In the end tje company and I came to an "agreement" and I left with a "package".

My advice would be to go to your boss and say you need help.

This was not the position you joined for and if they want you to do this job they have to support you in it.

Be clear about what you need help with so that when it does come you will be able to point them in the right direction.

TomOnBoard

Also, this kind of stress is very bad for your mental health. Go talk to your boss asap. You've been put in a position you were never hired for and which doesn't suit you right now. What/how much training did you get?

jimmycrackcorm

OP. I'm working multiple decades in IT and the single most important thing I've learned is that no man is an island.

When I first started programing, one pertain could write a whole game or application, but now many people are needed with different development skills. But not just that, because knowledge is diverse, there is nobody, including myself with decades of experience who can simply solve problems.

Your problem is not yours, its the fact that your manager is incompetent or inexperienced to recognize that assigning a task to a single person is a point of failure. You need to ask for help, and if your manager can only think you are the issue then he or she doesn't know how to manage, in which case you should move and find a team that works as an actual team.

beauf

ollie_87 wrote: »

....As soon as I fix one issue another one crops up or else the fix that fixed one problem broke another one that was working OK beforehand (if you get my drift).....

This is a clear sign that you are trying to do too much. Probably its designed badly also.

I would take a day off, clear your head. Then push back your deadlines, then come back and take your time. You can't rush SQL development. I find I often go too far down a tunnel. Then have to start over, after a break from it.`

You should have technical mentor also. To get peer reviews.

Snowseer

Yep OP. Been there, worn that t-shirt.

It took me a loooong time of working over hours, to fix other people's mistakes, in areas that I wasn't particularly experienced in, to realise that the problem was not mine alone.

The unfortunate thing is, if you're willing to work yourself to the bone to get something done, your bosses may well let you.

Ask for support. The sooner the better. You shouldn't feel so overwhelmed that you're questioning your intelligence!!

_Brian

Step up and call for help.
The longer you try to bury this problem the bigger it becomes.

Go to the person who asked you to do this.
Start with the positives and progress you’ve made so far. Then explain there are a few issues holding completion back and you’d like some help.


I always say to employees to ask for help as soon as they’ve hit a roadblock they can’t resolve. Asking for help when it’s needed is ok, burying a problem is not.

ollie_87

ollie_87 wrote: »

My boss is a nice guy and is letting me "get away with it" but I don't want to get away with it, I want to be good.

Your boss isn't letting you get away with it - he is taking advantage and knows it. Having one assistant doing the work of the assistant and the senior. I doubt he is paying you two wages.

JustAThought

Dreadful pressure to be under - and its all dependencies so that is even worse. It sounds like someone is strong arming you 'the 2 directors called for it" -well - they are directors -they call for everything! deadlines are just that -a line that CAN be moved - the project cannot be completed until the underlying programming is resolved so as unpredicted dependencies occur this pushes back the deadline - its unforseen (and unfortunate ) but often can occur in a cimolex project and has to be worked through.

You say there is a team or colleagues there - can you ask them or their managers to release some time from their workloads to look at the problem - if 'the 2 directors' want it then it is a solid company goal & many different sets of eyes and experiences may find a solution or have a perspective that you dont.

Above all remember that acting and a calm head reassures people and keeps everything going so try and not drink any coffee or energy drinks as you are already upset and wound up already. This includes when you go home at night.

Is there an online forum for developers that might help with the specifics? Google may have seen your problem before & be able to offer a solution or new approach?

After you have finished this project take a few days off to dechill & rest & re-appraise. But dont leave with a disaster behind you -you need that reference. I have also been put under this kind of horrfic pressure and sometimes it is pure innocence on the part of the people making decisions who have absolutely no idea of the pressure they nonchantly put people under. Often a word can resolve the time issues which can be the biggest factor in causing all the stress. Make it clear more unforseen peogramming dependencies may also arise -as you did not write the code you cannot tell. Maybe they outsourced the original? Best of luck

burrows

Everyone else around you has their own stuff to be working on, but they all will have been in the same situation and if you talk to them they may be able to help. They won't think you're stupid.


