4yr Old Playing with Older Kids

DublinGuy11

My eldest son, 4.5 year old, has been eager to get out playing with kids on the road. Both myself and wife were slightly nervous about letting him go out at first, unsure if he was old enough yet, but we also really wanted him to start making friends and he wanted to go play, so we started to let him go out. It has generally been going well and he has obeyed the rules we have set, in that he has to remain in view, no running off etc, so as much as we were nervous, we were also happy with how it has been going...or so we thought. The problem is, the five or six boys and girls he is playing with are all older than him, say around 6 or 7 years old. And recently we have noticed a few things that we aren’t overly happy about - eg they purposely run off on him to a place on the road they know he is not allowed go just to annoy him. He also came home yesterday and said they call him annoying and that is why they run off on him and they also hide his toys on him a lot. I also recently heard them laughing at him about “being a baby” while he wasn’t there. The thing is, they call at the door for him every evening looking for him to come out and play and he is so excited that he thinks he has a group of friends, he tries very hard to impress them.

While totally appreciating that a 4.5 year old could be annoying to older children, if they don’t want him to play with him then why keep calling to the door asking him to come out. Ideally we would prefer he was playing with kids his own age but there doesn’t happen or appear to be any of them just on our road.

So my question - is this just kids being kids and it is something that he will kind of have to work out by himself or is he too young to cope with playing with older kids who may take advantage of him and not always play nicely with him or take his age into account. He is a very outgoing boy and I don’t want to see that confidence knocked out of him by thinking he is annoying but I also don’t want him cooked up in the house all summer

John_D80

Personally I think 6 and 7 is too much of an age gap for a 4.5 year old. 6 and 7 year olds have 2 years of school behind them. Plus they’ve been playing together longer and your little guy is always gonna be the new kid in the group.

I would hate to think that today’s ribbing and joshing could turn into bullying but that’s what happens in these cases so often.

Is he starting school in September?? At least you know he is sociable and eager to make friends so you won’t have to worry about him in that regard. When he is learning and interacting with his school pals, he will be very much focused on them and older group won’t seem so interesting anymore. With school, comes birthday parties, play dates and organised sports.

There are summer camps in various activities and sports that will take kids his age.

volchitsa

You'll probably find that 4 or 5 is a bit young to be out playing in groups these days, I know we all did it but IME people just don't let their children out unsupervised at that age any more.

I'm not criticising you for it (I think it's a shame in some ways myself) just saying that you'll probably find that you're more likely to find children his age to play with in more structured activities, like play dates or even hanging out in playgrounds, but with the parents around.

So yes, IMO 6/7 year olds could be fine if they were genuinely being friendly to him, but from what you describe it seems to me that they're not.

I wouldn't be happy with that situation myself, there's a lot of room for it to get worse for him. Summer camps and things are a good idea too, especially if you can find a local one where some of them may possibly be going to the same school after.

Moonbeam

I have a 4 year old and a 7 year old although they play together they are in to totally different things and the age gap is too big for me to let her out to play with the 7 year olds friends