People offering advice on new baby

Sleeper12

Toastytoes wrote: »

The child is not a client, colleague or customer, the parents are the clients. Discussing a 4 year old child and speaking of it in a negative tone is unethical, your daughter is employed as it’s care giver not to give parenting advice or judgment.

I’m sorry you’re offended by me stating that someone who is paid to provide a service is hired, you clearly attach negative connotations to the phase. That’s your own issue.

Up there in BOLD= nonsense

It is not in any work contract. No clause where they are sworn to silence. No such clause signed by the creche & the parents either. You make it sound so dramatic



If staff didn't talk you never would have had the prime time on the creches. Who do you think tipped off RTE??


A doctor comes home & tells his wife about the odd examination he had today on a patient. Has said doctor broken his Hippocratic Oath? Of course not. Did he identify the patient? No, he just called him a patient.



Child care workers usually know more about your child than you do. They spend more time with the child than the parents (waking hours). They can spot possible signs of Autism & many other things you'd like to know about your child but they are forbidden to tell the parent as the parent can sue the school if they are mistaken.



They are a step back from the child, unlike the parents. Child care workers can spot who is being parented what way & how the child suffers of benefits from a particular parenting style.


Child care workers are highly trained. My own daughter has two years of psychology training under her belt too. She is trained in just about any lifesaving activity possible. She is a vital part of the childs growth, mental development & one day might actually save a childs life.



Hired help indeed

fits

Agree that childcare is undervalued as a profession but I sincerely doubt your daughter can spot every child that’s still breastfed.

I have 18 month old twins. Exact same upbringing. Totally different characters. If I had either one as singletons im sure some people would attribute their behavior to my parenting rather than their individual personalities.

Sleeper12

fits wrote:

Agree that childcare is undervalued as a profession but I sincerely doubt your daughter can spot every child that’s still breastfed.

I never said that she can. However the children breastfeed past two years tend to be less independent. You spot this a mile away but at the same time not all of them are ones breastfeed.

fits

Sleeper12 wrote: »

However the children breastfeed past two years tend to be less independent.

That is a subjective opinion. One of my twins is highly independent. The other not so much. It’s personality not breastfeeding.

Sleeper12

fits wrote:

That is a subjective opinion. One of my twins is highly independent. The other not so much. It’s personality not breastfeeding.

Ah but statistically the longer breast fed the less independent the child will become. Google it & you'll see. The difference might be small but it is there. This is where feeding 4 and over might be doing more harm than good.

I'm not having a good at breast feeding. Breast is best there is no doubt about that. I just question feeding 4 and over

fits

I’m going to say it’s the opposite. The closeness with Mum can make a child feel more secure and security leads to independence.

Tombo2001

Sleeper12 wrote: »

You're like a dog with a bone on this but no, they are your words. My words are that they might be doing it more for themselves than for the child

I quoted you.

Word for word.

And you say they are my words.

Reason has left the building.

Neyite

Mod:

This thread has derailed somewhat from the topic of people offering advice to one that's a bunfight about breastfeeding.

Back on topic please.

Cash_Q

Cash_Q wrote: »

My first baby is due in October so I'm not quite a parent yet, but I am annoyed by this question as it suggests that a tiny baby could be anything but 'good,' as asked, or alternatively then they must be 'bad' ...how can a defenceless baby be in any way 'bad' ?!

Ah I really really don't think there is any malice in such a question. People are just trying to connect and ask about the child. It is in my view a bit ott to read anything in to it.

Cash_Q

Deleted User wrote:

Ah I really really don't think there is any malice in such a question. People are just trying to connect and ask about the child. It is in my view a bit ott to read anything in to it.

There might not be any malice intended but what quantifies a 'good' baby? Of course the baby is a good baby, what else could it be? So why not ask something more specific, e.g. is he/she feeding ok? Is he/she sleeping as much as you'd like? It's not ott to read into a question being asked about your child.

My other point answered by another poster is off topic as Neyite says so let's leave it be, but I do want to reiterate I have a problem with the two word phrase 'hired help' not the single word 'hired'

eviltwin

Cash_Q wrote: »

There might not be any malice intended but what quantifies a 'good' baby? Of course the baby is a good baby, what else could it be? So why not ask something more specific, e.g. is he/she feeding ok? Is he/she sleeping as much as you'd like? It's not ott to read into a question being asked about your child.