Take a look at Rubber Duck Debugging (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubber_duck_debugging), basically the act of explaining a problem out loud to another person (or duck), whether they know the area or not, can often help you solve issues. It really can work, where I work we do this daily.


I've sat at someones desk, had them explain an issue they're been looking at for days, they then have a brain wave and work out the answer - all without me having to say a word (which is often good because I have not really followed what they told me).

beauf

ollie_87 wrote: »

.... but this person is being asked about it all the time and I am being cc'ed on the emails...

You should ask then to stop doing this. It's childish and is actually making the problem worse.

In IT it's very common for people to set unrealistic deadlines for IT projects and work in general. Especially those people with no IT experience managing IT projects. You have to learn to push back. You won't always get the dead line charged to a realistic one. But at least you'll have made your point.

beauf

I'd say if the OP had the support of a mentor with it experience they would have highlighted the unrealistic deadlines. The op would have had someone to discuss it with and bounce ideas off.

Often when I'm stuck I get a more experienced colleague to have a look as often a fresh pair of eyes will see something obvious that tired eyes won't.

IT is much harder if you don't have that.


Scrum was invented to help with getting things done in a manageable way. It's over hyped but it shows that it's a very very common problem in IT.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. A lot of you have said it's not my fault and stop blaming myself etc. That's very kind of you but in fairness you have to call a spade a spade. I should be able to do this application; I have enough experience at this stage. I have been working in SQL for a good few years now. There's no excuse for it. It's a terrible thing to know you are incompetent.
I know for a fact that the guy who was there before me would have it fixed in no time. The gap between his ability and mine is a yawning chasm the size of the Grand Canyon.
When I am in a job and I can't do it I just want out,it's as simple as that. I can't stand the feeling of being incompetent. For me it's the worst thing ever, I can't stand the humiliation and embarrassment.
There are no other developers there to help me (it's not an IT company it's a manufacturing company;I work in the IT department). There is a guy in the UK that can help me but the problem isn't really that I don't understand things; I just don't have the level of ability required to fix it.
It's an absolute nightmare and I'm really depressed about it. When I come home I can only forget about it for about two minutes before it comes back into my head again. I'm dreading going in tomorrow. I made some progress today but I noticed another problem just before I left. I came in an hour early today again and worked a bit late and through lunch also.
I haven't done well in the job since the start; I've got other stuff done before this but it's taken me ages most times. I don't hate the job,I just hate not being able to do it.
There are a load of other things waiting to be done after this so the workload is increasing the longer I am stuck on it.
Someone mentioned my mental health; I can tell you it's not in a good state at all. I sleep OK but wake early. I don't watch TV or read the newspaper. I don't talk to anyone at work since I ran into this problem. I stroke my forehead a lot and take long deep breaths. I have looked for other jobs online but I can't go too far away for personal reasons.
My manager hasn't been harassing me about it but it doesn't look good really.
It's chickens coming home to roost though, I knew something like this would happen sooner or later after I was left on my own.

OMM 0000

Manager here, working in the IT industry the past 20 years.

It sounds like you're not doing proper technical design, and would benefit from a waterfall process rather than an agile process.

You can solve this going forward as follows:

1. Make sure you have proper functional specifications from the product managers. That means they have explained, clearly, what they want, and have thought through the requirements.

2. You then work on a technical specification. This is where you think through the entire feature, map it out, and then write pseudocode or UML (or whatever works for you) for the tricky parts. You make sure you understand how everything fits together before writing any code. You get one or two colleagues to review your design. The huge advantage of this is you fully know what you're doing when you get going, and you're sooo less likely to end up having to hack ****.

Also, ask for help. This can be informal or formal.

colm_c

As others have said, it's important to take a step back, and ask for help. It's not a sign of weakness, in fact it's the opposite.

Typically for functionality, you want to map out all the various scenarios that your application/feature implements.

This gives you a point to think about how you design and assemble it. It also allows you to write tests against these examples.

I know it seems daunting to do this now, and just easier to keep going, but what will happen is that you will burn out and nothing will be finished. You may even end up supporting it.

