Totally out of my depth with my 3.5 year old

shesty

And based on the fact that I'm currently also parenting a just four year old, I'd say she is just the parent of a three year old, and their ability to make you feel like you are totally and utterly useless and way out of your depth is astounding.

Parenting classes may help, but seriously how is your response in anyway helpful?

Otherwise I'd agree with the previous poster.This is just her thing to get attention.Mine is currently going through a phase of screaming like a banshee in pure anger when she doesn't get what she wants.I ignore it (occasionally I explode and tell her where to take herself -depending on the situation- but I certainly don't chamge my mind).I would be giving your little one zero attention in those situations and sticking to your guns.

And you aren't the worst parent ever.Honestly.I have had a really rough couple of days with my four year old , and I feel exactly the same.And by rough I mean I am fighting with her on everything and it just gets exhausting.(And boring!!!Really boring having the same stupid rows over the same stupid things every day!I mean I'm not going to change my mind, why am I still fighting it every day with her???) Just stay firm and be consistent and know that you really aren't the only one with this problem.

brokensoul

Savage93 wrote: »

Based on 25 years of dealing I'd say she is suffering from an increasingly common condition termed PARENTIS BOLLLOXITIS, generally a result of a parent or parents being incapable of looking after themselves let alone a child.
give into her every time, give her everyhting she ever wants and create a child in your likeness.
But seriously you NEED parenting classes

That is really unhelpful.

Maybe have a think about what is missing from your life that makes you want to try and shame a stranger on the internet.

Baby4

This post has been deleted.

Ms2011

Baby4 you've probably read me vent in the April 2015 thread about my girl, she sounds alot like yours.
Like you I am not a push over parent, she has rules, gets consequences etc. but my God can she be a handful (putting it mildly) at times.
We're still finding things that work with her, we are making some head way but she is still very much a work in progress.
Just to say you are not alone x

Anne_cordelia

Baby4 wrote: »

After the troll Savage93 made those comments today, I’ve been thinking:

We (as parents) really have it tough these days. Whether we’re trying to hold down jobs or are stay-at-home parents, it’s such a busy stressful world that we live in. Between dealing with (sometimes angry/difficult) kids, grandparents, childminding, bosses, work colleagues, bills, etc, we really all are great.

How dare anyone point a finger at me, calling me a bad parent, when just because I posted on a public forum that I’m struggling, I must be incapable of parenting effectively.

So thank you to all the other lovely parents who took the time to offer advice. It really is invaluable xx

Sorry you had to read that. I reported it hoping it would be removed ASAP. Please ignore it.

scarepanda

Baby4, you are not a bad parent. The fact that you are aware that your child's behaviour at this particular moment in time isn't acceptable and you are trying to figure out a different approach from what you have already used to try get it back under control means that you are in fact a good parent. I think any parent who tries telling you that their child never behaved in an unwanted way are liers. Even the best behaved child has moments and periods of behaving badly, and a lot of the time it's because of their stage of development and not knowing how to express whatever is going on in their heads.
For what it's worth, I reported the troll aswell, because a parent who's trying to rectify a situation does not need to hear that kind of ****e.

volchitsa

scarepanda wrote: »

Baby4, you are not a bad parent. The fact that you are aware that your child's behaviour at this particular moment in time isn't acceptable and you are trying to figure out a different approach from what you have already used to try get it back under control means that you are in fact a good parent. I think any parent who tries telling you that their child never behaved in an unwanted way are liers. Even the best behaved child has moments and periods of behaving badly, and a lot of the time it's because of their stage of development and not knowing how to express whatever is going on in their heads.
For what it's worth, I reported the troll aswell, because a parent who's trying to rectify a situation does not need to hear that kind of ****e.

I agree with this 100%. Bad parenting is defensively refusing to see that there is a problem at all.

Good parenting is questioning whether your own possible mistakes (who doesn't make mistakes?) are contributing to a problem and also working out new ways of improving things.

That's exactly what you're doing.

dori_dormer

3.5 is am exceptionally tough age! It nearly broke me with my eldest!

I find that now ive 2 strong willed boys there's way more tantrums, less one on one times less connections and WAY more shouting. If I shout and lose my cool they see that as the way to deal with people and their frustrations.
My older fella was too smart for choices. Always just said no, neither etc
I'm listening to an audio book, ' how to talk so little kids will listen' basically just by changing how you phrase things you can have a completely different outcome. You don't back down or negotiate etc parent stays in control.
So far it's all about acknowledging their feelings. Even if they seem ridiculous. They just want to be heard. The book gives loads of examples.
Also the concept of 'filling up their bucket' of good feelings every morning (and during the day) but I find if I give them 5 minutes each of positive interaction without demanding anything of them first thing really changes their while mid for the day

shesty

Dori_dormer, I totally echo your post (and am also extremely relieved that someone else's house sounds like ours).
My eldest (4) is currently testing boundaries big style, knowing we have a newborn and are often caught feeding him, so can't always follow up the way we would like to.She's lucky she hasn't been permanently excommunicated from the house at this stage!!!!!
I find that if I am having problems, I have to try changing my behaviour/reaction first, and theirs will follow suit.But god it's hard.
My faint hope is that maybe the teenage years will go easy on us after these years.....

volchitsa

shesty wrote: »

Dori_dormer, I totally echo your post (and am also extremely relieved that someone else's house sounds like ours).
My eldest (4) is currently testing boundaries big style, knowing we have a newborn and are often caught feeding him, so can't always follow up the way we would like to.She's lucky she hasn't been permanently excommunicated from the house at this stage!!!!!
I find that if I am having problems, I have to try changing my behaviour/reaction first, and theirs will follow suit.But god it's hard.
My faint hope is that maybe the teenage years will go easy on us after these years.....

Not a faint hope at all, IME. My youngest child is now 17, and the others are young adults, so Ive a good bit of distance in all that now, and my observation from numerous friends and family are that the more time and thought you put into the difficult early years will absolutely stand to you when the teenage years strike.

I used to quite worry about teenagerhood, (like I said, my eldest was very difficult) but honestly apart from a few predictable teenager "issues", mostly fairly easily handled, they were all fine. And he was actually much easier than his sister who had been a perfect little girl. But they do say girls are often harder as teens, and looking back I think I was probably a nightmare myself when I was a teen. But I was terribly hormonal and probably suffered more than my parents!

Basically I think the strength of relationship you've built up before that age makes all the difference when they get to that moody stage.

There's also a sort of period of grace around ages 6-10 after toddlerhood and before puberty, when even the most difficult children are usually fairly ok - but the ones that go off the rails a bit after that do tend to be the ones where there were major unresolved issues and/or "uninterested" parents. Not always through their own fault - there are outside factors too of course.

But basically, if you can get a handle on things now, it will stand to you later, even if there are other problems. And there may not be.

shesty

Thanks for giving me hope, you've put in words what I am aiming for :-)

OP I read this (below) and thought of you.Mostly because I am also trying to find ways to deal with my eldest as best I can.We are doing ok, but sometimes I feel more inspiration is needed for me!!

https://amp.independent.ie/life/family/mothers-babies/managing-meltdowns-anger-management-for-preschool-children-andtheir-parents-37071331.html