My other point answered by another poster is off topic as Neyite says so let's leave it be, but I do want to reiterate I have a problem with the two word phrase 'hired help' not the single word 'hired'

Tbh it's just a phrase used to make small talk. I don't think most people really care if a baby sleeps or not, it's just a handy go to question to fill time. Kinda like talking about the weather. It's not meant to insult or offend.

Cash_Q

eviltwin wrote:

It's not meant to insult or offend.

Might not be meant to offend but I take offence to it. If anyone asks me if the baby is good I'm going to say "NO" to see how they react/if they realise how stupid a question it is.

bee06

Cash_Q wrote: »

Might not be meant to offend but I take offence to it. If anyone asks me if the baby is good I'm going to say "NO" to see how they react/if they realise how stupid a question it is.

I think you’re reading a bit too much into it. Saying “are you good” is another way of saying “are you well”. It doesn’t necessarily mean the opposite of bad. I often say “I’m good” when asked how I am.

Big Bag of Chips

"Are they good" means "are they easy, are you getting any sleep, or are they crying day and night non-stop".

Some babies are good/easy to have some babies are not so easy and very unsettled for whatever reason. Some babies cry, day and night with very little let up. A 'good' baby is one that is easy to mind, and just does what babies usually do, cry occasionally, sleep well, but wakes for feeds and goes back to sleep etc. But there are other types of babies and life with them is a lot more difficult.

Sometimes it's asked by people who couldn't care less what the answer is, sometimes its asked by people who are, in a way asking are you ok, are you managing, is there anything they can do. I've asked my friends of their baby is 'good'. I've asked my friend who I know suffers with PND, and I have offered to help her out.. etc

People like to talk. And people like to talk about new babies. If people ignored the fact that you had a baby and showed no interest we'd probably be giving out about that too!!

listermint

People offering advice on things they've experienced is as old as time.


The fact that people are not aware of this is actually more surprising.



It's human. It's life. Live With it .


Or you know you'll stress yourself out about he deeper meaning behind it.

bertsmom

Thirty something female with no kids. I think asking is a small baby good is literally just making small talk. I've no idea what constitutes a good child really if I ask someone that I'm just filling time. If that offends someone well that's their own issue I wouldn't be too bothered.

Toastytoes

bertsmom wrote: »

Thirty something female with no kids. I think asking is a small baby good is literally just making small talk. I've no idea what constitutes a good child really if I ask someone that I'm just filling time. If that offends someone well that's their own issue I wouldn't be too bothered.

Some people just love to be offended it seems!

deisemum

lawred2 wrote: »

Just because something doesn't tally with your experience doesn't mean that the person saying it is lying to you.

Some parents do lie and boast about their baby sleeping through the night, I've had a number of mothers (it was always mothers) tell me their baby slept through the night but the baby's dad or granny would later tell me about how they were wrecked from the baby waking up during the night.

OP most people don't mean any harm when offering advice, most of the time it's just making conversation anyway so just pick the bits you find useful and let the rest in one ear and out the other without taking it to heart and letting it get to you.

Cash_Q

Cash_Q wrote: »

Might not be meant to offend but I take offence to it. If anyone asks me if the baby is good I'm going to say "NO" to see how they react/if they realise how stupid a question it is.

My response to that would be ¨oh no really you have your hands full so¨

Chocolate fiend

Sleeper12 wrote: »

I've seen 4 year olds and older being breast fed. This is not healthy for the child and plays havoc when the child is in childcare.

Not all children attend childcare.

Chocolate fiend

Cash_Q wrote: »

Might not be meant to offend but I take offence to it. If anyone asks me if the baby is good I'm going to say "NO" to see how they react/if they realise how stupid a question it is.

I did just that. My son was 6 weeks old and had not stopped crying for more than half an hour at a time between 8pm and 2am every night since he was born, I was exhausted. My husbands aunt asked if he was a "good" baby, and I said he was a nightmare but that I loved him anyway. That was 9 years ago and she still laughs when she remembers it.

He turned a corner after that and was by far the easiest of my children.

Bananaleaf

I don't have children, but have been on the receiving end of unsolicited 'advice' on all of the following:

My home
My car
My dog
My career
My diet
My garden!!

It's so annoying, mainly at this stage, because I can see it coming before it happens, therefore I've had time to build up a rage!

goat2

Every child is different, and only you know your child, what ever is easiest for you and your child.

2Mad2BeMad

I find my missus always gives parenting advice (despite only being a mother the last few months), although she has worked with kids.
I still wouldn't give parenting advice to any parent, to each their own how they raise their kids.
I also find it rude when she does give the advice and I normally am the one to change the conversation, I have pulled her on this but she believes she is giving good advice ( which in my opinion she is because she is raising my child ) but I don't think other people want her ways of raising a child or were even asking for the advice in the first place.

