Grand parents over feeding my child.

Mj2016

So basically I find anytime my child goes to his grand parents house they really over feed him, I mean biscuits, bars, ice pops and everything and anything. Personally I don't want my child to be obese so I try restrict the amount of food each day, I do give treats but limit it.

Am I overthinking it and they won't become overweight. Also my word should be final as I'm the parent.

Anyone in a similar situation?

shesty

Is it happening when you're not there?

We aren't quite as bad but we have had to have some words with one set of grandparents who are heavy handed with 'treats'....they keep telling the kids 'this is your treat" but when its coming every Saturday/Sunday, it's adult sized and it's accompanied by chocolate bars and no thought given to what else the kids might have eaten that weekend, then it's too much.I've no problem with grandparents giving some nice things,my own did, but don't give big tubes of smarties etc. to a two year old.....

All I can think of is those Safefood ads about child sized portions, picking healthy meal choices and I feel very under pressure to get it all right!!We eat well and I am very conscious of it but it's just one more thing to add to the list of parenting....

Anyway you could present it like that.Just ask that one thing be enough, they can give you anything else to take home.Point out those ads.Point out the effect sugar has on the small child.(makes mine a bit crazy).In our case we brought it up by telling them no sweets etc were allowed in the lunchbox for playschool, and that's standard these days.Above all don't feel bad about it because you are right to feel this way.And I am quite sure they were the same when they were parents.

FurBabyMomma

Is your child at their house every day or is this just an occasional thing? If it's an occasional thing I wouldn't be too hard on them, as most grandparents love to spoil grandkids the way they never did their own kids, although I would ask them to limit it to one or two treats when they are there. If you're there at the same time I wouldn't hesitate to take the treats away if they go over the limit or else leave if they're really not listening to you.

It's a harder situation if they are providing childcare for you. You'll really need to sit down and explain that you want to set up healthy eating habits for life and that you need them on board. You should be providing the food you want the child to eat. And maybe Friday could be "treat day" where grandparents buy an ice cream or something and that keeps them happy.

If they don't listen to you after that, you'll have to seriously reconsider your childcare arrangements if some sort of a compromise can't be reached.

bp

When this happened with us I counted number of treats in a single visit and then asked if they would eat x mumber of biscuits etc in one day. They were great, realised how bad it was and now its limited to a more moderate amount...more than I would give at home but grandparents need to be allowed some spoiling - like mine would have done for me

Mj2016

Thanks for the replies. No it's not our childcare but we call most days, after work and so on. I've found myself less likely to go up there due to this. He eats well and doesn't need food shoved down his gob constantly.

I don't want to look like the controlling parent on the other hand too.

With children that are over weight which is very sad to see, I myself think the parents are 100% the reason for this.

FurBabyMomma

There are many factors to consider when talking about obesity, like education, expense of healthy foods, etc, so I think "it's the parents" is too much of an over-simplification. But I digress...

If you're just calling in casually, then the easiest thing to do is say, "X is not going to be eating chocolate today as he/she won't eat dinner when we get home" and if the junk food comes out say you have to leave. Then don't call around for a bit. They should learn you mean business. If they don't change their behaviour then change yours.

pwurple

A lot of grandparents love this role! Both sets in our case do. It takes a chat, and maybe directing to other non-food treats, like coloring pencils or 15 mins of tv etc.

iamwhoiam

pwurple wrote: »

A lot of grandparents love this role! Both sets in our case do. It takes a chat, and maybe directing to other non-food treats, like coloring pencils or 15 mins of tv etc.

I don't understand that at all to be honest . I am a grand parent and always give fruit as a treat . Or make ice pops with no added sugar juice . Its really easy to treat kids with a cut up fruit salad in a tub
My granddaughter was delighted with an apple cut in to chips !

shesty

It's hard to understand.Some really good suggestions here.OP I don't think you are controlling parent.Like someone else said you have to be a bit understanding of grandparents need to spoil, but if it's happening almost every single day, no.I'd be putting my foot down too.

farmchoice

Mj2016 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. No it's not our childcare but we call most days, after work and so on. I've found myself less likely to go up there due to this. He eats well and doesn't need food shoved down his gob constantly.

I don't want to look like the controlling parent on the other hand too.

With children that are over weight which is very sad to see, I myself think the parents are 100% the reason for this.

grandparents!!! there is no stopping them, and they are all the same!


the reality is they wont be around forever, and they love to spoil their grand kids, they have seen a lot of life and a lot of childbearing and they know that childhood doesn't last very long.
obesity, and obesity in kids in particular is caused by a bad diet all day every day, crap for breakfast, crap for lunch, crap for tea and more crap before bed.
if the kids have a good diet out from this dont worry too much.


my wife's mother was desperate for this, i came down one morning to find the 2 year old having a bag of crisps for breakfast!! she died since and by god what i would not give to have her back to be giving out the breakfast crisps again....

purpleisafruit

We advised both sets that the sugar was causing our 5 year old to wake up at 3am and the next time he did, we'd deliver him to them to look after in the middle of the night.
They've cut back since

iamwhoiam

farmchoice wrote: »

grandparents!!! there is no stopping them, and they are all the same!



...

Nope , ! We are not all the same !

fits

I tried to explain to my m-I-l that they are as delighted by grapes as ice cream. Not sure if she go the message. She’s great with them and they are mad about her. But one grandchild is obese and I don’t think she is helped by visits to granny.

shakencat

im dreading this part, i see my niece being fed non stop CRAP from my mam and dad, they dont listen to me or her parent..

my girl is 3 months, and ill be keeping her away from them if i see signs of it (my parents are highly over weight!!)

appledrop

If you were just visiting them occasional then I'd say leave it be + let them spoil them. However everyday is another matter. Just have a chat with them + come to a compromise.

Neyite

That reminds me of when MIL gave son three mini rolls at 16 months. Three in a row!


She's quite good at healthy eating herself so I asked her if she would eat three in a row and she realised. She was just a doting gran giving treats and lost the run of herself. Next time it was rice cakes and fruit offered.

suilegorma

How old is your child ? Could you visit a dentist and tell them dentist warned you of cavities and they might hold back ?

wildwillow

All Grandparents are not the same and most of us will follow the parent's preference on how to care for their children.

Emphasise that time is the most precious treat for the grandchildren and lay down the law as regards food treats if necessary. Maybe suggest an activity, such as a craft or a game, instead of food. Little ones can do jigsaws, colouring or even old fashioned games like snakes and ladders and other things which take time and patience. Unfinished things can be put aside till the next visit. Even cooking can be fun but should form part of a meal rather than sweet goodies all the time.

Might be easier with your own parents than the in-laws but present a united front and they will hopefully do as you want.

I see my grandchildren frequently but actually hardly ever offer them any food unless they are here for a meal time. When they were starting on solids, my daughter in law always brought a prepared portion for the child. Now that they are bigger I just serve them the normal food I eat, but in child sized portions.

We do lots of fun things together and they love the freedom to explore and make a mess trying out crafts, etc.

If you are present during the visits just refuse the food and maybe refuse refreshment for yourself also. If they are given sweets say they can have one after their dinner or on Friday, and bring it home with you to deal with as you wish.

Try not to get into the situation where your children are being asked not to tell you about treats. Try also not to fall out about it, but you are the parent so your word should be law.