Opinions wanted

shesty

I just want some opinions on this as I've been tossing it around my head for a few weeks now.
Posting here as I might get some responses from more people than in some of the other sections.

I gave birth to our third child just over two months ago.It all went well, although he was much heavier than expected.A few days after the birth, I started to feel like I wanted to talk through it with someone, like the midwives or something.It has happened on the others, that about a week later my mind starts replaying it, almost like it's trying to process it, but this time it was more of a feeling of being a bit traumatised, and feeling like I just wanted to sit and have the sequence of events explained to me.

The thing is that I know the hospital don't have a service like that, unless you are complaining.I'm not complaining but I feel I want...closure.Something is bugging me about it, and I can't put my finger on it.

I suppose I want opinions on how I might go about this, and whether I am mad to want someone to go through the notes with me, even though the outcome was fine and the labour and birth were generally uncomplicated.I kind of feel I'll try to contact the hospital and be told I'm being silly.

What are people's opinions?Should I just let it go and be happy it all turned out well, or should I try to contact the hospital and see if they would give me a run through of the labour notes?

Cerocco

shesty wrote: »

I just want some opinions on this as I've been tossing it around my head for a few weeks now.
Posting here as I might get some responses from more people than in some of the other sections.

I gave birth to our third child just over two months ago.It all went well, although he was much heavier than expected.A few days after the birth, I started to feel like I wanted to talk through it with someone, like the midwives or something.It has happened on the others, that about a week later my mind starts replaying it, almost like it's trying to process it, but this time it was more of a feeling of being a bit traumatised, and feeling like I just wanted to sit and have the sequence of events explained to me.

The thing is that I know the hospital don't have a service like that, unless you are complaining.I'm not complaining but I feel I want...closure.Something is bugging me about it, and I can't put my finger on it.

I suppose I want opinions on how I might go about this, and whether I am mad to want someone to go through the notes with me, even though the outcome was fine and the labour and birth were generally uncomplicated.I kind of feel I'll try to contact the hospital and be told I'm being silly.

What are people's opinions?Should I just let it go and be happy it all turned out well, or should I try to contact the hospital and see if they would give me a run through of the labour notes?

Every hospital should have a patient advocate. Phone up main switch where you had the baby and ask to be put through to them. They can advise you on the best way to handle things. Best of luck. I did something similar in Holles st but I had a serious issue to discuss

linpoo

I thought you were able to meet and discuss the birth with the hospital? I considered the same myself as I kept replaying it too but then I said to myself sure he's here and healthy and that's the main thing and it gradually stopped bothering me as much.

Maybe speak to your public health nurse about how you would go about speaking to someone in the hospital? I don't think you're mad at all as like I said I considered it too.

jlm29

You could request a copy of your notes through the freedom of information act (I’m not sure exactly how that works, but you can do it!). You could go and talk to your gp with them then? Would that be any use?

catrionanic

I've no experience of liaising with the hospital on these issues, but just wanted to post to say that I also kept replaying everything and felt quite traumatised for a few months afterwards, even though everything was okay. It stopped me sleeping and the thoughts were quite obsessive/intrusive. Eventually they started to fade away though and things are okay now (although I'm definitely more anxious about labour than I was last time around).

What hospital are you with? I know that the Coombe have a service where they meet you and discuss your birth with you if you request it. So may be a few others do too?

You can also request your hospital notes (although good luck reading them!). I did this a few months ago with Holles St to get more detail on what my labour was really like (I was pure demented at the time and couldn't remember some important things), to help me prepare for this one.

Cameoette

Hi there,
as another poster has said above some hospitals (e.g. the coombe) offer a debriefing service where a midwife will go through your file with you. After my labour 4 years ago I requested my notes. I never availed of the debriefing service then but wish I had as now I am 32 weeks with my 2nd and I still feel the need to discuss what happened the first time around. In my experience if you ignore stuff and try to forget it it will just pop up in another form anyway. Best of luck x

annoyedgal

Defìnitely contact the hospital and ask for someone to go through your notes with you. I think there is a view that as long as there are no major injuries or worse we should be grateful we got through it and get on with it but labour is such an incredibly physical and emotional ordeal and often we have no control over it.
I had a number of complications with my first. The doctor who delivered my son came to my bedside two days later and walked me through the labour and why each decision was made. I hadn't asked for this and assumed it was standard. After having number 2 and never saw a doctor post delivery i know its not standard. But it should be.
It wasnt until the last weeks of 2nd pregnancy that i realised i had a lot of anxiety arising from my first time. But i often think of that doctor and honestly it really helped so don't be afraid to ask for the same. This was holles street by the way.