IvoryTower

I would seriously consider getting help from a site like up work where you can throw someone a few dollars to help you with any problems, heck theyll even do the whole thing if you want. It doesn't solve your overall issue but at least it will get this application out of the way.

Tiddlypeeps

IvoryTower wrote: »

I would seriously consider getting help from a site like up work where you can throw someone a few dollars to help you with any problems, heck theyll even do the whole thing if you want. It doesn't solve your overall issue but at least it will get this application out of the way.

Don't do this. In order to do this you would need to share company IP with an outside party and you'd be in a hell of a lot more trouble if you got caught then if you just take a little longer to complete it yourself.

Fr Tod Umptious

Tiddlypeeps wrote: »

Don't do this. In order to do this you would need to share company IP with an outside party and you'd be in a hell of a lot more trouble if you got caught then if you just take a little longer to complete it yourself.

Totally agree

The OP needs to get the help they need internally with their managers support.

OP, have you approached your manager yet explaining the situation ?

Einstrahlung50

Is this a fund adminstrator in the IFSC ?

LegacyUser

No I am not a fund adminstrator in the IFSC. It's a manufacturing company with a small IT team. I won't use Upwork, I can't allow a complete stranger to log in to my machine, I'd get fired and even if I could get away with it I wouldn't take the risk.
I use freelancer a few times and wasn't very thankful. A lot of chancers on there.
I finished the app and it has gone live, I hope it will not break down, if I had to go at it again I think I'd go crazy.

beauf

Might a good time to plan out a replacement app thats better designed and easier to maintain.

limnam

beauf wrote: »

Might a good time to plan out a replacement app thats better designed and easier to maintain.

Time for a few pints and a holiday i'd say

LegacyUser

limnam wrote: »

Time for a few pints and a holiday i'd say

I f#####g can't; I am way behind in the work I've to do. There are loads of other projects waiting to be done, it's frightening just to think about it. I am stuck on a problem again;I was in work for an extra hour today and left without solving the problem. I will have to go in tomorrow for a bit and try to fix it. I am taking a week off on the 16th July but I will never get everything that's needed to be done before then.
I am stroking my forehead and sighing again. I was happy to get the last project done and I think it is OK but hey presto here I am in the same position again a few days later.
it's always the same;stuck,stuck,stuck.
Some people on here are blaming my boss but it's not his fault I'm not able to do my job is it?
I am looking for something else but I don't fancy my chances. It's just a nightmare. Sorry for boring you.

beauf

You're obviously under resourced if you are fire fighting like that.

You need to sit down and plan your way out of it.

Need to do, nice to do. Schedule the non essential stuff to next year. At one point I had a 2yr waiting list of email's and jobs.

Have you sat down and made a plan...?

beauf

Also sometimes you're asked to do the impossible. Might be time change direction if that's the case.

Some times people are impossible to work for. They make unreasonable demands and have very unproductive work practises. You need to avoid these kind of people. Even make a lateral move in work or job to get away from them.

But you have to plan analyze your own direction. You can't just muddle through. You'll make no progress doing that.

Berserker

Some really good comments by beauf. As matter of interest, were the timelines for your next project not adjusted to account for the late delivery of your last project? Would you mind detailing the parts you play in your SLDC? No need to go into too much detail, keep it very high level. From reading your posts, I am getting the impression that you are not getting the support you require. I agreement with beauf, you can't really continue in this manner. It's going to make you miserable and you are not going to progress professionally.

TomOnBoard

TomOnBoard wrote: »

Also, this kind of stress is very bad for your mental health. Go talk to your boss asap. You've been put in a position you were never hired for and which doesn't suit you right now. What/how much training did you get?

The same main question still applies... Have you spoken with your boss???

TallGlass

Dude. Chill out, seriously. Bigger picture here. Its a job and it's lines of code. No one will die.

Ask when are they replacing the senior person that left and tell them it's too much for you. Ask them what the priority work loads are and you'll work around that.

alan partridge aha

Hey guys ok last posted 2 weeks ago, he could have changed jobs.