Son throwing things

73trix

This is beginning to drive us nuts. My 3.5 year old son is constantly throwing things. It could be grabbing whatever is on a shelf / press and throwing it to the ground to the point that it is pointless placing greeting cards up or picture frames etc as they will simply end up on the floor. This could be the neatly piled ironing on the kitchen table or the box of things I've just tidied up. He seems unable to leave anything alone. But the latest issue is that he has started throwing dirt in playschool to the point that he has upset other children and they have started a flash card system and we've the same ones for home - picture of child throwing dirt with X through it and picture of (resulting) crying child. But, it's not dirt at home but lots of random things around the house - toys, etc and he just doesn't get it and thinks it's all a game. He doesn't understand a cross / upset tone. He has thrown things at his baby sister too and it's really a head wreck now. If we were to make more flashcards, we'd have some list....

We have tried removing the item - we'll take away the cars/ lego/ . He'll throw something else.
We've tried choices - throw or no TV etc. No effect.
we've tried quiet time = no effect.
We've considered, after some research, trying to encourage him to throw more appropriately like a ball/ bean bags as a game. He likes this when motivated but it doesn't stop his apparent urge to throw other things.

realitykeeper

Perhaps he would understand a firm disciplinary smack (Mrs Doubtfire was on TV earlier) Seriously though, I reckon it is a problem that needs to be sorted, especially as he is throwing things at his younger sister. I would try to get professional advise on the matter.

Damien360

Your son is looking for attention from someone in authority. You/playschool teacher etc. Don't assume the worst yet.

Jealousy at his baby sister should be considered? Maybe a present from his baby sister for him to make friends with her. One, not weekly stuff he expects.

He is no longer centre of attention.

I don't visit this forum normally but we have a high functioning 14 year old with a diagnosis of autism (not diagnosed until he was 12). Before you race into a diagnosis and you will have a fight to get one.....consider the easy stuff first and write it down. I can't stress that enough. Write it down. Dates, actions by son, and criticality what may have sparked it. That is going to be impossible in playschool and we found many working here over the years were in denial or clueless about autism. Bold child nonsense. Try to build a picture/pattern for home especially. Record events yourself in playschool. It will fend off the accusations that the child is always bold. Direct questions about what was done to spark it......nothing will be the answer of course.

Be armed with your work done before approaching a professional. Then go private ! We were driven nuts by the public system and were driven elsewhere. The public system means well but it is number crunching. Statistics for numbers diagnosed but no help in managing the needs.

And don't wait forever.

73trix

Damien360 wrote: »

Your son is looking for attention from someone in authority. You/playschool teacher etc. Don't assume the worst yet.

Jealousy at his baby sister should be considered? Maybe a present from his baby sister for him to make friends with her. One, not weekly stuff he expects.

He is no longer centre of attention.

I don't visit this forum normally but we have a high functioning 14 year old with a diagnosis of autism (not diagnosed until he was 12). Before you race into a diagnosis and you will have a fight to get one.....consider the easy stuff first and write it down. I can't stress that enough. Write it down. Dates, actions by son, and criticality what may have sparked it. That is going to be impossible in playschool and we found many working here over the years were in denial or clueless about autism. Bold child nonsense. Try to build a picture/pattern for home especially. Record events yourself in playschool. It will fend off the accusations that the child is always bold. Direct questions about what was done to spark it......nothing will be the answer of course.

Be armed with your work done before approaching a professional. Then go private ! We were driven nuts by the public system and were driven elsewhere. The public system means well but it is number crunching. Statistics for numbers diagnosed but no help in managing the needs.

And don't wait forever.

Maybe it is an attention thing. He has been very good with the new sister til recently but she is crawling now and showing more interest in his things and there is a lot of attention from us towards her as in, checking she is safe on the floor etc, telling him not to give her the dangerous-things-she-could-choke-on etc . Maybe it's his way of reacting to more perceived attention on her. I agree with tracking it but honestly, there are times when there does not seem to be any trigger. He could be playing and then he'll throw the toys/ the cup/ the whatever he picks up from the floor. I think I give him a lot of attention but I obviously can't give as much as I did before the baby came. I was going to try the flashcards but honestly there are so many things he throws so not sure how to capture that? A picture of a child throwing beside a range of things he does throw? With a big fat X through it? We will be waiting forever for the HSE psychologist so private would be the only option there but finding one is a challenge where I'm living.

shesty

Sorry I don't know anything about parenting on the spectrum, but just to note I do know that when my second started crawling, my first got a bit of a shock.Up to then the baby had been stationary, and a relatively benevolent presence she could get away from, but once the crawling started, she became pretty shocked to discover the baby could follow her, and worse, get into her toys.There was definitely an adjustment period.And another one when the baby started to stand up.(not so much when walking started), amd she realised that it could reach things that she was putting away up from it!

That may be part of your son's issue...the attention is one thing, but also the fact that the baby is suddenly a moving entity is an adjustment.

73trix

shesty wrote: »

Sorry I don't know anything about parenting on the spectrum, but just to note I do know that when my second started crawling, my first got a bit of a shock.Up to then the baby had been stationary, and a relatively benevolent presence she could get away from, but once the crawling started, she became pretty shocked to discover the baby could follow her, and worse, get into her toys.There was definitely an adjustment period.And another one when the baby started to stand up.(not so much when walking started), amd she realised that it could reach things that she was putting away up from it!

That may be part of your son's issue...the attention is one thing, but also the fact that the baby is suddenly a moving entity is an adjustment.

Hadn't really thought of that but that could be part of the throwing things when she's there. Poor little chap.

Doesn't explain his incessant need to up-end every other thing around the house and that's been his thing since forever ( and pre baby)but I'd hoped he'd have grown out of it by now but nope....
I don't see it happening half the time to correct it there and then but can come back into a room to find all the things off said table / shelf are on the floor......yet again. Is this part of his autism in that he has to have the shelf clear or that he loves to watch the things fall????

I get him to pick up what ever they are and he'll do that but he could go elsewhere and do the same again....

shesty

I know my eldest did it as a 2 year old for a good year or more - literally came in every evening and every single item went on the floor, systematically. She cleared the shelves, for no apparent reason.



She has grown out of it now - as I said I don't have autism to contend with, so I can't say whether it autism related or not, but it definitely is something that some children do.