Digs

Yes definitely contact the hospital shesty!! I should have done it after my first if I’m honest. Spent the whole pregnancy thinking I’d be in labour for days (being my first because that’s what everyone tells you). A 9lb9oz baby was out within 1:5hrs start to finish, it was actually quite traumatizing even though there wasn’t a mark on either of us. People seem to think you should count your lucky stars with a fast labour but I definitley had some form of wierd reaction afterwards and was very detached looking back on it. It’s only now two babies later I’m realising it although I was more prepared for a faster birth second time round, I’ve heard the third one can be a while card

I’m with Holles Street and while there is a line to take with complaints they also have a contact for enquiries and sugggetions etc so you could go that route with your hospital. Also think asking your PHN or GP is a good idea too. Best of luck!

ETA: the more people that do contact the hospitals with queries like these the more likely procedures such as the Coombe have might be put in place. It’s the least you’re owed!

shesty

Yes, I keep talking myself in and out of it!As I said, it happened on the previous two that a few days afterwards it started coming back but I think it's just the body's way of processing it, because let's face it, it's a big event!And over time it stopped and I was ok with it all.But this time....this time it sort of keeps coming back and I'm not really ok with it.Just felt I didn't cope very well or something and while that's not anybody's fault or anything I would like to talk it through.

I suppose...it's my third baby, I feel like I shouldn't be feeling like this, if that makes sense.But I'll look into who I could contact, I just want to stress that I don't have any complaints (which I don't), I just want to know the sequence of what happened.

I should add it's the Rotunda and they don't have a service like the Coombe, I asked already :-)

Bear18

Shesty you can request your file from the Rotunda by emailing them, if you look at the freedom of information section on their website and click into routine access form you can enter your details and email with a copy of your ID, you don't have to pay anymore for FOI requests under the new GDPR guidelines.

Maybe if you had a read of your notes you might feel a bit at ease. I'm 8 months post partum and still have the same niggle and replay it in my mind most evenings, currently waiting on my file so I can try settle the way I feel too.

shesty

Thanks for the opinions all.I think I will get my hospital notes, and go through them and then if I have further questions, I'll contact the hospital.
Nice to know I'm not mad to be thinking like this though :-)

StarBright01

I would definitely agree and ask hospital for notes and ask to run through them with someone. I regret not doing this for last pregnancy so much time has past now that I think it might be too late but would definitely do it for another. I know exactly what you mean in relation to going over everything in your head afterwards.

rainbow kirby

I had a Birth Reflections appointment when my small lad was 8 weeks, it was very helpful. His birth was quite traumatic (very fast pushing stage - 4 minutes - at the end of a long early induction, shoulder dystocia, true knot in cord, low early Apgar, breathing difficulties which led to a night in the NICU, then treated for an infection with IV antibiotics for 5 days) and I really needed to talk it over to help to process it.

mirrorwall14

Just to say I availed of the birth reflections service in the Coombe when my little lad was three. There was no issue at all with the length of time between things

Fast birth is traumatic. Took me a long time to accept that. While it’s true I was mobile faster, between heart rates and clips on his head and three pushes to get him out it was too fast to process in the moment

Penny Dreadful

I had a traumatic birth with my second baby. I presented with meningitis (it was undiagnosed at the time) and my son was delivered quickly by c-section under GA as he was getting very distressed.
Post section I was in absolute unbearable agony (no pain relief at all worked and I felt like I’d been rippped open by a bear). Then just for the craic my son developed meningitis too and spent 2 weeks or so in the NICU.
Needless to say when the dust finally settled I really felt the need to talk through the events with my consultant. I needed to understand what had happened, why it happened and what the chances were of it happening again.
I called my consultant and made an appointment to see her to discuss things. She had absolutely no issue with that at all and I was really glad I did it.

shesty

Gosh Penny, you really had a time of it.
This is why I was a bit reluctant to contact the hospital - relatively speaking I had an easy time of it, with no problems, compared to some of the story here. But I agree, the more people that go back and ask to discuss it, the more hope there is of a birth reflection service (which is an excellent idea).

I'm waiting to hear back on my records, I don't expect to get them for another few weeks, and then I'll see what I do then.