Only time I would ever give advice on parenting is when an actual parent asks me directly for advice, and seen as how I am not a Doctor, nor am I good with children(apart from my own, how does that work? haha) I don't think anyone will ever ask me for advice. And I am thankful for that haha.

rainbowtrout

Cash_Q wrote: »

My first baby is due in October so I'm not quite a parent yet, but I am annoyed by this question as it suggests that a tiny baby could be anything but 'good,' as asked, or alternatively then they must be 'bad' ...how can a defenceless baby be in any way 'bad' ?!

Ah here, you need to get over yourself. When people say that they only mean are you have a relatively straightforward time of it, where you might be getting a reasonable amount of sleep at night to survive on, not up on the hour every hour, or having the child crying for hours on end when you're exhausted and have tried feeds, soothers, nappy changes, walks in the pram and nothing works. Nobody is suggesting a baby is bad ffs. Honestly if you are going to start taking offence to an innocent comment like that, people will stop asking about your baby fairly lively, and then you'll be whinging about why no one is interested in your sprog.

I'm in my late 30s and most of my friends have babies, I don't. I've probably asked 'is he sleeping much for you?' to all of them at some stage. I honestly couldn't give a shite if the baby sleeps or not. I know all babies are different, but it does tell me if my friend is getting any sleep or not or likely to be exhausted from being up all night when I call around.

Cash_Q

rainbowtrout wrote:

I'm in my late 30s and most of my friends have babies, I don't. I've probably asked 'is he sleeping much for you?' to all of them at some stage. I honestly couldn't give a ****e if the baby sleeps or not. I know all babies are different, but it does tell me if my friend is getting any sleep or not or likely to be exhausted from being up all night when I call around.

You sound like a lovely friend.

This opinion is not my being precious or over sensitive, it's simply that, an opinion.

Was the food good? Yes, delicious/No, terrible

Did you have good weather? Yes, amazing/ No, atrocious

Is the baby good? Yes, she sleeps all night and only feeds when I want her to/ No, she's a nightmare...

What is the opposite of 'good'? Instead of asking is she 'good' people should follow your enlightened approach and ask something specific like 'is she sleeping much?'

Although most parents I'm sure would prefer that this query is coming from a place of interest/concern for the baby (I.e. giving a ****3 about the baby), I'm sure there are those out there who really only want the baby to sleep so that they themselves have enough energy for their esteemed visitors when they call around.

Tombo2001

Cash_Q wrote: »

You sound like a lovely friend.

.

Thats a bit harsh.

A longstanding observation I have is that when a bunch of friends meets up socially - including parents and non-parents - the friends with kids find it very difficult to talk about anything except their kids.

I'd say its quite the other way; that normally its the parents who lose sight of what the friendship is about.

lassykk

Tombo2001 wrote: »

Thats a bit harsh.

A longstanding observation I have is that when a bunch of friends meets up socially - including parents and non-parents - the friends with kids find it very difficult to talk about anything except their kids.

I'd say its quite the other way; that normally its the parents who lose sight of what the friendship is about.

I would find that not to be the case. If out in a group of friends I'd rarely if ever have a conversation about kids despite my little one being the centre of my world. I think most of the group are the same. We don't all have kids and I'm sure not everyone is interested in her sleeping / dietary / toiletry habits

Cash_Q

Tombo2001 wrote:

Thats a bit harsh.

It wasn't harsh when I was told to "get over yourself"

This person said "I couldn't guve a ****3 avout the baby" - I'm not the one being harsh here

rainbowtrout

Cash_Q wrote: »

It wasn't harsh when I was told to "get over yourself"

This person said "I couldn't guve a ****3 avout the baby" - I'm not the one being harsh here

No I didn't say that. I say I couldn't give a shite if the baby sleeps or not. Big difference. The baby's sleep pattern has absolutely no impact on my life whatsoever.

I care that my friends kids are healthy and happy. I don't care about how many hours they sleep per day, or how many times their nappies have to be changed on a daily basis.

Why would I ask if the baby is sleeping or not? Well if my friend is up throughout the night, she may be trying to catch naps during the day when the baby is sleeping, and if that is the case, I'm not going to call around and disturb her when she needs a rest. I'm also more aware that if the baby is not sleeping or having difficulty feeding, that she might need some space, to try and get through a difficult few weeks and establish a routine that suits the baby. Again no one is calling a baby bad.